i'm back!!!! quick update on taiwan.. erm... ok.. a short one considering it's for a whole of 8 days.. ahaha

Day 1:
off to a slow start. SQ is da best for giving me a magnum classic after lunch! Ate super a lot for dinner at a restaurant before heading for Taipei 101. already thinking of stuff i wanna buy.. (boots.. jacket..) hotel room was really cool! there's a glass screen where you can look into the huge bathroom from the bedroom. of course there's a blind to roll down, you pervies...

Day 2:
head to a couple of sites.. a really grand hotel with tonnes of antiques, SYS memorial and Song Meiling's garden before heading to Jiufen up in the mountains for lunch. the bus konked up.. then came the crazy train ride to Hualien to spend the night. did i mention that they have 700cc bubble tea for freaking S$1.75? it's huge!

Day3:
Left Hualien for Kaoshiong. Along the way, went to taroko gorge and stopped to admire swallow grotto. rediscover the geology nut in me. sedimentary rocks at one of it's amazing formation! (i'm still wondering why i'm doing accountancy..) the bus konked up for the second time. delayed by one whole hour before we got to Liuhe night mkt. Ate a lot again.. you tiao, egg noodles, oyster omellete, dead spicy chicken wings, sausage, smelly beancurd.. and fell in love!! with a husky and a black chow chow.

Day 4:
went shrine-hopping before heading to a Hakka village. another super long drive before reaching Taichong (yesh, so far, diff hotel every night..). Headed for Nai Cha Jie (milkl tea street..) before dinner. Dinner was in a rather interesting boat-like restaurant (Wu Jiao) where the toilet was really pretty but confusing. Went to Fengjia night mkt and bought christmas prezzies! still searching for mules/boots and jacket.

Day 5:
left Taichong to go tomato plucking. really sweet and juicy! the flowers up at miaoli were pretty pretty. lunch was aites and returned to taipei. had an accidental strawberry plucking session when the bus konked up again. upon reaching taipei, headed for danshiu where it was freaking cold! then went to fisherman's wharf where the Lovers' Bridge was. nice view. had a bbq buffet dinner. omg.. ate so much meat! hilarious time. one of the girls in the grp and i shared a grill and started to cook and push the food to the our fathers.. next was Xi Men Ding. First sighting of jappie-looking eye candy from another tour grp! but think he's younger than me. argh.

Day 6:
Went to this tribal shop.. not embarrassed to say i started tearing when i saw the deer foetus that they use for medicinal purposes. evil.. next up, antique museum where the stone carved pork and jade carved lettuce are famous. Mala hot pot for lunch. killed my tastebuds and nose. Took the ferris wheel at miramir. second largest in Asia. the first largest is in Tokyo, at Odaiba.. ahaha.. I've sat both! the drive up the mountains freshen me up and the hot spring was ichiban! Drove back to Shilin night mkt where ate some more and shopped more. (damn broke now...) and oh, saw my jappie eye candy though i obviously know that he's a singaporean. his earring made him even more all so cute.

Day 7:
Free and ez day. hit the malls after brekkie. had lunch at sogo. blardy big bowl of udon. ate until i was nauseaous and i was only half done with the freaking bowl. headed for rouhe night mkt in the evening. christmas shopping is done and i'm officially broke. first and last early night in taiwan. ahahaha..

Day 8:
Time to head home. went to the memorial hall and finally drove to the outskirts of Taipei towards the airport where we stopped for lunch and last minute shopping for food items. nope. didn't see jap eye candy anymore *sobz*. no celebs too.. haiz.. what to do?

long post? ahahaha.. i never bought my boots or jacket.. got jeans, earrings (yes.. more earrings..) and a sweater for myself. Singapore's really warm and i'm getting a little giddy already.. think it'll be an early night for me.. i.e. before 11.. ahaha.. going to post up a few pics too! a bit more to go!

with the rampant updating, feels like i'm trying to make up for the time i'll disappear in taiwan.. ahaha.. failed to blog abt the december camp. i missed the first 2 days! but for the time i was there, i did enjoy myself. i remember getting hysteric when jane, walking back to the chalet, was calling my name really loudly. i stared at her from inside the chalet and ran to the room, locking the door. don't ask me why but i was really scared! looking at the pics, i'm glad everyone seemed to be having tonnes of fun!

evil kairen attacks a very blur and sleeping jianhong..

my darling narnia crew! up next! pray for the sanity of the following ppl, pls. let's begin...

bryan (argh!! it's spongebob jianhong! bet it was bryan's idea.)

the whole of kairen's grp (i wasn't there, i swear.. poor muscle woman josh.)

wai and cy (yesh, they are chasing jer the centaur)

and what's a camp without a few confused ppl? (don't worry guys.. i still regard u as my dearest brothers..)

the trust fall pictures were really funny.. esp those where the ppl falling clasped their hands in a prayer position, closing their eyes... ahaha. trick to doing a proper trust fall is not to bend your body... no knees.. no waist... ramrod straight. this way when you fall, the wgt is distributed throughout those catching you. (larger surface area, same amt of force, less pressure). safer too.. so your body won't fall through any hole. argh.. too many pictures that i wanna put up..

great camp peeps..

in the gym again actually... the gym ppl (me included) have got one of the best RnB cd collections! Phuture should hire us for Wed nights... you'd get ppl rushing in at 9 to dance for sure! k k.. going back to hit the machines!

thanks for the pics, bryan!

First day of work yday.. pretty exciting. ahahaha..

anywayz, at abt 1.30 pm it's getting cold. i'm sitting at the desk, chatting to felicia via msn. Suddenly, this head pops out behind the wall that leads to the guys' bathroom. This poor dude trying to hide his body behind the wall awkwardly tells me that he cannot open his locker where all his clothes were (now we know where guys put their clothes while showering...). I'm trying not to laugh at his predicament all this time and run to get Fred to open the locker.

sure. i know how to open locked lockers. but i wouldn't want to go into the guys' showers now with that poor dude inside, would i??!!?? i don't even know his state of decency! Fred soon opened the locker and came out, grinning and shaking his head. when the guy (whose identity i shall not disclose) came out, he was red. no idea if it was his tan or he was dead embarrassed. when he left, i chuckled.

SMU peeps are strange in funny ways most of time. wonder what the next few days will bring.

anywayz, been superly lazy. haven't packed for taiwan. i'm just procrastinating like nobody's business and think i'm going to take a 2 hr nap later.. hee hee. phuture was only.. "ok" last night. it took the DJs super long to warm up. then the dance floor filled up with impatient violent dancers. i started to stick my elbows out in defence. and i saw my jc eye candy! but he's younger than me by one year. i wanted to say hi to him... but chickened out. (don't scold me, jt)

can't wait for taiwan.. that frosting bite on the cheeks whenever the wind blows... the frozen fingers seeking warmth from the neck.. not that it'll be incredibly cold. i've had colder. but i'm just looking to get away from the humid heat...

anywayz, still waiting for pictures from dom, debz and jt from the thailand trip.. hee hee. i might end up blogging abt taiwan and thailand together..
i couldn't resist this last one. c'est la vie is really nice! this is one of the few i like more. and you have the actual pierre instead of a KOF lookalike. btw jt, don't you think pierre looks like james? tall, lanky, long hair... eye bags.. ahahaha.

Yes, back from Thailand.. and i'm trying to unpack and pack for Taiwan right now.

Thailand was fun. we ate and shopped soooo much! JT and i just went mad... after our first day in chatuchak, we couldn't resist and returned another time. but our second time there was strictly for buying Christmas presents! i didn't buy aaaaaaall the presents there. i still intend to make truffles for my dearies.

i'll update more on thailand when i get the pictures from the various cameras. it was nevertheless fun despite the stress once in a while. oh well..

chanced upon two websites. hilarious really..

C'est La Vie
it's a comic strip.. life of Mona. i lurve pierre. how can one not love him? (though he looks like that dude from King of Fighters here..)

Potterpuff
Powerpuff meets Harry Potter... 'nuff said.

ok... thailand trip and photos coming up the next time!

Studying this time round was actually.. fun. stressful but fun. Everyone's sending encouragement notes to each other. And '84 guys who have finally entered SMU prove that army does make you appreciate girls just a bit more. Meeeeeeeeee Ttttttt... ahahah. k lah. i promised not to make fun of him that way anymore..

There was also the usual dosage of hugs from my darling girls and they were seriously babying me. The number of people giving me massages increased drastically even when I don't ask for them to do so. The amount of food I get fed with. Comfort grub is the way to go. And my darling friends just have the most amazing food that I love like seaweed, chocolate, chips, candy and the list goes on.

Sure, they can be loud, noisy and absolutely impossible to study with at times... but they make up for it by being the sweetest bunch of people to study with. Plus, I just have to ask nicely and everyone's back to heavy studying.

