another chance to kiss that much coveted title of being the champions for the A div rugby. thankiew, acjc. and i thank God that none of them were dishearted last year. 26 May sealed our fate, in once again, a one-sided affair where ac trashed rivals rj. cjc came in third even! yay.. unfortunately, i had no chance to go down to catch the match.. how was i to tell my boss that i wanted to skip work to watch rugby? i'll be listed as nuts. nevertheless, alwyn, as usual, had gone down to be one of the photographers for those unable to be there.. you can check it out on his blog here.

just got back from a weekend at sentosa.. will be spending next weekend there again, thanks to vic, robert and company funds. wahahaha.. following weekend is the cf party by the beach. looking forward to great fun and time of laughter, crapping and wondering about the lack of social ettiquette, a very bad problem when we all get together.. need to work on that.. ahahahaha.

sentosa's fun to go alone, i realized. it was cool, just being at the beach by myself, tanning away. later on, i was on the bus back to the bungalow, met these 3 dudes on the bus. cute? i would have to say, not too bad. *smiles* and all this was despite other pretty girl on the bus, sitting next to one of the dudes. i was standing. i'm not saying i'm more attractive than that girl.. but being alone does make a person more approachable and easier to strike up a conversation. i guess if they did that with the girl next to one of the guys, her already-loud friends who have continued giggling even louder. btw, larkshill is really quite freaky with all the old broken down houses.. and i had to walk past quite a number of those houses to get back to the bungalow.. jialat. all-in-all, a good time to rest and unwind before work starts again.

i'm starting to understand what it means to be "in the world, not of it". physically, without a doubt, i'm in the world. but try as i may, i feel a certain detachment from the people i once was close to.. ppl who are no longer like-minded... ppl who see my beliefs as mere morals and ethics and nothing..

i seriously thank God for working through each storm in life. i thank Him that i continually find strength in the hope that He has in store for His heirs.. the promise of Jesus.. the idea of a new creation where there are no more tears or hurt 'cos truly, i'm finally in that perfect state of union with my Lord and Savior.

i don't want the world to see me

'cos i don't think that they'd understand

when everything's made to be broken

i just want you to know who i am

and truly God knows me.. to still want to choose me in my state of imperfect as His choosen church. praise Him for that.

conversations in the office are pretty interesting.. we're always crapping.. abt ethics, work, life, vices, and nearly everything. we even went into msn.com to search for popular names.. then got to the topic of names we like. below is my personal list..

Guys: Jonathan, Nathaniel, Sean
Girls: Claudine, Maia, Josephine

just like how the names sound. made a mistake of saying Daniel the last time.. got confused 'cos Daniel and Nathaniel have the same meaning actually. anywayz, i'm not going to make the mistake of saying that my future husband has to have one of those names... if the situation turns out like Siding's, hilarity ensues, i tell ya. who knew we had a cedric in sch? hee hee.

listening to Damien Rice today.. just got home from bible study... so far.. not too bad a day. tmr's dress down.. then got the retreat this weekend.. let's pray that it'll be a fruitful time of fellowship, ppl!

got back from a fantastic buffet dinner at Triple 3 in Meritus Mandarin.. dessert was like a new course on itself. the usual fresh fruits.. along with strawberries next to a small chocolate fountain, various homemade chocolates: dark chocolate with mint filling that floored me; coffee choc that got me high; almond stick choc that made me grin like silly.. plus various cakes like tiramisu, creme brulee, dark chocolate thick bread pudding.. adorable fruit tarts.. puddings with a hint of rum and chocolate fudge, some with sago.. and the most adorable chocolate mousse that i've ever seen which sent me to an all-time nut, smiling at the little white dish. you can't imagine how bloated i was just from desserts..

