latest updates, the left eye is still swollen, as well as the left area above the cheekbone. other than that, i've done my work for the day and i'm a-ok.

given the time, i was looking at my ongoing personal projects

- earring website (still... pending.. ahahaha.)

- sgflea. completed. uploaded bags too!

- room

the room project is hopefully going to be done by end of the year. i've been surfing to get ideas and i came across this amazing website that reminded me of how much i just love melbourne. (photo credits all to TheDesignFiles.net

by Sarah Dingwall

by Georgie Kay

Georgie Kay's company has done some amazing events too. this is just too pretty!!!!

if ever i do get married, i want either style just for friends. the family can be stuffed into some random yummy tung lok restaurant.

random ramblings. but yes. The Design Files is currently my favorite design website. whee~

today, i was hit with another allergic reaction after lunch. not something that happens usually but it has happened before. swollen puffy eyes. itching throat.

this one more intense than the previous few.

when i was in the cab to the doctor's, i felt like i was dying. my whole body was itching. my throat hurt. i could barely open my eyes. and i was breathless. for a while, i felt like i was going to die.

how apt though. just last night, i was writing my own eulogy for my own funeral. random, i know. but the timing then.. as the cab ambered along bukit timah, i was wondering who i should contact to let them know about the eulogy.

it was the scariest feeling ever. i closed my eyes (not difficult..) and prayed. i just prayed. i couldn't tell if i was crying or not as my eyes were already tearing from the reaction since my eyes started to swell.



with His blessings, i'm fine right now, my right eye is nearly back to its original size. my left eye is slightly more than half of the original size. but it's an improvement nevertheless. despite the numerous pills i'm popping, i'm thankful that everything else is normal. sigh.

just before hari raya puasa, a few friends and i headed out to Holland Village for chicken wings, satay and beer. unfortunately, the satay never happened 'cos the store didn't sell satay in the evening (like huh...) and chicken wings were resigned to spicy wings in Harry's.

so while chilling in Harry's, we chatted/complained about the usual things, namely, work. one friend, D, shared his frustration. and he came up with the best analogy we have ever heard from him. a little background, he's trying to clean up stuff that have been left behind by people who are no longer around.

his analogy? he likened the situation to having a pig from long long ago. Pig A has been butchered. the tail is in one container. the ears in another container. he's found ears in one container. he's told that it belongs to Pig A, the pig he's looking for. there's no way to confirm that it belongs to Pig A as there is no tagging and no one else can confirm it. there are many other containers with many other ears.

hence also known as "GGFML"

we were naturally laughing throughout the entire night, even on our way home.

one of the girls, affectionately known as Pig, drove. D sat in the passenger seat and suddenly it was beeping. turned out he didn't put his seatbelt. we started to talk abt the sensors that had detected someone in the seat. i said it had to do with placement of weight. one friend said that there was a heat sensor.

then pesky, in her usual pesky way, asked what wld have happened if there were many many bowls of kway teow soup that were heavy and definitely way too hot. D played along and pretended to be a voice sensor of the car in a robotic tone, "I am sorry. Passenger combusting. Passenger combusting."

we died laughing in the car.


i seriously have mad friends.

so many.. so many rants that follow today's Townhall Conference. in essence, it was mindless propaganda to convince disgruntled staff that they have been empowered to make a difference and be the difference that they want to see. huh. heard it a million times... seen it flop a million times. stop lying to our face, dear Firm.

**

on a lighter note, after dinner, i sat in front of the telly and finished a show with my dad. based in chongqing, zhongshan, it was a true story about a man who carved 6,000 steps into the mountain for a woman that he loved. archived footages of the couple were sweet. really really sweet.

(read more on the couple here.)

the son of the couple recounts how the father would go down the mountain to gather food and what-nots while the mother stood outside the house diligently to await his return.

then you learn that the man fell sick... you hear how the woman he called his wife made her way down the mountain at 2 am in the rain to her son's place at the foot of the mountain to call for help... only to find out that she reached the bottom only at daybreak given her age... then how he passed away due to a stroke a few hours later when they returned.. and finally watching the elderly woman press her eyes in painful remembrance as she tells the camera how much she still wishes for the man she spent half a century loving to come back to get her, it hits you..



love really is just that pure and simple.



unconvulated by the complexities of today's world and the selfishness of man's sinful heart... pure and simple love does still exists.


that's one little thing i pray i'll never forget.

going to the toilet has turned into an excursion with the toilets on my floor deciding to take a renovation break. Not too bad. i get daily forced exercise when climbing up 2 flights of stairs to get the toilet on the 7th floor. retarded. but it works.

