at a meeting...

Important Person (IPS): It's like that book JR... that man...

Audience: Tolkien?

IPS: yes yes. him. his book Harry Potter.

Audience: (murmurs) Lord of the Rings...

IPS: ah yes! Tolkien wrote Lord of the Rings and he spoke of the Philosopher stone.


The room stared at one another in muffled murmurs and giggles out of politeness.

I actually felt winded and lost for words as I tried to recollect myself. To make matters worse, a colleague in the meeting who knew that LOTR was my favorite fiction and movie of all time stared at me and burst out laughing, as if he could see the daggers stabbing my heart repeatedly. I could only manage a weak smile back as he tried to fight his laughter.

oh my goodness.. WHY.

The one thing that grieves me most isn't ignorance or negligence. The one thing that grieves me most and cuts the deepest is when someone can look me in the eye and say...

"Yes it's in the Bible. But I am/the world is/reality is..."

And it hurts. It hurts to see the sheep hear His voice and choose to intentionally walk away from it.

The shepherd is good. The shepherd is wise. The shepherd is loving. We may not always agree with it because our human nature argues against it but the Ultimate Shepherd knows His sheep best. He is not a super-sized version of us. He is much greater and more awesome and in a different league from us. 

So why do we consciously and deliberately disobey Him?

Praying. Praying so hard to keep on keeping on. Sigh.

After a grueling intense 4 days of gluttony on His word, I find myself both enriched, intrigued, and so so so tired.

Then when I met T to head home together, she mentioned that one of her friends spoke to her about me. Her friend spoke about how she saw my conviction of my faith, and the drive and love I had for it.

I don't remember speaking to that friend. Which means one of two things: my memory is failing me or she must have been next to me during one of the discussions though we weren't in the same group.

Embarrassing really.

Simply because it wasn't me speaking. Or in a sense, I may have presented it with my words and mouth but it really was the Holy Spirit working in me. I take no pride in my words and thoughts and deeds that glorify Him because He enables my ministry. And also, what did she hear me say??? If it could help someone in their walk, I would love to know what it was so I can help another similarly.

Even then, there's so much to think about and reflect. To ponder and be challenged by. Still, this little whale will keep on keeping on for Him and remember soli deo gloria.