Ci'en's wedding was a blast. left with aching feet and no voice but it was amazing. 'cept when my dear CFers decided to call on me during the bouquet throwing session. it whacked steph (i lurve you dear! *muackz*). still, the teases didn't stop. i had threats to have the next bouquet connected to me by strings or velcroed to me.

all in good fun. plus i gotta see friends who i had not met for really long. Hon, Des, Vic, Kelly, Sau, Serene, Bok, Fred... and managed to steal some time to sit and talk to ben. it was nice.. but then our conversation got me thinking...

I don't want to grow old alone.

i know i won't be alone. i have my family. i have my friends. even if i lose all these, i have God. but.. there was this fear that struck me. I was wary of growing old without that inkling of what it meant to be in a relationship or even to go on a date. i am ok with dying single. i'm just fearful of what it may bring. loneliness when i see my friends with that special someone? i don't know.

God's sufficient, isn't He? perhaps i'm asking for too much. i'm just looking for that physical intimacy and assurance of someone loving me as much i love him. all part of being human, part of being someone who wants to experience what it means to be in a relationship of husband and wife, just as Christ is our groom and us His undeserving bride. am i right to say that? there has to be some reason why when i was highly stressed, i would dream of a nameless and faceless person holding my hand, where all i knew of him was that i loved him and he loved me.

Is it part of a girl's psyche to crave that physical assurance of intimacy even with knowledge of love so strong by a formless being that is part of her life? or is it just me? i have God, don't i? but it seems hard to understand the relationship between a groom and a bride until you're one of them. just as you'll never fully understand the relationship between a parent and child unless you're one of them.

perhaps it's just me. that little voice telling me to cave and to start "looking"... but right now, as much as that little voice is getting louder as i grow older, i'm also getting more stubborn. i'm not going to go looking. i'm going to keep praying that i'll rely on Him and follow whatever He has planned for me.

*******
my dear family is nutters. i lost my voice yesterday. it ached to speak and there was no sound at all. yet my dad scolded me for not picking up the phone when it was ringing. i stare at him in shock. with no voice, i could not explain to him. then my even sillier brother refused to explain it to him until he got the usual death glare. then in the afternoon, my younger sister called my mobile. i gestured my younger brother to answer for me and he gave me a "what-for" look. *smacks forehead*

and our once-in-a-while wine sessions are now once or twice a month. plus we don't just sip wine anymore. we have camembert and crackers. yday, we decided to try out something new. bought a cheddar bar from the freezer section and from the cheese counter, we selected wickham brie and camembert. we've got loads of red and white wine at home and a bottle of martini. yet pops got his fave south african late harvest (during cheese shopping) despite the fact that i was pointing at the bailey's. i lurve how the warmth spreads across my body slowly and how the sweetness makes me smile.

my voice had somwhat returned when the bottle was opened. wine, cheese and crackers after dinner. i prefer the President Camembert to that from the counter. the cheddar bar was just too cheesy for my liking. i was tempted to use the philly cream spread. but with that combo, i'd start craving for smoked salmon roses. the brie is still unwrapped. likely to be there for two more weeks or earlier if pops becomes fussy and goes out to buy his South African wine again.

that's my nutty momentarily posh family for you.

*******
i had my second surprise bday party today. the first was organized by the dear CFers last year. this time round, it was the gym staff. we had just finished our photo shoot in the gym (many thanks to alvin) and went to the recre room for a while. the chocolate ice cream cake was amazing. i just wish that they didn't spring the surprise while i was in the middle of a race with you yuan. silly part was i nearly started singing along with them 'cos i really had no idea who the cake was for!

i appreciate their kind gesture even though the chocolate ice cream cake is likely to finish off my already dying throat. i can't possibly touch the royce chocolate they bought for me yet. plus internship starts tmr! let's see how it goes. got 4 different types of tea awaiting me.. "ba bao" (8 treasure) tea, ling yang, gingseng and chrysetheman tea and yin chiao. the throat has got to get better..

i'm insanely attracted to nice hair. not just any nice hair. but that belonging to guys. when i say "insanely attracted", i mean i'll find it hard to take my eyes off the hair. how it moves and bounces gently... how it falls softly to the side when the guy tilts his head... and part of my mind is screaming at how my hair does not do all that. drat.

during supper, i was just staring at wk's hair after one of the guys mentioned that he was eating from the side. he had to tilt his head or he'd eat his hair with the maggi goreng. his hair just falls so nicely. i don't really like it when a guy has nicer hair than me. and in wk's case, even worse. he's got a fantastic fair complexion (yes, i see the daggers asking me if my "honeyed" complexion isn't good enough already..) and pretty eyes! my hair's soft enough but the ends stick out like crazy 'cos i have no time and an extra pair of hands from the back to flatten it with a dryer. WK!! i want your hair!

