As human beings, we know what it's like to be hurt... to be scared... to be upset... to be disappointed...

To wish people weren't so careless with our emotions.


Yet why do we not remember to be careful with others then? Because we are fallen wretched and useless sinners.


Still can't figure out why He picked me. But I know I am forever grateful and will keep working on this.

Trying to settle a.. for the lack of a better word, "distraction" in the midst of church building. And some thoughts came to mind after the meeting this morning.

The world's desires are very different from a Christian's.

The world seeks to be loved. A Christian seeks to love.

The world seeks ways to be loved. A Christian seeks ways to love.

The world stops responding where there is no reciprocation. A Christian loves even when the other hates.

All because of different motivations. The world craves approval from others to find its identity in the middle of everything. A Christian has already been approved by God because of our identity in God's Kingdom as given by Him.


And really, what a relief but hard deed to do. Just keep praying.

every Sunday I sit in church and I see people scribble during service. It's heartening to see people committing what they learn to paper. But I wonder how many commit what they learned into their lives. Me included.

In that pondering, I question how many have dug deep into the bible to truly understand and find the one motivation to please our Great Giver. I also wonder how many are struggling and what they are struggling with... so that I can extend that helping hand to remind them that they aren't alone.


Praying. just praying that I will truly live it out.

So I did something out of the ordinary on Tuesday. I went to volunteer my services for babysitting so that the sahm could have their bible studies in peace.

As with kids, there were cute heart melting moments and there were horrific moments. I left the room thinking, "1 Cor 7. Keep remembering 1 Cor 7."

Not that singleness is waaaaay better than marriage. Instead, i think both are amazing blessings and gifts from God. But their difficulties and happy moments are so different. For now, i am not ready to give up the difficulties of singlehood to embrace the wonders of a family. No. Not yet.


Another thing I saw was how the kids reminded me so much of how we ought to live.

Asher, bless his sweet heart, was one such boy who modeled it right. He was gentle, kind, sweet, caring. He was slow to anger and yet humble to know to seek help and show his vulnerability when appropriate. Like when a little girl chomped down on his arm, I could only watch on in horror as I was comforting little M in my arms. We quickly called him to us and a staff checked the bite. She assured him that it was okay and we would clean it up and check again. Asher nodded quietly as tears started rolling down his face silently. But at no point did he scream or retaliate or get angry. My heart broke for his little soul and after the session ended, i checked on him again. He told me he was okay with a shy gentle smile. His attitude makes me ashamed of my own.

Then there was peskymon.. Or in my words, an absolute horror. This one knew he had power and exerted through violence and harsh degrading mean words. He deliberately hurt people to show that he had no care for them and lied when found out, thinking he was smart and cheeky. It was horrifying to watch him as he basked in his own self-importance.

And i knew the child. He was a different kid in front of his parents and teachers. Smart, always knew what to say to impress.. Again, it was all very clearly about him and how he portrayed himself to establish a certain impression with certain people. And it saddened me. Not only because of how he was acting. But also how I reacted. On the surface, he got no reaction from me as I ignored his attempts to step on my toes, both literally and figuratively. I was calm and nonchalent and he gave up quickly.

But inside I was steaming with unkind words. On hindsight, i should have spoken to the staff and the mom so as to correct the child and help him be a better person. But I just wanted nothing to do with him. And how often do I do that to others who I think are vile and don't deserve love??


Sigh. Hard truths of the day. Got to keep praying. Just keep praying and working on myself..