Giving this Christmas

in the midst of the Christmas spending spirit...

in the midst of thinking of gifts to give to people...

my Reuters correspondent updates me on depressing world news...

10 Afghan girls are killed when collecting firewood.

a blast in Kabul kills one and injures 15.

15 others die in a bomb blast in a Pakistani market


All these after a weekend of the Connecticut shooting and China slashing news.

i'm depressed by all the news. and embarrassed by what i consider to be problems in my life. how tiny and significant they suddenly seem.



But say a prayer
Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time, it's hard
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dreaded fear
Where the only water flowing
Is a bitter sting of tears - Band Aid "Do They Know It's Christmas"


while we get the joy and the warmth of Christmas, some where out there, people don't seem to remember that it's Christmas. and because of that, others will never know Christmas. i don't understand the need for the hurt. i don't understand the need for the pain.

but i understand the need for prayer for this fallen nation of men all over the world. and i'm praying ever so fervently. time to really think about giving back.

so to the readers here, whoever you may be, i implore you to give.

each year, during Christmas, World Vision beefs up their gift catalogue, both internationally and locally. and it's really not that expensive. a water filter for a school in myanmar is $11 (yet we seem less hesitant to throw money at shops in Singapore). plus there's the ongoing child sponsorship.



it's almost depressing that we need such awful news to jolt us and remind us to give. but better late than never. it is after all Christmas time. it really is time to give.

my friend shared that she was having a meal at far east one day with another friend. when they asked for the bill, the staff told them that their bill had been taken care of.

according to the staff, an old man goes there often to eat. he then pays for another random table along with his food. and then he simply leaves a card,without a name, asking people to pay it forward.

my friend did of course pick another table.

it's these little stories that warm my heart. and how timely, during this season of giving.

Thank you, dear man, whoever you are and wherever you are. in a world of scrooges and hardened hearts that scrimp and keep wealth to themselves, your little anonymous action has touched my heart. thank you for inspiring.

there are times where life can be so amazing that you think it's unreal. just like the lotus i captured from home. my dad's lotus had bloomed in October. the colors are far too breath-taking. people thought it was a photo of a painting until they notice the metal grill that fenced our garden.

yet there are times where the opposite can be so painful that you wish it was unreal.

at the funeral wake last night, it pained me to see my cousin crying over the coffin. my mom could only offer cliche words of condolences like, "you did the best you could to make her last days good ones". what else could anyone say? he really did give his all. i kept silent. i never know what to say at funeral wakes.

i didn't even dare walk up to the coffin where his wife laid in.

they never had kids. i know they tried but it never happened. and now she's gone. and he's alone. every thing felt so surreal. almost too fast even though it's been sooo many years.

of course we wished she was still around. that every thing that had happened wasn't real. that the doctors didn't give up on her. that she was still in Japan getting treatment and getting better. wish that the stomach cancer never happened.

i glanced over to my cousin at the wake a couple of times. he was a wreck, still living in disbelief. thankfully his siblings had rallied their own children to keep vigil with him and watch over him.

perhaps it's God's way of jolting me to understand reality. to remind me that it's the happy things that make us aware of the sad things. and it's the sad things that make us appreciate the happy things. and in their own way, all things are beautiful.


may i keep remembering to see the beauty in all things good and bad, Lord. please help me to keep remembering it.

i saw this off facebook.

in the midst of all the fb likes, shares and "aw" comments, i'm frowning.

so if you really are a selfish scumbag who's an absolute asshole, love means that you don't have to change?

love is not a means to an end. love doesn't make one feel wanted or needed. love doesn't exist just so one will always have company. love is not selfish.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Cor 13:4-7

love is painful. love will hurt. love leaves you empty, knowing that you've given everything and will not get anything in return. love expects nothing in return, not company, not even reciprocated love.

people expect all that. love doesn't.

and simply because of that, love will change people. whether we like it or not.

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us." - 1 John 4:16-19

personally, i only know love because i know Him. i love because He loves me, not because i've received love in return from the people around me. so in moments where i feel alone, desolate and forsaken by people, i still love them. even if people don't realise that love comes in different forms. even if people don't agree with how i show my love for them. even if people can't tell that that's how i can best love them. i do still love them in my way.

because love has changed me for who i really am. simply because God is God.

without doubt, my favorite female band. of all time.

i never ever had a favorite female band. i have songs i like from female bands but 2NE1... just too amazing to not love. brilliant songs. breath-taking vocals. insane rap and dance from CL and Minzy..

so when S told me that she had a spare complimentary ticket for me, i absolutely jumped at the chance to attend the concert. which meant rushing home after a wedding recep to change and jump into cab to get myself down to the indoor stadium. all that despite a headache and tiredness.

absolutely worth all the weariness.

concert was supposed to start at 7pm. just before 7, the lights dimmed and the music videos projected on the screen were blasting around the stadium versus the much lower volume it was at. after 2 songs, the lights dimmed further... and the poker card symbols flashed on the large screen. blackjacks in the stadium rejoiced.

most punctual concert ever. to think i was impressed by Big Bang for treating me to 15 min of MVs before they came on. 2NE1 is da shyte yo.

it was pure entertainment. being the last concert of their global tour and for the year, CL promised a party. and the group delivered. their live band on stage was just as amazing.

at the end, there was a planned encore, as with all k-wave bands. the bouncing castle slide setup on stage was so psycho. the girls did their two planned encore songs, thanked everyone and returned backstage. some fans left, majority stayed and asked for more.

the girls came back on, beaming. Dara had tears streaming down her face as she grinned at the mad crowd. S and I started tearing up. before they performed, CL turned to her live band just to make sure that they were okay with still performing. TOO RIDICULOUSLY POLITE!

the girls treated the crowd to another three songs. it was a crazy 2.5hr concert. when i left, my ears were ringing, my throat was sore and i had a mad headache from dehydration. the professionalism of the girls left me so impressed. and the entertainment value.. YG Entertainment never fails to deliver.

man.. if only I was free for Shinee this weekend...

i understand that it can be annoying to receive survey invites.. or emailers..

but really. is it that hard to simply ignore or to click the opt-out option? why do you insist on writing a long angry email on me wasting your time?

i never asked you to open up the email. you could have deleted it.

i never forced you to complete the survey. you could have opted out.


and now i'm supposed to apologize for wasting your time by making you click on something to read when it's all purely your choice? and writing that damn long angry email? sure, it's so obvious now that you're really really busy.

why the hell would you take the effort to write to me to ask me to stop sending you reminders (of which i've only sent one) instead of clicking the opt-out link? i'm sorry you had to take time out of your busy schedule to email me instead of just clicking a link that is already provided to you.

and no. 2 emails in the span of 15 days is not considered "flooding" your inbox. ignoring my emails isn't default for "i don't want to receive any more emails from you". you giving your details to a company so they can contact you eliminates the "default rights" of you not receiving an email from me on their behalf.


sending me an abusive email after i've emailed you twice in 15 days because i cannot read your bleeping mind is not your default bleeping right. that happens because you're a douche.


i have to email more than 1000 persons. 'cos it's my job. 'cos the companies gave me your email. you want, go attack the company that shared your details. 바보.

plus i'm not a mind reader. i can't tell if you simply missed the earlier email or if you don't want to do the survey.




sigh. i have to keep reminding myself that people have the rights to be stupid. just wish people would stop abusing that right.

it's freezing in office.

i'm blasting Big Bang's Monster on repeat...

and absolutely craving cheese ramyeon now.



