Perfect girl

Step back, let go

You can watch as i crumble in front of you

Take heed, it's me

It's ok to see me crash and burn like any of them

Wake up, eyes open

Come back down to this worldly reality

Hold on, why worry

This is not me going thru temporary insanity

i'm not that girl you think i am

i'm not as strong as i seem

don't speak of me the way you do

i'm not all you make me out to be

i'm no angel, i hope you'll see

i'm not perfect

Breathe out, breathe in

I never promised the world that I would not cry

Hoping, I know

Don't deny me the moments that I fall to my knees

i hurt, i bleed

You cannot ignore the scars that are sketched into me

Eyes shut but you'll see

i am as perfect as the imperfections in me

i'm not that girl you think i am

i'm not as strong as i seem

don't speak of me the way you do

i'm not all you make me out to be

i'm not your angel, i hope you'll see

i'm not that perfect girl

that you think me to be

- SK, Jan 2009

i don't know. somehow, i get the slight inkling that there are people who think a little too well of me. i'm really not as amazing as some people think me to be. those little things i do and say? those times i sat with "you" (i really don't know how many "you's" there are) late at night just to help you work out your walk even though i'm obviously craving my bed at 2.30 a.m because I've a morning class in 6 hours?

i don't want people to think too much about what i do. the actions i take. the words i say. i don't want people to think that they owe me anything. 'cos they don't. i don't want people to think i want anything from them. 'cos i don't.

I've been pondering about that for the past few nights to the tunes of Brian's "Welcome Home" album. Then one of the choruses struck me.

Welcome home, you

I know you by name

How do you do

I shine because of you today

So come here sit down

Tell Me how you are

I know, son, it's good just to see your face

- Brian Littrell "Welcome Home (You)"

that's all i want. that's all i need. that at the end of my road when i come face to face with Him and cry, "my Lord," and He'll look at me and tell me that He knows my name. that He'll look at me and tell me He's watched my victories. that He's seen my failures. and He'll call me to His side and tell me that it's all over. that i'm home.

i've given up wondering why my kind deeds seem to not be reciprocated. why sometimes my service seems one-sided. 'cos everyone will feel that way at one point of time. and Heaven forbid that i do things only because i expect something in return.

to the "you" that i mentioned earlier. i don't expect "you" to stay up 'til 2.30 am with me while i discuss BT or cry. i don't expect "you" to listen to me whenever i need a listening ear. if i could ask for one thing, it wld be that "you" will always remember my service to "you" and know that whenever "you" need that service again, come to me. let me serve "you", my brother/sister.