won't you bring me my favorite flowers
of orchids and lilies clothed in white
won't you bring me smiles and laughter
or a bit of snow in a little jar
won't you also say for me a little prayer
when you visit my urn soon?


Please excuse me. its 9.30 am now and my AFA paper is at 2 pm. that's.. how many hours to my death? cannot calculate anymore. please classify me as insane and mentally unfit to take the paper soon.. please...

It's a Saturday morning.. was s'posed to wake at 8.15 am, go to the gym before heading to the lib for more mugging.

instead, i felt crummy. needed a break from the usual routine. slept until 9.30. woke up in time to see mommy before she left for her facial. my one-helluva week meant that i had minimal contact with my family. i half-wished that i had mommy's lifestyle of monthly facials and champagne brunches with old friends and her upcoming vatican trip. (her friend's a nun there.) but when i think abt the times i visited her in the office..

to see her complaining abt the work with aunty sha.. to look at the stacks of documents on her desk.. to notice the highlighted dates on her calendar... to stare at the amt of new mail and the red blinking light on her answering machine.. *hugs my AFA text for all it's worth* I DON'T WANNA GRADUATE!!

anyhoo, decided to stay home for the day. got the lazy strands of nice acoustics.. mellow rock and slow RnB for the weekend. wondering if i shld call Macs for dinner (hot fudge sundae and milkshake.. mmmmm...) or order that huge serving of take-away fish and chips which i'm gonna have trouble finishing from the bistro.. maybe i shld just go to Sebastians and have their warm chocolate cake as dinner.

and i really need to rest. the coughing gives me a headache after a while. i need to give the gym a break. i'll go on wed evening instead.

this stuvac is different. no jingting.. no jane.. the usual faces are far across the pacific ocean save stephanie. but i've got my dear brothers this term as well... really thankful for them all. we're all a bit hysterical but still, they make the studying just a bit more bearable with their little quirks.. loo loo and his toilet slippers.. bryan and his star jumps and push-ups.. dennis and his aching shoulder.. sam and his "public affair".. gabriel and his car.. hee hee.

aites.. need to meet mommy at the club for lunch now. maybe i shld try my luck and suggest Japanese. craving udon... craving udon so very much.

Safest Place to Hide
You have won me over with Your love
That grace and mercy from above
You gave me peace that no one can
The ultimate sacrifice, my passover lamb
And i'll hold to the truth that i find
Of the death for hearts so blind

You're my santuary, my closest friend
You're my living hope, my final end
You're the one i live for, with whom i confide
You are my safest place to hide

You took my troubles and gave me faith
By those nails, You declared me saved
You stretched out arms to broken souls
To become the only truth that I know
For every fall, You helped me up
Thru the storm, You calmed my heart

You're my Savior, my only King
You're the one i give thanks for everything
You're my Father, the one I've learnt to find
that You're the safest place to hide
*****

I don't normally post up my own works in this particular blog. but i realized that most people don't read my other one. which is good to a certain extent, i guess. but i just wanted to share this with all those stressed out over the exams.. esp my dear CFers. look to Him. really. just keep looking to Him. He's more than anything we can ask for.. more than anything we can ever find in this world. yet, He chose to love us first. take comfort in His love. He's all we will ever need for the rest of our lives.

not GPAs. not honours. not high-paying jobs.


they'll fade with time and come to nothingness at the end of the day.


they are not our goals in life. just like we would sing, "I could search for all eternity long and find that there is none like You."


just Him.

(btw, the idea of the song came from one of the same title by Backstreet Boys. it can be found on their latest album. if you ask nicely, i might lend you mine..)

i want to rant.. i need to rant...

i miss jing ting

i miss jane

i miss deborah

i miss ansen

i miss ford

i miss weicheng

i miss youwen


Come back!! all of you!! come back now!!

it's 8.25 in the morning and i've been in the lib since 7.45 am.. more than half an hour liao. i am entitled to rant and rave.