E asked S and me yesterday night if our little 14-yo phase would die off. probably. just not yet.

for now, i'm just going to enjoy it as it goes.


here's to hanging out with my girls and enjoying yummy eye candy, infectious tunes, hilarious moments, and an overdose of mad talent for the festive periods to come.

looks like i spoke too fast. the potential tenant had made an earlier offer to our asking rental rate.

we daringly counter-offered. just by a little more. my mom and i are really none the wiser about market rates.



and the tenant accepted it.

so we're staring at curtains tomorrow... looking for someone to seriously deal with the aircon... getting a contractor to clean up the place.



i'm damn excited!!

every thing is moving faster than expected.

so i got my keys less than a month ago.

before i even had time to be fully excited about the place, i have a highly potential tenant already.

at a rental price that is not beyond my wildest dreams but a little higher than my expectations. not that it's stopping me from asking for a little more.

this means no house warming for now. but oh wow.

so i have to pick out curtains tomorrow morning and settle it as soon as possible so the family can move in. and i can start collecting rent, in time with the first date of my mortgage payment. assuming the family accepts the new offer.

all the hard work of the people around me assisting me. i'm just so incredibly thankful to God that this period, along with the madness, has been something i've been able to cope with.

now if only work was as simple as this. sigh.

so today i found out how much i hate nicknames.

not all. i'm fine with names like "girl with headphones", "cat apprentice", "koala", "t-rex" and "monster".

but it really pisses me off when people screw my name over.

cutting it short is fine. but why the hell would you repeat a particular syllable?

i still remember telling a friend of 10 years (think it was friend of 8 years during the incident) to stop called me "Jun jun" when she did it the first time. it made me cringe. it made me sick. and it just plain pissed me off. what's with the cute names? it's not even cute. it's massacring my name. so, she never did it again. thankfully.

today, someone thought it perfectly fine to massacre my dialect name in a similar manner. i absolutely snapped and told the person to stop being obnoxious. and this person comes from a group of people that have seen my prior intolerance to nicknames that turn my name into something revoltingly cutesy.. like a 35 year old in pigtails, wearing pink fluffy hoodies, dressing up their poor male shitzu with pom pom hair tie and speaking with an "act-cute" high pitched voice with retarded enunciation. it's just wrong. and disrespectful.



so to you, i don't care if you like destroying names and think it's cute.. i don't like it. if you like it, do it to people who like it. do it to me and i will not hesitate to snap again and tear you up, throwing you into the bottomless pit of awkward hell.

listening to JYP's "This Christmas" while having my favorite Starbucks Toffee Nut Latte. midweek bliss.

i can't wait for the decorations to be up in the Marina Bay area. for the huge ass tree to be ready in front of Raffles City..

Christmas, thank you for being my favorite time of the year every year. ^^

on friday morning, the cg decided to head to Botanic Gardens for a picnic.

considering the fact that J and I were at Butter Factory the night before, it's amazing we didn't look like death. and we were a little late because it took us longer than expected to find our meeting spot.

as with all gatherings, it was just a madcap time of sitting in the sun and talking about all the nonsense literally under the sun, including JB educating LC on the hallyu wave today, i.e., Psy's Gangnam Style. i personally like his "Blue Frog" better. nothing to do with the fact that G-Dragon was featured on it. really.

these people are mad funny. all the stories of their clubbing past during cg was unexpected but all so hilarious. and the twins. they are so small, so scary, and yet at the same time, so endearing. especially when they disappear with my flats and lose them around the house, sending me on a hunt after cg to find the missing side.

i'm just thankful J managed to drag me to her cg. it's always nice to go out there and meet new people. and here, interactions don't feel forced or fake. no weird "let's hold hands and sing songs in the dark to feel God" nonsense. no "a miracle happened to me, praise God!" weirdness. they are incredibly down to earth and real people. probably because there's a strain of AC-ness in the group. that pompous better-than-thou-in-all-things-awesome air from W.. to think i was initially worried that my humor of "omg, does this mean i'm no longer allowed to pray for the bus to come sooner when i'm running late???" was going to be taken the wrong way.

thank you, for surrounding me with all things good and bad. for the loves gained and lost. for every chapter of my life, new and old. for holding onto memories while moving on with life. for helping me to be discerning of the intentions of people and their hearts. that i find the greatest comfort in the people whose hearts beat for You.

in the midst of training for King of the Road, i get hits along the way...

like the arteritis scare..

insane food poisoning that's lasting for a week..

now an oncoming flu..


how to run next saturday? i give up. i'm going to collect the jersey and return the chip on the same day. this is ridiculous.

now i just want to be able to eat normally and exercise normally. there's only so much pocari sweat my body can deal with before i go mad without solids. and again, i would be mightily pissed if i didn't lose weight during this period. sigh.

had a nerd moment yesterday.

the boss was explaining an equation which he said so far few have comprehended. i asked him to explain it to me. and i got it. i didn't know why i got it but i got it.

not wanting it to be a moment of me pretending that i got it, i decided that it was simply algebra that needed to be broken down and elimination of double counting.

so i got to work. assigning variables and coming up with substitute equations for the huge mama line.

and i solved it.

it's really just math after all.


that simple exhilaration at understanding and solving the clockwork in my head thrilled me. i couldn't remember the last time something like that made me happy. i paused. i did remember.

first three months in JC. we got a math question that was supposed to occupy us for the entire 45min tutorial . the class either busied itself with the equation or was playing. i was working on it. i solved it. within 30 min. i showed my math tutor, who incidentally happened to be the math HOD. he stared at my answer. told me that i had just resolved a math "F" question. i was bubbling with excitement and pride and i was completely flushed with such thrill at solving something that was not meant for someone of my level.

and who knew, that was the one thing that changed my route in JC. i didn't do as well at the A's. i got my old class schedule but i wanted to take on a double math schedule which was supposed to be beyond my level. still, i went up to my math teacher during assembly where they were sorting out the classes to put in an appeal to join a double math class. he looked at me, smiled, asked me which double math combination i preferred. i told him. he struck my name off the list from my old class and added my name to the double math schedule i wanted. then he pointed to a row of students and said, "that's your new class."

stunned, i stared at him. he only smiled wider, "that's your new double math class. go along. join them."

the power of the math HOD to fulfill the silly wishes of a nobody.

i beamed and thanked him. he wished me luck cheerfully. the best day of my entire JC life.

i met up with him even though he no longer taught me. we spoke. he listened to me about my frustrations at the school system that didn't allow me to drop physics and keep my double math at the end of the first year because my dismal grades needed me to drop a subject and being a science student, i wasn't allowed to drop my science subject. which was retarded considering the fact that I passed both my math courses and failed physics. he told me to never forget my ability to comprehend equations.

i thought i had forgotten it all. but honestly, i never did. it was just hiding inside.

Mr Yeo Kim Chuan, thank you. thank you for giving this little math lover a chance in life and her best memory of her JC life. thank you.

Massively hooked on GD's amazingly unique vocals.

like Jun.K, both their speaking voices and their singing voices are different.. and all equally heart-meltingly charming. plus, both of them are dog lovers with out of the world fashion.. some that make you wonder what the hell the designer was thinking, some that just impress you 'cos you never expect anyone to carry off the look.

so it's little wonder that I'm listening to both of them on repeat.


the latest (not a new song) being Pixie Lott's collaboration with TOP and G-Dragon.

truly mad love. that insane charming nasal voice with hints of cheekiness and gentleness at the same time.



only part of the song I don't like? the lyrics. like, Pixie, GD is working hard for you overseas and you're whining about being home alone and dancing on your own? i know it's horrid to imagine that you're in a relationship with GD and you're unable to see him.. but damn woman, you're in a relationship with Kwon Ji Yong. if you don't want him, I'll take him. plus he comes with two mad adorable sharpeis. fantastic deal.

