you know something's wrong when you have your friends/sisters telling you that they are bumping into your other friends and all your other friends have to say about you is..

"yar!!! i haven't seen her in ages!!"

or the first thing your friends say during a phone conversation is

"where have you been????"



reminds me of my 2 mth hiatus from the pianobar. it's sweet when Jevon shines the flashlight in your face annoyingly as he interrogates on where you've disappeared. even sweeter when Jamie is nodding in agreement and asks to visit the rock you've been hiding under. of course i miss my boys.



back to the topic. i'm sorry. i haven't been as diligent in meeting up. feels like i'm crawling back under my rock to hide. give me 'til mid May. and i'll have all the time in the world for you guys. for about 2 week, i think.

better than nothing right?


time to take a queue number, people. or start initiating conversations on msn. i don't pay that much attention to msn 'cos of silly friends who insist on "appearing offline" and hoping that i'd msg them to see if they are there.. boo to you too.

****
side note: ODed song of the mo'. don't ask me why so sappy. i also want to know. helps that he's cute...

这世界太快
连爱都不例外
尽管我很努力想要跟上你的节拍
我慢慢明白
以为的细心等待
却根本不符合这个时代
怪自己慢了半拍

to my defence, i'm not that sloooow anymore. it's been nearly 3 years since i graduated. give me a little more credit.

ok ok. back to work. urgh.

the lunar new year descended upon us silently, more so with each year we get older. yet, the memories get more precious and funnier too. the chwee kueh versus muah chee as written in the previous post was just the tip of the iceberg.



#1 antiseptic vs blister balm

before we left the house for the day, the younger sister complained to the older sister abt scratches from the kittens while trying to get the blister balm. the older sister passed the not-so-little one antiseptic lotion. so she started applying the lotion to her ankles, still complaining abt the kittens. we stared at her.


"why are you applying the lotion to your ankles?" the older sister asked.


"to prevent the blisters????" the younger one replies. there shld never be more than 1 conversation topic ongoing in the morning. seriously.




#2 reason why cny visits are getting shorter

we sat around the sofa watching some of them rock out to band hero. the older sister turns to douglas and asks him how his visiting has been. he laments that the houses are fewer, so the money is lesser than previous years. then he sighs.


"We have less places to go now 'cos everyone is dying."


we had to make sure we weren't laughing too hard. douglas ftw.



#3 introducing the new bra padding of the year

we decided to make use of the dvd player in the car this year. but everyone was so dead tired, even me. i missed snippets of the movie playing. anyway, the older sister was the one who brought the dvd along and set it up. she dozed off shortly after that. when she awoke, i noted a plastic bag (it was holding the dvd) stuffed into her dress. i poked her.


"you're really not that flat as compared to me, you know.. and even if you were stuffing the chest, shldn't it be at the bustline and not in between the bust?"


#4 not understanding the concept of pencil line skirts

the new dress i bought isn't very good for climbing stairs and taking brisk wide steps. i sighed as i struggled to walk normally. the older sister watched the whole thing. walking from the void deck to the car after our final house of the morning, she suddenly screamed:


"last one to the car treats dinner!!!"


everyone burst into a sprint. the stupid father brisk-walked, knowing full well that he would beat me. i sighed and continued to the car OTOT. if i was treating dinner, they wld have to wait for me anyway.


#5 bfs are not waiters

the dinner treat was converted to an afternoon trip to cafe iguana. so the bfs of the sisters decide to come down and join us. it was the first time one of the bfs joined us. when he arrived, the younger sister, younger bro, father and other bf were at the pool table.


out of politeness, the later bf went up to wish the father a happy lunar new year. the father later confessed that he thought that the bf was a waiter and he was wondering why he was so nice to wish him a happy lunar new year.


******

what a year.. really what a year.

CS Lewis on Love

(edited at 10.27 pm)

Came across this in Timothy Keller's "The Reason For God". thought it was really nice.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your hearts to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will be unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.
- C.S Lewis

There's really no wonder why Lewis is really one of my fave authors of all time. :)

*******

My younger brother has won the idiot of the year award. in our attempt to make muah chee, we sent him out to buy the ingredients. he bought 2 packs of flour. ingenious, you'd think, since it meant that we would have more muah chee...

what then happened was that we ended up with 3 massive chwee kueh. in my mother's frustration, we returned to the internet to look for other recipes. i popped into the kitchen, determined to make right. then i noticed...

the dumbass bought rice flour instead of glutinous rice flour as instructed.

the mother and i headed out to buy glutinous rice flour. through the entire car ride, mommy cldn't stop scolding the boy in a smatter of hokkien and teochew. she was just shy of calling him a s.k.n.

as i'm typing this, the boy is kneeling down in front of the microwave oven, at the command of the mother, to make sure that this batch is perfect.

