the series of leading up to our final 2 smucf foc 2006 large group shots..


not there..

not yet...

almost...

yea!

and the classic nonsense picture of many many tongues


group 2.. the most nonsensical morons that made me forget my tiredness with our endless crapping and continuous laughing. thank you.
(guys from left: zai, dave t, jeri, shi jia, bj, daryl, ben and josh / girls from the left: e-gay, jt, pam, mabel, e-bay, me!)

many thanks to zaixiang for the photos. can click on the pictures for larger view.. or go to my gallery in the sidebar and look for the foc 2006 album.

and truly, God has given me "the one" already. He's provided me with the "one church" where i know i'll never be alone on this lifelong journey. let our friendships, not just within the cg or ogs, but bonds formed by the mere fact that we're all God's people in SMUCF never fade while we still walk this earth!

gin rummy never happened.

but werewolf did.

FOC 2006. a thrilling time of challenges from our dear teachers. a exhilarating time of laughter during games. an amazing mass of memories that will make for smiles in sleeps for the days to come.

an intense period for me, personally. the first time i'm the OIC and i'm left tired but still smiling from the memories. the conversations abt ministry, that living hope, predestination, bgr (always the topic), apologetics and food. a unique experience that i'm ever grateful for.

no words constantly repeated will help me express the intense gratitude i have for my dear brothers and sisters.. so lemme repeat myself for i'm sure i've missed some.. ahahahaha..

to my dear committee, you've hear this over and over again. most of what i've said has been mentioned in the email that i've sent to you and i mean every word i said..

to my dear leaders, read the email!! hee hee... thanks thanks. i appreciate all the help.

to my fellow brothers and sisters who have made me laugh and smile. if anything i found hard, it was to take time out to feel tired until i realized that the camp was coming to the end. which is why some of you may have seen me looking lethargic on the dinner on the last night. then suddenly the panadol.. the ribena (even though gh decided to help himself to it rather quickly).. the.. erm... ahahaha..

yes yes.. whatever happened in the camp, shall stay in the camp. and i'm pretty sure many of those on finale night during the skit would like many.. erm.. certain memories to be buried and only to be taken out during the .. AFTERGLOW! so ppl, once i get my hands on the videos.. muahahaha.

for some pictures

a failed candid shot, thanks to eugene(extreme left) and david (dude with frisbee) who decided to pose..

my dear camera-happy group (from left: E-gay, mabel, E-bay, me, zai, shijia, daryl, jeri)

the girls at fort canning

supper at tau huay place.. as usual..

now i'm just waiting for more photos.. to laugh at.. to smile and remember all that has passed... all the mentos, tea limau and sour skittles.. suppers galore of tau huay and teh terik.

oh, i finally tried new Dreyers flavors.. i used to only take their rocky road. but the chocolate cake is superb! it taste like Sara Lee's chocolate pound cake. just with a lot of chocolate ice cream that really is fantastic. the cake bits are smaller than the brownies in Ben & Jerry's. so the cake is soaked in ice cream. the wonders of what you learn during conversations at the camp!

he finally got me. that moron finally got me.

along with two other idiots...




yes, all can rejoice. after trying since friday, lin daokuan finally had me thrown into the swimming pool. at the gym dinner, he, along with ah zhui and crystal, pounced on me.. took off my watch.. my birks... and promptly carried me to the pool. they swung me in.

after that, i was near the shallow pool with dk and zhui. before i know it, they are dragging me in by my legs. crazy morons. we were laughing so hard. and it was a good dinner. ate so much. then zhui and dk were fooling around as well, trying out synchro dives. the 3 of us then went back up to roy's place to change.

so mr lin, if you're reading this, you've managed to settle the unfinished business. hope it's finally out of your system. twice in the night. fantastic...

***

SSU sports camp was fun. or at least to this old first-timer here. i went down to help as a first aider and station master on the second and third day. and it was nice to be able to hang out friends that i haven't had a chance to chat face-to-face with for a long time.

sure, it's no serious conversations.. but to my old friends who crapped with me for those few minutes, i honestly enjoyed that trip of sudden nostalgia. and for the new friendships.. even with those whose names i never got to know. so as much as i am drained, i enjoyed every moment spent under the sun (literally) with you peeps.

it's just how u guys made me laugh and smile inspite of my tiredness. the empty threats that just made me thankful for friends like u. u guys really provide that momentary relief from the stress i've been facing for the past few days. like when lionel suddenly did the flight attendant thing on the bus back to SMU.. or when i saw the "Ka-ching" video.. or the "sumo wrestling" where our own dboat carrot won.. thank you so much.

and honestly, must i be interested in a guy to suddenly become "dei"? fyi, it's not a sudden thing. i do whine. and no, i'm not interested in any guy right now, ok?
***

Friday, 28 july 2006, has been declared comfort day. i'll be staying home to take my comfort soup. then i'm sleeping for the rest of day. it's my day to myself and God. then in the evening, i'll meet dear JT and the rest of my dears for a night out. yay.. looking forward to it.

