had a conversation abt knitting before leaving house today..

rush to sch only to end up waiting for a friend..

superbly cranky while in meeting room 3.2

went for mundane class that was... dodgey..

got upset with subway dude who was upset with me when he didn't get my orders. (1 freaking cookie!! not 3!!)..

waiting for Jeri to come online to settle QM..

confused abt "shadow prices" (*sarcastically*oooh... mysterious prices)..

talking to yw about food..

craving hot stuff (like soup, you damn pervies)..

still waiting for Jeri to come online..

thinking abt shadow kicking shadow prices..

very amused by knitting sister..

given in to cravings and cooking curry maggi mee

actually blogging about all this.......








Omigosh. i need a bf life. this is damn lame and it's still posted.

it's amazing what a suit/naval uniform can do to a person.

ok... not any random dude... let's take a slightly above average guy. likely to look good with a little effort into his hair, wear a proper tee and pants..

now imagine that same guy in a suit, jacket and the works.

or the all-white naval guard of honor uniform.





now girls, wipe up your drool. ahahahahahahahahahaha

i'm seriously bored in the gym lah... and when you get all these people looking all smart and dressed up in their suits for the official opening, your mind just wanders without thinking. (actually, "someone" started it.. JT's going to kill me i know.)

so when talking to mouse abt guys in suits, she declared that guys shld always be in suits. but if everyone wore suits, it would be boring.. and not everyone can carry it off. plus i've always like the all-white naval uniform. yada yada.. total waste of time blog but fun nevertheless..

something to share

taken from http://www.clv-comic.com/view.php?pic=865

guys, be nice to girls you see as "one-of-the-boys". sure, she'll punch you back when you punch her. she'll crap abt nonsense with you over a pint of chilled beer during happy hour. but remember, she's a lady, not a guy.

Gym Schedule for the following week:

Wed 25 Jan, 5 - 9 pm
Fri 27 Jan 3 - 6 pm

visit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

side note:
my dreams of walking the streets of Paris and Stuttgart and whatnot in central europe alone is slowly eroding. firstly, if i do get that interview with PWC, i would have to negotiate with them to let me off one or two weeks earlier. and i have the issue of my parents. one thinks it's not safe (thanks to the two idiot rapists/murderers who attacked the 21 year old lady in Thailand); the other thinks i'm being anti-social.

and i was just hoping to be alone for 2 - 3 weeks to clear my thoughts and be lost in the romantic notion of travelling alone and being lost on the streets of gorgeous architecture (or the relaxing charm of Stuttgart). even JT and adrian are against me going alone.. sighz.

i might have ruffled feathers with my post on the issue of going for exchange.. didn't expect esp since i did mention that we've gone too far.

lemme just clarify myself. I'm not saying that the people going for exchange are doing the right thing.. i'm not saying that they are doing the wrong thing. it's not for me to decide whether someone's decision was a right or wrong one. 'cos while to me it may seem wrong, the other party may not see it as wrong.

how do we decide what's wrong and right? more than often, we can't. we're mere humans and when we try to rank stuff, we tend to fall back onto the man-made yardstick. we're not perfect. all we can do is do the thing that pleases God the most.. which for me would be protecting the gospel by guarding it and preaching it.

which is why i chose not to go for exchange. i would not be able to serve the gospel as well as i would if i remained in smucf. it's the only fellowship i have right now where i'm encouraged by fellow christians. i'm a servant of the gospel, not cf. it just so happens that God provided me with this family, SMUCF, to serve. and thus, my decision to stay. thus me going for exchange would be a wrong decision to make.

if everyone leaves for exchange, no doubt i will be disappointed.. i would naturally feel left behind. yet i also see it as a chance for me to test my endurance for the gospel. i will not walk away from a decision i've made. can i expect this from others? i can hope for it, but i cannot expect it. we all have different perspectives. God provides, i have no doubt abt it. He provides leaders. He also provides assurance that the gospel thrives with or without (and i dare say this) SMUCF.

would i have the peace of mind to walk away from serving the gospel thru the means of SMUCF? nope. esp not now when so many wish to go for exchange. my confidence is not in smucf for if it were, it's grossly misplaced. my confidence is in the gospel. that when the exchange grp leaves, i will remain and ensure that when they return, the partnership in the gospel is still ever present. i would love for them to remain in s'pore and continue in this partnership. can i force them? i can. will i force them?

i won't.

