with each "spring love" season, i can't help but feel a little like this at times...

photo courtesy of Bitter Stickgirl
it's a natural human inclination that girls have.. to want that special someone to hold your hand when you're walking down new paths... to want that special someone to hug you when you're hurting.. to want that someone who will wipe your tears and tell you that everything's gonna be alright even when you know that person is lying... i'm not gonna vocalize what guys want. i'm not too sure myself.

but it's a mere human desire that i snap out of after a while. because i have been "reserved" for someone who's love i truly do not deserve. and all i can do is to love Him back with my entire life.

He's more than a laughter or the stars in the heavens
He's close as a heartbeat, a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see HimS
omeday He'll call her and she will come running
Fall in His arms and the tears will fall down
And she'll pray
I want to fall in love with you
- Love Song for a Savior, Jars of Clay

and there's no other way i can show Him i love Him but through my life. Through my daily living. Through how i worship with each waking moment and sleeping breath.

when the music fades, all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart

the flowers, roses, little love notes that lovers do so often exchange. whatever for? as a symbol of their love? but all these things will fade to nothingness one day. they are physical manifestation of heartspeech, or so i would like to believe. which is why gift-giving is still so prominent. it spells out what the heart says because humans are unable to look into each other's heart. but He's different. He sees.

i'll bring You more than a song for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within thru the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

And I'm glad He looks at more than just the surface actions that i do. all my ministry work, all the quiet time, all the praying.. He doesn't just look at the actions. He looks at the reasons for my actions... the reasons for why i worship Him so.

i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus

when lovers exchange gifts, they're not saying I love you. they are saying I love you. the emphasis of their message is different. but i worship not because i want Him to realize that i'm special. i worship because i realize that i'm special to Him. He's the reason why i worship Him. He's at the heart of what i do.

King of endless worth, no one could express
how much You deserve
Though i'm weak and poor, all i have is Yours
every single breath
i'll bring You more than a song for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within thru the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus

Watched an interesting show recently. "Someone like you". How come i don't recall it coming out in the theatres in 2001? but yes, "Someone Like You". starring ashley judd and hugh jackman. Jane (Judd) is suddenly thrown back into the cruel world after she gets dumped.. and she ends up homeless after which and moves in with Eddy (Hugh), her colleague.

still bitter, she creates a fake character and publishes her cow theory article in her friend's magazine because she's so desperate to find reason in her screwed up relationship. the cow theory? when a bull gets bored with a cow, he moves to another cow. so effectively, in a farm of 40 female cows and one bull, that one bull can mate with all the cows. the problem? when the bull is done with a cow, he never looks back. he never touches that cow again. but enough on the cow theory. back to the movie.

they eventually end up together as all other romantic feel-good flicks.. his character is soooo adorable! yes, i'm in love with all the characters he does.. My fave bit of the movie?

Eddy: Ray's not going to be the last man you'll ever love.
Eddy wakes and realizes their hands are clasped together. his lips carass her fingers. then he leans in towards Jane and takes a deep breath. sensing that she's waking up, he closes his eyes. when she wakes up, her facial expression is priceless. the shock and horror all in one. she tries to scramble away. but his hand is gripping hers. when jane finally stumbles out of bed, she sits breathless in the chair. He "wakes" slowly and looks at her. she stutters and he breaks the silence first.
Eddy: you're not going to rationalize this one, Jane

a nice feel-good movie to end the night after "Little Black Book" starring Brittany Murphey. both are slaps of life. in the first movie, hugh jackman is real. ok. seriously now. the first movie: happy endings do exist.. in the second movie, not every happy ending has to do with finding the guy of your life.

and I've declared that Hollywood has only three handsome guys. sure, i gush abt damien lewis until the cows come home. i think colin firth is dead attractive in a funny kind of way. but there are only three man whom i will connect the word "handsome" with. attractive ain't hitting the mark yet. three only.