But of course, it's not just them. Darly tried to make me rest and even offered to wake me up to study. Nearly everyone was been telling me to get more rest and calling me crazy. I am just glad that no one threatened to tie me to my bed yet to get me to sleep.

but the exams are over!! hee hee.. today's the first day of the first aid course. it's the usual gym gang.. david t, ber, jerry... er.. i can't remember everyone's name. But so far, the course has been interesting.. i'll need to pack for the chalet and thailand soon. the half marathon was crazy though. 21.1 k later, i'm aching like mad. thank God for counterpain.

oh.. i was kinda tired from studying and talking to friends, i came up with the following list. enjoy!

You Know You're A SMUgger when:
1. People can tell you are stressed even when you're not at your books
2. You find yourself in a vicious cycle: you listen to sad songs and get depressed -> when you don’t listen to songs, you are distracted by noise -> when you listen to songs, you can only tolerate sad songs
3. You start to cry uncontrollably.
4. Your friends start to baby you just in case you cry.
5. Your friends start to baby you, period.
6. When your friends ask what they can do for you, you tell them to pray for your sanity.
7. You get hit by headaches one time too many.
8. You forget to drink water.
9. You forget to eat.
10. You ignore your growling tummy and will it to stop growling.
11. Your mother is no longer sarcastic when she tells you she thinks you're going to go loco from studying.
12. You no longer sleep/stone on your way to school. Instead, you entertain your notes.
13. You start to work on assignments on public transport.
14. You are dazed when surrounded by anything else besides books and studying people.

My exams are coming up.. starts on monday and ends on wed.. following is the schedule for the rest of the year..

27 Nov: morning shopping followed by studying in school
28 Nov: A.Audit exam 2 pm @NSR2.1 SOA
29 Nov: Study
30 Nov: Income Tax exam 9 am @NSR2.2 SOA; Ethics exam 2 pm @SR3.4 SOB; Mambo night!
1 Dec: Rent Musical; Siam Supperclub (this one is strictly for girls only! if interested, let me know!)
2 Dec: Lunch Appt with Granny
3 Dec: Sleep
4 Dec: StandChart 21 km; Debz 20th bday
5 Dec: First Aid Course; Dinner at Jeri's
6 Dec: First Aid Course
7 Dec: First Aid Course; Chalet
8 Dec: Chalet
9 Dec: Chalet; Jane's 21st
9-12 Dec: Bangkok Trip
13-16 Dec: Suntanning/K-ing/Morton's martinis and steak sandwich/Bakerzin!
17-24 Dec: Taiwan

ok.. that's all that's planned for now.. waaaaaah... i'm getting stressed just by looking at it. still can't confirm my house for christmas. haiz. hoping to secure it. 3 projects in progress...

~ BGR course ~
This is an interesting one. i came up with a very simple concept at my first cf bgr talk. and it somehow evolved to this:
- BGR101: Who (to choose)?
- BGR102: When (is the timing right)?
- BGR103: What (to do)?
- BGR201: How (to maintain)?
- Elective: Singlehood is worth rejoicing.

so far, i've got materials for most parts. if anyone has more suggestions or would like to contribute, do let me know. i'm actually serious about this.. can it be considered a handbook? erm... i have no idea. But it'll be fun.. muahahaha

~ SMUCF Logo ~
I've been thinking of creating a nice logo for the CF. but never got around to doing it. so we've been using Bok's one old. it's really nice but unless it's black and white, it's not very noticeable.

My plan? i'll make it into a logo design competition! hee hee.. and i'll sponsor the prize. it's not going to be something expensive, i apologize. likely to be a nice book or rather, a book voucher which means greater flexibility for the winner? i derno. will need to develop this further and talk to the exco about it. great thing abt this is that we get the cfers all working together... a greater sense of belonging? hopefully.

nevertheless, it should be interesting if it works out.

~ SMUCF X-mas Party ~
last year, we had a small one at mich's place. this year, it'll be bigger. if i can get my house.

i derno.. if i can't get my house, it's then likely that i won't have enough time on my side to do much of the planning, right? if i can secure my place for the 27th, it'll be massive, i promise. we'll have it true party style.. appetizers, main courses, desserts, drinks (bring on the glogg!)... of course it'll be themed and the usual gift exchange style.. i'm dreaming a little too ahead. i can't even confirm my house yet. annoying sia.

***

Besides all that, xiang's got his "angel talk" strip coming out... i'll be missing the preview of Narnia on the 19th (damn! you guys better watch with me when i come back!). and Caroling in January as well. still derno how active i wanna be with regards to that. i mean, c'mon, i cannot sing. david c tried to threaten me into joining the project..

"if you don't join, i'll join!"

I gave him a funny look.

"then you join lorh."

idiot.

Btw, thinking about next term's fun/sportsday suddenly... anyone got any fresh ideas? i'm becoming a little stale already.. losing steam. year 1-4s are welcomed to take it from me.

And the battle continues...

me (to yc)> hey police!

jt (sitting opposite me)> Puddings? why is he "puddings"?

*sweatdrop*

right.. "dearie" is not affectionate enough right? "puddings" is a lot more affectionate, ain't it? oh well, not one to be defeated by the boy previously known as lemming, i shall henceforth declare his english name as puddings!


everyone.. yc has another english name. Puddings. puddings samuel chen. please address him as such. to the guys out there, you can be as affectionate as you want to when addressing him. thank you.

MSN
(conversation window with Steph)

Me@10:36:02 pm> dearie

Me@10:36:11 pm> u look reeeeeally tired

Me@10:36:15 pm> oh

Me@10:36:19 pm> chey

Me@10:36:26 pm> yc.. this is not meant for u



shoot me... somebody.. anybody.. shoot me.



How was I to know that he was using steph's computer!!!!!!!!!?????!!!?!??!?!



alternatively, wake me up from this nightmare.



and if you're wondering, it's 10:51 now.. and i'm still cringing inside..

From where we last left off...

The happy troopers left Magic Wok and made for Bakerzin at Raffles City in search for good desserts. When they settled down, cakes were ordered. Soon, another joined them and three more cakes were ordered. and thus begins the journey..

ok, so i'm crapping. i'm trying to make it sound pretty but obviously, it's not working. anywayz, we order a number of cakes at bakerzin. delish! forks were picked up, cakes were poked at and eaten.. and the gorgeous choc liquor. simply breath-taking.

isn't it a beauty? the fudge was so thin and rich at the same time. the cake hinted of slight liquor, leaving us stumped at the amazing sensation on our tastebuds. we were all swooning and bryan was drunk with euphoria. did i mention the juicy liquor injected berries? jingting and i were savoring it until dorcas remarked with half a berry in her mouth.

"i don't like alcohol."

we laughed and continued the cake. but it wasn't the only good stuff around.. the warm chocolate left us in anticipation.

of course bryan chose to be funny and insisted on taking shots after shots of the cake despite our complains abt the melting vanilla ice cream. once he was done, all the forks dove down for real this time. by the time everyone had their first bite, the cake looked... mutilated. but the rich thick chocolate syrup oozing out of the cake left us smiling for a while.
when we were done, dorcas declared that a group picture be taken. calling the waiter over, we wanted to stand with our backs facing the road but decided we wanted the cafe to be seen. so we turned around and jon pan stood at the entrance where the signage was. we then made our way over and the waiter snapped a shot once all the girls smiled brilliantly. then bryan wailed.

"I wasn't ready!"

after the second shot, the waiter brought out the next camera and after the flash went off, bryan wailed again.

"I wasn't ready again!"

so we took another shoot. ahahaha.. i decided that the nicest picture will go up! i had to crop the picture though.

food was good.. company was fun.. the view even better! everything just looked sooooo good that night! and jingting would of course know what i'm talking abt..

It's annoying.. i've been gettting weird comments... but i don't wanna delete the "comments" link. so i've relegated to moderating my comments and deleting nonsensical ones. and i would like a new template too.. so tempted to not study and do up a pretty template to relieve stress.. but i digress from my motive today.. revert.. revert...


at times, i really don't need that additional stress..

i don't feel terribly stressed 'cos it's been accumulating even before school started.. things that snowball really slowly are harder to detect 'cos your system just adapts to it easily. but when your prof can tell that you are stressed just by looking at you, it has to account for smth. so when prof tay pointed it out to me, i smiled back weakly. when i tell people my schedule, they think it's crazy when i run from meeting to meeting, from class to class..

and yet i don't feel it. i haven't had "moments" since the mid-week break.