tried nearly all the meat (one piece each only!).. the picatte turkey, herbed duck, roast beef, honey ham, sashimi, cold soba, baked potato (fine, the last two aren't meat) and had so much lobster!! one full lobster if you think abt it.. half a spicy lobster and half a black pepper one.. i'm quite stuffed and feeling fat now.. haven't counted the vegetable soup even.. can u imagine if i had gone for the lobster bisque? i wldn't be sitting here typing.. i would lying down and typing.

to think this morning started out crummy.. didn't feel too good.. like some nagging inner depression slowly seeping out and destroying my day slowly... it got worse until i reached heeren.. met this nice shopkeeper.. think he's gay... but he's an amazing designer.. his clothes are gorgeous and i was tempted to ask him to design a corduroy jacket for me. if my funds had allowed for it, i would have gone completely bonkers... there was an adorable pink jacket.. and a really nice dressy black top which would be amazing with jeans and a slightly flare soft black floral skirt. i had to restrain myself from trying on more skirts.. in the end, he brought out smth he thought i would like. and boy was he correct! skirt with embroidery.. i bought it in the end. ahahah.. $70!! urgh

oh.. there were a bunch of dudes walking around and singing during dinner.. amazing singers.. they serenaded our table with "besame mucho" (listening to it now! luis miguel all the way!!) and "something stupid" (frank sinatra rocks!!).. hee hee.. later, we overheard them doing "sway". amazing stuff.. good dinner.. just wish they had returned to our table again.. then i would ask for "emotions" by beegees and "that's amore" by dean martin. hee hee. oh well.. contented tonight.. feeling better. thanks to those who prayed for me and spoke to me to comfort me!

think i'll be visiting that shop at heeren again.. Benno La Mode. the shopkeeper had quickly figured out that i'm a T-shirt and jeans girl.. and he seemed pleased that i was willing to wear more feminine clothes.. just to "try it out for fun" and both of us were laughing when i said that my friends would get a rude shock. he agreed readily. sighz.. i like how my days end nicely.. and daryl's seriously nuts.. i'm worrying for him.. the way he sits up and waves at sean everytime sean walks past.. yesh, daryl, u are damn weird. i hope they read the email i sent to you which called you a moron.. ahahahha

And finally the silence

Looking out, looking back across the sky

Trying to find a meaning

Knowing that I just left it all behind

Still I smell a lingering softness

Where did she go, how did she go

I wanna, wanna know

I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

Come on

Without you, I'll never feel the love inside of me

Come on, you know that we belong

Come on, come on, come on, come on

Thinking back before her

I never knew the meaning of alone

Still the flag is feeling foreign

I live the day to escape into a phone

Speaking of a world not real then

Where did she go, how did she go

I wanna, wanna know

I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Cause she's sharp for kisses

And my heart misses

She's coming

She's coming here to me

I'm needing

Desiring to kiss her now

I'm living for her

Breathing for her

Singing for her fairytale

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Come on

Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me

Come on, come on, come on, come on

Come on

- Ben Jelen "Come on"

***

Daryl's right.. all i need is for that special someone to serenade me and i'm lost.

especially now when i'm down and out, i'm just looking for that "teddy lawrence" that i'm looking for..

one that plays the guitar (Keith Urban "I wanna be your everything"), the piano (Ben Jelen "Come on") and melts (Clay Aiken "the way" Ronan Keating "Baby Can I Hold You Tonight")


little prayer..


secret wish..


to my darling cfers: thank you for always lifting my spirits at the end of the night before i log off.

burnt.. burnt.. my shoulders hurt after tanning.. either i didn't put enough sunblock or it's no longer effective.. time to bring out the new bottle hiding in the cupboard.. and i look like i got punched. sighz.. and i'm controlling my shopping now.. awaiting the GSS.. then bangkok trip in july.

past week's been ok.. fun even.. work's interesting during the project.. we get to know more ppl as we go along.. hee hee. just finished reading band of brothers today. got 2 new cds... ronan keating's greatest hits and damien rice's O. listening to damien now actually.. interesting songs.. like cannonball and blower's daughter, the two more known songs from him. then went for dinner just now.. buffet.. ate quite a bit to make up for lunch.. then traded cds with sis for the night.. listening to ben jelen now 'cos just ended the damien list.. i have enough moolah to get the BoB dvd!! yay. happy happy joy joy.