1. Hugh Jackman
he exploded into hollywood with his role as Wolverine. girls wanted to be jean gray just 'cos he was so hopelessly in love with her in the movie. then you see him all cleaned up for kate and leopold. that was when i sat up and noticed him. my fave scene was when he and meg ryan slow danced on the roof.. i want a guy who does that.. no wait. i want hugh jackman to do that with me. ahahaha.. and in "someone like you", you can't help but be hopelessly drawn to his devil-may-care attitude. you know that old english charm which i adore, he has it. He's my fitzwilliam darcy with those intense dark brown eyes and fabulous grin.

i admit, i watched Van Helsing for him. now i'm eagerly awaiting Wolverine which is due out in the theatres next year. let's just content with X-men 3 for now. that "bad boy" character is winning ppl over. even after that gyrating scene when he danced with sarah jessica parker during the tony awards. He dances and sings. whoot! i cldn't find a video of that one where he danced with sarah jessica parker when doing a number from "boy from oz". but i got him at the start of the tony's.



2. Johnny Depp
Mr John Christopher Depp. he gets away looking all scruffy. This guy looks fantastic even when animated in "corpse bride". the first movie i watched of him was Edward Scissorshand. i don't remember the ending now. but i remember crying my eyes out. "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" was hilarious, how he never died even after his eyes were gouged out. a good actor by my books. he's believable as the quirky eccentric Capt Jack Sparrow and Willy Wonka and still grips hearts with roles like Roux in "Chocolat" and Sir James Matthew Barrie in "Finding Neverland"

his soft smile and that intense stare in his eyes. eyes play a large part for me. all the three guys, Hugh, Johnny and the one below, all have intense eyes. i was dazzled when i saw the hugh poster for "Finding Neverland" in Japan, where he was just looking back at me. sighz. if there's anything i don't like abt him would be his voice. i like that low baritone. his is well.. not that. which brings me to mr sexy voice.

3. Keanu Reaves.
i know this is one guy ppl are likely to disagree with. but he's got that pan-asian look going for it. damnit, that guy is going to turn 42 this year but he still looks fantastic. and he has a fantastic sexy voice! he's got the entire matrix trilogy under his belt (i never watched Matrix Revolutions though.). sure, he definitely isn't the best actor around. he looks like he has the same facial expression. but anyone remember Bill and Ted. His "duh" look as Ted was hilarious. did i mention he's got a sexy voice?

my first memory of him was in Paula Abdul's music video "Rush Rush". he doesn't looked like he's aged. he's still one of hollywood's hottest man around with that sexy voice of his. when he exposed his stomach in constantine after Lucifer literally cleaned the tar out of his lungs, my younger sister exclaimed, "He's got abs!" and very nice ones too. not body-building scary. lean nice. and he's got a sexy voice! watch this and discover for yourself.

one more post before i disappear over the next week. ABR is up and i'm looking forward to late night chats, card games (are we allowed? i hope so..), a whole lot of eating and laughing... just a great time to hang with me mateys once again. i miss camps like these. the time of getting-to-know-yous and falling deeper in love with God together.. *dreamy smile* i can't wait!

anywayz, got some videos that i wanna share with ppl. remember the two crazy chinese boys who lip synced to "i want it that way" and "get down" while their idiot friend was gaming behind them? i absolutely loved the videos. yar lah, perhaps mouschi was correct when she said i needed someone who'd make me laugh. enjoy the following!!







and my favorite mv...


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What is scientology? Who is this Xenu? Watch and read on..


Wikipedia's take on Evil Lord Xenu: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu
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a new blog skin on its way. patience. i suck at html encoding so give me some time... unless you're gonna be a sweetie who's going to do it up for me for free.. ahahahahaha

i really shld be studying.. but this is also the period where i'm most distracted. ahahaha..

anywayz, i'm one of them crazy ppl who like to listen to strange musicians that most of my friends have ever heard of. ok. country music doesn't count in this case. they are not strange.

but i'm talking abt ppl like alistair griffin and david sneddon. they've got nice songs, mellow voices in a strange nice lullaby-ish way. new guy i've found over the weekend. Tim Kay. just one of them local musicians in Brit with a nice raw recording voice that goes nicely with his own songs. do check him and his songs out here. http://www.myspace.com/timkay

anywayz, bday wishlist is updated to include the titles of the cookbooks. now excuse me as i get back to sucky QM and try to finish it. urgh. i don't like accounts. i like my pretty pretty law reports and notes that are calling for me to read them instead even though i've done all of them already. no no.. i've to read the stupid QM text and try the damn questions. annoying.