side note, in a bid to help a friend find apt songs to sing at our company's D&D (the attached responsibility of playing music buddy/dictionary to a friend), i found this one that i like. a lot. never knew the title. not the band. now i do.

enjoy.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

something a few friends and i talked about. like how kids can no longer be punished in schools without parents going into overdrive about the kid's self esteem and yadda yadda what-have-yous.

we then agreed that if we ever had kids of our own, we would not spare the rod. simply because we turned out to be healthy adults with no self-esteem issues or anger mgt problems.

then i thought about it. it's simply back to the simple rule of nature: survival of the fittest. (for the lack of a better concept..)


kids born in the 80s used to always get caned or spanked. i firmly believe that the stronger ones always become more resilient. we always found a way to dodge the cane, be it throwing canes away or holding the cane hostage while hiding behind the couch. when hiding was no longer an option, we turn to prevention. we learnt what was approved and what wasn't.

we adapted to the 'abuse'. we grew stronger with each caning or punishment received. we don't have self-esteem issues. we don't blame anyone for our punishments. we take it, we adapt and we remain confident of ourselves as persons.

the weaker ones.. well.. crumble.


it's just part of life isn't it? you get what you give. God forbid that the world becomes filled with spoilt dumbasses. sigh.




on a side note, i think this will be an awesome show..

credits to leloveimage.blogspot.com

28 June 2003. wow.

sure, that was more than 7 years ago. i've had similar moments too. i can assure you that i have never doubted your feelings for her. i don't doubt that the way you feel is different now. it has to be different because you're older. because you've seen more of life. because you've moved on (i hope).

Only God knows how much you loved her back then. How happy she made you. how devoted you were to the girl who made you happy just by smiling and smsing you. How painless the relationship was until towards the end when it started to get screwed up. Only God knows how much pain you went through and how long it took you to finally get over her (assuming that you have already).

i don't know if it still hurts when you mention her now or not. but it probably does. and i'm quite sure you miss her tonnes, whether you admit it or not. you have to. you were seemingly selfless in your pursuit of her affections. she was your sunshine. your light. your hope. you were always bursting to declare how much she meant to you.

i promise, as your best friend, that i'll be there when the next one comes along to make sure that you will love her even more than you ever did with anyone. i'll make sure that she mends your heart if she should ever break it. we'll make the next one work, i promise.

if not, what kind of a best friend would i be if i can't help you be happy? it is my oligation. it is my responsibility. to you, here's to hoping. i'll cope.

you know sometimes you get that feeling that something bad has happened..

you call.. you sms.. no response..

and with every second ticking away, you find yourself becoming more nervous. more anxious. more afraid..


but you've done whatever you can do, short of being a psychotic-stalker..

what do you do?




you simply pray. you simply pray with all your heart that everything is ok. that everything is fine. that nothing is wrong. that the little chill in your heart and uneasiness in your tums will go away once you receive that sms or call.

i'm praying. just praying.

Hong Kong, oh Hong Kong...

it wasn't an intense trip. but it was oh-so-fun. exhilarating. holidays like this aren't going to happen anymore. i just know. each holiday is different from the other.

this one. just.. *sigh*

friday spelt the start of my leave period. or rather thursday evening when i left office deliriously happy and a huge load off my chest and back.


so i'm on leave until next sunday (whoots!). and yes, it's one of them self-discovery break from work. and i discovered that i want to be a stay-home wife/mom.


i'm not kidding.


as the bus trudged along orchard road, bringing me home, i stared wistfully at the afternoon crowd and wished i was part of it. it's not just the shopping. it's the ability to just do what you really want to do. like bake. cook. look after the kids. i actually want to do all that.


speaking of kids, i had the chance of 'influencing' a baby on the train again. the first time i exerted some form of power, i got a baby to nom the blankie. today, i was standing by the door and there was a baby just at the seat by the glass. for convenience's sake, let's address the kid as "he".


the kid was gurgling and grinning widely at me. i smiled back widely and stuck my tongue out. he looked at me, pressed his face against the glass and stuck his tongue, still pressed against the glass. he was just licking glass. i burst out in silent laughter.


anyway, i digress.. i'm not looking for a lifestyle of the rich and famous. i don't need to buy high-end luxury goods. i just want to do what i want to do.


one nice thing about this leave is the little gems that i find along the way. like at the takashimaya food festival, i found a really good roast! Mocambo coffee by the Drago family. even without sugar, the cafe latte had a buttery texture. and the aftertaste is sweet! absolute love. i spoke to the girl serving me and found out that they are opening up a cafe at the promenade mrt station. whoots!!


much to do this leave period. much to do. :)

my first attempt at chinese song writing. no tune in mind. no music. just words. bleah. i suck at tunes.