"moments"?

yea. "moments" are what i call times when i have difficulty breathing. disclaimer, i do not have asthma. but there are times when i just find it hard to breathe and my whole chest constricts. after a while, the long painful deep breaths give me a throbbing headache where all i can do is to sit and close my eyes 'cos the dancing black and gray spots make me giddy. and i'm just praying for the headache and "moment" to go away. i cannot lie down 'cos it worsens the whole thing.

right now, i guess there's a really thin line between crashing and staying alive for me. i'm merely hanging by the thread and yet people threaten to cut my lifeline over and over again. when they snip it, i throw a thinner one to hoist myself up. but i'm going to run out of lifelines soon. i am going to crash and burn.

i've been to the edge and back abt twice i think... the first time, i was so stressed, i semi passed out.. then had a falling sensation. and i cldn't shake out of it. i just kept falling. when i finally shook out of it, i was lying on the bed in cold sweat. being young (i was only in primary school), i burst into tears.

the second time was in smu, during corp reporting class. there was a sudden pain in my chest and i couldn't breathe properly. my lungs tightened and i cldn't even take slow deep breaths which just made me panic. my head was giddy and i couldn't sit up straight as the pain seized my shoulders. i remember staring at jane who was pretty worried. i cldn't even take a sip of the water and my eyes were all teary.

and i've broken down once. where i sobbed until i was hiccuping away and couldn't breathe properly. my older sis was so worried 'cos she could see the vein at my temple. it was throbbing so badly that i cried even harder.. that night, i realized that there is such a thing as tearless crying. and it's an awful feeling 'cos your chest just tightens with each tearless sob.

so i really don't need additional stress. unless you're keen to see me in the hospital, then bring it on. actually, it may do me good. why don't people just knock me out permanently?

Week 12(7-11 Nov):
- BOSS (who wanna bid with moi?)
- A. Audit Presentation

Week 13(14-18 Nov):
- Spanish Quiz
- Income tax report
- FIIM report

Week 14(21-25 Nov):
- Spanish Oral Exam
- FIIM quiz

Week 15(28 Nov - 2 Dec):
- A.Audit exam
- Income tax exam
- Ethics exam

4 dec: Standard Chartered Half-Marathon

Week 16(5-9 Dec):
- First Aid course (tentative)
- Dec Camp

9-2 Dec: Bangkok Trip

17-24 Dec: Taiwan Trip (unconfirmed)




*Deep Breath*


No matter how i look at it, it still spells "Crash and Burn" in flashing neon lights framed with sparkly Christmas lights. i think i'll crash in bangkok and burn when i come back to Singapore.. to pick up the pieces of my splittered self to enjoy taiwan. if i don't go taiwan, i refuse to go to oz or anywhere in the southern half of the world or the tropics. I need to feel that freezing sensation on my cheeks once more.. to feel that cold biting wind in between my fingers so i can breathe out warm vapor on them once more... so that it truly feels like it's going to be christmas again.

My dearies, it's time to line up the Christmas, post-Christmas and pre-new year parties!

But first, the crazy sem at SMU.


*newly invented expletives*

i realized that most singaporean guys like shu nus.. definition of shu nus? fair, long hair, big eyes, mini-skirt/spag strap wearing skinny demure girls who are prone to DIDs(damsels in distress). think jolin tsai, cyndi wang, angela zhang.. i've got guy friends like that.. it used to upset me, but it took me less than a week to get over it.

while these shu nus had guys nursing crushes on them, i was the one hanging out with the guys. while the shu nus held the guys' eyes when they walked through the canteen, i was the one holding that conversation with them. kinda reminds me of three friends i had who had shu nus as gfs. and this post is actually dedicated to these guys who just made that relationship so worthwhile for whatever time it lasted for until we lost contact. =)

**
JW>
you fed me when i was hungry, literally. you gave me bread and noodles and hand-fed me that bite of your hotdog, despite the incessant jesting from your friends. what can i say? you were so incredibly sweet although it was the first day we got to know each other. you tolerated my teasing and teased me back to the point where i felt my face flush out of awkwardness. but then you charmed me back into our friendship with your show of concern, as if the teasing never happened.

you still smile at me when we see each other around. the way you attempted to get my attention was childish and never failed to make me smile inspite of myself. you were my ducky pal and my first ever earring boy. you knew i cried that day but didn't make a ho-ha out of it. instead, you reassured me, not knowing that you were one of the reasons why i cried.

ZC>
we would go home together. the bus ride home was always fun as we "exchanged" beauty tips. i liked it when you smiled at me 'cos girls were always clamouring for your attention. and you still spoke to me after i spooked you with one very regretful remark (though i don't know if you remember it anymore).

do you know that you were one of the reasons why i wanted back into that community i nearly lost? knowing that i might never have that chance to see you smile at me and to have you smile back made me cry. but you didn't know that. when you first thought that you were going to lose that community as well, you wanted to jump off taka. we spoke on the phone on my way to town. i told you not to be silly and to wait for me to watch u jump. you waited. then we laughed about it.

KY>
I enjoyed teasing you and you obviously knew it. i like how your cheeks flush each time i teased you, how they flush when you laugh.. and how you just have that nature pretty boy flush. you tried to "steal" hunky tutor from me with ur other friends but hunky chose us instead.

i miss how your name on my phone just wakes me up during boring lectures 'cos i picture your impish lopsided dimpled grin. the same one you gave me when you and jf daringly teased me, saying that you "gay boys" could handle me as well. the same one you had when jf tried to redeem himself.. and that grin you had when we spoke abt flying. then we lost touch. but you proved sincere when you remembered how to spell my name after we didn't see each other or converse. your assurance at my lowest pt back then gave me that window to dare dream.
**

i mean to keep their identities a secret. but i left enough clues that if they read this post, they would know who they are. so what's the point of this post? i guess.. it's just to record down guys whom i wasn't very close to and yet made an impact in my life during my "anti-love" stage. who says platonic r/s don't work? i'm living proof that they do. with memories like these, i'm grateful for being one of the guys and not a shu nu.

Sleep vs Luxury Car

Family vs Office with fantastic view

Home vs Travelbug & 5-star Hotels

Welcome Mat vs Red Carpet

difficult decision to make?

God vs The World

not so difficult after all, huh?

just some random thoughts that hit me during michael's lesson today. sure, i admire jer DT for working his way up the corporate ladder so quickly.. i think it's amazing that yl is in SMU, knowing that he has an office of antiques and a beautiful car in the carpark.. then michael said one thing that send me flying back to the ground.

"Everyone has to make sacrifices."

**********
The judge looked at me, anger and sadness mixed in his face. As he lifted the hammer, I closed my eyes. There was no doubt about my guilt and sins. I had turned away from what that was right to focus on the wrong things and I was without excuse. The hammer thudded dully and I looked up.

"I hereby declare you guilty."

I stood up, dreadingly pondering the verdict. The judge was correct. All evidence pointed to me as an enemy of the judge and a lawless fallen creature. I opened the small gate of the defence box to accept my punishment but then the judge spoke again.

"Son, come and take his punishment."

I watched dumbly as the son of the judge stepped forward. Wondering if I was dreaming, I could only watched as the nails were driven through the son's hands. His blood spilt onto me. My knees gave way as I watched the brutal death sentence and sacrifice. I crumbled to the ground, lowering my head. The dull thud of the hammer was heard again.

"I now declare you righteous."

What the judge said made no sense to me. My eyes stung painfully and I allowed myself to cry, looking at the blood that had touched me. After a long while, a hand in the light was in front of my face. I raised my head and saw the judge standing in front of me, with his son, well and alive, on his right.

"Come home with me, my child. Be part of me as you were supposed to be," the judge said gently, the love in his voice. I choked a sob back, not knowing what to say. Part of me longed to go home with him but part of me called me unworthy.

"Just as I live again, let your old self die and live again, my brother.. Live with us in your life," the son spoke, holding his hand out to me. There was a hole through his palm where they had driven the nail through. Placing my hand in his, I stood up. He was correct. It was time to go home and live a new life.
**********

Suddenly, it was crystal clear. I don't regret the path in life i have taken so far. if i didn't come to SMU, i wldn't be in SMUCF.. i wldn't be reading the bible and growing in understanding and maturity.. i wldn't be wanting to join a church when i graduate. i wldn't be so sure that i want to continue in my ministry and continue to serve even more when i start work, even if it means i get shit pay for reading the bible. i shldn't even be paid to study the bible. i guess that's why bible teachers still get paid. 'cos God provides for His people that when they devote a whole life of preaching His word, He sustains them nevertheless.

It's a cold dreary night...

i'n sneezing, coughing, drinking water and seeking temporary comfort in a kinder bueno. yes, cheap chocolates work for me once in a while. missing the dark flake de lait that can only be found in candy empire. $2.50. rather ex, don't u think? amount is the same as that of the $1.20 twirl.

tired this week. not feeling too well, emotionally and mentally. physically tired and ready to drop as well. and it's only week 9. i'm going to burn out soon.. if i don't turn up in school one day, please visit me at home. 'cos that will be the day where my mind gives way to the heart and decides it's time for that rest which means constant ironing of the sheets. i miss my bed a lot.

ever felt like this?