A dear friend has proven himself to be an amazing brother. during the few times where we hung out really late together, he'd sms me on my way home to make sure that i'm awake in the cab. just now after the supper forementioned in this blog (yes, it's 4.55 am as i type this), he told the two other guys to follow mich home and he took the liberty of sending me home. we shared a cab even though it's not exactly convenient for him.

and he's not even Christian! I'm not saying that non-christians are not nice to that extent.. more of.. i'm wondering why my dear Christian brothers don't seem as caring as that.. sighz... sure, they do send me home once in a while. but this friend has been so consistent in showing that he cares. he's sweet enough to rival JT in terms of caring for me whenever we hang out late into the night.

and oh, i've found the place to be when i'm feeling down and seriously in need of eye candy and retail therapy. New Urban Male at Heeren Shops. i went there just now to get a friend's birthday present. the guys were terribly obliging, patient and sweet. one of them tended to me and whenever i had my eyes on a t-shirt, he and two others would look for the correct size for me. even when i take a tee off the rack just to look and hang it back on without a word, the 3 guys would find similar designs with similar colors to show me.

i ended up not choosing anything from the guys' section for the tees were just too... suggestive. i didn't want my guyfriend's gf getting upset with the tee (just in case). but the 3 guys were just so sweet and attentive to my needs. and they were really easy on the eyes as well! i caved and bought a T-shirt for myself. $40 gone 'cos of good service and asthetically appealing people.. yes. i'm a terribly visual person.

all in all, my hols have been abt fun and tiring late nights.. smth i'll have to say goodbye to when my internship starts next week. wondering if i wanna do ICC during summer after all. if i don't. i have 8 subs left for my final year. that's 4 subs each sem. light enough, i think.. plus i'll save $600 from summer study though i'll end up spending when i continue my late night chilling out over food and drinks. how how? i guess no ICC for me?

with each "spring love" season, i can't help but feel a little like this at times...

photo courtesy of Bitter Stickgirl
it's a natural human inclination that girls have.. to want that special someone to hold your hand when you're walking down new paths... to want that special someone to hug you when you're hurting.. to want that someone who will wipe your tears and tell you that everything's gonna be alright even when you know that person is lying... i'm not gonna vocalize what guys want. i'm not too sure myself.

but it's a mere human desire that i snap out of after a while. because i have been "reserved" for someone who's love i truly do not deserve. and all i can do is to love Him back with my entire life.

He's more than a laughter or the stars in the heavens
He's close as a heartbeat, a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see HimS
omeday He'll call her and she will come running
Fall in His arms and the tears will fall down
And she'll pray
I want to fall in love with you
- Love Song for a Savior, Jars of Clay

and there's no other way i can show Him i love Him but through my life. Through my daily living. Through how i worship with each waking moment and sleeping breath.

when the music fades, all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart

the flowers, roses, little love notes that lovers do so often exchange. whatever for? as a symbol of their love? but all these things will fade to nothingness one day. they are physical manifestation of heartspeech, or so i would like to believe. which is why gift-giving is still so prominent. it spells out what the heart says because humans are unable to look into each other's heart. but He's different. He sees.

i'll bring You more than a song for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within thru the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

And I'm glad He looks at more than just the surface actions that i do. all my ministry work, all the quiet time, all the praying.. He doesn't just look at the actions. He looks at the reasons for my actions... the reasons for why i worship Him so.

i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus

when lovers exchange gifts, they're not saying I love you. they are saying I love you. the emphasis of their message is different. but i worship not because i want Him to realize that i'm special. i worship because i realize that i'm special to Him. He's the reason why i worship Him. He's at the heart of what i do.

