so many.. so many rants that follow today's Townhall Conference. in essence, it was mindless propaganda to convince disgruntled staff that they have been empowered to make a difference and be the difference that they want to see. huh. heard it a million times... seen it flop a million times. stop lying to our face, dear Firm.

**

on a lighter note, after dinner, i sat in front of the telly and finished a show with my dad. based in chongqing, zhongshan, it was a true story about a man who carved 6,000 steps into the mountain for a woman that he loved. archived footages of the couple were sweet. really really sweet.

(read more on the couple here.)

the son of the couple recounts how the father would go down the mountain to gather food and what-nots while the mother stood outside the house diligently to await his return.

then you learn that the man fell sick... you hear how the woman he called his wife made her way down the mountain at 2 am in the rain to her son's place at the foot of the mountain to call for help... only to find out that she reached the bottom only at daybreak given her age... then how he passed away due to a stroke a few hours later when they returned.. and finally watching the elderly woman press her eyes in painful remembrance as she tells the camera how much she still wishes for the man she spent half a century loving to come back to get her, it hits you..



love really is just that pure and simple.



unconvulated by the complexities of today's world and the selfishness of man's sinful heart... pure and simple love does still exists.


that's one little thing i pray i'll never forget.

going to the toilet has turned into an excursion with the toilets on my floor deciding to take a renovation break. Not too bad. i get daily forced exercise when climbing up 2 flights of stairs to get the toilet on the 7th floor. retarded. but it works.

side note, in a bid to help a friend find apt songs to sing at our company's D&D (the attached responsibility of playing music buddy/dictionary to a friend), i found this one that i like. a lot. never knew the title. not the band. now i do.

enjoy.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

something a few friends and i talked about. like how kids can no longer be punished in schools without parents going into overdrive about the kid's self esteem and yadda yadda what-have-yous.

we then agreed that if we ever had kids of our own, we would not spare the rod. simply because we turned out to be healthy adults with no self-esteem issues or anger mgt problems.

then i thought about it. it's simply back to the simple rule of nature: survival of the fittest. (for the lack of a better concept..)


kids born in the 80s used to always get caned or spanked. i firmly believe that the stronger ones always become more resilient. we always found a way to dodge the cane, be it throwing canes away or holding the cane hostage while hiding behind the couch. when hiding was no longer an option, we turn to prevention. we learnt what was approved and what wasn't.

we adapted to the 'abuse'. we grew stronger with each caning or punishment received. we don't have self-esteem issues. we don't blame anyone for our punishments. we take it, we adapt and we remain confident of ourselves as persons.

the weaker ones.. well.. crumble.


it's just part of life isn't it? you get what you give. God forbid that the world becomes filled with spoilt dumbasses. sigh.




on a side note, i think this will be an awesome show..

credits to leloveimage.blogspot.com

28 June 2003. wow.

sure, that was more than 7 years ago. i've had similar moments too. i can assure you that i have never doubted your feelings for her. i don't doubt that the way you feel is different now. it has to be different because you're older. because you've seen more of life. because you've moved on (i hope).

Only God knows how much you loved her back then. How happy she made you. how devoted you were to the girl who made you happy just by smiling and smsing you. How painless the relationship was until towards the end when it started to get screwed up. Only God knows how much pain you went through and how long it took you to finally get over her (assuming that you have already).

i don't know if it still hurts when you mention her now or not. but it probably does. and i'm quite sure you miss her tonnes, whether you admit it or not. you have to. you were seemingly selfless in your pursuit of her affections. she was your sunshine. your light. your hope. you were always bursting to declare how much she meant to you.

i promise, as your best friend, that i'll be there when the next one comes along to make sure that you will love her even more than you ever did with anyone. i'll make sure that she mends your heart if she should ever break it. we'll make the next one work, i promise.

if not, what kind of a best friend would i be if i can't help you be happy? it is my oligation. it is my responsibility. to you, here's to hoping. i'll cope.

you know sometimes you get that feeling that something bad has happened..

you call.. you sms.. no response..

and with every second ticking away, you find yourself becoming more nervous. more anxious. more afraid..


but you've done whatever you can do, short of being a psychotic-stalker..

what do you do?




you simply pray. you simply pray with all your heart that everything is ok. that everything is fine. that nothing is wrong. that the little chill in your heart and uneasiness in your tums will go away once you receive that sms or call.

i'm praying. just praying.