********

the stog is updated. http://rivermuse.blogspot.com/

week 8 is over. (i'm not allowed to call it a break since it didn't feel like one to any of the SMUggers.) jam-packed with meetings, meetings and meetings. ok. wasn't thaaaaaaaat bad as i thought it wld be. got to hang out with friends and clear the constantly never-fulfilled appts.

cleared the lunch appt with sen at an italian restaurant. it was fun to just sit around and chat and simply just catch up with one another. and i was grinning at the desserts. ahahaha. sugar rush from the strawberry gelatin-like thing. managed to do the oktobeerfest with dc, cy, yw and steph at paulaner's at millenia walk. dinner and drinks and i finally tried the dark lager. dt and sherina joined us earlier but they left for a party after that. our impromptu-ness and cy's flirting with the ticketing auntie at EW suntec got us watching deuce bigalow, european gigalow. my brain rotted in the cinema. not a fan of crude slapstick really. and i felt that the first one was better. less "trying-too-hard-to-be-funny".

the the amazing 6 hour ktv. muahahahaha. it was supposed to be a big grp judging from the first email. then it shrunk to cy, dom, jt and i on the day itself. after abt 3.5 hrs, dom left. i've never sung so many chinese songs in one day. it was actually fun. (cheers to jt who did an amazing "you better not come home"!) i was just drained after that.

i'm ecstatic. roy from osl called me and told me that i got that gym assistant position. $10 an hr, 4hrs each time... if i work on friday, sat and sun, it's $120 a week! and i'm in the gym! wahahaha. one of the few dream jobs that i finally fulfill (the other is working at a gelato place and getting paid in cash and gelato..) wahahaha.. and i've been receiving positive feedback on funday after it ended. even though this little party pooper spent part of it reading her income tax text and feeling miserable. the sky threatened to rain but it didn't! yay! attendance was better than i expected. at the end of it, ppl were tired but still laughing.. some throwing the disc around.. others trying to avoid jx when he held the softball bat..

this is one baton i've got to pass soon. 3 more semesters and i'm out of SMU already. fun/sportsday how? it's not a "must-do". but it's a nice break from the monotony of studying. and new friends are made each time! will need to handover.. freshies... and now that's sch's back on again, it's return to the 3.9 in the lib once more... i have no social life once again. 7 weeks.. 7 more weeks.

i've been blogging a lot over these few days... para por que, no se. haiz. (in a bid to improve my espanol i'll annoyingly speckle my posts with espanol.)

anywayz, just finished reading some of my friends' blogs.. plus had a chance this week to just sit around and catch up with some. and as usual, i get the torrent of "i'm tired of being single/attached" most of the time. haiz.

to those who are attached: hang in there, my dearies.. God chose to give u this gift.. it never was meant to be a bed of roses. sure, the courting times were fun.. that mystery.. that thrill in not knowing what you'll learn more each day.. but work it out in Christ! don't lose that passion for each other. just as God never lost that passion to reconcile us back to him, we don't lose that passion to know Him more to please Him. and we know that all our r/s are a reflection of that true r/s we have with Him. work on it together!!

to those who are single: it's also a gift from God, sweeties. i know that there are times where u feel lonely.. where u just wish that dream girl/guy wld look ur way, notice u, fall madly in love with u.. and u both will have that perfect christian r/s.. i really understand that. but take comfort that u can devote all ur time in working out that r/s with God.. one-on-one.. u still have ur family in christ who truly loves and cares for you. doesn't sound easy but it can be done. i know it. i do it all the time. take comfort in Him!

one week break is finally upon the SMUggers.. and those who do not have income tax test on wednesday rejoice. a week of pure project meetings.. ahahaha.. not much better. and i'll get down to another type of mugging.. one which involves lager, pork knuckles and bratwurst. all that for one night only. and i can finally return to sentosa! tmr morning.. hope it doesn't rain.

*****
to you: i'm sorry if things didn't turn out the way you expected them.. or hoped they wld.. i do assume responsibility for how things have turned out. i hope you will as well. i'd be lying if i said i didn't mean to do all those things i did which hurt you.. right from the time things started changing. but circumstances.. well. i believe in Him. i trust in Him. i base my decisions on Him. you have the right to be disappointed in me, i guess. wrong place, wrong time? He's in control and i believe that too firmly to the pt i'm sure u're frus with me for leaving my life in a faceless Being. but i think you shld get used to the fact that i'm still going to leave my life in His hands. therefore, my decision sticks. i'm sorry.

You did good, guys!

i'm grateful.. grateful to Him for providing ppl to contribute to tonight's event.. grateful to Him for the ppl who showed up.. grateful to Him that we even have a reason to have tonight!

the evangelistic talk's finally over. i can't really give my 2 cents worth on the talk as i missed the first part, settling the catering stuff outside. response might not be fantastic. but it feels good. just knowing that ppl actually come down to hear the good news makes me feel fantastic.. just knowing that they are sharing in the word. as to whether they believe or not, i'm leaving it to the guy up there. so i just want to make some shoutouts..

to the ushers.. jeri and gang (is it obvious that i don't know who really is in the usher team? paiseh).. to the registration and book corner ppl, sheryl, jingting, debz w, mich koh jnr, debbie.. the song team, ben, gwen, jer loo, dom, brandon, evan, rita.. the emcees, zx and fel.. and finally the exco. well done. =]

let's continue to perservere for His glory, aites? Fun day up next!

2 more day...

Highest Place
Jesus Christ, in very nature God
Did not grasp hold of His place on the throne
But took on the nature of a servant
Made Himself nothing born as a man
Being found in appearance as a man
He was obedient to death on the cross
There He died, God, the Son, the Maker
A humble servant showing the way

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place
And gave Him the name above all names
So that at the name of Jesus
Every knee shall bow
In Heaven and on earth and under the earth
And every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord
To the glory of God the Father

***
What: God and Suffering, the great mismatch?
When: 7th Oct, 2005 (week 7 for SMU), 7pm
Where: School of Accountancy SMU, Conference Hall 2
Who: Pastor Chris Chia from ARPC

3 days more...

Knowing You, Jesus
All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now compared to this

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing
You're my all, You're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love You, Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know You more
To be found in You and known as Yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing
You're my all, You're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love You, Lord

***
What: God and Suffering, the great mismatch?
When: 7th Oct, 2005 (week 7 for SMU), 7pm
Where: School of Accountancy SMU, Conference Hall 2
Who: Pastor Chris Chia from ARPC

Love Thy Neighbor('s car)

the cars in my neighborhood are nice. oh wait. understatement of the year. the cars in my neighborhood are drop dead gorgeous. series of BMW, Mini, Lexus, Mercs, Hondas and Porsches. pretty pretty.

walking home is enjoyable and annoying at times. take today for example. i was walking past rgps when i heard an unmistakable low purr. it was an inner battle in myself to not turn back to look at it. when the purr grew louder and suddenly paused, i turned. true enough, the porsche carerra was behind me. *damn!* the driver looked at me. i half-expected her to smirk. *argh* i hate that when it happens.

and before i can get over it, a black BMW convertible passes me. i'm about to cry. these drivers know that i'm looking at the car. the shophouses and restuarants at greenwood greet me cheerily with the new orange coat that frames the shop names. all the momma vehicles (SUVs and MVPs) were out in full force. BMW X5, BMW Z4s, Lexus RX300, Honda Pilot, Honda straam, Mercedes SUV ML500. pretty cars belonging to the owners eating in Les Amis' Coq & Bull or Sebestians or Pepperoni.. if not they are lounging in L' Estaminent or having a Jap meal in the new Jap restaurant. expensive restaurants equate rich expats and pretty cars. of course we've got toyotas and mitsubishis in the crowd as well..

then i looked again. the unmistakeable golden emblem with the red and black streak and the black horse. the silver porsche Cayenne was winking at me.

i smiled back.

then walking on, a mini cooper passed me. i watched it and looked into a house accidentally. a dark blue Honda s2000 convertible was in the driveway. i was about to cry and another Lexus momma vehicle came in view.

it's the neighborhood, i tell u. my hand was nearly fully in my mouth to stop the tears. amazing eye candy in the neighborhood. i can only wish for that Lexus RX300. i don't even dare dream abt the Porsche. pretty cars... then a proton saab drove up. i watched it, a little shocked. i'm not saying that protons aren't good cars. it was just out of place in the middle of the BMWs and mitsubishi SUVs and MPVs. then two real estate agents walked out. (very obvious 'cos they were in suits, one was holding a file and one was asking, "which house is it?")

when i went home, i met my dad driving the toyota picnic out. told my younger bro abt all the cars. he grinned.

"it's the neighborhood we live in."

eye candy galore...