I'm done with poison in my life.

I'm slowly weeding out things and people in my life. my mother always has a rule of thumb when it comes to people and things.


if it makes you depressed. if it makes you sad. if it hurts you.

if all the above aren't worth it, it's poison and it's time to walk away.


it does make sense. so many people have disappointed me, just as i have disappointed them at one time or another. so many have made me sad, frustrated, caused grief.


heck, even my bible frustrates me.


but when i think about it, some of them are worth the grief and the hurt and the frustrations. 'cos when you work through the negativity and you gain understanding and a new perspective, you become just a little wiser. things start to make more sense. you stop looking at the surface and you look for a meaning beyond what you see or you. you may not be right all the time but that's all part of learning right?



like all the other recurring analogies.. the lion. the sheep. the shepherd. olive branches. cherubs. onyx. they are things that made sense to the Jews. things that frustrated me initially. how was i to know and make the connection?

but once i started learning. once i started asking questions. once i started reading, everything fell in place. in the context that it is believed to be read in. we can never be really sure. and if so, i will work even harder in questioning and understanding. to figure if the grief, frustration and hurt are worth it.


i don't regret any point of my life where i was in contact with poison. i don't regret the times where i couldn't tell that something was actually poison. in fact, i embrace those moments with open arms 'cos it's through them that i learn and grow. and now it's simply time to leave behind the poison and move on. the negative thoughts and the bad vibes and energy.


いきましょう!

this is toooooo rich to not share.

“If you hold something like a Samsung Galaxy S III, you can see it right away. They use cheap materials, and they copy.” - Tim Bajaran, an analyst at Creative Strategies

This was a quote from Business Week (read it here!)

how terribly professional, Business Week, to print quotes like that.

the article goes on further to say the following:

"Apple also updated the iPod Nano, adding Bluetooth, expanding the screen size, and, in a glancing nod to its past, introducing a variety of colors."

let's see the new iPod Nano.

from apple.com

Let's see the Samsung Yp-p2 that was first released in 2007.

from cnet.com

i'm guessing imitation is the best form of flattery? ok, it's just visuals right? how about the tech specs?

        Apple Samsung

Dimensions 7.7x4x0.5cm 10x5.2x1cm

Playback (audio) 30hrs 35hrs

display reso 432x240 480x272

screen 2.5" 3"

mic no yes

speaker no yes

bluetooth yes yes

radio yes yes

game no yes

voice record no yes

wifi no no

music format ACC,MP3,WAV ACC,MP3, WMA, OGG (UMS only)

video format MPEG,MP4,MOV SVI,WMV

pic format na JPEG,TXT

playlist (mobile) no yes

playlist (pc) yes yes

multi-language yes yes

the iPod nano 16GB is going for S$198. i can't find the prices for the Samsung Yp-p2. simply because it's no longer on the market. heard it was rather pricey for 16GB.

'cos they got sued and it got taken off the market?

how about the fact that the Samsung Yp-p2 first came out at the end of 2007 and was remodified for re-release in early 2008 and it's no longer carried in stores?

it's Sep 2012 now. 4.5 years ago. probably why the price for the 16GB mp3 player was probably exorbitant. plus the bluetooth technology. plus the touchscreen. my uneducated guess is that that's all extremely fancy in 2008.

i think the brains behind Apple are fantastic, no doubt about it. they are able to take old products and change them.. like smaller screens.. lightweight.. sure they give up the speaker, mic, voice recording, creation of playlist on the mp3 player and the gaming functions. that's why it's a little smaller and half the weight. less stuff in the player.

but what i really dislike are dumb Apple fans. I don't dislike Apple fans. it's just the dumb ones i cannot tolerate. those who idolise the brand. those who think that because they have an Apple product or two, they are tech geeks.

I don't think there's anything wrong with Apple stealing ideas from people. I do think it's wrong that dumb Apple fans think it's "not stealing" but innovating old ideas but everyone else that is not Apple is a bleeping thief. think about it. if Samsung really stole ideas and didn't change anything, all Samsung phones will look exactly like an iPhone. but they don't. just on dimensional aspects and grip, they are different.

just like how the new nano looks almost exactly like the Samsung YP-P2, just thinner and smaller.




back to the article, it was probably paid advertising, the same that other companies would use to sell new products. still, Business Week could have made it seem like it was objective. =.=

never felt more like curling up in bed and crying until i'm exhausted to the point of sleep.

'cos i really can't think of any other way to deal with the deadlines and insomnia. sigh.

권지용! 너무 좋아요!!



so i bought the uncensored version from itunes upon its release today. more of his voice! *swoon*

was surfing TV on Sunday when a title caught my eye on the History channel.

"The Nazi Gospels"

"My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter.  It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth!  was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter.  In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders.  How terrific was His fight for the world against the Jewish poison.  To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross.  As a Christian I have no duty to allow my self to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice…  And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows . For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people." - Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)

source? why, http://www.evilbible.com/hitler_was_christian.htm. where else?

so naturally i was curious. what would the History channel say about the Christian Nazis?

nothing really.

Christianity was not mentioned in the 30 mins I watched. instead, the show talked about the "Nazi Bible". one where the Nazis believed that Germans were from the Aryan race.. a master race. a word that Adolf Hitler did use ever so often.

the main character other than Hitler? Heinrich Himmler.

The Nazis believed that the Semitic people were the downfall of the Aryan race and sought to eradicate them. the Semitic people, being the Jews, brought about by some interpretation of the bible? of Hitler's own thoughts? God knows. it wasn't mentioned in the show but it's worth looking up on at a later date.

If anything, Aryans were thought of as mythical beings who were blonde, blue-eyed and strong. think Thor.

because Hitler sought to clean up the nations for God, he implemented the Final Solution. for Himmler to carry out. the Holocaust. Himmler, himself, subscribed to the Aryan scriptures. he, too, was interested in Buddhism. unsurprisingly too, I guess. Buddhism did use to be known as the Aryan Path.

As the Nazi Gospels put it, the Third Reich had actually created their own new faith. truth? untruth? it is the History channel. it's full of scholars and historians.

maybe Hitler is the Roman Catholic that he was baptized to be, or a Christian, and all these things about the Nazi Gospels is a simple conspiracy by the Church to denounce all relations with him. (i mean, look at all the psychos we had in the bible. Cain killing Abel and still having some sort of blessings. David, a promising youth being corrupted with power and lust even though God loved him. to me, it just points to the fact that men fail. we are hopeless. we are evil. we are undeserving. but that's not what this post is about.)

maybe Hitler, influenced by his Catholic upbringing, did really create a whole new faith, a cult, for the Third Reich for WW2 to happen.

as with all things, it's time to pick up the history books (Paulo Coelho, i'm sure you'll be patient with me) and start reading again. how terribly exciting. ^-^

in my mood to not work and think about getting fit again (as i so often think of..), i decided to check out the local rowing teams.

alumni training is not working for me now. they train in the morning. i have class from 11.30 am to 1 pm...



Hello Gaelic Dragons and American Dragons!

they train in the afternoons. Sat afternoon rowing sessions with these teams always mean after training drinks. members also enjoy discounts at certain pubs. sounds too good to be true?

it's ok i guess. the annual membership for Gaelic is $100 each year. American Dragons is $250. simply because American Dragons provide the booze for free. guess where your $150 is going to? LOLOLOLOL

i do miss rowing. sigh.

