songs are funny things. there will always be songs that "hit the spot". i'm a lover of music. always have been. always will be. i express myself better as an "writer". simply because sometimes, accepting reality is scary. you then put it into a song and make it all better by telling yourself it's merely a song that just happens to reflect what you think you're feeling. just because you look beyond the upper facade of the words and connect something deeper with what you hear.

Where'd you go? i miss you so. seems like it's been forever since you've been gone. please come back home.

yet there used to be a time where i avoided "superficial" songs that just spoke of love.. songs that if you replace the "impt" words with would become a mere secular pagan love song. now, i listen to secular song and reflect on the journey i've taken with Him.

Here I am banging on your front door. My pride spilled on the floor. My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you.

i used to be the one encouraging people with His grace. now i'm on the other end of the stick. praying for prayers to get me through the night. vulnerabilities pushed aside, distractions cleared from mind. i'm coming out of it slowly but surely. i'm going back to what i've held dear to my heart for the past few years.

Begging for a second chance, are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you.

it's even more dangerous when comfort lures you into a false sense of security, thinking that all will be fine. but when you sit back to reflect, you notice how far you've deviated from the course in life you thought you were living. life shld never be too smooth-sailing. and i thank Him for the distractions and temptations that make me love Him more and more when i realize my folly.

nothing more to do right now but to keep holding on, right? to recognize this struggle and to embrace it as a weakness is probably the hardest thing i'll ever do. and to continue to grasp on feebly to memories of lucky stars and promised ben and jerry's because that's all that's left behind. but this car crash of a heart will mend. i know it will. it already knows the safest place to hide. :)