Alone in Lib P.R 3.9. this place is practically my second home, just as the old lib L3 was my second home.. or rather my home. haiz. updates on the mundane life..

just had spanish test on monday. praying that profesor glen decides to grade it upon 20 and give 5 bonus marks. then i'll get 19/20. 19/25 is just too depressing. just had my ACL test. how? i derno. praying that i'll pass. i actually know how to join tables with primary and secondary keys. microsoft access is just too complicated for the miserable throbbing lump lodged in my skull. got Ethics this saturday. after that, i have the Kenoki talk at Meritus Mandarin. fun ah? haiz. tired.

as proof of my tiredness, i had a irish cream latte from galilee cafe at abt 10ish in the morning and another german blend from TCC at abt 2ish close to 3. i'm still yawning. but then again, it's just me. hot coffee doesn't do much for me unless it's early morning where my body clock is unconscious. by noon, my body is no longer sleeping but longs to sleep. caffeine fails me then. *yawnz*

after the first week of school, or specifically the freshmen bash, i told myself that i would not drink alcohol (unless it's white wine from home) until sch's out. no wild nights in the town, not that i do it very often anywayz. but ws thinks it's hilarious to tempt me with deals at Eastside and Siam supperclub (SSC). damn. the waterfall concoction at SSC is just really pretty. but no alcohol. argh. the lobster meals with wine and steak with beer... happy hour at breweks.. happy hour at paulaner.. this dreamer is not very happy. and by some strange reasoning, i've been listening to partying songs.. songs that i would love to hear in the clubs. does it get me depressed? very. but i'm still listening to them. argh. i torture myself really..

anywayz, looking forward to next friday when we have our evangelistic talk. sure, my invites get turned down.. but it just pushes me to ask more people each time. it's not just for the sake of making the numbers. but i would love for those i care for hear the gospel.. to come and appreciate the good news that i have already. never been more excited. *bouncing around sleepily*

i haven't updated my flog or stog for really long.. no time to go Bugis and enjoy.. no muse to write stories.. i might have an idea coming up.. but it's.. it seems a little too personal to put up. will reflect more on it and if i get a story that ain't too personal to anyone i know, i'll put it up, k?

week 6. 9 more weeks to go. Hang in there, my dear SMUs!

Lord, grant that i shall never seek
so much to be consoled as to console
to be understood, as to understand
or to be loved, as to love with all my heart
- Band of Brothers









Part 6 of the series. it's a pov of Eugene Roe, the medic of Easy Company, as the men hold out the front line at Bastogne. they are tired.. too many are getting injured and sick.. supplies are low.. medication is even lower.. and it's going to be Christmas in the middle of WW2. and the germans present them with shelling time and time again.

the above quote was from Eugene Roe in the show. no idea if the real Eugene Roe really said those lines but they just make sense. given his situation then, he was about to break down.. abt to crumble. and the prayer was muttered by Shane Taylor, the guy who plays Eugene Roe in BoB. the look of exhaustion, the wretched dirtied face who's so overwhelmed by his role when he had no medical experience prior to the war. yet the character found the strength to console, understand and love more than he would ever receive.

having just finished the study on loving one another on tuesday. done my time for this sem. time to take a back seat for my group leader. this assist. leader is gonna smile and encourage you from the sidelines. anywayz, yes. the study.

after the leader's bs last week, wai asked us to take time to sit and reflect on the passage together. we always say love one another because it's God's command. while sharing, i admitted that i get very disheartened when i try my best to love those who are hard to love.. but don't feel loved in return. like it's a one way thing and not a two way thing. we spoke abt the importance of it being a 2-way thing and i felt quite at ease that night.

Yet before i went to bed, i had a nagging feeling that i was wrong.. so wrong.. i took up my bible again and started to read.. to read and remember. 1 John 3:16 (something with John and 3:16.. ahaha) says that Jesus laid down his life for us. and we were to do the same.. practice that form of self-sacrifical love. then i paused and closed my eyes. re-enacted. thought of the Gospels..

"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

i opened my eyes.

what a fool i've been.

when Jesus gave up his life.. when he laid down his life.. when he died for us.. he knew then at that point of time, he was dying for his enemies. not just for those who loved him. for those who hated him as well. He died.. for everyone of us.

how dumb was i! i keep telling ppl to be like Christ.. i keep telling myself that as well.. and there i was earlier, seeking reciprocated love before i would love more. how shameful. so when i turned back to my older posts, i saw that quote which i had put up in one of my posts in the early middle of this year. reminding myself to continually be the best i can be and more.. to not let others affect how i please God. will keep praying.. for me.. for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.. that truly, we will do as God has commanded.. to keep loving each other..

as for the rest of the episode. Eugene met a nurse in the hospital where he would go to get supplies. they start talking and he finally has a friend.. has someone who sees him more than just a medic.. but sees him as a fellow helper in the war. then the germans bomb the hospital just as Eugene reach to get more supplies. and he loses a compadre in the war.. again.. like his many other friends in the war. but he has a duty. to continue assuming the role that was assigned to him.. to help others.. to put them before himself. which is why during the way, you rarely see oppositions hit the medic.

others:
Chung Sean Vun don't like my wishlist... actually, it depresses me to look at it 'cos i haven't bought a single thing from there yet. and i'm buying other CDs.. considering james blunt and bsb. yes, u saw it right. bsb. i'm a lame-no-brainer love song sap. derno leh.. still thinking. getting rid of wishlist. and i'm upset. marty and mig weren't the final 2 for rockstar. it was marty and jd. damn. and no, marty didn't win. jd did. i'm quite upset. haiz.. but mig was good on bohemian rhapsody. i don't quite understand that song though..

just checked my gmail spam.. and woah ho.. 2 fraudsters trying to get me. right. like i'm a dumb ass. even if i'm dumb enough to fall for their tricks, i'm no fellow fraudster who plans to rob the dead (read letters for clearer view). i have put up both Moron 1 and Moron 2 emails and highlight errors which a banker or lawyer is unlikely to make. kaoz. wanna bruff oso kernot bruff porperly..

Moron1:
Subject: CALVARY GREETINGS {notes:wth..}

Good Day

I am Mr. Andrie Bramintya, Branch Manager of Australia & New Zealand Banking Group Limited of 1 Raffles Place #32-00 OUB Centre Singapore 048616. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. A British Oil consultant/contractor with the Singapore Solid Minerals Corporation, {Mr.Wilson H. Diamond} made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$10,750,000.00 (Ten Million, Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Dollars) {note: I moron also ah? cannot read numbers? damnit} in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.

After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Singapore Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr Wilson H. Diamond died in a plane crash along with his wife, Mr and Mrs Wilson & Sarah Diamond in 2000 air crash. {note: *crying from laughter* his wife has a hell of a long name too!}. Since we got this information about his death. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL {the moron must think i don't know what a will is.. caps until liddat..), and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr.Diamond did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paper work in my Bank. This sum of US$10,750,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.

According to Laws of Singapore, at the expiration of 5(five) years which is this year, the money will revert to the ownership of the Government if nobody applies to claim the fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Diamond so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.

This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names an address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of theWILL and to obtain the necessary documents in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 70% for me and 30% for you.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done bythe attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below. Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting
your urgent reply via my e-mail address
and_bra112@yahoo.com.sg

BestRegards,

Andrie Bramintya.
_________________

And oh, if you're wondering, i actually replied them.. will update on their replies.. it's fraudsters like these that rob the dead who piss me off. and very smart ah? email a singaporean and tell her that her govt is corrupt. bloody tossers.. one by one all bloody tossers, this bloody frausters.. they call my govt corrupt. pot calling kettle black.

Fraud/Moron 2:
reminder: this is a fraud. gosh.. don't fall for it.. errors which i'm very sure that a laywer in London would not make are highlighted in bold italics. i'm even nitpicking at some of the punctuation... tossers, one by one.. all tossing frauds..

_____________________________________
Barrister. martins peters(LLB HONS)
Matkins Chambers,
1 Matkin Building Gray's Inn
London WC1R 5AT

Dear, sir,

I am Barrister. martins peters, lawyer to late Mr. Morris Thompson an American who lost his life in a plane crash involving Alaska Airline's Flight 261, which crashed on January 31st. 2000, including his wife and only daughter. Mr. Morris Thompson aged 61 hailed from Fairbanks, Alaska in United States of America. He was one of the state’s most prominent native and Business leader. All these you are very free to verify from the web link below for more information and clarification about his socio-economic status until his death;http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/ and http://www.nativefederation.org/history/people/mThompson.html

Before the demise of my client, he disclosed to me his account status which is about £40.5 million British Pounds Sterling (Fourty million five hundred thousand BritishPounds Sterling) {note: does he think i'm that stupid to not know simple figures?}. He also handed over to me some vital documents regarding this fund trapped now at Natwest BankLondon, England. I was at the last burial rights on February 5th, 2000 to pay my final respect to Late Mr.Morris Thompson. There I made thorough inquiries about his kins but, discovered no one really knows about this fund currently sited at Natwest bankLondon. Since then, I have made successive attempts to get his next of kin or relative to come forth and claim this fund but to no avail. And as personal lawyer to my late client, I cannot in any way claim it unless someone unless someone overseas does so.