King of endless worth, no one could express
how much You deserve
Though i'm weak and poor, all i have is Yours
every single breath
i'll bring You more than a song for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within thru the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made
and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus

Watched an interesting show recently. "Someone like you". How come i don't recall it coming out in the theatres in 2001? but yes, "Someone Like You". starring ashley judd and hugh jackman. Jane (Judd) is suddenly thrown back into the cruel world after she gets dumped.. and she ends up homeless after which and moves in with Eddy (Hugh), her colleague.

still bitter, she creates a fake character and publishes her cow theory article in her friend's magazine because she's so desperate to find reason in her screwed up relationship. the cow theory? when a bull gets bored with a cow, he moves to another cow. so effectively, in a farm of 40 female cows and one bull, that one bull can mate with all the cows. the problem? when the bull is done with a cow, he never looks back. he never touches that cow again. but enough on the cow theory. back to the movie.

they eventually end up together as all other romantic feel-good flicks.. his character is soooo adorable! yes, i'm in love with all the characters he does.. My fave bit of the movie?

Eddy: Ray's not going to be the last man you'll ever love.
Eddy wakes and realizes their hands are clasped together. his lips carass her fingers. then he leans in towards Jane and takes a deep breath. sensing that she's waking up, he closes his eyes. when she wakes up, her facial expression is priceless. the shock and horror all in one. she tries to scramble away. but his hand is gripping hers. when jane finally stumbles out of bed, she sits breathless in the chair. He "wakes" slowly and looks at her. she stutters and he breaks the silence first.
Eddy: you're not going to rationalize this one, Jane

a nice feel-good movie to end the night after "Little Black Book" starring Brittany Murphey. both are slaps of life. in the first movie, hugh jackman is real. ok. seriously now. the first movie: happy endings do exist.. in the second movie, not every happy ending has to do with finding the guy of your life.

and I've declared that Hollywood has only three handsome guys. sure, i gush abt damien lewis until the cows come home. i think colin firth is dead attractive in a funny kind of way. but there are only three man whom i will connect the word "handsome" with. attractive ain't hitting the mark yet. three only.

1. Hugh Jackman
he exploded into hollywood with his role as Wolverine. girls wanted to be jean gray just 'cos he was so hopelessly in love with her in the movie. then you see him all cleaned up for kate and leopold. that was when i sat up and noticed him. my fave scene was when he and meg ryan slow danced on the roof.. i want a guy who does that.. no wait. i want hugh jackman to do that with me. ahahaha.. and in "someone like you", you can't help but be hopelessly drawn to his devil-may-care attitude. you know that old english charm which i adore, he has it. He's my fitzwilliam darcy with those intense dark brown eyes and fabulous grin.

i admit, i watched Van Helsing for him. now i'm eagerly awaiting Wolverine which is due out in the theatres next year. let's just content with X-men 3 for now. that "bad boy" character is winning ppl over. even after that gyrating scene when he danced with sarah jessica parker during the tony awards. He dances and sings. whoot! i cldn't find a video of that one where he danced with sarah jessica parker when doing a number from "boy from oz". but i got him at the start of the tony's.



2. Johnny Depp
Mr John Christopher Depp. he gets away looking all scruffy. This guy looks fantastic even when animated in "corpse bride". the first movie i watched of him was Edward Scissorshand. i don't remember the ending now. but i remember crying my eyes out. "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" was hilarious, how he never died even after his eyes were gouged out. a good actor by my books. he's believable as the quirky eccentric Capt Jack Sparrow and Willy Wonka and still grips hearts with roles like Roux in "Chocolat" and Sir James Matthew Barrie in "Finding Neverland"

his soft smile and that intense stare in his eyes. eyes play a large part for me. all the three guys, Hugh, Johnny and the one below, all have intense eyes. i was dazzled when i saw the hugh poster for "Finding Neverland" in Japan, where he was just looking back at me. sighz. if there's anything i don't like abt him would be his voice. i like that low baritone. his is well.. not that. which brings me to mr sexy voice.

3. Keanu Reaves.
i know this is one guy ppl are likely to disagree with. but he's got that pan-asian look going for it. damnit, that guy is going to turn 42 this year but he still looks fantastic. and he has a fantastic sexy voice! he's got the entire matrix trilogy under his belt (i never watched Matrix Revolutions though.). sure, he definitely isn't the best actor around. he looks like he has the same facial expression. but anyone remember Bill and Ted. His "duh" look as Ted was hilarious. did i mention he's got a sexy voice?

my first memory of him was in Paula Abdul's music video "Rush Rush". he doesn't looked like he's aged. he's still one of hollywood's hottest man around with that sexy voice of his. when he exposed his stomach in constantine after Lucifer literally cleaned the tar out of his lungs, my younger sister exclaimed, "He's got abs!" and very nice ones too. not body-building scary. lean nice. and he's got a sexy voice! watch this and discover for yourself.

one more post before i disappear over the next week. ABR is up and i'm looking forward to late night chats, card games (are we allowed? i hope so..), a whole lot of eating and laughing... just a great time to hang with me mateys once again. i miss camps like these. the time of getting-to-know-yous and falling deeper in love with God together.. *dreamy smile* i can't wait!

anywayz, got some videos that i wanna share with ppl. remember the two crazy chinese boys who lip synced to "i want it that way" and "get down" while their idiot friend was gaming behind them? i absolutely loved the videos. yar lah, perhaps mouschi was correct when she said i needed someone who'd make me laugh. enjoy the following!!







and my favorite mv...


