a seemingly normal good friday turned interesting.

i am watching the mtv and surfing the internet at the same time. out of the corner of my eye, i see my father walk up the stairs. after a minute, he comes back down and into the study where my mom is working.

before i know it, my mom comes out of the study, "Your father needs to go to the A&E. come along."

no other information given, i stare at her quizzically. then Pops comes out and with a goofy grin, he says,"I cut myself."

i see the bloodied tissue and immediately, my legs go weak. i hate the sight of blood. the last time i took a blood test, i turned green. worse still, my friend had to remark, "eh, no blood!"

God knows what the stupid nurse was doing. i wobbled over to a chair and was nearly in tears. then when another nurse took over to take my blood, i was still just as green. so given the bloodied tissue, i was ready to faint. my whole body was weak. i swear.. i hate it.

so we bundled into the car. Pops tries to explain how he cut himself and i was just covering my ears, closing my eyes and making enough noise to shut him out. Momsy said i wasn't being helpful. you kidding? i was freaking limp in the backseat.

when we get to A&E, we see other casualties. the wait is long 'cos the doctor mia-ed for a while. we hung around for close to an hour. in total, there were 3 others with cut fingers (one was jap dude who cut himself cooking, or so he told Pops). there was one dude in a wheelchair and looking green and in pain. then one banglah worker with a busted forehead (*faint*) and a lady with a bruise the size of a tennis ball on her forehead.

Momsy brings us to Novena for dinner. scoffing down salmon brings most of my strength back. the final double chocolate from donut factory (the only donut i'll ever eat from there) makes me a lot less weak.

in the middle of "White Chicks" on AXN, Pops comes down the stairs after his shower. he proudly shows off a purple/red band like mark on his finger that was cut. without prompting, he tells me that he tied the plastic bag over his finger "a bit too tightly".

a bit? yar right. he freaking applied a tourniquet to the finger. check it out.

urgh.. what a day, i say..
*****

i had such a strange dream.. it was comforting yet uneasy.. calming yet thrilling.. then at the end of it, happy yet sad... derno. sighz...

updates!!

1. Mellben with jordan and gang
Jordan came back. we finally made our way down to mellban for crabs, crabs and more crabs. thanks to our dear gabe-san who queued for us. very grateful!!! highlight of the night was prolly the added service from the mellben staff.

while waiting for our food, there came a sudden loud whistle. immediately, some people left their seats while we were actually still wondering where the whistle came from. then came the war-cry of a warning..

"MATA LAI LIAO! MATA OEI!"

the incredible auntie of mellben spotted the car park attendant. in a flash, people left their seats and sprinted to the carpark. it was legendary, i tell you. Uniquely Singapore, man. anywayz, i think i gained weight from all the meals with jordan. madness.. we had jap.. satays.. indon.. mellben.. super stuffed.

2. New Hair
ok, part 1 of make-over. not drastic makeover but i got tired of being bored with my hair. so i made my way down to Kimage students. now i've got red streaks in my hair. the most exciting part of it? my hairdresser was fabulous.

he was really slow.. not that it upset me. in fact, it impressed me. he'd ask me occasionally if i was comfortable or if he was hurting my scalp. when it was really bearable. he's a student, i give it to him. and the head massage during the hairwash made my toes curl. i didn't even realize it until he was washing the suds away. it was really comfy. i get lucky most of the time when i head over to kimage students.

at the end of it, the student took his time with my hair.. straightening it out with the hairdryer. quite fantastic. it was straight but not poofy. i had straight red gorgeous hair.. absolutely in love with my hair and adoring the hairdresser.

yes i know. bimbo moment. owell, i'm vain, alright?

3. ICPAS pre-admission course
2nd day. and it got me rethinking my choice.. my future. any regrets? nope. but i def don't see myself in kp for long. and when i say that, i mean beyond 5 years. i think the concept that 2 years is a long time is pretty warped in a screwed up way. 2 years is short, mind you. in today's fickle gen-Y culture, i can only shake my head in silent disgust as i watch the world take pride in its indecisiveness. sigh.....

i derno. we'll wait out for 3 years which is a moderate period and wait to see how things go. if according to the plan in my head, i'll be in the comforts of melbourne, studying and who knows, maybe going into the academic field full time. but who knows? time's screwed with my plans and secular hopes too many times for me to care anymore. still, a plan doesn't hurt. :)

and oh yea, the little cold cynical girl is somewhat back. urgh. it's fun company.. but scary as well. am i losing myself? or am i finding myself? remember.. remember..

Be it unto me, God, according to Your word.

songs are funny things. there will always be songs that "hit the spot". i'm a lover of music. always have been. always will be. i express myself better as an "writer". simply because sometimes, accepting reality is scary. you then put it into a song and make it all better by telling yourself it's merely a song that just happens to reflect what you think you're feeling. just because you look beyond the upper facade of the words and connect something deeper with what you hear.

Where'd you go? i miss you so. seems like it's been forever since you've been gone. please come back home.

yet there used to be a time where i avoided "superficial" songs that just spoke of love.. songs that if you replace the "impt" words with would become a mere secular pagan love song. now, i listen to secular song and reflect on the journey i've taken with Him.

Here I am banging on your front door. My pride spilled on the floor. My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you.

i used to be the one encouraging people with His grace. now i'm on the other end of the stick. praying for prayers to get me through the night. vulnerabilities pushed aside, distractions cleared from mind. i'm coming out of it slowly but surely. i'm going back to what i've held dear to my heart for the past few years.

Begging for a second chance, are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you.

it's even more dangerous when comfort lures you into a false sense of security, thinking that all will be fine. but when you sit back to reflect, you notice how far you've deviated from the course in life you thought you were living. life shld never be too smooth-sailing. and i thank Him for the distractions and temptations that make me love Him more and more when i realize my folly.

nothing more to do right now but to keep holding on, right? to recognize this struggle and to embrace it as a weakness is probably the hardest thing i'll ever do. and to continue to grasp on feebly to memories of lucky stars and promised ben and jerry's because that's all that's left behind. but this car crash of a heart will mend. i know it will. it already knows the safest place to hide. :)