blower's daughter is a really sweet song.. it's a kind of song where i want that someone special to sit, strum and sing to me.. hee hee. but cannonball.. i really like the lyrics.. esp the line, "so come on, courage, teach me to be shy." and i seriously adore oxymorons.. hee hee.. honestly, if you don't know courage, you'll never know shyness... just like you'll never know joy until you experience pain.. love until you experience hate. anywayz, my 21st was normal.. had cake at home.. i don't think i wanna count the number of cakes i've had and will be having in may man.. depressing. ahahaha

monday, 9th May... one of the most amazing days of my life. in the morning, saw the cutest redhead on the mrt. one of those with looks that just grow on u.. and when i say redhead, i mean a natural redhead. and he's got amazingly crystal blue eyes that look nearly wonderfully gray. ahahah.. and at that pt of time, i was listening to clay aiken's "the way" (another redhead before he turned brunette).. and it had reached my fave verse.

there's something 'bt how you steal my mind

smth 'bt the way that i whisper your name when i'm asleep

maybe it's the look you get in your eyes

maybe it's the way it makes me feel to see you smile

unknowingly, i smiled and when i looked up, he was looking at me. then he smiled in return. then when i was looking at his reflection in the mrt pane, he looked at me through there and i'm quite sure he smiled again. so i was pretty much on cloud 9. work wasn't as exciting as i hope it would. listened to "the way" again and sang it to myself.. realized that i have a soft spot for redheads... damien lewis, clay aiken, that dude on the train.. not striking redheads but ones with that gentle orangy brown glow.

later, went down to PS for dinner with the cfers.. was s'posed to be a belated bday dinner for ansen. then after the food, they brought out a cake... for me.. i was seriously stunned.. and found the whole situation amusing. the size of the cake they bought for 19 ppl was the same size cake that we had for 7 ppl just last friday. had a good laugh abt it.. got my gorgeous gorgeous esv bible with the celtic vine design on the maroon cover.. belgian chocs.. and a precious moment's music box. then staring at the jellytots and cognac chocs (thermin and his deadly cognac that left me giddy after the assoc dinner.. cld be because of charles' absolut vanilla and red wine too..) that jane got for me ("not a bday gift", she says). really overwhelming... gosh... i really thank God for such an amazing bunch of friends. and i was just expecting smth small on thurs night after bible study or smth.. and i just got a dancing pig from ansen.. ahahaha.. cute. reminds me of the e-greeting from david too. sighz... i'm really fortunate.

listening to "the way" right now actually.. just heard my fave verse as i type this... i've lost count of the number of times ppl tell me to keep smiling.. to quote a friendster testimonial:

"Junz is Miss Sunshine Smile! Blessed with a amazingly photogenic disposition, her smile radiates energy i tell u!!" - gw

really? hee hee *blushing madly* and i didn't have to pay him to say that.. ahahaha. ok, getting big-headed now.. need a pin to inflate it.. where's my dearest pin-popping sharlene??

my most vulnerable post ever

i'm in love with my fellow brothers and sisters from cf.. even more so each day... and i really thank God for them... thank God that they have been such an encouraging bunch.. for seeing me through each day with their words of wisdom and comfort.. even more so for the constant reminder to always trust in God.. to please God above all in all my decisions..

it's not easy.. to look at my loved ones who are non-believers.. it breaks my heart even more to know that they have no intention of wanting to learn more about God.. esp when i seem to shut them out when i get all "preachy". it's all these thoughts of helplessness that get me down at the end of the day.. then before i go to bed, i speak to one or two of the cf-ers and suddenly, life's not so bad.. 'cos they tell me not to give up.. to hang in there and perservere for God.. and it reminds me that i shld do what i can do.. and leave everything else in God's hands.. God never intended for me to be alone for we were created to be relational beings... and He gave me a wonderful fellowship which i adore to bits.