*******

to Mr Lee Alexander McQueen, thank you for all your beautiful quirky designs. for the lovely shoes. for the gorgeous bags. for being such a joy to the fashion world.

Rest in peace, sir. you are missed.

Quote of the month'
"Even mothers have to let go at some point. And you're not a mother yet." -Jia taking it upon herself to, ironically, 'mother-lecture' me.

i declare 6th feb's party at J Bar to be the epic party of the year.

for now at least.

until the crazy-ass Dre-gym team throws another fun-soaked party. and by "fun-soaked", i mean one with snazzy wine, loads of chips, a good old tv showing an amazing Man Utd match (5-0, whoot!!), amazing music and just damn a lot of laughter.

and oh, as much as i love my bros for the amazing present which reminds me that they are still thinking of little 'ol me in manchester after i haven't seen them in ages, i will NOT down gin neat anymore for them. it's just gross. jx, can we return to the good 'ol days of jello shots, vodka watermelons and whatever concoction the both of us whipped up in jackson's kitchen? c'mon..... i know you miss those days.

despite all those late nights, i have to say that the new year resolution is still all good. i'm still happily sober and taking care of friends. and yes, having tonnes of fun.

and when i see new fresh faces, i wonder where that part of me disappeared too. i'm not just talking abt the very obvious fact that i'm officially pale and pasty after i've lost my tan. but just, i still feel like i haven't found myself completely.

i know what i need for that part to come back. but it's gonna take time. esp when salsa classes seem to be started later than what that has been stipulated on the website. i'm going to call people to question them again.

back to the dance floor...

back to the ivory keys...

back to the Life Fitness weights..

back to the books...

back to the drawing board...

back to the writing pad...

back to the people i love and care abt...


back to me. sigh.

i don't expect people to understand. at least not the pagans. but when the equally yoked look at me with renewed interest and think i'm tough, i send them crashing back to earth by telling them that i probably struggle more than anyone else does..

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."
- Ephesians 5:25-27

it's so easy to simplify this by just saying that Christ's love for the church was sacrificial. thus, husbands are to do the same. but how oft we miss what that follows!



it's not just about making your wife aware of an "emotion".

it's not just about being able to die in the place of your wife.



it's about being the one, that through your love for the woman you make your lifelong partner, to help build up her knowledge and love for God. it's about being the one who points her to God. it's about being the one who that by doing all that, does it for the glory of God.

as i hear friends getting attached/engaged/married, i pray so earnestly that the equally yoked have found the partner who's right in the eyes of God and not the world. what are material riches compared to the spiritual blessings of God?

right now, i'll gladly remember Paul's words to the people..

"Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am."
- 1 Cor 7:6-8

so stop asking me about "taking chances". not when i definitely know that there's no solid ground below, no hand to hold and there will be hell to pay. forget it.

and seriously, stop reading so much into my msn personal msg. they are all lines from songs. really. *bleah*

sundays are fun days with the family, as usual.

after an afternoon of pruney fingers, a lot of screaming and soap suds.. i ended up at iguana's with the brother.

later in the evening, the brother decides to make pina colada. unknown to us was the proportion of the coconut milk, pineapple juice and rum. my mom takes a sip and makes a face, saying that there was too much rum. i take a sip and make another face.

"too much coconut. omg."

then my sister tells us that she saw the pina colada curdle. and thankfully she forced him to add more pineapple juice.

by the end of the conversation, we were affectionately addressing the drink as santan colada, with the brother hollering in the background, "santan-a colada! you know? like pinA colada? santanA colada!!!"



it's a stomachache waiting to happen. omg. i'm dead tmr. i swear. sigh.

while checking out of Crockfords today, we bumped into Andrew who's the overall VP of rooms. while chatting with him, another of mommy's colleagues came up to say hi. then he looked at us, "these must be your three princesses."


