i've finally edited my photos. the wonders of free online photo editing applications. whee~

the dinner was ok, i guess.. food wasn't fantastic. ok la. the prawns made me happy for a while. but i cldn't bring myself to finish the main and my panna cotta after that.. but the company made it fun... just seeing everyone all again.

jt can vouch for me that i had a silly smile on my face most of the time. not the alcohol la.. just had a very *erm* good view from where i was sitting. reminiscent of me trying to study in year one when he's somehow nearly always in my view and facing me. when i told jiali abt it, she grinned and remarked that he was really mr *nostalgia* to me. i think so too. *goofy smile*

been drinking quite a bit. my liver needs a break. i can't believe i'm going out again on wed and again on friday. fridays are hazardous. 2 rounds! i refuse to do more than 2 rounds this time. no more finishing up ppl's drinks too. cz thinks my capacity to hold that much liquer is hilarious. i feel used.. ahahahaha. not that i mind esp if it's free lychee martinis or tequila shots!

anyhoo, just wanna thank an amazing friend. think the person reads this blog. not gonna say who but..

if you're reading this, just wanna thank you for making me smile that day inspite of it all. i've lost count of the times i've disturbed you and scared you by crying. which is why that day, i insisted that everything was settled. truth be told, it's not settled yet. but i cldn't bring myself to tell you the truth 'cos i know you'd just call me and i'd cry again. like i said, don't worry abt me. i just need to start picking myself up once again. just pray that i'll keep trusting in Him. thank you for being such an amazing addition in my life.

really.

Who on their deathbed will wish that they spent more time in the office?

such a stark reminder that i have to devote my entire life to Him. Living sacrifice. no excuses of working or slacking.. or what not. i believe in the full sufficiency of His grace that saves me. i also believe in the full sufficiency of God to keep me going.. to make me want to love Him more and more..

to help those around me learn more about Him.. to grow more in Him.. with the freshman orientation camp... old faces reminding me of the good times.. new faces foretelling more good times to come.. how can i ever thank Him enough? may i continue to walk with Him, away from the scary world of working life..

Teach me Your way, Lord.

With a thousand different voices, whose voice will you listen to?

it's so easy right? to say that you'll not listen to the voices telling you that grades are impt.. to not listen to the voices telling you to love money, power and prestige. at least it is for me.. i crave no recognition. like the question i ask Evan, "How do you want to be remembered when you die? by your name? or your walk with God?"

She smiled and replied, "Enoch walked with God."

i smiled at her reply. it was simple and powerful. she saw the importance of being remembered as a Christian. i told her my answer.

i don't want to be remember for anything other than my walk with God. people can forget my name for all i care. but it's just gratifying to know that God touched someone thru me when just one person says, "i never had the chance to know her personally. i never even got to know her name. i just knew that she loved God with all her life and that's all that matters."

but it goes beyond that. the voices i struggle with are those that ask me to do things that the world would see as normal. to crave human intimacy.. to long for companionship.. nothing wrong with that?

but God's given me friends. God's given me Him! how can i ask for more? marriage is no more than a bond created by God for us to understand that He is our final and only bridegroom. it's not abt idolizing one another. it's about helping one another grow more and more in maturity in Him. if marriage cannot do that for me, i will never enter into a relationship.

i struggle with the more subtle cries of the world. not immorality per say.. but not recognizing the sufficiency of Christ is what that voice of the world is telling me to do. i can't. i won't.

Teach me Your way, O Lord, teach me Your way.

Take out your note books and start jotting this down.. SMUCF's Freshman Orientation Camp is upon us once more...

"GOD DWELLS HERE"

Details

Date: 23rd to 26th July

Where: SMU SESS

Camp Fee: $35

having gone for 3 of the camps and in fact, being in the committee for all 3 as well, the work that goes into it is worth it. even if there are few year ones. to see the smiles on those who are there just makes it all worth while.


ok la, on hindsight, pleasing God makes it all worthwhile, definitely. but that momentuous grin on the faces around you during the camp.. the laughing.. the getting-to-know-yous.. the food... magic. pure magic that only people together in the presence of God can feel. so what are you waiting for?


If interested, lemme know!!

Memoirs in tuas (1)

12.24 pm
in tuas already. the group is small and cosy and i quite like it. fine. damn ulu place. gul avenue. where's that? tuas la. i get to see the fat momma of a crane in front of me. quite fun. it's different from staring at pwc buiding.

was sharing bimb moments with regine in the car. like how she didn't know why it was jurong east mrt.. and how i used to think that jurong was in the east because of the name. that was in sec sch, btw...

it started to rain just before lunch though. absolute horror. 'cos there was nowhere nearby. we didn't want to go out with the heavy rain. we also decided that no delivery man would want to find gul avenue in the heavy rain.

and no eye candy here! none ! haiz.

so chris set off to macs to buy food back. i'm sitting here and hoping that karen doesn't get scared off by Bory, the amazing growling tummy.

which reminds me, i'll need to get all the tel nos of delivery places.. kfc, oishi pizza, macs.. only got US/rite pizza. omg. i'm going to faint from hunger soon.

4.15 pm
i've drunk my green tea.. but i'm so incredibly sleepy then i'm just writing things without registering anything. like anything anything. crap. 2 more hours and i shld be able to get out of here. bring home work and do or smth. i wanna shop or sleep. badly.

