I finally went back to the water after so long. it felt so good. twisting until i just wanted to slack off but still twisting just 'cos everyone in the boat was twisting as well. just wanna thank wilson and peiling for being such amazing comrades, continually encouraging me and correcting me so patiently. esp after i hit wilson a couple of times accidentally.. ahahaha. the stroke is different from what i'm used to and i shall have to get use to it by next week to perform my best at the competition.

yes, i'm back dragonboating. it was exhilarating. the sea water splashing.. wondering why the boat was not moving as quickly during the power pulls at the beginning, then feeling the boat surge during the power pulls at the end... watching the caterpillar rows turn into one single paddle stroke... hoping that ah zhui means it when he says we're doing our last 10 power rows, then pushing myself for the next 30 power rows that follow... going to bathe at the national stadium, knowing that i'll be aching the next day (and true enough, my shoulders, trunk and butt are aching..).

and the meal after that.. taking the bus down to suntec as usual as we go to the food court for dinner. then two of the guys ordered seconds. i smiled inwardly. so typical of after-training where the men turn into hungry savagers. we later bought durians and went to the sky garden to enjoy it by a fountain while listening to dexter tell us stupid ghost stories in the likes of...

Mary was going home and bought her mee-sua soup take-away for lunch. Her boyfriend then came to pick her up on his bike. now, to get to Mary's place, they needed to pass an old temple. so as usual, her boyfriend rode towards the direction of the temple. just before he could ride past the temple completely, he looked into the temple. then he suddenly looked at Mary, his eyes widening and face growing redder with each second. finally he shouted out.







"Don't put your mee-sua soup on my thigh, can?????"

yes, dex was full of anti-climatic jokes. but it was good durian company. in the end, we play mystery number to eat the remaining durians. 7 boxes. 4 girls and 1 guy. siao bor?

when i was asked whether i was going to join the team as a full-time rower yday, i gave the same answer. i would row for the next two competitions in June and July and think abt it. but honestly, i don't think i would be able to leave unless forced to. i miss that feeling of knowing that you have to pull your own damn weight in the boat. that feeling that even when you just feel like lifting the paddle out of the water to enjoy the breeze as the boat glides just because you're damn tired, but you just keep on pulling 'cos everyone around you is doing so. you are relying not on your own strength. it's not abt you. it's abt the person next to you. it's abt the people around you. it's intense. it's worth the aches. now i remember why i didn't want to enter.

'cos i wldn't want to leave.

haiz. well, i've come so far. let's just keep going. =)

******
other mundane updates:

getting ready for later nights at my internship. at least the timing is not nuts. (sher, i feel so terrible for you...). found a cute t-shirt webbie. still thinking of which one to buy. i've cut down to 3 tops. "dark side of the garden", "Simon says" and "cookie loves milk". Check it out! fantastically cute tees. the link is also in the side bar.


i'm also working on a new blog layout. a simple one.. and oh!

anyone wanna go taiwan? before sch starts

i want to travel before the term begins and taiwan is looking very attractive. the idea of going to theme parks in the morning and night markets in the evening. hot springs even! anyone up for it?

this week has just been.. amazing.

on monday, i met the gymmers for a photo session in the gym. they then surprised me with a quick birthday party despite interrupting my racing game with the birthday song. then on thursday, my dept had a small celebration for the may babies. and since jenny had gotten my birth date on the first day of my work, i was called up as well. the cheesecake was good stuff.

thursday after work, i went back to sch for bible study before we all headed to zx's place for the retreat. ate so much during the retreat. after the tree top walk on friday morning, we went to thompson plaza for lunch and bought so much ice cream. i lurve that stuff. ahahaha. the retreat was tiring, more tiring than the rest. and yea... will need to get smth for zx's family soon. as a token of appreciation. can't believe i forgot.

during the retreat, the previous exco(+partners) joined us on the last night. it was also another bday surprise. i kinda suspected it already but hey, i really appreciated the gesture and the thought of it. the CFers never fail to amuse me. last year's surprise was good. i really thought it was a belated party for ansen! but this year... ahahaha.. fun nevertheless. we played cranium, ate bertie botts beans (i got pepper!) and sang ktv 'til the girls were deadbeat. didn't get to watch vegetales though.. haiz.

on sat, i had lunch with my family at Mad Jacks. the grilled fish was a lot! it wasn't fantastic but it wasn't terrible either. just.. normal. but the company made up for it. then after dinner, i met with steph, deb, jt, sher and dennis at alleybar. they tried to get me drunk. so after i had downed more than half of my alley bliss (stella artois, cranberry and soda), they bought me 3 shots of Mexican which tasted like alcoholic fruit punch and one flaming lamborgini.