another PTBC over.. another time of growing more in His word.

it was an intense 2 day period of talks, workshops and berean small groups. but i had fun nevertheless. slept a little more after gin rummy. we are continuing the game at foc.. and once again, i was in the group with most of the CFers.. there was zx, jx, cy and me. and zhen yang was in our group as well.. gotta meet ppl like hubert, john, simone, ying, beatric.. and our lovely group leaders, colin and joy.

so a weekend well spent even though i was really dead tired. it felt so good to be around ppl who were so warm and receptive. plus i got to see josiah and jessica! and played with jayden for a while.. guss i kinda miss alexis. then to appease my family whom i haven't spent time with for a really long time, i left PT early to catch Dead Man's Chest. now i'm eagerly anticipating the third instalment of the pirates.

i have to admit. i haven't felt this way since my first year in the exco. the fire never died.. it just stopped growing. i want to serve with my life. PT just fired me up even more. this one was exciting although i admit that the Vaughan Roberts PTMM has been the most impactful one. and D.A Carson is coming next year! i've truly been fortunate enough to have had such amazing teachers like Vaughan, Ray, Chapman, Tim Thoburn, Jackman.. i want that chance to hear Goldsworthy now.. or peter jensen.. or john stott.. or joshua ng.. *dreaming* but what Christopher Ash mention is a real worry.

it's so easy to get fired up when you're surrounded by like-minded ppl in whatever circumstance. a soccer player would be fired up during a game if he knew that the ppl around him are craving the touch of that precious cup, even though they only keep it for four years. it applies to all aspects of our lives. and even more so for me when everyone in the grp was abt the same age, all with hunger to want to know Him more.

i was comtemplating leaving the event for a while to learn coxing on saturday. but i'm so glad i stayed for small group. working thru the passage.. learning from one another.. lunch together.. plus it was during lunch where i met james and family. and though i was struggling to keep awake during the talks, whatever i got from it was amazing.

i'm just wondering.. how am i going to get my hands on the pictures that were taken during PT? i want the group shot. hee hee.. think this is the one grp that i won't be forgetting for a while, considering the fact that it's not an all-SMU one.




oh. the interview with the girls just now was good. they were really helpful and funny. after a while, peiying took my camera and started taking pictures... wherever we go, a camera will just pop out suddenly and they go nuts. we just love the camera. here's the proof.







oh! i nearly forgot! for those who have yet to see alexis, here she is.

isn't she just precious? and she's a noisy baby like me.. hee hee.. didn't manage to capture a shot of her when she was awake. got too excited. and she's gonna be a heartbreaker with those eyes of hers. so sweet and big.

i've been so tired recently. normally, when i get onto the bus, i'm hoping for a seat so i can rest my eyes for a while. if i'm lucky, i'll fall asleep. but during the past few nights, i'm hoping for a seat so i can knock out. and when i do, i'm seriously out cold. thankfully i'm wired to wake up one or two stops before i need to get off. but lately, it's been insufficient to shake me enough.

like the previous night? i didn't get to sleep on the bus as i was talking to gh and lt. when i was walking home, i was so terribly groggy. and it was past 12 too. after friday's durian expedition, i was really tired on the train back. so when i got a seat on the bus, i knocked out. by the time i got to my stop, i still cldn't shake myself up. yet, i was walking at top-speed home 'cos of a bangla worker behind me.

ok, i'm not being racist here. if it were a white guy.. or a chinese guy.. or a malay guy, i wld have panicked... just so happens that it was a bangla worker.. and that late at night, there are only bangla workers walking around the estate. so yar. haiz..

ate so much during the durian expedition. it was zhong, wilson, bert, ben, bk, caixia, pf, py, joan, rosh (sushi!) and weiling plus me. first stop was the beef hor fun at lorong 9. after that we went in search of durian. ok, i bluffed. we went in search of a place to sit to eat durian. it was really funny.

ben was such an uncle when he was cleaning up the seeds and shells. hilarious dude, really. a whole night of unglam photo shoots. and for once, i wasn't in any. (lai weicheng and jeri ong! no more unglam photos of me, you hear??!!??) we just laughed sooo hard.

after that, we went for rochor tau huay. ate some more.. laughed some more... by the end of the night, we'd come to various conclusions:




1. weiling and rosh look like hum chim pengs. (courtesy of mui fan)

2. bert, joan and ben all have a future in geylang.. as the bird of geylang, flower of geylang and durian cleaner of geylang respectively.

3. bert discovered that i'm at a terribly comfortable height for people to pat my head.. great.. one more person to that list for me.




yay. the "perks" of being small. ppl think it's hilariously amusing to pat your head and go "aw lor lor lor" when you sulk. ok. only my older sister does that when she's in a funny mood. oh! bought my keith urban CD! i found "days go by" and i'm deliriously estatic 'cos it's got two amazing amazing songs that i lurve: "Tonight i wanna cry" and "You're not alone tonight"

then reading the CD sleeve to look thru the lyrics, i found a little phrase on the last page which made me smile and reflect.