OK! BACK TO AFA AND TAX PLANNING!!

but it goes against the way i am
to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all i do
'cos when those trials come
my human nature shouts the things to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored
- "And I thank you Lord"


don't ask me why. this chorus has been stuck in my head over the past few days. along with the chorus of In Christ Alone. i would love to credit the writers. but i don't know who they are..


in Christ alone, i place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross
in every victory let it be said of me
my source of strength, my source of hope
is Christ alone
- "In Christ Alone"


think circumstances over the past few days have made it tiring for me. especially with my insane medication that's woken me up over 5 times the other night and thankfully only once last night... and shaking fingers too.. haiz. what to do?

the songs just keep reminding me... not to rely on my own strength. 'cos i know i will falter and crash and burn. He's the one who's been keeping me strong.. keeping me going despite the situations i find myself in. the many times i feel like lashing out at people who annoy me or when they make me feel upset or uncomfortable, i look to Him for patience and find serenity in His mere existence.

thanking Him for the company when i study.. for the ability to cope with the stresses.. for the discipline in my time table...

hoping all my brothers and sisters in christ are doing fine too... praying for us all. =)

Some pics from "Dance: east and west" performance. i know. the girls are gorgeous.. ahahaha.. this is what the guys get from scoffing the class as a nonsense, no-point-wasting-time-on class. no pretty girls.. muahahahaha.

the Chinese Dance Group. got more ppl.. just the photos weren't very nice, as according to elgin.

the Malay dance group. one of the indian girls in that group is really really pretty! too bad there isn't a shot of her here.

The indian dance group. i really liked their costumes. it was just.. really.. really. elaborate and breath-taking. don't think i would have been able to carry it off anyway.

Us! the office ladies. heez. no pictures of elgin, our dear office guy. oh well. when the group picture comes out, i'll definitely post it up!

me and Da Ge in our respective outfits.

Dr Siri's sweet little daughter, Amara

Caren, our dance instructor.

she's a really lovely lady. got to chat with her and at least she realizes that i do take a serious interest in dance. once she got her hand on the program of art performances that were gonna be at the national museum, she came over and share them with me. i did want to catch "Loft". Now, i'm wondering if i wanna watch the opera performance by Joanne Wong as well.

So many things.. so little time and money. how how? anyhoo, here are some events i wanna catch. if you wanna watch them as well, drop me tag or comment or msg via msn. and we can get down to booking!

1. Late Nite @ Esplanade: Budak Pantai unplucked
- http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=621
- $25
- Date: 29th Dec

2. Loft!
- http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/openingfestival/event_perf_loft.html
- Free admission
- Date: 30th or 31st Dec

3. Homemade, a Celebration of Singapore music
- http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/openingfestival/event_perf_homemade.html
- Free admission
- don't know which date to go for..

anyhoo.. can't make it for Joanne Wong's performance. will be away in Melbourne at that time. but if anyone's interested, go check it out here: http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/openingfestival/event_perf_operadivas.html

ok lah... need to study again. sighz..

finished the last of my classes. ok, not really. there's a tax planning workshop next tuesday. oh well. dance class was fantastic. we did it. it felt really good, being able to finish the dance with a flourish, knowing that i contributed my little part. makes me wanna start dancing again. perhaps i'll finally get down to learning salsa casino. ahaha. right.. salsa intermediate or latin jazz, anyone?

been eyeing my schedule from today onwards. getting a bit of a headache for real right now. think also due to lack of sleep. Events lined up for the rest of nov and dec...

20-26 Nov: StuVac (study vacation)
28-30 Nov: Exams!
5-8 Dec: SMUCF December Camp (can't wait!!!)
8-10 Dec: Cruise
16-21 Dec: Melbourne trip
23 Dec: Gym Party
28 Dec: SMUCF post-Christmas/pre-NY party
New Year's: Dim Sum buffet with the dearies back from exchange.

hm.. gaps ah... got. 1 - 4 Dec, 11 - 15 Dec, and after 21st Dec.. i think ahahaha.. wanna have a quiet little meal with the cell group as well. perhaps can do a lunch for them then invite the rest of the CFers over for movies. the long-waited movie marathon. heez. haven't cooked for friends since the summer hols. been wanting to make pasta, and i mean make pasta from scratch. it's the egg-in-a-well technique that i've never tried before. will have to see what i can come up with.