i don't want people to serve because they feel obligated to the CF. i want them to serve because they feel obligated to God. i don't want people to serve because they are told to. I want people to serve because they want to. what joy will you derive from serving something where your heart is not in?

am i saying that the people going for exchange don't have their heart in the right place? no. I'm saying that if I go for exchange, it's my own heart that's not in the right place. others have their own reason for going for exchange. if i do, it's just for the love of travel. but my love for God surpasses that so i will stay behind and serve Him by continuing my role as a leader. my hunger for travel can be satisfied in other ways and i will do so in those ways, i.e. traveling for a week or 2.

will i ruffled more feathers? perhaps. but i hope not to. we've spent far too much energy on this topic. while it's certainly an issue, how impt is it? my dears, we've gone thru bigger issues and we stuck together. why not now?

i'm just praying that people will reflect on their actions and how it affects others. for some, they anger and frustrate people. for others, they disappoint people. i haven't changed from my stand though. if you do have the peace of mind to walk away for that one term, go ahead. i'll be here protecting the gospel until my dear brothers and sisters return. just hope i'm not doing this alone.

Gym Schedule for the Week

Monday 16th Jan:
7am - 11 am

Friday 20 Jan:
3pm - 7pm

Saturday 21 Jan:
11am - 3pm

Kudos to those who pop by for a workout during my schedule. Many thanks to jt, wc and tim this week who stopped by just to chat. =)

you like him 'cos he's nice to you. you have no reason to believe that he likes you. he treats the girls all the same. then it hits you. you've fallen down a little too hard.

i love and hate being a human. emotions are funny things that make life bearable and unbearable. all the frustration and anguish.. all the joy and hope.. oh well..

anywayz, smth's been on the minds of a number of the leaders.. so i pray that if you're a leader reading this, you will stop and really reflect on what i've to say next..

*****
we have been learning that this partnership we have in this gospel. and i value the bonds that we have all forged with each other. i understand if you have other commitments and i do not want to hold you back. if you have the peace of mind, i pray that you will take leave for that one term to rest and enjoy. but keep us in your prayers, that we will continue to be faithful servants of Christ, eagerly awaiting your return to continue in this partnership.

no one, and i repeat, no one has the right to make you feel guilty for your choices. i don't approve of certain things that are happening and how they are being carried out. to those affected by it, i really wish that things would be better for you guys. i really didn't expect things to turn out this way.
*****
i am disappointed with how some of us have taken action. i regret to say that i used to be one of those opposing the attitude of the first grp. but i've learnt that it's not the best thing for me as a sister in christ. it certainly does not demostrate the abounding love that we know of and shld share with one another. do not pressure one another!

we cannot judge anyone by their decisions. it's not for us to make their choices for it. even more so, it's not for us to emotionally manipulate people's feelings and make them feel guilty abt choices they have made. i beseech you, as brothers and sisters in Christ, we're not perfect ourselves. we didn't make the "right" decision. we made our own decision. let them make theirs too. stop harming the partnership that we've set up to protect the gospel. it's the gospel we guard, not CF.
*****

i think i've said it quite plainly for all to see. it certainly upsets me that this issue has somewhat divided us. the real pioneers of our platform created CF as a means to get to know more christians that we can encourage each other to build up this church as one in Christ. think abt it.. even the pioneer batch went for exchange in their final year! why are we doing this to one another? can't we just focus on protecting the gospel the best we can? for those staying, see it as a chance to continue guarding the gospel, helping your brothers and sisters who are not present for that particular term. they will be back eventually.

let us not be divided by something as insignificant as this and focus on the impt thing that has been won. Christ has won. let's just be good stewards k?

anywayz, the thing i mentioned at the beginning... struggling with personal emotions.. oh why do i always go for the "bad boys"? someone smack me..

pick yourself back up
fasten Diana's* belt once more
stand up
walk away

*Note: Diana is the goddess of the moon, symbol of chastity and purity. I'm in a Greekish/Shakespearish mood..

figured that if i want people to visit me, i shld make known my schedule to the whole wide world. so lowdown on week 2 of sch...