10 min after my last drink, i was hit my giddiness.. with my throat and liver screaming at me. then the night ended with one tequila shot. i could still walk normally and was honestly impressed by my threshold. no puking! and i woke up without a hangover! whoot!

however, being one year older isn't all worth celebrating. i'm still getting nagged abt my non-existent love life. not that i'm complaining abt the non-existent state.. i'm contented with it... just as i'll be contented if i get attached. que sara sara; whatever will be, will be.

***
i'm finally going to get off my bum and learn driving. why the sudden interest? Mommsy might be buying the Mercedes B200. ok, i know people have heard me say that i don't like Mercedes. i don't like the usual sedans they carry. they are bulky and squarish. gimme me my audi any day. or a chaffeur and a jaguar or rolls royces.. or that white cadilac that i've been eyeing at the motor shop... but yes. the Mercedes B200 is actually gorgeous.
i have a weakness for SUVs. this one, in saturn red, is the one that's on Mom's mind. and i can see why. if i finally get my license and since my older sister's new job requires her to travel a lot, i may be entitled to car usage more on the weekends! *dreaming*

Ci'en's wedding was a blast. left with aching feet and no voice but it was amazing. 'cept when my dear CFers decided to call on me during the bouquet throwing session. it whacked steph (i lurve you dear! *muackz*). still, the teases didn't stop. i had threats to have the next bouquet connected to me by strings or velcroed to me.

all in good fun. plus i gotta see friends who i had not met for really long. Hon, Des, Vic, Kelly, Sau, Serene, Bok, Fred... and managed to steal some time to sit and talk to ben. it was nice.. but then our conversation got me thinking...

I don't want to grow old alone.

i know i won't be alone. i have my family. i have my friends. even if i lose all these, i have God. but.. there was this fear that struck me. I was wary of growing old without that inkling of what it meant to be in a relationship or even to go on a date. i am ok with dying single. i'm just fearful of what it may bring. loneliness when i see my friends with that special someone? i don't know.

God's sufficient, isn't He? perhaps i'm asking for too much. i'm just looking for that physical intimacy and assurance of someone loving me as much i love him. all part of being human, part of being someone who wants to experience what it means to be in a relationship of husband and wife, just as Christ is our groom and us His undeserving bride. am i right to say that? there has to be some reason why when i was highly stressed, i would dream of a nameless and faceless person holding my hand, where all i knew of him was that i loved him and he loved me.

Is it part of a girl's psyche to crave that physical assurance of intimacy even with knowledge of love so strong by a formless being that is part of her life? or is it just me? i have God, don't i? but it seems hard to understand the relationship between a groom and a bride until you're one of them. just as you'll never fully understand the relationship between a parent and child unless you're one of them.

perhaps it's just me. that little voice telling me to cave and to start "looking"... but right now, as much as that little voice is getting louder as i grow older, i'm also getting more stubborn. i'm not going to go looking. i'm going to keep praying that i'll rely on Him and follow whatever He has planned for me.

*******
my dear family is nutters. i lost my voice yesterday. it ached to speak and there was no sound at all. yet my dad scolded me for not picking up the phone when it was ringing. i stare at him in shock. with no voice, i could not explain to him. then my even sillier brother refused to explain it to him until he got the usual death glare. then in the afternoon, my younger sister called my mobile. i gestured my younger brother to answer for me and he gave me a "what-for" look. *smacks forehead*

and our once-in-a-while wine sessions are now once or twice a month. plus we don't just sip wine anymore. we have camembert and crackers. yday, we decided to try out something new. bought a cheddar bar from the freezer section and from the cheese counter, we selected wickham brie and camembert. we've got loads of red and white wine at home and a bottle of martini. yet pops got his fave south african late harvest (during cheese shopping) despite the fact that i was pointing at the bailey's. i lurve how the warmth spreads across my body slowly and how the sweetness makes me smile.

