i need a holiday.

one where i'm away from familiar faces. one where i can spend the day just nuaing over coffee to rest from walking the streets for photo ops. now that i've got my Sony 550, i can go mad.

maybe i'll meet a stranger who'd sweep me off my feet and give me a whirlwind holiday for that period i'm away. a stranger who makes it so easy for me to fall in love with and, just as easily, walk away from.

i wld love to venture back to melbs again. my home away from home. but it's expensive. plus, i have to save up for crazy travelling next year. Florida beckons. Esp when mommy's super keen on flying business class. plus there's Melbs and Sydney (memo to self: cfm with jl again)

i'm just tired.


tired of being expected to meet close to impossible expectations which would be easily possible if the cloning technology was available to me. tired of lowering my own expectations of people. tired of being ignored by people whom i'm awaiting responses/actions from. tired of people who expect me to live my life as though they are my King/Queen.

just tired.

something just screams to me that working late and surviving on 5 hours of sleep will kill me eventually. that's assuming that politics in office haven't taken me down with the mutiple stab wounds on the back.

i miss the simpler days. where people aren't two-faced. where people mean what they say. where people keep their promises. and where apologies are sincere. i want to be a kid again. 'cos at least i'm ignorant of all this shit to even realize that it's happening around me.

i never meant for this to be a long post but geez, there's only so much a girl can take. you tell me that i am crazily positive and with an incredible attitude. you tell me that i'm carefree. you make me out to be such a bundle of sunshine. then you take me down by telling me that you think i'm useless and close to be hopeless.

even the sun burns out

even angels fall


and in the middle of all this, i hear malicious gossip that i'm not on good terms with people and i'm cocky. seriously? the last time that happened, it was in.. oh wait... UNI. and everytime, it happens because of people who i either do not know well or do not know AT ALL.

i've been called names by these people... proud.. rude.. selective with people i hang out (i.e. my monday night bus buddies who happen to be some of the popular jocks 'cos hey, that's the time SPORTS CCAS ALL END.).. arrogant.. a bitch.. even names that suggest i don't have any female friends and only guy friends.. now there's cocky to add to the list.

whatever for? just because i'm confident? if it is, i admit, i don't know where i get my confidence from except from God. i don't know for what reasons i can attribute my confidence to. all i know is that if i don't believe in myself, it's people like you who'll take me down. and i refuse to let you interfere with my life and wreck it for me.


Never. i've been through too much shit to let you win at any point of my life.


i'm not proud of the names or characteristics that have been attributed to me. the ego in me takes pride in the fact that you let me affect your life so badly that you see the need to take me down. and if you think i'd reciprocate, please... that's beneath me. i have no reason to take anyone down.

plus i don't believe anyone else other than God has the power to destroy my life. and i don't give a shit about why you think you need to mess up my life. i don't care for the reasons you give yourself to screw up my life. i care for your lack of self confidence. perhaps that's why i'm arrogant and cocky..


my friends expect me to retaliate. close friends know i can tear someone down in a rather merciless and cryptically humorous manner. i know what i'm capable of. heck, i've got my connections. but i won't. i have no reason. but i worry that you're killing yourself slowly by letting me be your insecurity. seriously, i am no one that important and powerful enough to affect your life. i'm not God.

sigh. what a rant.

i want to return to those days where i can care for a person and know that they'd just accept it, rather than think i've got other ulterior motives. my only motive for caring? because of God. i have no other reason to do good to you other than the fact that God commands me to. and i obey. 'cos He's God.

***
i'm still praying. i'm still holding on to You. i promise i never left Your side. i've been disobedient. a wild precocious little girl. Your willful little child. i'm not coming back. i can't. simply because i never left. just give me time to sort this out now. i'm sorry, You.

incredibly grateful for a day that didn't start out well. ah nuts, i didn't expect the morning to be good anyway. but oh gosh. the rest of the day?

amazing. simply amazing.

caught up with friends, old and new. coffee.. tea... cakes.. gelato.. prata.. it was just.. amazing.


thank you for the smses.. the fb msgs..

the many many hugs..


thank you. :)

Are there are times when your accounting company drives you mad? like how they insist that every sheet of paper that you print needs to be tracked and credited to the 'sacrificial lamb/pigeon'? and more often then not, you find that you become that sacrificial lamb or pigeon. and your blood (aka salary) is depleting faster than expected.

fear not, i thought of three ways of getting out of the hot pot and being turned into kambeng or bamboo pigeon stew.

Credit it to the source
firstly, who's the source? let's say the person printing it is the source. highly likely that it's you. but you protest, "i'm printing 'cos my manager wants to review it!"

the manager then insists that he/she reviews it 'cos the big boss wants them to review it first. so it's the big boss.

but the big boss will insist that he's reviewing it to give the clients assurance.

but you can't overcharge the client! what about recovery of the job? GG-fied. it's a never ending cycle of who's to be blamed, usually you. Hence, i propose hanging the big bosses' staff passes at the printers though. staff welfare at its best, really.

no? moving on...

Don't Print
really. don't. think of the ink costs. the toners. heck, we save space by not having a printer. and the environement too! let everything be in soft copy. or bleeping hand-written. can't read? refer to soft copy.

even better, our clients wld be most impressed at our sincerity that every friggin' work presented to them is hand-written, including the hardcopy presentation slides for their reference. no more printed P&P. we'll send you the entire thing in soft copy. plus a pretty cover page from our image library. we'll even throw in free consultation as to the weight of the paper that they shld print on. 100 gsm will suffice. perhaps 180gsm for cover page.

ok, perhaps being anal here. final goods can be printed. it will be charged to the client rightfully. but all the work in the middle for reviewing? soft copy or hand-written: managers need to state their preferences.

Quit
nab the bugger in the bud. go for the reason you're in this scrap, i.e. the structure of company. solves everything right? but you say, "if i quit, where do i go? i've gotten all this knowledge! i need to share it with the world! i love what i'm doing!" (oh you poor deluded little creature..)

then join my firm. pure partnership. it's not open to just anyone. no, you have to pass the interview.. meet the requirements.. one of which is how you say the company's name with your own personal style and flair. try it. say it.




"Lim Pei Mai Gong! Ku Ku Partners."

(loosely translated to "your father don't want to say! siao partners")




now if you have succeeded in saying that with your long-nailed pinky stuck out defiantly and without laughing, send me your resume. danchiu.