if you ever have the time, sit under a tree and reflect on your life.

quoteworthy now that you think abt it. despite the facts that we used to laugh at ah lim, the ex-rj prom queen (or more remembered as our physic lecturer in acjc). anywayz, going on a blogging hiatus.. blogs will be shorter and less frequent. busy in school. kind of a headache with all the work.

i haven't been in a fantastic mood. cranky due to the mere fact that i don't feel like i've done enough for my studies... then reminding myself that all these don't matter when i die... and then i wonder when the Lord's gonna call me home... and i get frus with myself for being a student more and not a child of God... for being a smucfer than God's servant, doing things for the cf instead of for God... for procrastinating and getting upset with myself instead of taking comfort in the fact that God loves me.

and yet, i'm studying like a damned idiot. "honor your parents". it just gets abt as limited as going home with good results for "face value" in my household. i'm used to it. but that's besides the point of this blog.

normally, when i get cranky, i eat chocs.. i exercise.. i read everything else but my textbooks.. i do anything but that which stresses me out. i turn to Him. don't be shocked that i cry. it's an emotional outlet for me. but haven't let it out this time round. as a result, i get giddy spells, nausea, loss of appettite.. i haven't had a good cry since the term started.

kinda just wanna walk away from all this. the evening fitness courses.. the sch classes.. just walking away from all this and returning to the basics of the world.. just getting by each day on God's grace and prayer to Him. Will i survive? maybe yes. all for me to glorify Him and give thanks for each day. then again, maybe no. all the better than i may go home as i have hoped for the longest time.

oh alternatively, hopefully God will provide me with a "Teddy" to my "Jo" soon enough.

friend: "even someone comes along your way, you too picky also no use what"

ah... i hold to the dead romantic notion of love-at-first-sight. ok. love is too strong a word. attraction-at-first-sight. and close friends can vouch that i have questionable notions of "attractive". ahahaha. oh well..
***
hey you
you with the fabulous smile
you with the gorgeous laughter
can i talk with you a while
hey you
you with the charming grin
you and your silly manner
i'd like to know your name
- (C) Joseph "Budak Pantai" Wong

...and this hopeless romantic still holds to the hope of getting serenaded by the nameless one she secretly admires.. whoever and wherever he may be..