I must not hesitate to inform you that just a forth night {i think he meant fortnight} ago, I received a routine notification from Natwest Bank London concerning this fund, and the officials of this Bank issued me a warning, stressing the urgency for late Mr MorrisThompson's relative or next of Kin to come forward to claim this fund immediately or they will have it confiscated and forwarded to the nation's treasury account as an unclaimed fund. This is the agreement they have reached at the bank and they also reiterated that this is according to their banking guidelines.

MY PROPOSAL;
Owing to the fact that his only daughter whom should have claimed this fund, also perished in that fatal air crash, I want you to place you as the next of kin to late Mr.Morris Thompson. Like I earlier asserted, I have in my possession the necessary documents that will enable me to apply on your behalf as the right beneficiary to my late client's fund in this bank. Be informed that upon successful transfer of this money into your account, you shall have 35% of it as your share. I must also remind you that honesty and trust, transparency must be our watchword in the course of this transaction.

N: B, This transaction is confidential and risk free. You can only contact me on my email address :martins_peters1001@yahoo.co.uk, I will discuss with you in details when Ireceive your response. Please include the following in your reply;
(1.)Your Name in full.
(2.)A reliable phone and Fax number
(3.)Occupation
(4.)Company or Business Address

I look forward to receiving your reply soon.
Yours faithfully
Barrister.martins peters
Matkins Chambers (Attorneys and Solicitors)---------------------------------

A little something to share..

hope it's clear enough. for a clearer view, you can go to the website. http://www.foxtrot.com/. New Orleans, you're in all our prayers.

a quick update on the mundane ongoings of my life..

went to NATAs on friday. it was crazy. people on all sides shoving pamphlets in your face. i left with a big bag of pamphlets. nuts, i tell you.

i've been stressed out. never have i been stressed out by the beginning of week 1. this is the first year. i don't know what next sem brings esp since i will be clearing another 5 credits. QM, Tax Planning, IPR, Malayu, maybe AFA or AMA.. and if the countries are fun, BSM. (chants "Germany, Mexico, Germany, Mexico..") am i killing myself? i hope not.

Yet in times like these, i'm grateful to God for keeping me in check. i've been watching what i say, what i do more now for the strangest reason. which is good. keeping myself in check that i'm still pleasing the Big Guy in the Clouds.

----------------------

I enjoy waiter's rant tonnes.. his recent post is nice, "The God Who Drowns". i just felt compelled to comment this time round though i'm one of those writers who rarely comment on blogs that don't belong to my friends. he gets a lot of comments so to spare ppl from going through the long list to find my comment (yesh, i very hao lian to think you'll look for my comment), i'll put it here.

waiter, i don't even know how you manage to read all the posts you get. i didn't read those before these. but i do feel what you're talking abt. (and sure hope you read this one)

i used to wonder abt God too. when my granny died, i wondered where He was. when my dog died, i wondered what happened to Him. my faith was shaken by all the deaths.. but i grew stronger after each event in my life.

i have no doubt that you read the bible. why does God let people suffer? i believe that God's in total control of everything. the hurricane.. the 9/11.. even the bali bombings on the 12th of Oct (10/12). these were done by humans. but God overrides them by showing His glory through the aid that came to the ppl. He brought ppl back. even in the bible, Paul was in the prison when he was in philippi. yet he believed that God was in control. he wrote to the church to remind them that whatever happens, they had to lead lives worthy of the gospel, standing firm as the family of Christ.

True enough, we know from Acts that when Paul preached to the prison wardens in philippi, they believed and let Paul go. how can we then deny the power of God? the control He has?we'll never be able to comprehend His reasons and will. all we can do now, as His children, is to continue to believe that He truly is in charge.

so is God and suffering the world's greatest mismatch?

how can we say that "Jesus forgives and heals" yet we turn our faces from those who suffer.. those who need to be encouraged by the good news? christians, don't be hypocritical. (to find out more, can mail me and we'll talk abt it.)

On Saturday, we went to sushi teh for a farewell meal for sis. Ate sooo much salmon and soft shell crab. Think I'll be off jap food for a while for now.

On our way back from granny's, we started talking in the car about almost everything. Then we got to the topic of age. on the previous Wednesday, pop's friend was talking to me about Fortis bank where his wife works. My younger sister joined us and he smiled at her.

"So, you're the one going London?"

I stared at him, not knowing whether to laugh or not. Didn't pop tell his friends that it was my sister older than me by 3 years who’s going to London? To which my sister smiled as brilliantly as she could with all the strength she managed to muster up.

"No. I'm still in JC."

We had a good laugh in the car. It just reminded me of Mother's day where I went shopping with mom and my younger sis at raffles city. We went to Jason's market as usual and when paying, the cashier handed mom a kit kat chunky and wished her a happy mother's day. She walked ahead to wait for us while we paid. Then the cashier took out another bar from under the counter and passed it to my sister, wishing her a happy mother's day as well.

"Hello mommy," I grinned at her.

Back to the car, I was nearly tearing from laughter. Then my younger sister let out the ultimatum.

"That's it. I'm old and hairy." She sighed dejectedly, sounding rather resignated to her fate

Later that afternoon, we were helping our other sister pack her bag when the doorbell rang. My younger sister ran to the gate and a few minutes later, she returned up the stairs to my sister's room.

"The guy at the door asked me if I've finished university."

Guys, take a cue from here. If you see any of my sisters, just ask them how they are.

Leading BS (bible study, not bullshit) this tueday... seriously stressed out by it. and I haven't done my ethics reading yet. Yay... anywayz, no more clubbing or pubbing for me until after the exams. Part of the diet regime. Muahahaha.

last night's freshmen bash was aites. not incredibly fantastic but aites. got stuck at the door 'cos a ridiculously dumb group tried to dash past the irate bouncer. bouncer got even more pissed. i just stood behind the line dumbly and watched him scold the grp. then the other bouncers came... the coordinator, mr fk, came.. spoke to them.. spoke to us.. haiz.

after a few minutes, the bouncer came over and asked for our tickets. before i knew it, my friends and i were ushered past the barrier, the group being told off, another barrier and finally to the lift lobby. the bouncer was actually quite nice to us! lesson to be learnt, never piss the bouncer at cheena-ou off.

after we finally went in, we got our free drinks and settled down at a table, with chairs, courtesy of yd's friend who was scampering around to "steal" them from the bar. chatted with them... chatted with other friends.. then went to look for friends at the other bars. cheena-ou was noisy, crowded and smokey as the last bash i went for. left for home at 2.30 and reached home safely. yd, thanks for the smses that made sure i was awake. actually, i wasn't really tired and didn't want to leave originally. but i decided that i had a day ahead of me with the family so better to get some sleep. when my body hit the bed, i was knocked out.

gotta run now.. will blog about today when i get back from the airport.

A very normal looking mailbox right? let's focus on the thing i circled...

focus!

scary ah? they sent it to me again.. 2nd time round. so it was not hallucination the first time round.. they're tracking me.. stalking me... aaaaaaahhhhh!! at least someone's writing to me to say they miss me.. others just wait for me to go on msn before they tell me that. sighz...

i don't normally quote other blogs.. but this one is worth a mention: http://thebookofshadow.blogspot.com/2005/08/dating-technique.html

i agree with most points really.. but the "male cleavage" part, i disagree.. "male cleavage" will be viewed differently by different girls.. i'm not into thinking of my guy pals as having male cleavage.. urgh. disgusting can? you'll just have to read it for yourselves man.. it's hilarious.

Makings of a horrid day

- waiting 15 mins more than usual for a bus.

- waiting another 30 mins more for buses and taxis

- wanting to call a cab, only to realize you delete all the cab numbers from your phonebook zealously a few days ago.

- waiting 5 min for the operator to get you a cab (after getting the number off a hired cab)

- missing an unhired cab while waiting for the operator with celine dion's "my heart will go on" as the cab company's choice music for holding the line.

- gritting a smile while telling the insistent operator not to bother anymore

- finally getting a cab and told that you have to wait 7 - 10 min when your class has started in a location 5 mins drive from where you are.

- waiting 10 - 15 min for the forementioned cab with 2 unhired cabs going past you.

- paying $12 'cos it's peak hour and there's freaking erp.

- missing 1/2 hr of class (which i was in such a sour mood i decided to stone in the lib instead)

- no breakfast kaki, just a growling protesting stomach.

- buying the wrong set lunch ($0.40 more!)

- wanting to print stuff alongside a bunch of others in smu with one working printer 'cos the other 2 had crashed, only to have it crash as well.

- missing the bus

- getting off at the wrong stop

- trying to reach a particular location for 3 hrs but to no avail 'cos all the lines are not connected properly. then the people who can help pass the msg will be at that particular location later than me.