Hong Kong, oh Hong Kong...

it wasn't an intense trip. but it was oh-so-fun. exhilarating. holidays like this aren't going to happen anymore. i just know. each holiday is different from the other.

this one. just.. *sigh*

friday spelt the start of my leave period. or rather thursday evening when i left office deliriously happy and a huge load off my chest and back.


so i'm on leave until next sunday (whoots!). and yes, it's one of them self-discovery break from work. and i discovered that i want to be a stay-home wife/mom.


i'm not kidding.


as the bus trudged along orchard road, bringing me home, i stared wistfully at the afternoon crowd and wished i was part of it. it's not just the shopping. it's the ability to just do what you really want to do. like bake. cook. look after the kids. i actually want to do all that.


speaking of kids, i had the chance of 'influencing' a baby on the train again. the first time i exerted some form of power, i got a baby to nom the blankie. today, i was standing by the door and there was a baby just at the seat by the glass. for convenience's sake, let's address the kid as "he".


the kid was gurgling and grinning widely at me. i smiled back widely and stuck my tongue out. he looked at me, pressed his face against the glass and stuck his tongue, still pressed against the glass. he was just licking glass. i burst out in silent laughter.


anyway, i digress.. i'm not looking for a lifestyle of the rich and famous. i don't need to buy high-end luxury goods. i just want to do what i want to do.


one nice thing about this leave is the little gems that i find along the way. like at the takashimaya food festival, i found a really good roast! Mocambo coffee by the Drago family. even without sugar, the cafe latte had a buttery texture. and the aftertaste is sweet! absolute love. i spoke to the girl serving me and found out that they are opening up a cafe at the promenade mrt station. whoots!!


much to do this leave period. much to do. :)

my first attempt at chinese song writing. no tune in mind. no music. just words. bleah. i suck at tunes.

雨天
歌词:秀君

好久没见到你，你还好吗
不知你现在在那里
你还是会觉得我的疑问很烦恼
还为了我的唠叨而不又自觉的笑

好久没见到你，你还是一样吗
不知你还是喜欢雨天
就在这个时间还是喜欢坐在窗口
看着雨点在窗外留下来或亲你的脸

想知道下雨那天你有没有想到我
看着雨点滴下来有没有想起我的泪
雨天寒冷有没有怀念我紧紧抱着你
因为在雨天我还是想念你温柔的体温
还是记得你身上那熟悉的香味
能不能再回到你在下雨那天离开了我身边
重新在给我最后一个机会爱你

***
on a side note, heard the remix of "Big Girls Don't Cry" between Fergie and Sean Kingston. i really hate how they add autotune to songs that are already amazing and just.. grossified it. yar, i'm creating my own words now too. it just upsets me when a perfectly good song is ruined. sigh.

gimme the original any day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agrXgrAgQ0U

i need a holiday.

one where i'm away from familiar faces. one where i can spend the day just nuaing over coffee to rest from walking the streets for photo ops. now that i've got my Sony 550, i can go mad.

maybe i'll meet a stranger who'd sweep me off my feet and give me a whirlwind holiday for that period i'm away. a stranger who makes it so easy for me to fall in love with and, just as easily, walk away from.

i wld love to venture back to melbs again. my home away from home. but it's expensive. plus, i have to save up for crazy travelling next year. Florida beckons. Esp when mommy's super keen on flying business class. plus there's Melbs and Sydney (memo to self: cfm with jl again)

i'm just tired.


tired of being expected to meet close to impossible expectations which would be easily possible if the cloning technology was available to me. tired of lowering my own expectations of people. tired of being ignored by people whom i'm awaiting responses/actions from. tired of people who expect me to live my life as though they are my King/Queen.

just tired.

something just screams to me that working late and surviving on 5 hours of sleep will kill me eventually. that's assuming that politics in office haven't taken me down with the mutiple stab wounds on the back.

i miss the simpler days. where people aren't two-faced. where people mean what they say. where people keep their promises. and where apologies are sincere. i want to be a kid again. 'cos at least i'm ignorant of all this shit to even realize that it's happening around me.

i never meant for this to be a long post but geez, there's only so much a girl can take. you tell me that i am crazily positive and with an incredible attitude. you tell me that i'm carefree. you make me out to be such a bundle of sunshine. then you take me down by telling me that you think i'm useless and close to be hopeless.

even the sun burns out

even angels fall


and in the middle of all this, i hear malicious gossip that i'm not on good terms with people and i'm cocky. seriously? the last time that happened, it was in.. oh wait... UNI. and everytime, it happens because of people who i either do not know well or do not know AT ALL.

i've been called names by these people... proud.. rude.. selective with people i hang out (i.e. my monday night bus buddies who happen to be some of the popular jocks 'cos hey, that's the time SPORTS CCAS ALL END.).. arrogant.. a bitch.. even names that suggest i don't have any female friends and only guy friends.. now there's cocky to add to the list.

whatever for? just because i'm confident? if it is, i admit, i don't know where i get my confidence from except from God. i don't know for what reasons i can attribute my confidence to. all i know is that if i don't believe in myself, it's people like you who'll take me down. and i refuse to let you interfere with my life and wreck it for me.