Life's a balance of holding on and letting go...


so may i always hold on to His truth and let go things that have kept me from Him for far too long.

i watched a sleeping kid on the bus the other day. his grandfather held him in a strange position but the kid slept on, his face resting on the old man's arm that looped across the young boy's chest. finally, the old man turned the child around. by instinct, the child stretched out his arms with his eyes still closed, so certain of what was going to happen next. sure enough, his arms and head were soon resting on the man's shoulders in a loose hug.

then it hit me






Faith like a child.

how many times have my eyes been closed to the world? the many times i try so hard to shut out the harshness of life... and i reach out my arms for the life-saving tug.. and He's there. more dependable than anything or anyone i've ever known. more trustworthy.

how do i know that i can depend on Him fully? who else would sacrifice His own Son for an unworthy broken rebel? who else would open His arms out and embrace the girl who's finally turning to Him after rejecting Him for half her life? who else would wait so patiently for me to realize that He's never left my side? who else would love me as much as He does? (guys ah, remember ephesian 5 hor..)

which is why my present struggle frustrates me so. i'm frustrated with the mere fact that i'm finding it a struggle to continue to please Him. so annoyed with myself for even putting myself in the position where i'm making choices that eat me up inside little by little. but such emotional struggles shldn't be an issue, shld they? i mean... it's just...



i want to love God. more and more each day. i want to be worthy of Him. i'll never be that perfect christian yet. all i can do now is please Him. 'cos at the end of the day, these "secular emotional scars" will still exist. but He's not asking for a perfect me.

He's just asking for me. with all my messed up notions about life, love and everything else. He was not seeking for a perfect being when He chose me. He accepted me for me, along with that scarred broken heart, contrite spirit and skeletons in my closet.



at this point of my life, i'm just going to keep walking this road. perhaps my eyes will be open, perhaps they'll be closed. perhaps i'm covering my ears just to shut out the things i don't wanna hear 'cos it hurts me so bad.. and perhaps at this point, i don't really understand what He wants from me and of me...

When you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart


Faith like a child, Jun. Faith like a child.

an amazing 10 days. 23 June to 2 July. an intense period for me physically and emotionally. but i made it, with much help frm the Dragons. gosh, the exilarating period of aches, bruises, and using paddles as self-defence... the rollercoaster of highs and lows all squeezed into the 10 days. and i cannot recall any other chapter of my life being so incredibly exciting.

the way it all lead up to the competition. the euphoria when we realized we were in the finals. at the point, i was satisfied. but that hunger to taste more sweet victory was raw in my mouth. sure, we came in last at the finals. but that was sufficient for this time round. our timing had improved. the girls were focused and determined. we had grown as a team.

even during the PM cup, friends were made. the "SIMU" boat fought on even though we knew we were third. we ended on a high note even though we lost. when we parked, the three girl boats cheered for each other and waited for the guys to come back. after the entire competition, it was a major photo session. when walking past the SIM ppl, they called for group shots. the SIM girls were teasing the SIM guys by saying that they shld stand near the SMU girls. then the SIM guys who got to stand near us were laughing abt how lucky they were.

the dinner following that was hilarious. i sat with BK and wilson. the two guys made me laugh so hard throughout dinner. i was whining a little abt eating chicken wings. as much as i wanted to eat them, i was really tired and cldn't find it in me to want to pick up the wngs. BK and wilson then joked abt feeding me.

when the wings finally came, they decided to disturb joan at the other table. so calling for her attention, the two guys then brought a drumlet and wing to my mouth to feed me. i was laughing so hard by then. then they complain that i cannot stop laughing.. not my fault..

yes, david chan. stop shaking ur head. things haven't changed since u left for india. people still treat me like a little girl who needs looking after even though i'm 22. think it's the innocent child-like smile? wahahaha. hope you're not jealous.. the rest of you, stop pretending to choke at "child-like" smile. you know i'm right. *shy blush* c'mon. even my colleague offered to help me format the silly excel that's driving me nuts.

but i digress.

to my dear Dragons: we made them sit up and notice us. not because of our dear bert. (bert, you have been doing a fantastic job. keep it up!) a team that started in dec. a team purely student-led and student motivated w/o the help of any coach. a team made up of many first-timers. we create our own memories. a mixture of good and bad, i think those 10 days added a lot more to this chapter of our lives. let's continue shining!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

******
Sidenote:

It's funny how something can feel so routine for me even though it happened only 2 weeks ago. and now that it no longer happens, i still find myself unconsiously waiting for it to happen. and it makes me a little sad that it's stop just because it made me smile for that few mins. oh well. moving on with real life..

doing AMA/AFA, Tax planning, Strategy and Dance East and West(last two are still negotiable). anyone wanna do with me?