- headache, cramps and a whiny tuition kid who thinks i'm going to draw his geometry diagrams for him.

- insistent people who repeat themselves over and over again on the phone and explain themselves over and over again when i'm obviously desperately trying to get off the phone 'cos i'm in the middle of smth.

- horrible "hyped up" food when i'm expecting just plain rice and a nice bowl of hot soup.

beat that, i tell you. beat that for a crummy day. all happening in chronological manner too, starting from 7.40 a.m. and i had curry stains on my pants. how bad? let's just say today's the day i see my eye candies. note. it's candies.. not candy. 4 of them. and still a bad day. but it's finally how things fall in place. 'cos when i was looking through my msn list, a friend's nick was:

"when things are not going your way, it doesn't matter. 'cos the greatest problem has been solved."

how true. but i still feel crummy. i want my hot soup. clear soup with cabbage, long beans, potato, carrots, onions, corn kernels, tomato, celery and peas. steaming in my face kind of soup. those that i can burn my tongue with. haiz. hot soup hot soup..

i wrote one helluva long post originally. abt someone clearly ignorant of a lot that caused me to seeth with anger and be terribly upset. but thank God for my friends who still can remain level-headed in all.

(friend) : so shouldn't let it bother you. some christian would have given her the fuel to create this argument
(friend) : and what you can do now, instead of condemning further
(friend) : is to pray for her
(friend) : and show love rather than anger
(friend) : if u are struck on one cheek
(friend) : turn the other

i don't want to turn into the christian version of the ppl that i hate. i'll be letting everyone down. after holding on for soooo long. and i'm grateful that for friends who hold me down. friends who aren't afraid of correcting me when i'm wrong. and i'm grateful that i have ears and an open mind to hear what they have to say and to learn from my mistakes.

my dear dear family in christ, i adore you to bits. just be on time for our meetings in the future. don't really like waiting. =p

wed night was interesting. went down to phuture with the peeps like sheryl, gh, ansen, debz, jt, jx, yw, cy and gh's friend, raymond. yea. it was like couples night considering the fact that yw and cy weren't on the dance floor. i think they got bored after a while as well. haiz. too bad yc wasn't there. we were all wanting to see him do his "oyashi!!" or "i feel it in my fingers... cooooochi coochi coochi!"

saw familiar faces like siding, wk, lem, bryan, fk, kel, mich, val, tai hoe (pikachu!)... squeezy dance floor, a bunch of good-lookers as usual... but hey, it's ladies' night! so the girls were shifting back and forth between phuture and mambo. mambo was dead funny. gh was trying to impersonate the dancers and i was improvising along the way. but it was freaking crowded. after a while, the dancers spread from the dance floor to much further up. by 2, it was impossible. we left for supper at spize at river valley. i shldn't have stayed, really.. shld have gone home to rest and not worry abt the calories from the prata.

while i was talking to jt during supper, yw remarked that if he didn't know us better, he would have thought of us as shallow, just from listening to our conversation. i'm entitled to be a shallow bimbo for a while. but i guess it made me wonder what outsiders would think? then i paused and thought abt it. how unshallow can talking abt guys be? ahahahah..

watching lost now. it's really quite interesting after all. one thing that's quoteworthy in a crappy way. "love is the best way to learn a foreign language." is that true? if yes, find me a spanish or a jap guy. ahahaha.

FOC 2005

the theme? more than just a big fish. it was a time of fellowship, from the meals to the times of just sitting around and crapping. it was a good time, nevertheless. for the pictures go to my 3rd photo album (sidebar link). look for the foc 2005 album.

we covered the book of Jonah and there were actually stuff which the pastor said which i don't quite agree with. one of the strangest camp really 'cos honestly, i was trying to see what i could learn from it.. which wasn't a lot as compared to the other camps or retreats that i've gone for. a bit like there yet not there.

my thoughts on the book of Jonah? it's a demostration of God's grace and judgement. from the time that Jonah ran away, God used "free will" to work out His will, revealing himself to the sailors. then it was demostrated later in the belly of the fish. it's God's grace and judgement. thinking abt it, God could have let Jonah drown but He didn't. that's God's grace. however, i am certain that if Jonah had no repented in the belly of the fish, he would have died. that's God's judgement. God also shows both in how He treated the Ninevehs.

so how do we see God's grace and judgement in Jesus? in the cruxifiction of Christ, we were judged when we shed the blood of Christ. but grace came from it that it's the same blood that saves us. Similarly, in the resurrection, it's through God's grace that His Son now sits at His right hand and reunites us to Him. But at the same time, Jesus sits there and judges those who do not believe. God's judgement and grace at its best.

the workshops were interesting as usual. i went for Wai's ws on bgr (hilarious stuff as usual) and pastor ong's ws on the bible's reliability. i like how pastor ong could answer my questions and it made sense to me. wai was his usual crappy self, linking me and singleness.. hey, it's a gift, k? more on it another time though..

the puffers were fun to hang with. we're nuts but we know the right time to be insane. i'm just thinking of our last discussion on friday morning before lunch. everyone was engaging in the discussion, bringing up issues to talk about. then to end things off, alvin played "as the deer panteths" and we sang along softly. then joshua volunteered to pray for us all. it was nice that ppl took the initiative. then during free time, the feng yi came up with the "suaku" game. puffer power!

the camp tired me out. how bad? this is the first time that i've fallen sick in the middle of the camp. by the 3rd day, my voice was fading and sounding "sexily" hoarse. and i was just so drained, mentally and physically. but by God's grace, i held on until the last day, my voice only giving way that saturday night. mom warned me about burning out before sch starts. i know she wishes that i wldn't be so involvied in CF 'cos it really is sapping my energy out.

but i get a new unfound and unspoken energy just from serving the Lord that keeps me going despite it all. i fall sick, i take medication and the cycle starts. i'm never going to be ready for the 1/2 marathon at this rate. at least i'm working my abs. they're aching just from my coughing. pray for me.

last night was bad.. really bad..

headache, aching body, puffy feeling (and i'm not talking pufferfish happy puffy), sniffing, one dripping/workable nostril, one blocked/unworkable nostril, sore throat, cough, bloody mosquito taking my blood...

today's no better.

i woke this morning without a voice. after gargling some salt water, taking hot honeyed tea and the strepsil's cough medication, i've got a bit of it back. i'm close to sweating just frm trying to speak. and when i speak, the throat feels like it's going to give way and i start my coughing fits with that phalegmy feeling. by the time i'm done, i am in cold sweat. that's how much effort i require and how terribly weak i feel now. and my nose is not giving in to my non-existant immunity. still groggy. i'm amazed that my body clock still doesn't let me sleep for more than 9 hours despite my current situation.

they shld create a simile for me. "as sick as jun". i'm just sitting here, waiting to cough blood any minute now. and i mean it in a literal i-seriously-feel-damn-sick manner. talk about feeling crummy. giving up on a lot of good stuff today. damn.

ok, the camp left good and bad memories in me. will blog about it more when i'm less death-like.

- sickness aside -

i cried after reading my encouragement booklet. i guess it's just knowing that i have friends out there. even people who i never spoke to during the camp wrote in the book, like jer loo and stef. it's that human side of me which longs to be appreciated and noticed for what i do. and it's nice. i haven't been exactly the nicest person to know during the camp after the times i was sarcastic and at times shouted at them during the games. i let my frustration get the better of me this time round. i wanna thank the cfers who still make me smile despite it all. you are all Godsent.

Final Post before SMUCF FOC 2005

Quiz Results: Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) - Sonnet

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

hm.. ok.. how true is that? conscienctious, caring and careful. deep convictions. a lot of thoughts abt romance (eh, how else will i write my stories and poems?). choosy with affections.. ser, u wanna vouch for that? lots of female friends. how 'bt that and lots of male buddies as well? selfless and compassionate. sounds nice. all in all, the sonnet. i like the name.

-- quiz result aside --

to you: stop making use of me and pretending that you aren't. i know it's my nature to easily take up stuff and settle it once and for all, even if it means that i give shit to myself. i bleeping hate it. i bleeping hate it when i try to look for some good in the world and you just make me hate myself for doing it. and i know i will continue to do so and ppl like bleeping you will just disappoint me. i'm not masochistic. i just.. i just really wish for a little good in this fallen world that has turned away. even if it means that i'm left crying, not 'cos you made use of me.. but 'cos you keep destroying that little semblence of hope i have for the world. how you keep beating down my wishes and dreams for smth better.. how you just make me wonder why i continue suffering for people who let me down.

and you make me turn to the cross.. God is not glorious in making you bleeping horrible. God is glorious in making me turn away from the pain and turn to Him for solace.. for understanding that i've been put here to realize how ugly the world can be.. and how He's put me here to not be as ugly as what i've seen. He's given me the chance to learn about the scars that man create on the perfect world He created.

