there are times where life can be so amazing that you think it's unreal. just like the lotus i captured from home. my dad's lotus had bloomed in October. the colors are far too breath-taking. people thought it was a photo of a painting until they notice the metal grill that fenced our garden.

yet there are times where the opposite can be so painful that you wish it was unreal.

at the funeral wake last night, it pained me to see my cousin crying over the coffin. my mom could only offer cliche words of condolences like, "you did the best you could to make her last days good ones". what else could anyone say? he really did give his all. i kept silent. i never know what to say at funeral wakes.

i didn't even dare walk up to the coffin where his wife laid in.

they never had kids. i know they tried but it never happened. and now she's gone. and he's alone. every thing felt so surreal. almost too fast even though it's been sooo many years.

of course we wished she was still around. that every thing that had happened wasn't real. that the doctors didn't give up on her. that she was still in Japan getting treatment and getting better. wish that the stomach cancer never happened.

i glanced over to my cousin at the wake a couple of times. he was a wreck, still living in disbelief. thankfully his siblings had rallied their own children to keep vigil with him and watch over him.

perhaps it's God's way of jolting me to understand reality. to remind me that it's the happy things that make us aware of the sad things. and it's the sad things that make us appreciate the happy things. and in their own way, all things are beautiful.


may i keep remembering to see the beauty in all things good and bad, Lord. please help me to keep remembering it.