we naturally smiled back shyly. it wasn't like we were still teens. "princess" sounded weird.. but as i walked back to the carpark, staring at the butler carrying our bags and walking us to the car, i sighed softly. another whirlwind weekend of meeting people, both familiar and strangers.. and getting past queues.. having fantastic service.. and just being absolutely pampered.


i then looked at mommy, "2 months. 3 hotels. it's gonna take a while until i get used to the normal life again."


i paused and looked at her, "then there's banyan tree. and then angsana..."


mommy looked at me, "it's all a little surreal, isn't it?"



i could only nod in reply as i thought of the michael graves watch (as pretty as the Alessi kettle is, i am not spending $328 on a kettle when i can get a watch for $170, sorry) waiting for me in its display cabinet as we walked past jimmy choo, vertu, tumi, bvlgari, chanel and the likes.


i've repeated myself time and time again. i do live a semi-charmed life. but oh gosh. to know that i have a butler at hand to draw my bath, bring me a mix of rasberries, blueberries, blackberries and strawberries for supper and make me a nice hot chamomile tea before i sleep.. to have a pillow menu to order pillows from.. AND A NESPRESSO IN MY ROOM!!! omg omg omg..



ok, it's not all sunshine and butterflies. we had to review the hotel. and it wasn't easy. every corner we turned and met people, mommy will end up talking abt work and we'd add our 2 cents worth when needed. we climbed non-working escalators.. get splashed by fountains that aren't working properly (one looking constipated, the other resembling a natural disaster..)

plus the dust. my throat is suffering a little. and every time i return to the room, i have to wash my face. the bvlgari lotion makes everything a little better. and there's the inane drilling to wake you up from listless sleep due to your mother's snoring late at night..

i feel sorry for roger. for ralf. for ben. for marian. for andrew... steve.. heidi.. charles.. the lower end staff the people behind the scene living on minimal sleep. but the bosses impress me. that with minimal rest, they are always ready with a smile and incredible professional poise because of the people they are serving. because of their team.

the staff are on shift work. not the bosses. not those surviving on 2-4 hours of sleep in the hotel and being on their feet the whole day. yet the bosses are amazing. they are taking one for their team. because the team belongs to them. the hotel belongs to them. they are the ones taking the feedback and working to improve everything WITH everyone.

it's incredible to watch these people work. how they communicate with fresh-faced people when they are on a high from lack of sleep. these people are who i want to work for. i can't imagine anyone who wld be able to motivate me anymore than they can.

to see that smile from the bosses. that appreciation for your 8 hours when they are putting in 20 hours themselves. you can't help but want to work even harder to lessen their burden. of course, then you get peter stuffing people into pointy shoes that hurt. but i know where he's coming from. if i worked for Peter, i'd change my hair and wear pointy shoes just to fit into the culture and make the guest feel like they are in a rock-ass hotel.


i can swoon abt these bosses for as long as i would swoon abt the michael graves gallery, chihuly gallery (omg. absolute love.), the crockfords room, the michael's room, the hard rock room, the amazing long ass corridor in festive hotel (amazing for dog-n-bone!!!).



yar. i need out. sigh.


for now, it's gonna take me time to settle back into the life of a pauper once more. sigh. wake up.. wake up..

i fell. again.

not that it's anything new. i'm so incredibly clumsy. if you ever had your physiotherapist tell you to not fall for a month, raise up your hands. *raises hands. both hands.*

with every fall, there's a new scar to speak of. then a friend asked me if i was going to be wearing pants more to hide the scars and wounds.

and i told her no. what are physical scars but just skin deep indication of healing?

i'm not one to worry about scars. in fact, i think scars give a person character. it could be frivolous ones like i have from falling.. it could be that huge ass one that francis has on his abs after being an idiotic hero for standing up for his friends. every scar has a story to tell.. big or small.

physical or not.

of course it's the phantom scars that speak the most. those that people will never know until you tell them about it.

everyone has a scar. and with its story to tell, i don't believe that a scar could be ugly. sure, it is an imperfection. but give me a perfectly imperfect man than one who jests at scars and never felt a wound. as Wallace Stegner said,

"Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom but to scar tissue and callus."

how very true. i would like to think that come the day i'm walking with my Lord in His house, He'll look at me and not see my world successes or failures but the scars upon my soul and heart. those that speak of the wounds healed by Him. all of them.