Galaxy S3 purchased thanks to the contract renewal discount...

5% option paid up..

stamp duty settled...

15% left to pay off in November...

eagerly waiting for mortgage loan approval...

thinking of the father-mother loan that needs to be paid up soon...

i don't think i've ever felt more unsettled and settled at the same time.

but that's life, isn't it? looking forward to more excitement in the uncertain times.

now it's time to hunt down a hot Christian Jung Ji-Hoon / Lee Junho / Choi Seung-hyun / Kwon Ji Yong look-a-like. Hohohohoho~

who am i kidding? time to put aside funds for my British shorthaired or Sharpei! ^^

things are getting more and more surreal.

i will finally have the brackets and wires on my teeth by 13 Aug. (no more delays!)

my reporting officer likes and appreciates the work that i do..

and if all things go well this weekend, i will have my house.

omg, i will have my own house.

everything feels like it's falling into place. i'm already checking out cheaper options to furnish the house with in case i do get the place and the future tenant expects basic furniture like a sofa set and bed. Ikea has queen bedframes for less than $200 and www.beds.sg has bed and mattresses promos that are less than $250. sofa sets are pricer but there are cheaper options in the form of sofa beds. and i do want a sofa bed for the future study.

hopefully after this weekend is done, i'll just have to worry about whether i should get a British Shorthair, a Scottish Fold, or a Sharpei. ^^

Adele, undoubtedly, has one of the nicest facial features that I've ever seen. those large peepers and gorgeous lips. and that voice. omg, that voice.

i just can't stand her attitude to life.

she's whiney (all those emo songs.. omg..) and her take on her health is just depressing.

i love that she doesn't feel like she needs to be stick-thin. but to say stuff like that just puts me off..

"The focus on my appearance has really surprised me. I've always been a size 14 to 16, I don't care about clothes, I'd rather spend my money on cigarettes and booze."

"I love food and hate exercise. I don’t have time to work out… I don’t want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue. I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Q. I’m not a trend-setter… I’m a singer… I’d rather weigh a ton and make an amazing album then look like Nicole Richie and do a shit album. My aim in life is never to be skinny."

i'm sorry. being healthy doesn't mean you're skinny. it just means you're healthy. you're smoking shit and drinking like mad and you're overweight. you're not big, you're overweight. i don't hate overweight people for being overweight. i worry about overweight people because i worry about their health. and i hate it when they think it's ok to be overweight and unhealthy as long as they are happy. you can be happy running 4km and enjoying a KFC meal after that.

a devil-may-care attitude like Adele's pisses me off. exercise and eating right is about being healthy, not stick-thin. you can be big but still healthy if you eat well and work out. but don't say shit like that and celebrate heart problems. really.

so i was actually happy to learn that Adele is on a weight-loss program.

i imagine her fans are going mad around the world. talking about her betraying who she really is. talking about how she's letting the media affect her take on life.

hi people, she's working out to stay alive for you. you wouldn't want her getting a heart attack from clogged up arteries from eating with no exercise, boozing and smoking right??? she's 24. the last thing i would want is for this woman to end up in the "dead at 27" club.

besides, she's looking gorgeous. probably a size 12 now. good for her and her kid!!

kudos to you, Adele! you are now truly an inspiration for waking up and getting your life on track. now may your baby remove some of the emo-whineyness from your songs. i love "Someone Like You" but when all your songs are about break-ups and scumbags that you cannot get over, you need to snap out of it.

i think i'm horridly intolerant of people with the "i'm actually a cute emo hipster" syndrome.

it's different from my I'm-awesome-nuff'-said syndrome. i admit, i'm an ass when it comes to that. i announce that i'm awesome and i announce it to annoy people for their entertainment. my 自大 and 自恋狂 syndromes are seriously for entertainment. i don't think i'm all that great. i whine 'cos i'm annoying. and i know i'm annoying when i whine. i don't seek pity.. not all the time at least. i whine to get it out of my system and then i force myself to snap out of it.

i don't know why i do that but i just do.

so this "i'm actually a cute emo hipster" syndrome needs more clarification. seen stuff like these on your fb newsfeed?

"so true!!" (proceeds to tag ALL friends)

"Me on a monday morning. yawnzs"

yes, people like that exists. we know them all. it's as bad as the gamer girls trying to use the internet prove that gamer girls don't bite console wires and act sexy by identifying the right consoles to the devices or brandnames. honestly, if you were a real gamer girl, you would scoff at these, lol at them and go back to your games.

i don't see anything wrong with sharing photos of massively adorable animals. or witty quotes. but don't  use them to put yourself on a pedestal.

not cool. not even cute.

besides, the first "witty quote" just insults yourself.. you're saying that you are drama. really? why would you do that? girls who hang out with guys just hang out with guys without announcing that they hang out with guys. why would you need to tell the world that you hang out with guys 'cos it's less drama? 'cos you want guys to think that you're cool? good luck to your gfs who have to deal with whatever situation you're trying to create.

these are the same people who take selcas drowned in instagram effects with a "lazing at home.." or "wishing you were here.." or "i'm bored.."captions. you're really just this...

minus the cat. thank God, it's minus the cat. poor cat.

don't get me wrong, i like to know more about people. i like to look at travel photos, food photos, pet photos, people at gatherings and having fun... i like updates on where people go and what people see. 'cos it just tells me of what i haven't seen and gone to..

but no. putting stuff like a bunch of emo text on a dreamy photoshopped-to-death photo out there for the rest of the world.. inspiration text, I'm ok with. but emo text? really? i don't blame it for meaning something to you. but do you really think it's that important to share with the world?

i used to be that. until i annoyed even myself. so while some things do mean something to me, i take the time to pause and think, "do people even care?"

unless it's a rant to get out of my system and to remind me of lessons learnt (case in point..), no one really needs to know.

sigh. i need to be a little more tolerant of them. not very nice to keep hating on people like that. praying to God for more tolerance... just a little more tolerance... remember.. tolerance..

finally got my molar separators in last night.

it was a strange numb and bouncy feeling in my mouth. one of the bands fell out already. so i called the rather incompetent nurse (whom i'm going to complain to my dentist about..) to schedule to fix in the band.

then another band fell out this morning. sigh.

but the pain. oh my god the pain is a bitch. the permanent dull soreness.. and the stinging pain when i bite down. it's supposed to last for 2 days. this is not counting the damn headache that the soreness is creating.

J keeps reminding me of the end results. despite her warnings of the abrasion and the metal ring, she's been a fantastic support every morning when i'm dying in the car.

i really can't wait for the stupid 1 hour procedure to stick the damn metal rings and brackets. and then after two weeks, i'll be back to eating almost normally. oh dear food that i've been craving.. all my chicken wings, fries, deep fried fish, hot soup noodles, and hokkien mee. oh hokkien mee.

sigh. the price of vanity..

between the keynote, numbers and excel files that i've been staring at..

between the icepack and saltwater rinse..

i always make time for my boys on youtube. they keep me laughing. they keep me entertained. they make me smile.

and that dream a few nights ago. so real it makes me shy. *aigoo*

then in an old video, i came across their cover of Jung Yup's "Nothing Better". Junho struggled with the high notes but when Junsu did the chorus... that voice.. *sigh* of course it helps that Shinee's Jonghyun did a gorgeous cover of it too. Jung Yup is seriously amazing during times like these. ^^



Nothing Better - Jung Yuk

It always appeared before me
Your face, I remember
My heart that stopped short
You spitefully took my disfunctional heart
And with your bright smile
That's how you easily opened my heart

It's true, that is how I became your man
All my unpleasant memories, I no longer recall
Because the hand that holds me tight
Is as warm as spring

And now like a dream my heart
Has gradually stopped by your side
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
If you were to always rest by my side
If you were to always remain this way
Nothing better nothing better than you
Nothing better nothing better than you

And now like a dream, My heart
In your embrace, is held still
Without awakening for a single moment,
I dream an endless dream

And now like breathing,
If you were to always rest by my side
If you were to always remain this way
Nothing better nothing better than you
Nothing better nothing better than you

Nothing better nothing better than you

finally dealt with all my extractions today. omg, my jaw is swollen and so tired from being propped opened and operated on. today's surgery was scarring. 2.5 hours and i'm still with gauze in my mouth. can't wait to take it out and finally drink some water.

i'm definitely going to be in a lot of pain. T-T

thank god for nonsensical shows like WGM. I can always count on krabb kwon to make me laugh. may this week of working from home work out. sigh..

random gym shower thoughts..

