can't wait for 21/12. time to figure out what's really wrong with me and try to remember that girl on fire.

i wish there was a clear warning a few hours before an attack happens.


or i'm going to lose my mind pretty soon.

all these little fucking mistakes that piss me off and piss everyone off..

inadequate. useless. what am i even doing besides making life hard for others.


seriously better off gone. less problems.

i should invest in laughing gas.

not that i need to be constantly smiling. the meds have been working. but if i still can't create a void where emotions don't matter, i might as well look into creating a safehouse.

assuming of course that a nice tank will be cheaper than the current meds. damn you, insurance criteria!

I wish the drugs would work much better... or at least the way I want them to.

so I nearly had a meltdown from the anticipation of a getting-to-know-you meeting with my new boss.

a meltdown. headaches. nausea. the insane need to throw up and/or pee over everything.

a meltdown.

after the meeting, i took a break with the boss-man and i told him about it. he laughed and reminded me that i was not "an anti-social psychopath" but simply an "introvert".

so i'm an introverted nutjob. ok.

second sleepless nights of the drugs not working like they used to. can't wait for the next appt.

perhaps I'm finally losing it.

I need to change the things that I'm reading. Time to hit the library to finally pick up that book I've been eyeing.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now, you don't care

just because people hate you because you're stuck up, self-absorbed, and self-righteous... it doesn't mean that they must or will like you again even if you try and try to keep that part of you in check.

you've ruined the relationship. deal with it. you caused it. your fault.

#truestory #iamachair #tumblrunderstands

if people can't be professional and at least respect you at work... you're probably that screwed up and should move on to another job instead of dragging them down.

thoughts.. thoughts... sigh.. just keep swimming.