My Eulogy

"Eulogy" comes from the greek word, "eulogia" and refers a speech or writing in praise of a person or thing, especially one recently deceased. but this is not a praise to myself. it is not intended to be one. this is me hoping that the world saw, remembered and thought of me as the person whom i tried to present myself as.

i hope the world saw me as someone who always tried too hard to be helpful. that i would step up to the best of my ability and rise to the challenge when it presented itself. so when people remember how anal i was about grammar, they would remember how i helped with their reports and presentations.

i hope the world saw me as someone who would poke my nose into the affairs of the people i cared about simply because i wanted to be there to catch them when they fall. and even if i'm not in time to prevent the fall, i'm there to pick them up even after laughing at how silly the fall was. that i'm always ready with a hug or a prayer or both.

i want the world to remember me as someone you want as a friend and never an enemy. that people will remember how fiercely i would defend my friends and protect them. yet that they'll also remember that i dare to rebuke my friends when they are in the wrong.

i hope the world knows that i'm also nothing more than a mere human, perfectly imperfect. that i have my shortcomings and i have failed those i care about one way or another. that no apology can right the wrongs but know this, it is never my intention to hurt those i care about.

and by the fact that i'm human, know this. i fall. i hurt. i bleed. i cry. these are my imperfections. that i will be frustrated, annoyed, angry and upset. know that i embrace all my imperfections but i've never glorified them.and if you have forgotten all that i've written here, remember this one thing.

i want the world to see, remember and know me as a christian, trying to find my footing in the world. Trying, despite my sinful nature, to please God and glorify Him in the ways I only know how to. that i know i've failed God on so many accounts but i've never left His side. that come the day the world forgets my name and what i was like as a person, they'll still see, remember and know me as a child of God.

i'm not going to tell you to cry. i'm not going to tell you to be sad. I'm not going to tell you to cheer and rejoice. I'm going to tell you to feel the way you want to feel about my absence, be it joy, tears or indifference. Humans are entitled to feel the way they feel without anyone trying to control it. But this I'm going to tell you.

Forget my name. Forget my face. Let me be "that girl" or "that person who's name I don't remember anymore". But don't forget how I made you feel.

And please, don't forget that I walked with God, for God.

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for some reason, i felt compelled to write my own. to be read at my own funeral. am i mad? maybe. but hey, it's my life. :)