because i'm bored and refusing to study, i've even thought of the menu.

appetizers - cheesy sausage sticks with pasta sauce
mains - seafood parchment pasta
side - mint mashed peas (trust me. these are absolutely lovely. Give Peas a Chance!)
desserts - chocolate pie tart (with gooey chocolate goodness inside, tell me... how can u resist it?)

movie marathon snacks - mini cupcakes (with the lovely vanilla cream + rainbow rice, chocolate rice and what-have-you toppings)

subject to changes, naturally. it's just a tentative menu.. my dearest cgms.. what say you? forget the diets for a day. indulge. we'll all hit the gym after that.








and oh... SA5!! when are we having our next outing?

on Monday's papers, 13 Nov, in Youthlink, SMU was mentioned..

of course they had to. we are the SMUgger university that doesn't sleep. we embrace the humor in it without a doubt. but what made me terribly upset with the article was the issue of booking gsrs..

or rather, the issue of not booking gsrs.

i have reason to suspect that the characters in the article were merely figment of the writer's imagination. why? i know of friends who have stamped out annoying SMU students who booked alternate half-hours. what did my friends do? book the untaken half-hours and went into the gsr every half hour to chase them out. my friends simply waged war.

my friends meant it. they had blocked booked that particular gsrs all the time.. by full slots. no one bothered abt saving that half-hour. it was a matter of integrity. sure, not quite the smartest thing 'cos you give up that half-hour. but think abt it. it's a selfish, conceited and calculative method to save half an hour each time for future use. doesn't opportunity cost mean anything? doesn't fair play mean anything?

so when the jnrs decided to play dirty with their "alternate half-hour bookings", my friends fought back. they won the gsr back eventually, with the jnrs calling them childish thru a string of very angry emails started by the jnrs. pot calling kettle black? at least my friends weren't cheating others.

i went to the facility booking browser. true enough, no one was doing "alternate half-hour bookings". instead, they would book for 1.5 - 2 hrs, leave half an hour inbetween and book another 1.5-2 hrs in that particular gsr. it's seriously bleeping annoying. i really shld be doing my reports but this issue just infuriated me soooo much that i had to let it all out.

what happened to the SMU that i knew and *heart* so much? it's probably the only thing making me glad that i'm leaving.. yet sad at the same time... knowing that my batch is likely the last of pioneer students who spoke of integrity and fair-dealing with coming to petty issues like booking of gsrs and what-not. now, we've given into the depravity of man.. conniving little buggers. argh!!! what's SMU coming to?

if your excuse is that, "we only do it once or twice," then what's the cost to you? 0.5-1 hr? does it really matter? do these things translate to anything gain at the end of the term? why play dirty? perhaps i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. but it saddens me to see the warm cosy SMU i knew turn into some place manipulative because of.. well.. fresh blood. it's not as though the credits can be carried forward for future use. what's the point, right? morons.

now the rest of Singapore's gonna wonder abt the future when these idiots go out into the working world.. saving on tiny stuff that don't matter. one two words. damn scrooges













sooooo tempted now.. to book all the half hour slots between booking from people who do that "save half-hour" crap. just to teach them a lesson. damn buggers.

everything just feels so surreal right now.. kind of a floaty feeling as i sit in front of my laptop and try to return back to a different kind of reality.

the entire weekend at the Singapore River Regatta.. the morning trips to the mrt toilet.. waiting at raffles place mrt... our location just outside UOB plaza near to ngee ann poly, scf, nus, ntu and sim.. my two eye candies (who are attached).. trying to study.. talking to the team.. eating with the team.. laughing and crying with them.. the euphoria at coming in third place.. knowing that the first and our team were all within a second.. new personal best for the girls' boat.. the disappointment at the mixed semis when we missed by half a second to qualify for the finals..

the two days of a whole host of emotions and memories with the team felt so much longer. and it feels as though it was all a dream. but i value all the memories.. of just being able to sit around and crap. like how ben and i just people-watched together instead of studying.. making sandwiches with the girls.. macs with sophie when i really had no appetite.

right now, i'm just soooo drained. aching.. sleepy.. no appetite.. wondering if all that really happened. i'm just re-reading Roy's email over and over again, trying to convince myself that i'm not dreaming.