"Atheists bash christians instead of muslims even though they share the same creation views because burning in hell for life doesn't seem as scary as being made into one of the 72 virgins."

LOL.

i think i overdo my gym routine at times. seriously going mad.

I pray, not so that people will hear me praying.

I help, not so that people will know that I'm helping.

I cry, not so that people will comfort me.

I go out of my way for friends, not so I'll get their gratitude.

I trudge on silently, not to get people's approval.

I do all those things, because You've blessed me with a heart that longs for my brothers and sisters, and that gift to help, organize and plan.



and so I ask that You comfort that same heart that's longing for recognition from men and seeking to be acknowledged and thanked by men. That I will be comforted and simply grateful that You've blessed me with those gifts to serve You.

oddest dream last night. made me reconsider things a little.

imagine a friend calls you at 11.30pm on the night of his/her birthday. you're at a client discussion meeting. at 11.30 pm. yes.

would you pick up the phone?

say you pick up the phone, you hear your friend crying.. would you ask your client to give you 5 min to deal with your crying friend for a while or would you tell your crying friend that you're in a meeting and that you'll call your friend back in 30 min?

nothing like time or odd dreams to change your perspective on things. and honestly, i don't think i would have picked up the call. i would have cancelled it and texted my friend. it is a client meeting after all.

if i had some how picked up and heard the crying... i would have taken 5 min to be with my friend at least, instead of cutting him/her off within a min of the phone call to finish my meeting. then tell the client that it's late and quickly wrap up the meeting within 10 min to call my friend back.

it's not how long you spend with your friends that matter. it's how you respond to them that matters.

which is probably why i get irked by a few of people. like, you can respond within 5-15 mins to my fb comments or IMs when we're talking nonsense.. then suddenly i ask you something and you go awol. or when you ask me to bring you to some place and when i suggest a date, you suddenly awol too.

wtf?

relationships make people happy. they piss people off. simply because relationships are about people and people, well, can be absolute douchebags, me included. still... i'm grateful. for each and every relationship i've experienced, both good and bad. everyone has a special place.. simply because I'm who I am today because of all those experiences.



i'm going to lock myself up very soon and turn into a recluse. after i get my place and my sharpei. rawr.

in light of the news about a particular church under fire for alleged criminal breach and misappropriation of funds, i expect no less than douchebag-ish comments from people who are, simply put, dicks.

i'm not perturbed by this. people fail. people fall for power. money. wealth. is it right? not at all. i hate that people fall prey to nonsense like this. it's Ren Ci all over again. it's me auditing charities all over again when the most common phrase i hear is "i'm/he's a doctor/venerable monk/faith worker... how can you not trust me/him?"

i trust that you're a person. i trust that you have your shortcomings. i trust that you struggle. i trust that you can fail everyone around you.

C'mon, look at Ponzi. seriously? he cheated his friends. you're going to trust that you know people well enough to trust that they will never fail you?

then you don't know people.

a friend aptly reminded me, "I think believers have to discern between their faith in God and faith in a person. One is infallible, the other, merely human. Justice is being served in the due process of law, no one has persecuted your beliefs."

my faith is that God will continue the growth of His church. my faith is that God will look after His faithful, using His faithful. who His faithful ones are... we trust that He knows who they are. in the meantime, i continue to strive to be His faithful one, to be one of those who'll look after my friends as they look after me as well. and if one day, i should fail them.. or they should fail me.. our faith and trust are still in God. of course, i can only hope that we will never fail one another but when that happens, i have no rights to blame God for it.

that should never change.



on a side note: a venerable and those he colluded with fall from grace and people blame him. a church founder and those he colluded with fall from grace and christians around singapore are attacked for their beliefs. logic, much?

Nothing beats live updates on concert ticket sales. within 22 mins, priority booking tickets for 7 out of the 9 categories sold out for the Big Bang Alive Tour.

madness. it's like Mayday. i don't even think Jay Chou sold out so fast.

i honestly hope they don't disappoint. based on an internal survey (100 idols were put through a 30-question survey to find out about their feedback on their own friends, 2PM was ranked as the best performers by 21 of their peers (and themselves? LOL), Big Bang was a natural second with 17 votes.

but 2PM is not exactly in Singapore now, though i wish they were. So i'll make do with Big Bang for now. can't wait. CAN'T WAIT!

So i'm watching Secret Garden now. slowly catching up. Slowly. Staying up til 6 am the other night to finish FullHouse seriously killed me. But it was so addictive and i just needed to end it.

back to Secret Garden. The parody by BigBang made me notice the show. all the classic scenes that variety shows like the latte foam on the Ji Won's lips for Hyun Bin to lean over and kiss it off (휸빈씨!!).. or when Hyun Bin was doing sit-ups and going really near Ji Won's face when she was assisting him. too cute!!

Hyun Bin's character is a little psycho. and i mean he really has a mental problem where he does hallucinate at times. so he pictures Ji Won around him. then he recites the most ridiculous tongue twister i've heard.

김수한무 | 거북이와 두루미 | 삼천갑자 동방삭 | 치치카포 | 사리사리센타, 워리워리,새프리카 | 무두셀라 | 구름이 | 허리케인 | 담벼락 | 서생원에 | 고양이 | 바둑이는 | 돌돌이

Kim "Age is infinite" | the tortoise and the crane | 3000x6 yr Dong Bang Sak | Chichigapo | Sarisarisaeta, Wori Wori, Saepeurika | Methuselah | clouds | hurricane | wall | mouse | cat | dog | Doldolri

basically things that have long lives before the tongue twister goes into things that can destroy the things mentioned before it. Doldolri is just the name of the stupid dog at the end of the tongue twister.

this stupid thing is going to be stuck in my head like the 3 bears song after FullHouse.

omg, the nonsense i love to watch.

I finally told a close friend. About all the frustrations. With people and with myself. With my anger, sadness, tiredness, pettiness.. Frustrated with people. Frustrated with being frustrated by people.

He calls us to love not because we are loved. But because He first loved us. People so small and insignificant. But He chose us to manifest His image. We didn't decide to be relational people. He made us that way.

Then my friend agreed with my frustrations and said, "i would like to think that we are humans and we have emotions."

Reminds of what a really good friend said back in 2006. It's not our ungodliness that makes us struggle, it's our godliness that brings the struggles. If we chose to continue in rebellion, why would loving others before ourselves even at our inconvenience be important? Why would we care for people? He asked, "if you didn't care for what God thought of you and for living out His will, why then would you feel conflicted right now?"

I can't believe i forgot all that. In my eagerness to strive to be like Him, i forget that i'm only human.