Monday (9 Jan) 11 a.m - 3 p.m
Friday (13 Jan) 9 a.m - 3 p.m (official opening of the gym!)
Saturday (14 Jan) 7 a.m - 6 p.m

as you can see, i'm stuck in the gym for the whole day on sat... would love to see more familiar faces that day.. not that i don't recognize some of the gym regulars already.. it's just terribly nice when someone just pops by to say hi, sit/stand around for a couple of minutes to entertain me (as tim and gabriel so graciously did when i waved them over).

i agree with some of u... the gym is understaffed. i may look like i'm lazing when i'm at the desk.. but there are times when i know a huge chunk of ppl have entered the showers. i'm thus resigned to the desk to wait for them 'cos i don't wanna be running up and down. so it was nice that i hung around a little after my shift, and david after his, to just handle the gym together. plus i learnt bits of thai boxing.

so... i propose that the gym hire more ppl! ahahah.. ppl like my job. it's not glam but the pay's reasonable (it betta be for making me wake at 5.30 to open the gym at 6.30). gab wanted to take my place. lem made empty threats out of jealousy.. but help would be appreciated. 'cos when the lockers get stuck, i'll be stuck in the toilet handling it. thus no one in the gym or at the desk.

i hire unofficials can? a lunch/dinner each time, not surpassing half my day's earnings. guys preferred. 'cos when the guys' lockers get stuck, i don't wanna go into their showers. got this strange stench. and i had to enter it twice today. girls' showers are strangely scented though. and if the prob on the first day (read flashback here) happens again, you can't expect me to enter the guys' shower right? the poor dude will never look me in the eye. if it's a cute guy like dk, how? i lugi.. (i'm not a pervie can.. actually.. i think that guy was dk..)

official sia.. moving on to new eye candy: dk. sy also not bad. ahahahah.. they actually have similar features. just like gb and jh. yesh, i can imagine the million wagging fingers going, "jun.. you very one kind one."

need motivation for work and sch. which brings a topic to mind.. SMU students lurve smu too much. there's an explanation for it! i will go more into it in the future..

Note: Read Memoirs of the Geisha and Da Vinci Code. And i dare say Memoirs was more exciting. Da Vinci was just more.. image invoking. more detailed. but yea.

A year has come to pass and another has chanced upon us unknowingly.. and i'm not ready for it at all..

there's something about this year that scares me.. change? but as one of the most cliche sayings go.. "change is the only constant". i can deal with change.. but there's smth in me that remains reluctant to go on and strive to go back to my younger and more naive days..

over dinner, i was reminded that the new year will bring new challenges and we have to grow up a little more.. but i don't want to suddenly. as a child, i longed for time to stand still (until i had my first sip of alcohol when i was sec 3/4 but that's besides the point). i'm still longing for time to stand still. i'm growing i know.. but i'm growing far too fast.

part of me still lives in the past where i sing on top of my voice in the sch with my pri mates... another soul lingers on untirelessly in EL6 and 5.12 that were converted into bridging grounds, both for the game and relationships forged. a bit of me still haunts pulau ubin where jer and ford entertain with ns songs. i guess.. what i'm really saying is that... i'm a little lost as time leaves me clinging to my memoirs.

i'm not talking abt physical growth... spiritually, there's nothing more i would lurve to be then to be more mature.. more understanding of God's word.. but emotionally.. i don't wanna grow up. i don't want to worry that i'm going to lose bits of my family to the grim reaper.. i don't wanna think abt dying cold and alone inside.. too much has happened and i kinda feel that i've had enough of change.

i don't need anyone at this point to tell me what to think, how to think.. what to do and how to do it.. i'm just going to sit in a corner and watch the world thru my own two eyes.. and pray so hard that God continues to bless me and give me the strength to get by each day... that i will truly be content with what i have and deal with each challenge that the world throws at me.

-------------------------------------------------------------
she's faced the hardest times you could imagine
everytime her eyes fought back the tears
and when her youthful world was about to fall it
each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of her tears
and the sound that no one hears
still rings in midnight silence in her ears

let her cry for she's a lady
let her dream for she's a child
let the rain fall down upon her
she's a free and gentle flower growing wild
and if by chance that i should hold her
let me hold her for a time
and if allowed but one possession
i will take her from the garden to be mine

be careful how you touch her for she'll awaken
and sleep's the only freedom that she knows
and when you look into her eyes, you won't believe
the way she's always paying for a debt she never owes
and the silent wind still blows that only she can hear
and so she goes

let her cry for she's a lady
let her dream for she's a child
let the rain fall down upon her
she's a free and gentle flower growing wild
- Color Me Badd
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don't try to change me
don't try to take away my space
just let me continue to be that child that kisses the rain
let me continue to be that child who laughs, cries and dreams.