Date: 8th April 06
Location: SMU GYM

Time start: 1557

Right now, i just want:
1. a soft comfy bed
2. dark chocolate coated almond sticks from SINS
3. sour ribbon
4. happy juice! (ribena)
5. weed. (joking!!!)
6. more dark chocolate coated almond sticks from SINS precioussssss
7. a big engulfing hug tangled with the scent of familiarity and love

thong claims that my crappiness is coming out from too much gym and lack of chocolates. i have cut back drastically on my dark choc intake. or my choc intake for that matter of fact. and gym? 3 - 4 times a week. any less, i get cranky.

Time now: 1601

Lars in the gym! i'm suddenly more awake. i wonder why. (and no, you damn annoying pricks, i'm not salivating.) i've accepted the fact that his sexual orientation is not for me to decide. he can be gay if it makes him happy. not that he's gay.. my friends just tell me that he's likely to be gay though... he's going back to his own country anyways. *sighz*

Time end: 1604

lighthearted update to my terribly mundane life.

1. BSM Argentina. I applied for it. met up with glen as well and hoping that i would get it. and hoping i would know at least 2 others in my class.. kinda went ahead to apply for it without asking anyone else along. oh well. let's just see how it turns out.

2. the ever-fluctuating wgt. since the beginning of the year, i've gained 3 kg. damnit. and i wanted to lose 2 kg! ah zhui had to tell me that he lost 3 kg. oh well, that was last week. now my net gain of the year is 2 kg. ahahaha.. let's try to get back to what i was in Jan at least. and no, that one kg gone in a week wasn't due to anorexia or bullimia. siao ah. i would never put myself through that kind of torture.

3. MoS. i got my member's band. now i don't ever have to queue at MoS! hee hee. my only grip? that after going thru the selection process to get the band, i still had to pay $25 for it. diaoz. the walk from victoria street over to MoS was a nice one though. me plugging into my mp3, walking the night street up Hill Street before the river greeted me with all its lights. i miss doing nonsense like that.

4. Budak Pantai "We Give A Dam" charity concert. sure, they sang the same old songs. but they still make me smile, grin and laugh. and of course, i was swooning when they sang "Lover's Tears". This is the one Theresa Teng song i like that class 95 plays as well. heez. but jt and i were laughing so hard during their abba medley thanks to Joe's rendition of Honey Honey.

Honey honey, how you thrill me, ah-hah, honey honey
Honey honey, nearly kill me, ah-hah, honey honey
I'd heard about you before
I wanted to know some more
And now i know what they mean, you're a love machine
Oh, you make me dizzy

instead of the usual up tempo pop-ish way that ABBA does, Joe always does it "elvis" style, his voice going all low, sexy and swoon-worthy. (i cannot think of any other way to describe elvis' singing.. ahahaha). i do love his version of Honey Honey more! but that night, he did that damn thigh jiggle which i always associate with kai. jt and i started laughing hysterically 'cos we both thought of kai immediately. kai, if you're reading this, no matter how much your thigh jiggle disturbs me, you're still my dear mambo-loving friend.

5. i know my birthday is May 13.. but it doesn't hurt to think abt what i want. ahahaha for all, it's in my sidebar. do take a look at it!!

6. added new links for fellow bloggers. another "celebrity blogger". we have "Waiter", Jason Mraz and now, Jamie Oliver.

7. CF Movie Marathon. Ok. this will happen. i promise. but i need your help as well. first, choose between the 26th or 28th of April and let me know thru comments or tag me or mail me. you have my sch email. next, suggest movies!

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finally updated the food flog. with a whooping 3 reviews of Raffles Courtyard, Alley Bar and Fong Seng Nasi Lemak. enjoy!