Never. i've been through too much shit to let you win at any point of my life.


i'm not proud of the names or characteristics that have been attributed to me. the ego in me takes pride in the fact that you let me affect your life so badly that you see the need to take me down. and if you think i'd reciprocate, please... that's beneath me. i have no reason to take anyone down.

plus i don't believe anyone else other than God has the power to destroy my life. and i don't give a shit about why you think you need to mess up my life. i don't care for the reasons you give yourself to screw up my life. i care for your lack of self confidence. perhaps that's why i'm arrogant and cocky..


my friends expect me to retaliate. close friends know i can tear someone down in a rather merciless and cryptically humorous manner. i know what i'm capable of. heck, i've got my connections. but i won't. i have no reason. but i worry that you're killing yourself slowly by letting me be your insecurity. seriously, i am no one that important and powerful enough to affect your life. i'm not God.

sigh. what a rant.

i want to return to those days where i can care for a person and know that they'd just accept it, rather than think i've got other ulterior motives. my only motive for caring? because of God. i have no other reason to do good to you other than the fact that God commands me to. and i obey. 'cos He's God.

***
i'm still praying. i'm still holding on to You. i promise i never left Your side. i've been disobedient. a wild precocious little girl. Your willful little child. i'm not coming back. i can't. simply because i never left. just give me time to sort this out now. i'm sorry, You.

incredibly grateful for a day that didn't start out well. ah nuts, i didn't expect the morning to be good anyway. but oh gosh. the rest of the day?

amazing. simply amazing.

caught up with friends, old and new. coffee.. tea... cakes.. gelato.. prata.. it was just.. amazing.


thank you for the smses.. the fb msgs..

the many many hugs..


thank you. :)

Are there are times when your accounting company drives you mad? like how they insist that every sheet of paper that you print needs to be tracked and credited to the 'sacrificial lamb/pigeon'? and more often then not, you find that you become that sacrificial lamb or pigeon. and your blood (aka salary) is depleting faster than expected.

fear not, i thought of three ways of getting out of the hot pot and being turned into kambeng or bamboo pigeon stew.

Credit it to the source
firstly, who's the source? let's say the person printing it is the source. highly likely that it's you. but you protest, "i'm printing 'cos my manager wants to review it!"

the manager then insists that he/she reviews it 'cos the big boss wants them to review it first. so it's the big boss.

but the big boss will insist that he's reviewing it to give the clients assurance.

but you can't overcharge the client! what about recovery of the job? GG-fied. it's a never ending cycle of who's to be blamed, usually you. Hence, i propose hanging the big bosses' staff passes at the printers though. staff welfare at its best, really.

no? moving on...

Don't Print
really. don't. think of the ink costs. the toners. heck, we save space by not having a printer. and the environement too! let everything be in soft copy. or bleeping hand-written. can't read? refer to soft copy.

even better, our clients wld be most impressed at our sincerity that every friggin' work presented to them is hand-written, including the hardcopy presentation slides for their reference. no more printed P&P. we'll send you the entire thing in soft copy. plus a pretty cover page from our image library. we'll even throw in free consultation as to the weight of the paper that they shld print on. 100 gsm will suffice. perhaps 180gsm for cover page.

ok, perhaps being anal here. final goods can be printed. it will be charged to the client rightfully. but all the work in the middle for reviewing? soft copy or hand-written: managers need to state their preferences.

Quit
nab the bugger in the bud. go for the reason you're in this scrap, i.e. the structure of company. solves everything right? but you say, "if i quit, where do i go? i've gotten all this knowledge! i need to share it with the world! i love what i'm doing!" (oh you poor deluded little creature..)

then join my firm. pure partnership. it's not open to just anyone. no, you have to pass the interview.. meet the requirements.. one of which is how you say the company's name with your own personal style and flair. try it. say it.




"Lim Pei Mai Gong! Ku Ku Partners."

(loosely translated to "your father don't want to say! siao partners")




now if you have succeeded in saying that with your long-nailed pinky stuck out defiantly and without laughing, send me your resume. danchiu.

Written in the stars - Elton John and LeAnn Rimes (click on title to jump to song)
I am here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day