Reuben's Blog Entry

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Death has a way of making partings seem like they never happened. You don't have to say goodbye, you don't have to worry about sending the person off.

But you know that unlike the friends that leave you, they won't have a chance to be happy. And maybe thats all you want for those whom you spent time with in your life but have left you - for them to be happy.

*******

i never knew any of the 5 dragonboaters. i have no idea how their families and friends are taking it. i am in no place to say i understand how they feel. i don't. at all.

but i know friends who know them. and it's enough for me to feel grief. to just know that a dragonboat team lost 5 of their members is painful already.


that's how it is with humans right? we can be bitches. we can be mean, cynical, bitter. we can be insensitive, thoughtless and cruel.

but we can also feel for those around us. that a simple chain of connection.. a simple similar thought.. that causes that simple thread of life to connect us nevertheless.

that while we cannot say we know exactly how people feel after a tragic loss. that while we cannot say we know the extent of their grief 'cos to do so would be a scandal- one that makes the pain so trivial.

but because of that one thing that we all have, we feel for each other. we feel pain and grief in different degrees but that ache in the heart tugs and nags at us and makes us cry even when we are supposed to be the ones consoling those who are in need of relief.

just because we are humans.

finally had the chance to go back to church today. and a verse is just echoing in my head now..

"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:15

something that's been bugging me.. this selfish desire to leave everything behind.. to start afresh. literally to start all over again.

i've been honestly thinking about overseas ministry. to pick everything up and go overseas. but i see the many opportunities at home already. is it selfish of me to want to uproot and do ministry somewhere else?

just that for the past one week, i've been thinking of that church at zhongnan station, near where i stayed when i was in taipei. started when reg asked if i ever considered going overseas to work or live. i mentioned melbourne. i've always wanted to go melbourne to work and live 'cos of the theological exposure i know i will get there..

and what happens to that exposure?

i wanna give back. i wanna serve to give people that exposure. a easy route would just to come back home and help out with PT, right? then the little church came to mind. i wld see the older folk leave the church at night when i'm going back to rest. to see them serve.. my heart goes out to them..

and i know the level of biblical exposure they get there is nothing like what we get here. and i just want to be there.. maybe it's just self-satisfaction on my part. just me trying to find a place when i know i'm contributing and feeling good about myself because i know i'm helping out.

oh to get my hands on a chinese bible.. and to stop people from laughing at me when i speak mandarin. haiz.

anywayz, back to the verse... wld be nice to get it tattooed on the right edge of my right foot tarsel.. to remind me to keep on moving for Him. :)

my fantastic little sister never fails to amuse me. first, she had her whole neeewdles thingy with noodles.. then there was the story of sunflower seed factories that make use of hamsters to shell the seeds. ("how else do you think the seeds come out so pretty and saltily flavorered?" i managed to ask with a freaking straight face. i rock.)

tonight, while watching news, my mom remarked that her blackberry did not have predictive texting. i nodding, as if she was stating the obvious. wasn't she? then little did i know, she was actually wondering why her blackberry didn't have predictive text.. which made the whole night even funnier.

after a while, my younger sister came out from the kitchen and looked at my mom.

"Where's your blueberry?"

now, i honestly thought it was most selfish of my mommy to buy blueberries and not tell me. my mom just stared at my younger sister quizzically. my younger sister had a don't-you-understand-the-words-that-are-coming-out-of-my-mouth look on her face.

then my mother collapsed, laughing. "IT'S A BLACKBERRY!"

*twirling hair moment*

i laughed sooo hard, i swear. it's just as bad as my 4 bimbotic darlings chorusing "oohhsss" when i broke open the macaroon at Menotti.

i decided that i shld get some work done in the study. after a while, my younger sister walked into the study, fuming. she asked me if i knew that the blackberry didn't have a predictive text function. i nodded. like duh right?

apparantly, she decided to help my mom activate the predictive text mode. (??????!!?!!???). i stared at her like she was mad. now, she's feeling like an absolute idiot and i'm blogging about it to share her fantastic little night with everyone.

my poor little bimbo-tic sister. *twirl hair*