He'll never leave a wound open. it's not His character to not heal His children. and with each indication of a healed wound, i'm reminded of His goodness. of His love. telling me to not dwell on the wound but move on, looking back once in a while to learn from the scar tissue.

it's another reminder too. to not leave the wound open.

so often, He provides that scar tissue but we scoff at it. we think we are able to heal ourselves or with zealous romanticism in our heads, we embrace our wounds and forego a scar. but with that open wound, we never really move on. we never really heal.

He's healed too many of my wounds and left too many scars for me to ignore His existence. to ignore His calling to be His. to ignore His love. He took my biggest wound upon Himself and scarred Himself for me. that just as Thomas put his hands to the Lord's scars from the nails on the cross, may i also do that very thing and remember all that He's done.

and the fact that it's no longer a wound but a scar.. i need to remember why the scar happened and move on without turning back.

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."

- Harry Crews

help me help myself stop the self-inflicted hurting, Lord. give me my scars.

It's the end of the year. there are 26 days left before Christmas descends on us.

already, the festivities have started with mini chimichangas, nachos, iguana lager and lime margarita at 2.45 pm in little greenwood with the bro and father.

26 days to christmas in taiwan.

26 days left to the day of remembrance that my God came down to earth to die that He may bring me back to His side for His glory and my salvation.

26 days and the rest of my life on earth to thank Him for all the goodness He's shown me in His own ways.

through happy times filled with laughter and squeals of glee..

through all the trials and tribulations and many many tears..

He's given me memories, both big and small. good and big. and i'm thankful. i'm ever so grateful that I've had that chance to walk with Him while i'm still finding myself.

and that people He's put with me. all my brothers and sisters. that amazing select that He's chosen for Himself.

and yet my heart goes out to those who have yet to say, "Abba Father." to those who have yet to say, "Te amo, mi Dios."

those who have yet to say, "my life is not mine to live. it's Yours. i give me to You. have Your way with me, Lord, that Your will be done, not mine."

it's even more frustrating when people just think of religion as a moral compass. it's beyond that. it's a lifestyle. it's just soooo much more. i can't do any more other then to keep praying. to keep hoping.

**

i'm still praying for you. that you'll know my Lord the way i know Him... that as His plans unravel in your life, i'll find you next to me, supporting me in the way you already do and even more. even that random sms counts for smth.

but other than that, i'm sorry. i really am.

quick musings...

work's been a.. well.. bitch. late nights.. unreasonable clients.. deadlines.. and currently sticking a foot into 4 projects is probably going to kill me as well. i feel bad that i'll need to sit down and talk to an incredibly sweet boss to tell him that i can't help him anymore.

why this project? the mere fact that i'm really just the most junior staff providing input. and i know he's put me on the project because it's really such an incredible learning experience. but i just can't cope. not with 4 projects. something's got to give. and it's most unfortunate that it's his project.

on a lighter note, i finally got to watch Maksim perform. and he played "Claudine". such an amazing beautiful sad piece. i am inspired to go back to the classicals again. just hope it doesn't bring back horror memories of exams.

and yes, i finally bought the new Budaki Pantai CD. on friday, sl and i popped into starbucks before we headed back to office. i couldn't resist christmas in a cup.. then "Nothing Also Can" caught my eye. naturally, i picked it up and bought it.

who was to know that i would meet Joe and Gordon at Asian Kitchen Teahouse for dinner? the rest were so incredibly sweet as they pushed me to get the guys' autograph. so yes, my "Nothing Also Can" has been autographed by the two boys in my horrific fangirl moment.

crazy-ass week. and more to come. sigh. let's pray that things start to look up and if they don't, i'll continue to be strong for Him.

dynamics have changed around me. more boys. with the noobs.. with the dragonboaters.. and i'm actually loving it.

there's a sense of familiarity with the boys.

i feel like i'm me.

like i'm back home.

where i know there's that comforting hand for me to hold and a shoulder to rest on. to have that warm palm of assurance resting on my shoulder of back. it feels like a mix of jc and uni. it's. incredible. let's hope this lasts for a while longer. :D

***

on a side note, i'm totally in love with Owl City. Adam Young is a one-man army. while jay-z is singing about death of auto-tune, i'm hoping that Adam holds onto it. the whole electro-pop thing is amazing.



Time together isn't ever quite enough
(When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home)

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
(We need time, only time)

When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?
(If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?)

So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
(All the time, all the time)