i don't think i've ever had such a bunch of selfless friends before... to have such a bunch of like-minded friends where we share the same passion of our Lord Savior.. and to help guide me back to the impt stuff when i'm distracted. it's funny how i can return home dishearted and seemingly lonely even with my other friends.. and coming home just to read a crappy email from david is more than enough to cheer me up and remind me that hey, i do have like-minded brothers and sisters who care for me.. then more chatting with cf friends.. and life's a lot brighter... just knowing that these are the ppl who will be there with me in the Kingdom of God. Thank God for being in charge of it all! =]

my most vulnerable post? i guess... it's really just me, growing up and realizing that hey, i can't do this on my own.. i'm not ms independent, not ms strong.. i never was, my dear sa5, whatever you think of me, be it sgt, staff sgt or master sgt (never made it to Lt...) i need ppl around me constantly.. edging me on.. i'm not the tough dragonboater.. i'm that little girl in the corner, wondering why ppl think i'm able to make it on my own.

to fordie, my dear teddy bear of a brother... u did nothing more but sat there that night by the car-less road with me while i cried and poured out my confusion.. and that was all i needed from u that night, the assurance of a brother to turn to.. to the previous ex-co, thank you for the late night talks.. the constant encouragement, pushing and reminder of the centrality of God in our lives and fred's long final letter to each of us.. heez.. to the current ex-co, for the late night chats.. simple crapping and meals and the constant encouragement and reminder of the centrality of God in our lives.. to michlee.. for seeing me through my struggles as a Christian.. for the reassuring hug that night during FOC that comforted me. Thank you, my precious dears..

quick updates...

1. going to be a reporter for vie.. freelance at least. yay.. finally get to write.
2. yesh, there is a difference between a writer and a reporter.. writers are like neil humpfrey.. their works are all subjective thoughts.. reporters are like.. my sis? objective.. saying it as it is.
3. JerCher saw forsyte saga series 1 at blue max in suntect. $240. i wanna cry.. where to find that kind of cash? fall from heaven ah? derno if can get david to look out for it for me in london.. maybe cheaper.. maybe.. *fingers crossed*
4. ah 'en.. repeat after me... "jun is a girl... jun is a girl"
5. i get terribly cranky at night. don't try to be lame..
(friend) says:

so its ASSUMPTION rite?
(friend) says:

you know how some soldiers in the Army died?
(friend) says:

because the commanders made too many ASSUMPTIONS

and no.. the conversation wasn't even abt military or war or even death.. urgh.. i just stared at the com screen.. ugh. and i'm cranky now.. amazing how my tolerance level is still low.. sighz.. i... just.. need.. my.. bed...

Got my "Band of Brothers" and "D-day" books!! happy happy joy joy... only prob is i need to peel myself away from the Band of Brothers book.. ahahahah.. gorgeous gorgeous..

and ok, i'm a nerd. i like libraries.. i like bookstores more that i will ever like diamonds even (and i do like pretty sparkly 8 arrowed diamonds).. kinokuniya has got the nicest bookstore ever since they closed the mph at the stamford house.. followed by Times at centrepoint.. kino's just got that charm of high shelves bearing unreachable dusty favorites in the fairytale-like setting.. where u have to climb the creaking sliding ladder which groans a little too loudly when pushed around but yet it beautifully contrasts to the quietness in the bookstore.. i'm a sentimental fool. i like the Times too 'cos it's got levels and levels of knowledge, be it trashy, boring or immensely enrichingly and plainly amazing. didn't feel like leaving kino even after i got my books.. but had dinner waiting at home. sighz.

decided to cancel currahee and citizen soldier off the list.. i'll get to those books when i'm done with what i have lah.. ahahaha