who knew that this weekend would have been so fantastic?


birthday drinks with Dan and the crew at the new "Howl at the Moon" with the amazing band. of course, it helped that Jamie was absolutely charming and plays damn a lot of instruments: piano, guitar (electric/acoustic/bass), drums, keyboard, saxaphone, trumpet, clarinet. ok fine, the recorder too. with his nose!

anyhoo, we had crazy fun, laughing, singing along and letting the band entertain us as we entertained them as well. let's just say that i like it when the band engages me in subtle ways, be it a wink, funny gestures or just a knowing smile.

saturday night, i met with the dbters. let's just say we all had achy stomachs by the 3rd round of 3 Kings of little men and giants. had a chance to catch up with old friends and just chat.. of course.

sunday night, it was out at Z's place with the crazy gym staff again, all decked out. with J mixing the drinks as usual, him hi-5ing me 'cos we're both equally awesome people with regards to drinks. plus all the food and all. nice.

thankiew for the memories and for the week well-rested. thank you. :)

it's the case of the itchy feet... that despite the nauseaus sensation welling up in the pits of the stomach (which is finally gone!!) and the giddiness (still there..) since saturday, i still wanna be doing things on my feet.

i've got gym on my mind.

i finally went back last night. did the usual strength set of 3x15 circuit. next time round, i'm going back to fatigue training. much faster. more efficient. i will go back to the days of benching 30 kg with dumbbells, not barbell, mind you. back to the days of doing reverse crunches for a minute without feeling like i'm gonna die.

it's not a girl power thing. sure, i used to get a kick out of watching the guys stare at me when i deadlift with 38 kg or shoulder press 15kg in total. not that guys can't do it. just that a lot of girls can't. fine, i get all the ribbing like, "you can do more pull-ups than me!!" (i cld do two at my peak). but the guys know that they don't mess with me. lol

i've got travel on my mind.

just so i can be caught up in a whirlwird romance of falling in love with a new country. or falling back in love with an "old flame". to lose my way in the hills or quiet streets and find a treasure trove of yummilicious pancakes and caramelized bananas swimming in golden maple syrup.

yes, i still miss pancake parlor. a lot. i just have no mood to make my own pancakes and caramelize the bananas when i'm just concentrating on waking up.

i've got dance on my mind.

be it waltzing across the dance floor or side stepping to the infectious cha-cha beats. even gliding to rumba notes or just plain boogie-ing to the dj. i miss all the quick steps and spinning and the slow deliberate shift of weight.

i wanna let the music wash over me once more, to let that knowing gentleman lead, protect and guide me across the floor. or just dancing the night away with my friends, forgetting all the crazy stuff that surrounds us in the world.



oh dear feet, when will you stop itching?
**
random note of the day: i finally cut my hair! it's a lot lighter now. William never fails to be astounded by my crazy ass hair. :P

i miss this.

i miss sitting in starbucks, doing my work, then occasionally looking up to watch the world go round outside the glass panes trapping the air-conditioning on a crazy hot sunday morning. it's just a 1.5 hour break in between the crazy housewhole chores while the younger bro has his tuition nearby.

soft strands of jazz music float around lazily while the scent of fresh roasted coffee beans being ground to espresso diffuses the air, accompanied by the blueberry muffin or cinnamon croissant from the oven. i find the sound of the espresso churning and the milk steaming to be really comforting. familiar sounds.. ah. nostalgia. from the corner of my eye, i see a stranger share a space at the sofa with another stranger.

replace the work with a good book and i'd be in seventh heaven. but as the macchiato finally drains from the bitter espresso to the sweet latte at the bottom, i'm shaken back to reality that life isn't all peaches and cream.

time to go stationery shopping. so i can finish up my work in the afternoon at home after more housework. sigh.

bye, starbucks on a lazy sunday late morning early noon. may we meet again.

another rough patch, accompanied with the usual thunderstorm, lightning and inconsiderate cars splashing water on you as they drive past really quickly. a whole month of three different states of insomnia ain't peachy too. you're still physically tired, mentally exhausted and emotionally drained.

it is absolutely miserable when you just miss the people* you care about.

so when that overwhelming feeling was released in prob the most apt moment, i paused in the dead of the night, standing by the road, drenched and make-up ruined from rain or tears (i cldn't tell by then) 'cos the damn umbrella is just plain pointless in the storm.

and i thanked Him.

that even in this shit, He provides relief in small familiar ways. i still remember the childish joy i got from running and playing in the rain. literally dancing too. and whenever something got too big for me, i cried. it's a natural reaction to pain. your nerves and brain still tell you that what's hurting you is still there. but crying acknowledges that you're hurt. simple acknowledgement provides relief that denial can never.

so in that weirdass combination of rain and tears, i found relief. impeccable timing on His part?

I promise you, I'm always there

when your heart is filled with sadness and despair

I'll carry you when you need a friend

you'll find My footprints in the sand

- Leona Lewis "Footprints in the sand"

sometimes all we need is a little reminder of the Big Guy watching over you. i've found His footprints after crawling blindly.