****
What is scientology? Who is this Xenu? Watch and read on..


Wikipedia's take on Evil Lord Xenu: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xenu
****

a new blog skin on its way. patience. i suck at html encoding so give me some time... unless you're gonna be a sweetie who's going to do it up for me for free.. ahahahahaha

i really shld be studying.. but this is also the period where i'm most distracted. ahahaha..

anywayz, i'm one of them crazy ppl who like to listen to strange musicians that most of my friends have ever heard of. ok. country music doesn't count in this case. they are not strange.

but i'm talking abt ppl like alistair griffin and david sneddon. they've got nice songs, mellow voices in a strange nice lullaby-ish way. new guy i've found over the weekend. Tim Kay. just one of them local musicians in Brit with a nice raw recording voice that goes nicely with his own songs. do check him and his songs out here. http://www.myspace.com/timkay

anywayz, bday wishlist is updated to include the titles of the cookbooks. now excuse me as i get back to sucky QM and try to finish it. urgh. i don't like accounts. i like my pretty pretty law reports and notes that are calling for me to read them instead even though i've done all of them already. no no.. i've to read the stupid QM text and try the damn questions. annoying.

Date: 8th April 06
Location: SMU GYM

Time start: 1557

Right now, i just want:
1. a soft comfy bed
2. dark chocolate coated almond sticks from SINS
3. sour ribbon
4. happy juice! (ribena)
5. weed. (joking!!!)
6. more dark chocolate coated almond sticks from SINS precioussssss
7. a big engulfing hug tangled with the scent of familiarity and love

thong claims that my crappiness is coming out from too much gym and lack of chocolates. i have cut back drastically on my dark choc intake. or my choc intake for that matter of fact. and gym? 3 - 4 times a week. any less, i get cranky.

Time now: 1601

Lars in the gym! i'm suddenly more awake. i wonder why. (and no, you damn annoying pricks, i'm not salivating.) i've accepted the fact that his sexual orientation is not for me to decide. he can be gay if it makes him happy. not that he's gay.. my friends just tell me that he's likely to be gay though... he's going back to his own country anyways. *sighz*

Time end: 1604

lighthearted update to my terribly mundane life.

1. BSM Argentina. I applied for it. met up with glen as well and hoping that i would get it. and hoping i would know at least 2 others in my class.. kinda went ahead to apply for it without asking anyone else along. oh well. let's just see how it turns out.

2. the ever-fluctuating wgt. since the beginning of the year, i've gained 3 kg. damnit. and i wanted to lose 2 kg! ah zhui had to tell me that he lost 3 kg. oh well, that was last week. now my net gain of the year is 2 kg. ahahaha.. let's try to get back to what i was in Jan at least. and no, that one kg gone in a week wasn't due to anorexia or bullimia. siao ah. i would never put myself through that kind of torture.

3. MoS. i got my member's band. now i don't ever have to queue at MoS! hee hee. my only grip? that after going thru the selection process to get the band, i still had to pay $25 for it. diaoz. the walk from victoria street over to MoS was a nice one though. me plugging into my mp3, walking the night street up Hill Street before the river greeted me with all its lights. i miss doing nonsense like that.

4. Budak Pantai "We Give A Dam" charity concert. sure, they sang the same old songs. but they still make me smile, grin and laugh. and of course, i was swooning when they sang "Lover's Tears". This is the one Theresa Teng song i like that class 95 plays as well. heez. but jt and i were laughing so hard during their abba medley thanks to Joe's rendition of Honey Honey.

Honey honey, how you thrill me, ah-hah, honey honey
Honey honey, nearly kill me, ah-hah, honey honey
I'd heard about you before
I wanted to know some more
And now i know what they mean, you're a love machine
Oh, you make me dizzy

instead of the usual up tempo pop-ish way that ABBA does, Joe always does it "elvis" style, his voice going all low, sexy and swoon-worthy. (i cannot think of any other way to describe elvis' singing.. ahahaha). i do love his version of Honey Honey more! but that night, he did that damn thigh jiggle which i always associate with kai. jt and i started laughing hysterically 'cos we both thought of kai immediately. kai, if you're reading this, no matter how much your thigh jiggle disturbs me, you're still my dear mambo-loving friend.