6.07 pm
finished my work. now how do i get out...

6.10 pm
ooook. not finished. they are aiming to leave by 7.30. let's just hope we get out of here by 8pm.

Was supposed to go to Tuas but by a twist of fate, I ended up manager-less in the office. And google is dead scary. I typed in "Sarbanes Oxley 2007" for research and look what I found…

http://www.approva.net/audittrail/2007/06/28/july-is-party-time-for-sarbanes-oxley/

It's a timer counting down to the 5th birthday of SOX… omg. This is hilarious. Three main reasons I can think of to explain this puzzling phenomenom…

1. Auditors are crazy. Like muy loco type of people who ought to be locked up at IMH permanently. The stress of work finally got to them. Ah the hopelessness of the accounting firms! I should get out once I can… at least away from staring at financials and doing computations.

2. Auditors are just deprived sad souls looking for a life outside the office. They need every single reason to party, even if it means celebrating the 5th birthday of an US accounting standard. Which also explains why our dept has P.O.M (pub of the month) where we venture out to find a pub, drag the executive directors down, have a fat budget and drink ourselves silly. Not that I've gone for any yet.

3. Auditors are cool. I don't mean it in a sarcastic manner, though knowing me, most of you would have thought so initially. My coy's been neat so far. I'm on the dragonboat team thanks to my rec manager. Think i'm in the team for this sept's race. My fault too but that's another story. I just need to get myself out of badminton and into netball to join Jo. I've digressed. But my point in essence is perhaps, we aren't as crazy or as boring as people think we are.


3rd reason is just super funny.. i'm hoping i will be able to say that 3 years down the road. :P

my orientation group at the onboarding course

I'm actually enjoying my work.

it's been challenging. my tasks seem to be getting bigger. from simple admin stuff to helping with checks of finished items for closure and starting of files, trying to figure out engagement documents and whatnot.. and the ppl are nice!

some of the old peeps also still around. claire, harry, chris, karen, wendi, ck, hwee ching, jeremy, simon.. new faces (to me at least 'cos i was rarely in office last summer) like daniel, jane, hk..

suddenly, i'm told after lunch that i will be going to johor for 2-3 weeks. i'm hoping 2 weeks. it means missing church for 1 week. i hope. simon wasn't very consoling when he heard who the client was. his comment?

"quite steam."

i also think say. 2 weeks to finish? i'm gonna be working 24/7 over in johor. i swear. unless they suddenly think that i'm hopeless and take me off the job. *fingers crossed*

sure, the experience will be fantastic. and i was hoping for secondments to learn more. but not so soon! i was thinking like when i become a GA1 or smth. not in the 7th week of work! super stressed. dun like.

how? pray for me. seriously. that i'll just keep trusting in Him with whatever life throws me. that i'll keep on pleasing Him.

on saturday, jt and i collected our gowns together. after that, it was to suki sushi for buffet lunch and laughs. but it wasn't before long that the reality of that gown and mortar board next to us on our chair sank in.

we started to talk abt work.. abt the world's perceptions.. abt prospects.. abt money.. the conversation took such a serious and real turn abt where we were headed to.

i see it in the eyes of the people around me all the time. those eager beavers hoping to show the world what they are made of. hoping to make a future for themselves. to prove their worth to everyone.

i just want to show God who i'm make of. Him. i have no future 'cept the one God has already made for me. Him. God has told me what it is that makes me of any worth. Him.

i'm no better than those out there. i do look into that todds' window and crave to hold that gorgeous white bag. i do look at those flashy cars and wish that it was me in it. the wanderlust within me longs to walk the pebbled pavements of europe or drive past the pacific ocean to go from SF to LA...

but all that is transcient. all that will come to pass and mean nothing. but He is eternal.

i'm not going to give up eternity for today. it's not worth losing God for anything else.

then i hear the usual laments.. abt being able to support yourself.. abt being able to support your family.. fine, feed your face. i agree that we do have responsibilities. but are we using God as an excuse to gratify our sinful nature? i pray that i'll never come to that stage. and i pray for my friends that they won't too.

i don't wanna be lost to the world. i never wanna be of the world even though i'm in it. and i don't wanna see those i love losing themselves to the world too. i know i'm gonna be busy when work starts. esp towards the end of the year.

~keep me in your prayers.. that i'll never lose sight. and i'll be praying for all of you too~

i haven't been in a great mood today. just.. grouchy. evan cld tell. gabe-san cld tell..

perhaps it's just me being ill-mannered and not wanting to grow up. not wanting to face the truths of life that i need to move on.. but.. gosh. i can't believe that i'm missing stuff like "foster's home for imaginary friends" and "ed, edd and eddy".. this is proof of my reluctance to move on with life.

am i not trusting enough in Him?

will i continue to hold fast to Him? will i still be that vulnerable little girl clinging to His feet and letting go of everything else? or will i become a hard nut that no one can break through? will i become power hungry and ignore all that He's done for me? when i stand in front of Him, will i be able to say, "God, I'm Yours. I always have been."

oh god. i'm freaking out now.

but thanks to my dear friends who let me whine the entire night away.. to just let out part of that fear... that frustration at my helplessness at this point of time. never felt so terrible.. i've always moved on with life fine. why not now?

just gotta keep trusting in You. let me keep trusting in You. help me keep trusting in You.