**********

*i didn't intend to post anything tonight. but i just wanted to thank the random people who might have prayed for me or thought of praying for me throughout my month of insomnia. whether to God or their own religious figures.

i appreciate the fact that you thought of me.

strangely, it's the NC peeps who seem to care more. they do regular checks. and when i sent a simple sms the other day, gratitude smses came in bundles. and they seem to remember bits of my life more. like i'd get smses that make me think, "omigosh, they remembered that i was gonna scrub the toilet this weekend?"

not a case of we-see-each-other-24/7/365. hardly, in fact. i rarely see them nowadays. but they know more abt my current life than others. i don't intentionally withhold info from others. it's just.. when something happens to me, i just feel like they'd be there for me more. and they show their care. i never have to assume that they care. i know it. i see it.

to be honest, i never expected these people to care so much. i never expected to be so crazily in love with them. of course they have their piss-me-off moments. but it's ever so rare. i appreciate little things like no last-minute notices. if they know the situation may warrant a last-min notice, they let me know of that beforehand. it's these little things which make me know that they care.

i don't agree with their take on life most times. how they chose to live a life of rebellion. but it touches me that they seem to live rightly, more "rightly" than others, even me at times.

it's like the "Trouble waking up the next day after a heavy night of drinks? Pepp keeps you fresh and alert" advertisement on an insomia-affected girl's facebook wall. Dead irony. sigh.

one of 'em photo trips at raffles place

the term "eye candy" (aka EC) seems lost on a lot of people. like when i tell people i have an EC, the questions they ask seem to suggest that i like the guy. but i don't. i just like his looks.

during a period of my schooling days, there was a particular grp of ECs who made studies a little more bearable. of course my friends were a large factor in making the whole experience bearable. but these guys added to the "nice-to-rest-eyes-on" factor.

of course, i actually knew most of them like hi-bye acquaintances. i wonder if they knew that i found them physically attractive. it's just me. i can find someone physically attractive but not go ga-ga dewy eyed over them. in fact, i put them down teasingly just like i do with any other guy. they never get special treatment.

yar, if i tease you about your looks, it's due to the fact that i do it to every guy, physically attractive or not.

part of me realized that they probably know that they are more attractive than your average guy. their egos can take a beating from just one girl. they probably need it with their "groupies" fanning their pride all the time.

to be honest, i liked one of my ECs. and he broke my heart. like shatter-piang-piang-sob-sob-piang broken. i was too 'fresh' and naive to realize the shit that i had created for myself. it wasn't mutual. i was setting myself up for teenage love-drama-angst moments which just accentuated my retardness as a little girl. (ok, fine, not so little. i was 19.)

pretty much affirms damned cliches like "a world without love is a world without pain".

so like i said, after a long drought of nearly 5 years (ok, there were some who lasted as temporary ECs for a few days), the Big Guy up there provided proper relief. eye candy and ear candy in one. if i had to think of a candy, he's like one of 'em serious big-momma-diabetic-inducing-round-spiral joy candified on a stick. yes, i love 'em big-momma lollies.

i don't know he does it, but he doesn't look dorky when he tucks his polo into his jeans. maybe it's 'cos his jeans sit low. maybe i'm just dead biased. do you believe that i thought he was just a random good looking guy i just happen to have a lost connection with at breadtalk one random morning?

and he's maintaining a goatee!! no, i do NOT have a follicle obsession. i just happen to be impressed if a guy can carry off a goatee well.

but yes, he makes being at the client's place a little more bearable. 'cos i really miss my fellow retards at the production line. i spent the morning with them and omigosh, i was just so grateful for their insanity. they know abt EC. in fact, they've been ribbing me abt "follow-up" actions.

i can't. i won't. he's just an EC. and i don't even wanna know if there's mutual attraction or it's just one-sided. i've gotta be beyond retarded to do that to me again. like i said. i'm fine. REALLY.
plus, who would wanna date their consultant who's from an audit firm?
*******
Random thoughts of the day:

1. after ogling for far too long.. i bought my first lomo camera! ok, i put in an order for a Holga 120GN in a holga spree. along with a multicolor flash and 35mm adapter. let's start small. i'll get the 35mm sprocket adapter and fisheye lens another time. i can't blow my expenditure budget. when i get it, let's go shooting!

2. Bory is an alarm clock. she growls at 11 am. LOUDLY. Jasmine is highly amused by it. i'm just glad one of us is.

3. at 1955 hrs, last day of sept, i typed "shipping" as "shopping". minor mistake ("i" is next to "o" on the keyboard dey..) as compared to my "nebit dotes". but when i saw "shopping", i wanted to crumble and die. i can't wait to go shopping proper..

4. i've exhausted myself. i'm not physically drained but i have no mood to drag my poor multilated emotionally and mentally drained crap wedged in the cervicles of my skull to think more. i wanna run away to redang. NOW. drag my guitar man and leave tomorrow to never come back. like find me a way to sneak to Monaco to live forever and ever.