Now that everything's ended and we have proudly brought home our first medal, I will like to congratulate every single one of you for being winners not just on the races but also in life. To me, medals are merely cheap pieces of alloys, but it’s the fighting spirit and pride behind the winning process, the process of achieving the cause as A-TEAM, the journey from a rookie that everyone sneer at, to a fierce fighter that every competitor fear, frown upon and respect.

thank you so much, Roy, for being there for the team all this while.. for your endless support and trust in us when no one else thought that we could make it.

just soo many people to thank. to the team who made all these memories. to mr sng for being so patient with us, allowing us to see the results of our hardwork and not giving up on us. to God, who saw me through the tiring weekend, aches, tears and whatnots. i really give thanks for it all.

on saturday morning, Joan asked us what we wanted out of competition. we stood in one circle and said that we were going to come in first. we didn't. that doesn't matter to me. because before my first race, i muttered a little prayer while my left forearm was on the verge of cramping up. (thankiew esther dear, for being so supportive when it did cramp up just before the mixed heats)

i prayed that no matter what the results, i didn't want to regret all i'd done. looking back.. all the hard work that went into the preparation of the race. we worked too *bleeping* hard for me to be able to look back and regret all that now even if the girls came back medal-less. our opponents were strong. we can be stronger. we just gotta keep working at it.

thank you, team SMU. keep on fighting.

From:
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006 3:18 PM
To: SMU Students
Cc: SMU_Faculty_Admin
Subject: GOOD NEWS! LI KA SHING LIBRARY OPENS 24x7 for EXAM PERIOD

*****
congratulations SMU, you have the honor of being named the university of chao SMUgger toads. scarily enough, my first thought upon seeing the email was

"FINALLY!"

i *heart* Smoo.. we're strange ppl.. but we *heart* the place. so much that we can't seem to leave the building.
*****

Welcome to SMU, the university that never sleeps.

Things that make me smile
- sour ribbons, sour skittles and volles rohr saurer apfel!
- rose or chamomile tea
- a good fantasy book
- smell of lavander from my incense burner
- clay aiken on repeat mode

Moments that make me smile
- sitting by the pond at botanic gardens alone, writing down random thoughts that come to mind
- sitting in a pub with a warm orange glow ambience, good chill out music, good beer and good company
- having alexis grab my finger with a gurgle of a laugh before trying to eat it
- when alexis gurgles when i tease her
- when alexis gurgles when i lie down next to her and smile at her
- basically when i know i make alexis happy just by being with her
- to rest in the warmth of the arms of someone who loves me and i love back

Wasn't in a good mood.. after witnessing a ugly verbal fight at the bus stop on the way home last night. was shaking on the bus. derno if it's the trauma or the disppointment or the anger at the depravity of humans. but honestly, if i'm a bit emotion and high-strung/mellow/confused for the night, it's just.. i derno. thinking of things that make me happy. things just make me smile. i want my clay aiken.

I feel like I never measure up to who you see
Sometimes I think I can't give you all the love you need
You keep changing everyday
Amazing me in everyway.

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I promise I will hold you through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with you
I know there's angels by your side

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have
- Clay Aiken "Everything I Have"

think most ppl know how much i like his voice. I remember being stuck in the old campus, one of the gsr in accountancy, doing Corp Reporting project in the still of the night. and serah, in her tiredness, declared, "i'm dedicating this song to Jun!" then she played "The Way" on her laptop.

FOR ME!!!!

i lurve that girl. then there was once Jt and i heard it the song in a store. we purposefully lingered until the song ended. yes, we are hopeless. now "everything i have" is on repeat mode. i want my own clay aiken..