Being human doesn't give me the rights to sin. Being human means that i will struggle and conflict with myself if I lived for Him. So i embrace my imperfections.

I let my conflicts remind me that He's real enough for me to worry about being petty, feeling small, and unloved. I let my struggles remind me that i haven't fully and will have to keep on trusting in Him. And i will remember to keep walking. To keep changing.

To realize that i can be the world's biggest asshole at times and i'm not better than those who hurt me time and time again.

 And i will remember the good and bad times. The sisters who have stood by me. The brothers who have held my hand and let me cry before bringing me back to reality. The haters who made me stronger. The people who have frustrated me.

And i will hold my head high and learn from it all. I'm still confident. I'm still sure that i'll get by each day and trial slowly and surely, alone or alongside someone. I will live life for what it's worth.

had a conversation with a colleague about the common mistakes people make.

like how everyone says "Botanical Gardens" when it's obviously the "Botanic Gardens" in singapore.  he remarked, "but everyone calls it Botanical Gardens.."

i looked at him, "many people calling it wrongly doesn't make it right. it just means that many people are wrong."

like how the word "irregardless" is now an acceptable word in the dictionary. it appalls me to know that the English language has been almost disregarded. how very unfortunate.

a fact is not thrown out of the window just because many people get it wrong. it is a fact that the lovely greenery along Bukit Timah is called Botanic Gardens. "Botanical Gardens" is just wrong regardless of the number of people who use that term. it is one thing to have an opinion. but it's just fallacious to decide what is wrong and right based on population when facts are staring at you in the face.

i thought about it a little more. too often do people take facts and throw them out of the window based on majority. to take something a little more contentious. evolution.

evolution is a fact of life. you don't say it doesn't exist simply because the people around you say so. there are facts and studies that point to it. we see it happening in the animal. we see how our bodies mature and adapt in little ways. it is evolution and it is proven by science to exists.


then it takes me to the next point of the most stupid thing people fight about. to have an open-minded debate is one thing. to fight thoughtlessly is another.


science explains how things happen. it explains that if two hydrogen ions form covalent bonds with a single oxygen ion, a water molecule is formed. but what science cannot do is to explain why it must be two hydrogen ions and one oxygen ion.

two possible opinions: you either hold the opinion that an intelligent design is in place to make things work or you hold the opinion that things cannot always be explained.

i choose the former.  and i will keep on exploring facts to frame my opinions instead of taking the opinion of others and ignoring facts that already exist.

facts like:

ruins in egyptian show that King Ramese had a brother who was exiled because he was not Egyptian.. the death of firstborns of Hebrews commanded by King Ramese when he came into power.. the unexplained destruction of a large part of his army in the desert which was decorated as a war sacrifice..

articles of a man by the name of Jesus who was crucified by the Jews for the crime of claiming he was God written by no less than a Roman scribe who was reporting to Rome on the life in Jerusalem.. a tomb found of a man called James, who was also marked as "the brother of Jesus"..

the Roman history that speak of a high priest called Caiphas who lived during the time of the Jesus' crucifixion.. a respected official by the name of Nicodemus who was lived the area of Jerusalem.. Pilate, the man who stood during the time and period of the crucifixion of a man who claimed he was the Son of God.

historical facts. etched into temple pillars by the Egyptians who didn't care for Prince Moses who was written into oblivion after his exile from the Egyptian nation. scribed in letters and books to the Capital city by Romans cared nothing for Jesus and only cared about reporting news was because they had their own gods..



And there are so many opinions out there waiting to be validated or proved wrong by facts unknown yet. i really can't wait to find out more. i seriously think of the weirdest stuff in the gym shower.

my imagination is not what it used to be. i can't put myself in the right frame of mind to write anymore. everything i write.. stories.. poems.. songs.. everything feels forced. feels fake. i can't even get past the first para or verse.

no sense of love. no sense of heartbreak. no anger. no joy. no angst.

i'm just one walking emotionless blank slate when it comes to writing.

it's not that i don't feel. i still get that slight skip of a heartbeat with the right guy singing the right song. my heart still melts at the sight of the sweet things i witness. my heart still aches and i still cry when i watch sad shows.

and i still have moments of feeling used, abused, and taken for granted by people whom i think care for me, only to realize that perhaps i'm not as important and i had hoped to be. and the whole struggle of trying to be Godly and considering them first before myself still and loving them without asking for love in return leaves that choking feeling in the throat and sick dullness in the stomach.

i still laugh. i still swoon. i still hurt. i still cry.

but that pen is just not doing anything on the paper.

time to stop writing.

Sometimes, it's better to pretend that it was only just a dream. Rather than to ask and know if everything was a lie and just a show, it really is better to pretend that it was just a dream.

life is as bad as you make it out to be.

you can choose to sulk your way through as you live it out. or you just let it go and not let the negativity get to you.

it's really not a new revelation. but just reminded of it during my 20min dash through Narita airport to get from one delayed flight to another that was delayed thanks to the first one.

i could have chosen to be pissed off with Delta for grounding me for one hour in Detriot. I could have panicked about missing my flight. i could have sulked my way while running through Narita to catch a flight or feel miserable about missing a flight.

why would i want such negative aura in my life? it's just too tiring.

of course i was pissed off at first. but taking a minute to calm my nerves down, i realized that if i miss my flight, i'd just have more time in Narita airport and the later flight would be paid for by Delta anyway. i had my credit card and laptop, all i needed would be just to find my checked in bag. when i reached Narita, i had 20 mins to catch my next flight. no biggie. just brisk walked through the airport and took in whatever sights i could. it's out of my control so there's no point with getting upset, right?

in the end, i found 5 seconds to pause at the bridge to capture the sunset.

so what if it sounded like a stressful birthday alone?

there are times where one's just got to keep calm and carry on, even when it makes no sense to. even if there are so many reasons to get pissed with the world. but what good does that do?

as I hopped into the chrysler taxi at the airport to head home, i watched the night roll by outside. turning back to my phone, i took another look at the sunset at Narita airport. even in moments when there are so many moments that sound stressful or awful, He finds a way to remind me that it'll work out in ways i don't understand and don't usually expect.


a year older; a year wiser; a year of understanding Him more and falling more in love with God.

so of the frivolous english dance music i like, it's usually LMFAO, Dev and the Cataracs and Far East Movement for me. insane beats.

so when LMFAO posted this on their official facebook page (as reported by allkpop.com), i was, well, pleasantly surprised.

image taken from allkpop

most people would already know how Party Rock Anthem sounds like, given the amazing number of times it's overplayed. presenting to you, GD & Top's High High. Enjoy. ^^

as i continue to search out a house, i keep thinking of ways to make the house mine. to make it feel like a home.

i want to put my touches to it. to make it somewhere i can stare at and think, "this is mine. i made it mine."

so from trying to figure out what kind of a layout or decor i want.. to ideas of a mini wine cooler by the TV and two island trolleys (one for snacks, one for drinks).. how to best fit groups of people.. how everything in the kitchen must be ideal for cooking.. it all just points to one thing.

i want to host.

i want to fill the house with memories of friends talking over meals, laughing over shows, confiding over drinks.

beyond the DIY, it's the hosting and memories that make my place mine.


i can't wait. ^-^

stories of my uni.


a student got an A for a class. he wrote the prof an email, asking why he did not get an A+. the prof explained why. the student then emailed the head of the faculty to say that the prof had something against him. the head said that it's the discretion of the faculty to grade students.

so the student emailed the prof about the 'flawed' structure and said that he was going to write to his MP and to the press. after a month, the faculty requested the prof to review the grades.

