i remember the first time i cried and prayed 15 years ago.

i remember the first (and last) time i dropped the blade and prayed 13 years ago.

i remember the first time i questioned His validity 6 years ago.

i remember the first time i decided He was a hope to cling to 5 years ago.

i remember the first time i was shaken in my faith 4 years ago.


and he's right there with me. whether i notice or not. always.

today, i remember the Jew who bled and died on the cross in my place as an atonement for my sins, to rise on the third day of his death to tell me that if he could conquer the grave, what more could he do for me?

nothing more. that's all i really needed from him. to set me right. to give me hope. a little reason to believe that this life is worth living even when everything's in a mess. i do not question why he doesn't help others. i give thanks that he chose me right from the start. there's still so much more to learn. so much more to question. so much more to discover.

may i always remember to give thanks.