Sunday's sermon was a tough one. Not because it was a sin I struggled with. But because it was a sin I didn't struggle with.

And most of the church don't. Or so it seems. But because of it, i think it has affected where people's hearts are.

I spoke to some after the sermon and got feedback. And this is what I heard from some...

"Isn't it obvious that it is wrong? Why do they choose a lie over the truth?"

"Why can't they see it when it is so clear?"

"Why aren't they convinced? I know I am."


And my heart hurts. No, it's not that they don't understand. It's that we don't understand the pains, struggles, fears, and despair that homosexual Christians experience. It's that we don't understand what it means to be put in a spotlight and be stared at, made to feel inadequate because of it.

Of course we are convinced of what was preached. It goes according to our thoughts. It is what we live by and what we hear. But we so quickly forget that when a sermon rebukes our own personal sins, we create excuses for ourselves too.

Yes, God has leveled all sins. The liar is as sinful as the adulterer and as sinful as one who has exchanged God's natural intent for the unnatural. And the grace shown to us all is the same grace. But we too quickly forget that the struggles are different. So incredibly different. Which is why I felt D's apology to the homosexuals for how they had been treated was heartfelt. Sincere. Humble. He knew that it was unpleasant for them to hear the sermon. He knew it would irk them. But he did it with much love and care. In a way a shepherd takes a wounded sheep and tends to the wounds while gently coaxing it to stay by his side.


May we be more understanding as a church. May we be loving and kind in rebuke. May we keep praying for all.

In the past 3.5 months of recovery and rediscovery, i had been blessed with so much.

The time to read the bible..

The time to connect with old friends..

And even the time to make new friends through colleagues and customers at the bistro.


And i am so grateful for all that He has done in my life. It's not about the people that keep telling me that they would miss me. It's not about the people who make the time for me. It'snot even about the people who take me and my flaws and help me be a better person.

It's about how He provided ALL of them and more to remind me that He truly cares about little insignificant me. From my favorite Tiger Beer bffs to my little monkey. From Uncle D to Sha and her radiant smile. I feel so completely blessed and provided for. That despite the aching feet and shoulders, I found rest in His word and the people He provided.


So what if I am broke? So what if by the world's standards, I would be seen as mediocre or even down and out?


I have all that He chose to bless me with. And that's really all I need now.

i think i've injured my right foot so oftn that I'm numbed to the consequences.

fracturing it.. then inflaming it after kicking the sofa... to now dropping a table on it.


i'm done with the damn foot. sigh.

Singing glory, honor, wisdom, power
To the Lamb upon the throne
Hallelujah I will sing
With every breath that I am given
I will sing salvation's song
And I'll join the chorus of creation
Giving praise to Christ alone

Today we saw in church the beauty of a marriage in God's world. About how He uses it to show us His unending love.

Today I prayed for a man left broken and completely anguished by his impending divorce from his wife of 16 years.

Today I cried for a stranger who decided that perhaps, just perhaps, this God who loved love so much would heal his brokenness and help him through this time by providing strangers who wanted to pray for him and be his friend.

Today I witnessed the beauty of God in a man's life despite the anguish man can cause.



Truly, with every breath I am given, I want to sing salvation's song.