the prof decided to grade the student more fairly. the student got a B.

the student naturally got pissed off so the matter went all the way to the president of the university. the president stood by the prof's assessment of the student and said it was not their place to interfere.

how do i know? i came to know about the story through the prof. and this prof is unabashedly honest and one of the most believable guy i've known. doesn't help that i know what he's capable of.. being overly nice to people then brutally honest when they deserve him.


even if it were mere exaggerations or story-telling to make his already exciting life even more exciting…


it's an awesome story nevertheless.

restless weekend until Sunday came. too many dreams or nightmares that are too vivid. i even remember them.

especially the one where the rain woke me up from.

i was going to get married. not to some faceless guy. to someone i knew. someone whom i know marriage to is not an option in real life. not that it matters now.

even within the dream, there was an eerie unsettling sense of foreboding. i remember the conflicting thoughts. then after a friend, an ex-colleague, checks in on me, the friend hands me a cigar, telling me to go relax and think about it more.

i walk to an empty carpark. i light up. i tell myself not to inhale completely, taking a drag of the cigar and keeping it in my mouth while still breathing through my nose. the woody smokiness circles my mouth like a double scotch without the drying burn and i blow the cigar smoke out through my mouth, taking care to not let it into my lungs.

i look up and see another friend. another ex-colleague. he knows i'm struggling. we talk for a while. i ask him how he knew it was time for him to propose to his gf, a girl whom i consider a dear friend both in my dream and in real life. the lines between dream and reality were blurring.

he said he knew when he realized she made him a better person. on hindsight after finishing "Mocking Jay" on Sunday, it's like Gale telling Peeta that Katniss will choose the guy she needs to help her survive. Katniss needed hope.

my dream reflects me. i need hope. i need someone who loves me. i need someone who understands how to love me. i need someone who'll love God more than he'll love me 'cos only then will he understand that i'll always love God more than i'll love him. only then will i be made a better person. only then will i survive.

i thank the friend for his help. i snuff out the almost finished cigar. i walk away from the friend, full knowing that i'm going to walk away from the marriage as well.

as i walk, my shoulders are lighter. i'm smiling. i'm relaxed. the sense of foreboding fades.

the rain wakes me up by pounding outside. i stare at the rain in the morning sunlight. i feel it almost like it's a fresh start with the new sunlight pouring through my window as the rain washes away everything else. i am still tired from interrupted sleep as i close the windows. snuggling back to bed, i sigh.

i know i started dreaming the time my head hit the pillow, flitting from one dream to another. but the dreams are lighter. funnier.

even now, i'm still tired from all the dreaming and interrupted sleep. too many things to think about with life and work piling up. but i'm pretty sure i'll work through each subconsciousness. somehow.

i remember the first time i cried and prayed 15 years ago.

i remember the first (and last) time i dropped the blade and prayed 13 years ago.

i remember the first time i questioned His validity 6 years ago.

i remember the first time i decided He was a hope to cling to 5 years ago.

i remember the first time i was shaken in my faith 4 years ago.


and he's right there with me. whether i notice or not. always.

today, i remember the Jew who bled and died on the cross in my place as an atonement for my sins, to rise on the third day of his death to tell me that if he could conquer the grave, what more could he do for me?

nothing more. that's all i really needed from him. to set me right. to give me hope. a little reason to believe that this life is worth living even when everything's in a mess. i do not question why he doesn't help others. i give thanks that he chose me right from the start. there's still so much more to learn. so much more to question. so much more to discover.

may i always remember to give thanks.

on the bus home the other day when i heard a male voice behind me punctuating his sentences with the f-word. he wasn't soft either, considering the fact that i could hear him over my music.

i turned around and frowned, expecting to see a young kid and hoping to quieten him down with my frown. there are plenty of schools at where i work.

it was one of them yuppies talking to a chick.

seriously? did you just discover the word? if not, why are you acting like a 2 year old that's found a new word and repeating it like mad? or why act like a 14 year old in all feeble attempts to look like a bad-ass by using the word loudly and repeatedly in public?

i understand using the word when the situation calls for it. like when you're surrounded by incompetent fools and have to redo all their work until 2 am repeatedly simply because your ethics and moral code doesn't allow you to let your clients be the recipient of awful work.

but when talking about lunch? unless you married the yong tau foo and it decided to have an affair with the bubble tea within minutes of your consummation of the marriage... if not, no. you're an adult. give that word a little more credit.

and if you're going to be talking to a girl, whether she's your "brudder" or your girlfriend, show her a little more respect by not using crude language unnecessarily. and it's not a period. nor a comma.


not cool, bro. really not cool.

was at the botanic gardens station on wed night to top up my ezlink card

as i turned to head towards the bus stop, i saw a couple staring at the ticket machine.

i did what i'd usually do.


turned out the couple was trying to figure out how to get to NTU from the mrt map. NTU is obviously not there. showing them the nearest train station, i paused for a while. then i cancelled the transaction.

"it may be the nearest station but i'm not sure how easy it is to get to NTU from there. there's another way. you stop 2 stations earlier. the interchange has buses that go into the university."

i showed them how to purchase the ticket and how to get their $1 deposit back when they reach their destination. before i left them, i reminded them to look out for Buona Vista station to change from the Circle Line to the East West Line.

as i headed to the bus stop, i stopped in my tracks and wanted to look for the couple again.

seriously, what's there to do at NTU at night??

i just helped a couple go to the ulu-est of ulu.


i hope the couple met people who told them to spend time at Jurong Point instead. or that the couple had a real reason to go and make their trip worth. ugh. too many boo boos.

earworm of the mo'



the music is insanely catchy. probably one of the best dance songs of the year and it's only March. 2pm still has time to release something to blow my mind. D.Guetta has nothing on the pop/R&B dance songs that kpop churns out. SNSD's "the boys" has undertones of the western dance music for obvious reasons... but Fantastic Baby is pure kpop beauty. just like their "Ain't No Fun", "Strong Baby" and "Lies".

which is why BigBang won the first ever Best Worldwide Act during the MTV Europe Music Awards 2011, beating the likes of Jay Chou and Britney Spears.

which is why people all over the world are raving about BigBang's return to the music scene.

or why Pixie Lott decided to use GDragon and TOP for a song.


oh frivolous entertainment, you get better each day as i listen to more k-radio or watch more stitch-inducing parodies or variety shows. this is asian level ^.^

I cannot and, hence, will not accept that life is based purely on chances.

If it's purely by chance and a mere coincidence that the water cycle is the way it is...

If it's purely by chance and a mere coincidence that life cycle is the way it is...

If it's purely by chance and a mere coincidence that the big bang theory is the way it is...

If it's purely by chance and a mere coincidence that evolution is the way it is...


Science explains how things happen. The beauty of the mechanism. But it can never explain the reason for it happening. Why water evaporates. Why it boils at 100C. Why there is 21% of oxygen in our atmosphere.


To attribute it to chance or ignorance or simply coincidence?


Then how do you define emotions? What is fear? What is hatred? What is joy? Anger?

All just emotions that can be described but with no basis except chance and coincidence or something that happens for no reason?

No reason for feelings. No reason behind why we are engineered to feel fear, hatred, joy or anger. what triggers what? a mere coincidence that being face to face with a predator sends triggers to your mind and causes fear?


What about love?


No reason for it. Perhaps then there is no reason to have it. after all, why pursue something with no inherent meaning other than artificial importance assigned to it by a being that was created by coincidence? logical, ain't it?

I don't think I'd like that very much.