雨天
歌词:秀君

好久没见到你，你还好吗
不知你现在在那里
你还是会觉得我的疑问很烦恼
还为了我的唠叨而不又自觉的笑

好久没见到你，你还是一样吗
不知你还是喜欢雨天
就在这个时间还是喜欢坐在窗口
看着雨点在窗外留下来或亲你的脸

想知道下雨那天你有没有想到我
看着雨点滴下来有没有想起我的泪
雨天寒冷有没有怀念我紧紧抱着你
因为在雨天我还是想念你温柔的体温
还是记得你身上那熟悉的香味
能不能再回到你在下雨那天离开了我身边
重新在给我最后一个机会爱你

***
on a side note, heard the remix of "Big Girls Don't Cry" between Fergie and Sean Kingston. i really hate how they add autotune to songs that are already amazing and just.. grossified it. yar, i'm creating my own words now too. it just upsets me when a perfectly good song is ruined. sigh.

gimme the original any day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agrXgrAgQ0U

i need a holiday.

one where i'm away from familiar faces. one where i can spend the day just nuaing over coffee to rest from walking the streets for photo ops. now that i've got my Sony 550, i can go mad.

maybe i'll meet a stranger who'd sweep me off my feet and give me a whirlwind holiday for that period i'm away. a stranger who makes it so easy for me to fall in love with and, just as easily, walk away from.

i wld love to venture back to melbs again. my home away from home. but it's expensive. plus, i have to save up for crazy travelling next year. Florida beckons. Esp when mommy's super keen on flying business class. plus there's Melbs and Sydney (memo to self: cfm with jl again)

i'm just tired.


tired of being expected to meet close to impossible expectations which would be easily possible if the cloning technology was available to me. tired of lowering my own expectations of people. tired of being ignored by people whom i'm awaiting responses/actions from. tired of people who expect me to live my life as though they are my King/Queen.

just tired.

something just screams to me that working late and surviving on 5 hours of sleep will kill me eventually. that's assuming that politics in office haven't taken me down with the mutiple stab wounds on the back.

i miss the simpler days. where people aren't two-faced. where people mean what they say. where people keep their promises. and where apologies are sincere. i want to be a kid again. 'cos at least i'm ignorant of all this shit to even realize that it's happening around me.

i never meant for this to be a long post but geez, there's only so much a girl can take. you tell me that i am crazily positive and with an incredible attitude. you tell me that i'm carefree. you make me out to be such a bundle of sunshine. then you take me down by telling me that you think i'm useless and close to be hopeless.

even the sun burns out

even angels fall


and in the middle of all this, i hear malicious gossip that i'm not on good terms with people and i'm cocky. seriously? the last time that happened, it was in.. oh wait... UNI. and everytime, it happens because of people who i either do not know well or do not know AT ALL.

i've been called names by these people... proud.. rude.. selective with people i hang out (i.e. my monday night bus buddies who happen to be some of the popular jocks 'cos hey, that's the time SPORTS CCAS ALL END.).. arrogant.. a bitch.. even names that suggest i don't have any female friends and only guy friends.. now there's cocky to add to the list.

whatever for? just because i'm confident? if it is, i admit, i don't know where i get my confidence from except from God. i don't know for what reasons i can attribute my confidence to. all i know is that if i don't believe in myself, it's people like you who'll take me down. and i refuse to let you interfere with my life and wreck it for me.


Never. i've been through too much shit to let you win at any point of my life.


i'm not proud of the names or characteristics that have been attributed to me. the ego in me takes pride in the fact that you let me affect your life so badly that you see the need to take me down. and if you think i'd reciprocate, please... that's beneath me. i have no reason to take anyone down.

plus i don't believe anyone else other than God has the power to destroy my life. and i don't give a shit about why you think you need to mess up my life. i don't care for the reasons you give yourself to screw up my life. i care for your lack of self confidence. perhaps that's why i'm arrogant and cocky..


my friends expect me to retaliate. close friends know i can tear someone down in a rather merciless and cryptically humorous manner. i know what i'm capable of. heck, i've got my connections. but i won't. i have no reason. but i worry that you're killing yourself slowly by letting me be your insecurity. seriously, i am no one that important and powerful enough to affect your life. i'm not God.

sigh. what a rant.

i want to return to those days where i can care for a person and know that they'd just accept it, rather than think i've got other ulterior motives. my only motive for caring? because of God. i have no other reason to do good to you other than the fact that God commands me to. and i obey. 'cos He's God.

***
i'm still praying. i'm still holding on to You. i promise i never left Your side. i've been disobedient. a wild precocious little girl. Your willful little child. i'm not coming back. i can't. simply because i never left. just give me time to sort this out now. i'm sorry, You.