Keep smiling / keep shining / know that you can always count on me for sure / that's what friends are for / through good times / and bad times / i'll be by your side forever more / that's what friends are for

fallacy of generalization. that's not what friends are for. that's what God does. He teaches us through His will. and He's always there. He's the only one who keeps that smile on my face. He's the only one who keeps that light from going out. He's the only stable one, that fortress where i hide in. He's the only one who's seen me through all my good and bad times, the only one who has truly wiped my tears each night so that i may have rest at the end of the day, assuring me that through it all, He's there for me. all that even when i used to be His enemy and part of that ugly world. i know Christ went through so much more bleeping shit than me. but i'm not Christ. i'm not God. i'm just a mere little girl, clinging to the invisible sleeve of His so that i'll get through each day.

i wonder how much Christ cries.

Damn you grammphone. you seduce me with your prices. I let myself be deceived by you. you ate my money.. so many cds.. boyzone, andy gibb, the calling, jay chou, ray charles soundtrack and the waterboys vcd. i haven't even included the other discographies i've bought: sleeping beauty, dumbo, sword in the stone, ronan keating. and i haven't even bought my cheerleading queens! how? i cannot make it, i tell you. thank goodness they didn't have jamie cullum, waterboys 2 and the hotman series.

that's it man. my new shoes will have to wait until my next pay check.

i'm not broke or anything.. the discographies average at about $10 or $11 thanks to clearance. and those are merely all that i've bought throughout the whole hols. but i've never bought so many before. kaoz. i'm still in the mood for muzak!!

BEP's monkey business("don't lie" rocks!), James Blunt, the latest Craig David, John Legend's ordinary people, the latest Elvis Presley (yesh, i still haven't bought it! i want my rubberneckin'!)

listening to the Ray soundtrack now. caught it the other night at the club. it was interesting without a doubt. there was this familiar dude in the movie. i stared and stared and stared.. it's the dude from Band of Brothers! got charlie and the choc factory this sunday.

for the rest of the week, i won't be home. away at the camp. pls let it be a good time of fellowshipping. will update on the camp when i get back!

i've done up the music videos. yay! and it's quite a number of nice ones.. or at least ones that i like.

there's JC Chasez, "Some girls". it's the kind of song i like to hear in the clubs. what genre? i have no idea. it's dance/hiphop/pop or smth.. different from the usual Nsync boyband tunes. i have no idea how to create a link to click on the song you want. but the playlist is in order, so u just got to pressed "skip". yupe. enjoy this for now!

oh! didn't manage to try out the italian stew. the ingredients are ex!! wait until i'm rich enough to buy all the sherry/wine in the world to make all the nice italian dishes, yar? then i'll try out mexican dishes too. but my stew still turned out nicely. soups not too salty. au natural.

joyce, i'm sooooo sorry. i totally forgot about your party! i'm a bad friend! paiseh.. i will make it up to you, i promise. T-T

Biz camp was a success.. Formidable Reporter Girl is awaiting her lame black towkay t-shirt and goodies bag from Mr streesed-out wijaya. Ahahaha. A hoot of pictures too. I was laughing while looking at them. Check these out. (I'm sorry, freshies!) I had to blur out recognizable faces. For their sake. I'm not evil, can...

the bandit and banditess did not know what they were getting themselves into..


Fabian consoles Marion about their baby in his deformed womb


humpback of SOB!


"eh, why is the lamp post shorter than me?"


Kai's final pose before death


Hilarious accounts. there's the usual share of crappy camp games like "diu diu diu!" and the traffic light camp. The freshmen had to work out a balance sheet. This girl was chatting happily with her other friends from another groups. Then the friend looked at her, "you managed to balance the BS?"

Her eyes widened in slight horror and puzzlement, "it has to balance?"

At this point, people around her just burst out laughing. After a while, one of the year 4s walked up to us, carrying stuff to prepare for the Selling Game. Her face was flushed as she looked around excitedly. Then she put down the stuff, grinning from ear to ear. "The guys this year are damn cute! But they're younger than me!" she wailed at the end. I actually agree with her. es de veras mejor (it's the very best)! Ahahahah. I sense killer daggers from my friends but is it my fault that the incoming SMU male freshmen are good-looking? Not my fault. I just watch the ppl come and go. A couple of familiar faces.. A couple of new ones. Always good. A lot of those "I recognize your face from yday and so I'll smile at you" and "I recognize your face from yday and you're smiling at me so I'll smile at you." but wait only this bunch good-looking.. the rest of them all cannot make it.. how?

Got to know ppl during the camp as well. The Fleshies are interesting ppl. Had the $4 swensens's with them. *lol* always good, always good. Wonder if wee gay is a potential drinking buddy. Muahahaha.

Sa5ivers, Cheena-ou how? $12 for RnB. how how? ACJ5 damn poseur right? What to do, we're one big poseur family.

In school library now, working on the bondue FOC article. the biz camp has been immense fun, really. will blog with pics and all frm the camp. wait for the updates!

i'm crazy, i know i am... already tired from today's running around to settle "Underground race". in the end, decided to go for a little hair therapy. went for a $5.25 trim at kimage students. yesh, i'm a cheapskate. but it helps me maintain the short hair. and i'm tired of it either way. going to let it grow out now. it's 12. 48 on a Tuesday morning here's the event line-up for the rest of the week:

Tuesday: Bondue Camp coverage (whole day); Exco Meeting (7 pm to hopefully 10 pm. i'm hoping against hope.)
Wednesday: Bondue Camp coverage (afternoon); Tuition (6 pm - 7.30 pm)
Thursday: Bondue Camp coverage (morning); know there's smth but cannot remember..
Friday: Sentosa, beach therapy! (morning); Kimage, hair therapy (afternoon)
Saturday: Sleep!! though i have a nagging thought that i've smth on....
Sunday: prepared the stew for the 8th (afternoon); Joyce's party (evening)

i'm sooo packed that i have to arrange for beach therapy and put it down so nothing else can take over it. i'm going to sentosa! tan tan tan.. it's just maintaining the brown. ahahaha. Friday is my therapy day. maybe i'll have some time to engage in retail therapy. btw, for those who are basics-crazy like me? Hang ten is selling plain tanks for $7 for min purchase of 2 pieces. U2 is selling plain tops for $10. Purchase of 3 pieces entitles u to further 10% off. basics are good for school. cheap basics are good for poor students like me.

btw, vivace was fun, if anyone wants to know my thoughts. ahahaha. met familiar ppl. steve, lionel, llyod, lemuel, dave, eugene... got to rest once in a while just to chit chat with ppl like chia, lim, wp, hw, cheong, vic.. i like times like these.. and oh, my ac eye candies were there. i'm not naming anyone! *JT! come back soon! we need to talk!* mich eng, see lah.. go to NUS SoC. miss out on stuff here. =]

only prob is i'm dead tired. my family thinks i'm going to break down soon. apparantly, my face was green (read: bloodless) when i got home. that bad? and i missed "Hotman" today! darn. missed so many episodes already. anyone know where i can get the vcd?

my left ankle is aching for some strange reason, i've got a irrepressible headache and my eyes are straining after the new contacts today. to top that up, i was greeting by a bleeping toad while walking to the door and encountered a bleepity bleeping falling lizard. connection's worse than ever. and above it all, i'm wondering why i'm still irrevocably attracted to that pretty-faced bad boy who just shatters everything by picking up that cigarette.

someone shoot me.

i just don't understand why i give myself this kind of bleep. it's 12.50 and i'm still awake and blogging. the eye strain is gone. the headache's lingering stubbornly. the walk in wasn't fantastic. there weren't a lot of stars so the feel of insignificance wasn't as much as well. the bright light in the sky that i saw on tuesday was missing as well. staring at the perlini catalogue now. i need retail therapy. i need hair therapy. i need beach therapy.

ok. Batam's off. officially. not enough interested ppl. and i'm just looking for 3. 2 guys and another girl. it's like digging the beach for gold. forget it. the ka-ching will go into hair-therapy. cut-color-highlight. retail therapy will be settled tmr. beach therapy will be dealt with next week. i'm depresed. in the kind of mood where i wld love to just lie down by the rocks at east coast with a close friend and chat lying down until we fall asleep, the sea breeze being our blanket under the stars.

somehow, i cldn't pay much attention during bible study as well. i was trying my hardest to really pay attention. but it was just horrible. the eye strain was starting and the headache was building up. by the time the car reached newton, it killed me. not fun. i'm whining, i know. it's my blog. and for that spilt second in the car, i found myself wishing that i was with keita, just resting with him nearby. i'm nuts, i know. it's just. i guess that while there are many ppl who's company i do enjoy, there are certain ppl for certain moments. keita just works for this moment. i need sleeping pills. alternatively, something nice from perlini's silver will do.





thanks for www.perlinissilver.com for the pictures and the catalogue that they mailed to me. i'm just going to stare at it and pretend that i own them.