I don't understand why God wills for certain things to happen or why He makes the world work the way it does. Or why He chose to confound by starting and ending the Bible with poetic hebrew imagery literature. But at least I know He had a reason for it. I may not fully comprehend it. I don't know.

"For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God." - 1 Cor 2:11

Then let me be the illogical senseless fool who is trying to understand the meaning behind things and assigning reason to life than to have no meaning at all.

taiwan was mad and mellow fun all at the same time. the insane chomping down on food along the streets we roamed... R and I getting ourselves lost and embracing that feeling of not knowing where we were. S being so incredibly sick that she would wake R up each night with her coughing 'cos he was such a light sleeper. me being dead to the world 'cos my fatigue.

all the HTHT late in the night as we laid under the covers, away from home.

of course the HTHT was for R as he struggled with bgr issues (as do many of us).

we spoke and it made me remember how different girls and guys are.

it's not our fault that we run and hide when we're trying to reject someone. it's our defense mechanism. beyond that, it's how we avoid contact so the guy will stop thinking about us and realize that it's all futile and that they will move on. of course R explained that it just makes him confused and want to hang in there. perseverance should win right?

unfortunately, no. in fact, it will annoy the girl. i tried my best to explain it to him that it's going to take a lot for a girl to change her mind after she's chosen to run and avoid. and that he'd probably end up pissing her off by still being there for her. she runs 'cos she wants to get away.

then he lapsed into emo-mode. =.=

regardless, it was an enlightening moment for us all as we got to know one another better, through the bedtime talks, beer, food-hunting, mindless walking and staring down at the county from the hilltop. a fun trio to travel with especially when they let me run off alone at times. don't mind another trip with the two insane travel-buddies. ^.^

it's not even Feb and i've been to the doctor's 4 times. none for common symptoms like flu or cough or colds...

first two were inflamed lymph nodes and blood tests.. then there was food poisoning... and finally a burst blood vessel in my right eye.

i'm such a liability to have in any company. as if my surgery at K wasn't expensive enough, i'm making full use of my medical insurance at S without a doubt.

i cannot be more of a tiresome burden.

being sick is really quite a crummy feeling. dear cheerios, why u no make me happy?

coupled with being gas-sy (yes, it's gross. i'm sick!) and bloated, i am almost constantly hungry. food is being digested at a crazy speed. too much gas.

to top it off, i've been waking up in the middle of the night. i do go back to sleep quickly but the disruptions are insane. and i'm left tired the next day.

i need a break. Taiwan couldn't come sooner.

so aisec had a roadshow today about problem gambling. if you allow yourself to be put through a typical gambling-is-a-problem lecture and 3 short games, you earn yourself a popcorn and/or cotton candy.

i always have a soft spot for cotton candy. so i decided to go ahead with it. the speech was boring 'cos i really could just read off the boards. then the games were all about chance. of course, it's a gambling roadshow and anyway, all games ARE about chance.

the last game required me to stand at a particular spot and lobe a tennis ball into a drinking cup. i stood at the spot, extended my arm, leaned over, and dropped the ball into the cup easily. at this point, i was thinking of a certain Mr Ok and his cheat-my-way-through-everything methods. then the guy taking me through the stations and games looked at me, "You can't do that."

aegyo-mode kicked in. i looked at him, widen my eyes in mock-shock, "oh? cannot? i'm sorry! really cannot?"

he coughed and turned away. i blame the high ponytail and the gray owl hoodie. they make me feel like i can act cute and get away with murder.

later the guy said that he could teach me how to twirl my own cotton candy. i looked up at him, instinctively on aegyo-mode again, "but i will make a mess of it. there's going to be sugar everywhere and no cotton candy. *insert sad little girl face* can you please help me just make a small one?"

he coughed softly this time, looked away for a second before looking up to call for his friend to make one for me.

i'm too annoying. ^.^

i've become a 14 year old hallyu fan. and when the phase dies down and i re-read my blog, i will probably consider deleting this. nevertheless.. kpop is here to stay for a while.

manufactured dance machines forced to undergo vocal and dance classes and be the top of their games. having heard a couple of boyband types sing live and on the spot during variety game shows at the request of the MC sans music.. oh yea, it's either they are really talented or that's damn a lot of vocal classes. musical instruments are only permissible if all members are crazily talented and look pretty. look at CN Blue and FT Island. plastic surgery? too common. no one really cares unless you're really disillusioned. crazy hairs and outfits? the louder the better. what you get in return for the blood, sweat and tears of these "hallyu idols" is pure refined entertainment that only the south koreans can provide. forget auto-tune. 

of course that Kpop defining moment when Britney Spears and Jay Chou lost to Big Bang in the MTV EMA Worldwide act category in 2011.

my one "addiction"? 2 pm. i blame my friends for introducing Running Man and 2 pm. two of them even used 2 pm's "Without You" intro as part of their wedding march in. which was really quite impressive. doesn't help when i have others who also fawn over them and add fuel along the way. but these boys are too good-looking! and of course, under the JYP entertainment group, they are mad talented, given that i have heard them sing on cue without music.

and they are mad too. a friend introduced me to their own variety show. absolute insanity. but you wouldn't expect anything less from a bunch of 22 to 24 year old boys who don't seem to care about their image. in the latest episode, they had to take care of Moon Mason (adorable 5 year old) and his two younger brothers. to see them looking after the little tykes.. extremely heart-warming. extremely heart-melting.

i need to grow up. not now. but soon enough. ^^

very few shows make me want to blog about them. i haven't even mentioned Running Man (the korean variety series) which i watch almost every night, overtaking Glee.

but Sungkyunkwan Scandal. omg Sungkyunkwan Scandal. (read synoposis here)

beyond the show being a feast for all girls (Park Yoo Chun, Yoo Ah In, Song Joong Ki and Jun Tae Soo) and guys alike (Park Min Young, Seo Hyo Rim and Kim Min Seo), little details of the show just intrigue me. like how "Prof Jung" chooses to teach the Analects of Confucius. such crazy methods. amazing character development of the Prof.

Naturally we're all rooting for the Park Yoo Chun's character and Park Min Young's character to overcome all things and secretly melting every time Song Joong Ki winks.. or when Yoo Ah In puts his hair up.. or when Jun Tae Soo smiles gently at Kim Min Seo's character.

but if you wish to look past the fairytale nonsense... it's awe-inducing to see the King plan against the Noron and Soron factions because he wants to rid corruption and reinstates the Joseon dynasty... his plans that usually lead to or have a deeper meaning to teach not only the two fighting factions but also the students at Sungkyunkwan who are equally divided by factions according to the dorms they stay in... how a Noron, two Sorons, and a Namin (meaning the poor with no political involvement) slowly realize that the bond between them is beyond all political boundaries.

amazing show. and i'm only at ep15. 5 more to go.

Yet while i secretly root for the King, obviously not sure if his plans worked out right 'cos Hanyang is still the capital of South Korea today.. while i admire Professor Jung's unorthodox teaching methods and wit.. the prominent love story message is not lost on me.

it's not enough to find someone who understands you. it's more than being able to communicate well. it's even more than that chemistry and that heart thumping crazily in your chest, about to explode from inside.

it's finding someone who understands and agrees with your life's principals and morals and all that you consider important in life.

once that happens, they understand you. they can communicate with you. and if so, the chemistry that may occur allows for so much more. just like the characters Kim Yoon Hee and Lee Sun Joon. everything started and developed because they understand and agree on what that is important in their lives.

fairytale lala stories don't ever teach that. thank goodness for Sungkyunkwan Scandal. ^-^