It's 2.30 am right now and I can't remember the last time I looked up at the stars. As I did, I remembered the neighborhood dog barking at something at the time I got home. And I thought of you. I remember you barking back in conversation. How you would go silent when we gave you a warning. How you would manja with your blue steel pose and melt me, and my hand would still make its way to you to pet away the pout. How you would flop to the side and guide me to scratch your belly the way you like it.

In the past few days, I hear your whines and cry for help at night at times, only to realize it's a bird mocking me or a creaking gate.

One week on and it still hurts. I'm still crying and I miss you so much. But I also hope you're somewhere up there running around with Baron.

I'll meet you when I'm done here. I don't know how long it will be. Between now and then, until I see you again, I will still love you. Happy birthday, my dear little boy.

Today is the one day that social media is flooded with emo/witty singles or gloating/genuinely "I NEED TO SHOW THE WORLD MY SO IS THE BEST" couples.

And today is the day I leant that poor eating decisions and lack of love will result in me missing the last few moments of Project Timothy while nursing a gastric attack.


No more apple and tea on an almost empty stomach. A diet life is not a life for me.

On the phone with a working partner this morning and out of habit, I asked him how his weekend was. He told me about his dad's birthday and how his uncle and dad revived their childhood band and it was a riot.

Then he asked me how mine was.

"Oh. Depressing. Cancelled appts. Tried to block out stuff and stick my emotions 6 feet under by drinking too much sake and letting decadence entertain me.. because I was going to murder my dog on Saturday. Cried so much that my face was swollen.. yea. Just peachy."

Definitely did not say that. Instead, I forced a smile through the phone.

"The usual. Friday night drinks. Saturday was nice. Last day of CNY where everyone is supposed to come together and catch up. Had the entire family over and company is always good."


I know that you're in a better place. Be good and I'll see you when I get there too.

"He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what's best for you
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
When you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart"
- "Trust His heart"


I do. I really do. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad too.