some times it can feel so incredibly lonely.

misunderstandings happen when people don’t listen. and these worsen when people refuse to let go of their baggage and listen.

aren’t friends supposed to trash things out to resolve matters and be better friends? Isn’t that an unspoken rule that when one is uphappy with an action, you talk to the other and talk about how to avoid that action?

Isn’t communication the most important part of friendship?

yet at these times, all I get is a sense of betrayal. a sense of backstabbing without any desire to gain more understanding.

how hard is it to see that my frustration isn’t what you did? Why do you not listen to me when I say that the problem is that you didn’t tell me what you did? haven’t I said time and time that communication is important? why do you shut me out and run around telling people that you are upset by me instead of telling me that I’ve upset you? why do you not want to resolve things between us? why do you not want to talk or listen?

maybe I was never considered a friend despite how I’ve tried to change based on your feedback of my character. the first time you saw a change in my behavior, your response was an offended “what are you up to?”. I told you that I was consciously trying to change because of what you said. and you threw me a look of disbelief, immediately assuming that I was mocking you.

perhaps I’m the deluded one. perhaps I need to start being a little more skeptical of the people around and stop thinking the better of them. perhaps I need to surround myself with those not afraid to tell me when I’m wrong and are not upset when I tell them when they are wrong.

perhaps I need to protect myself a little more.