my voice had somwhat returned when the bottle was opened. wine, cheese and crackers after dinner. i prefer the President Camembert to that from the counter. the cheddar bar was just too cheesy for my liking. i was tempted to use the philly cream spread. but with that combo, i'd start craving for smoked salmon roses. the brie is still unwrapped. likely to be there for two more weeks or earlier if pops becomes fussy and goes out to buy his South African wine again.

that's my nutty momentarily posh family for you.

*******
i had my second surprise bday party today. the first was organized by the dear CFers last year. this time round, it was the gym staff. we had just finished our photo shoot in the gym (many thanks to alvin) and went to the recre room for a while. the chocolate ice cream cake was amazing. i just wish that they didn't spring the surprise while i was in the middle of a race with you yuan. silly part was i nearly started singing along with them 'cos i really had no idea who the cake was for!

i appreciate their kind gesture even though the chocolate ice cream cake is likely to finish off my already dying throat. i can't possibly touch the royce chocolate they bought for me yet. plus internship starts tmr! let's see how it goes. got 4 different types of tea awaiting me.. "ba bao" (8 treasure) tea, ling yang, gingseng and chrysetheman tea and yin chiao. the throat has got to get better..

i'm insanely attracted to nice hair. not just any nice hair. but that belonging to guys. when i say "insanely attracted", i mean i'll find it hard to take my eyes off the hair. how it moves and bounces gently... how it falls softly to the side when the guy tilts his head... and part of my mind is screaming at how my hair does not do all that. drat.

during supper, i was just staring at wk's hair after one of the guys mentioned that he was eating from the side. he had to tilt his head or he'd eat his hair with the maggi goreng. his hair just falls so nicely. i don't really like it when a guy has nicer hair than me. and in wk's case, even worse. he's got a fantastic fair complexion (yes, i see the daggers asking me if my "honeyed" complexion isn't good enough already..) and pretty eyes! my hair's soft enough but the ends stick out like crazy 'cos i have no time and an extra pair of hands from the back to flatten it with a dryer. WK!! i want your hair!

A dear friend has proven himself to be an amazing brother. during the few times where we hung out really late together, he'd sms me on my way home to make sure that i'm awake in the cab. just now after the supper forementioned in this blog (yes, it's 4.55 am as i type this), he told the two other guys to follow mich home and he took the liberty of sending me home. we shared a cab even though it's not exactly convenient for him.

and he's not even Christian! I'm not saying that non-christians are not nice to that extent.. more of.. i'm wondering why my dear Christian brothers don't seem as caring as that.. sighz... sure, they do send me home once in a while. but this friend has been so consistent in showing that he cares. he's sweet enough to rival JT in terms of caring for me whenever we hang out late into the night.

and oh, i've found the place to be when i'm feeling down and seriously in need of eye candy and retail therapy. New Urban Male at Heeren Shops. i went there just now to get a friend's birthday present. the guys were terribly obliging, patient and sweet. one of them tended to me and whenever i had my eyes on a t-shirt, he and two others would look for the correct size for me. even when i take a tee off the rack just to look and hang it back on without a word, the 3 guys would find similar designs with similar colors to show me.

i ended up not choosing anything from the guys' section for the tees were just too... suggestive. i didn't want my guyfriend's gf getting upset with the tee (just in case). but the 3 guys were just so sweet and attentive to my needs. and they were really easy on the eyes as well! i caved and bought a T-shirt for myself. $40 gone 'cos of good service and asthetically appealing people.. yes. i'm a terribly visual person.

all in all, my hols have been abt fun and tiring late nights.. smth i'll have to say goodbye to when my internship starts next week. wondering if i wanna do ICC during summer after all. if i don't. i have 8 subs left for my final year. that's 4 subs each sem. light enough, i think.. plus i'll save $600 from summer study though i'll end up spending when i continue my late night chilling out over food and drinks. how how? i guess no ICC for me?