5. i know my birthday is May 13.. but it doesn't hurt to think abt what i want. ahahaha for all, it's in my sidebar. do take a look at it!!

6. added new links for fellow bloggers. another "celebrity blogger". we have "Waiter", Jason Mraz and now, Jamie Oliver.

7. CF Movie Marathon. Ok. this will happen. i promise. but i need your help as well. first, choose between the 26th or 28th of April and let me know thru comments or tag me or mail me. you have my sch email. next, suggest movies!

*****
finally updated the food flog. with a whooping 3 reviews of Raffles Courtyard, Alley Bar and Fong Seng Nasi Lemak. enjoy!

had my run in with crazy and nice ppl yday.. when i say crazy, i mean lunatic. after BEC, pf and i took the mrt as usual. a Malay fella was agitated by a family of 4 that had taken up i think 4 or 5 seats 'cos the two kids were sprawled across the chair, sleeping. he started to scold the parents who obliged and gave way to him. He then seated himself down on the empty chair next to the mother and proceeded to scold her all the way from i think aljunied. when i got off at bugis, he was still scolding the couple.

if that wasn't enough, there was a ranting Chinese man who was hurling abuses at the foreign workers. everytime one got on the bus, he would start his abuses in terribly colorful english. i cringed for there were kids on the bus and the insane man was throwing out vulgarities of all sorts, ranging from the f-word to god knows what. i turned my mp3 player louder. no one fought back 'cos he was obviously mad and may turn violent.

but despite the seemingly senile and vulgar stereo-type that surround such middle-aged men who seem displeased at everything (i once had a guy who was cursing and insulting the PAP loudly to no one...), there are nice ones. when i was walking out in the hot sun yday, a mercs cab stopped in front of me. the driver offered me a ride out to the main road for free. those who have been to my house would know that the walk to the bus stop under the hot sun is a horrid affair. i was as pleased as punch (i never understood this simile anywayz..). but i can imagine david shaking his head as he reads this...

i can see that thought bubble above his head would be muttering at my seeming good fortune that strangers can be so terribly nice to me when no one ever seems to do that to him. he's not exactly a tiny girl with a charming grin... ahahahahahaha

on a side note, i'm happy to announce that after the link went dead a while back, everyone's fave geek's journal is up and running again. and it's back in my side bar until "Jason's Journal". there's a certain charming quirk abt him. in an adorably geekish way. ok. he's one of the two geek boys that i like. the other being clay aiken. and no, it's not a coincidence that they are singers as well..

and i'll take this chance to promote Yahoo's launchcast. it's where i get my dose of country music given how immensely popular it is in Singapore.. people see tim mcgraw as faith hill's husband or the cowboy who did "over and over again" with nelly. all that despite his amazing songs. if you think colin raye is good, do give other country singers their credit. it's more than just kenny rogers or garth brooks. i like garth. i also like randy travis, toby keith, john michael montgomery, keith urban.. and yes, keith urban is with nicole kidman or smth. so? it just seems so.. hopeless that the local community think of whips and mooing when you talk to them abt country music. it's not trashy unless you have dolly parton videos on repeat in your player. sighz

Yes, back to hit the books.. for now, take a break from studying and appreciate the lyrics of Keith Urban's "Tonight I wanna cry" or check out the video of my dear geek. Enjoy!
*****
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
*****

watch him shake his booty in the second chorus. even his robot towards the end ah... so cute!

In all optimism that the following was not done by a psycho stalker...

*swoon*

picture courtesy of Post Secrets.

yayayayaya... 2 more BEC classes.. after this week, stress level would drop considerably... looking fwd to the end of this week 'cos it would also mean that i'll finally be going down to listen to David Jackman. yayayaya... stress.. i want that warm chocolate cake from Sebastians (greenwood is the best man-made thing to happen in my neighborhood!). or my swarovski crystal...

it's call "snowdrop". saw it in the inflight dutyfree mag on my way back from Taiwan. i think abt it when i see the picture. still like it tonnes, even more that that diamond snowflake pendant that i saw in the diamond factory in Hong Kong. speaking of Taiwan and HK... i still wanna travel.

oh yes. anyone wanna take Intercultural Comms with me in 3b? how abt canoe polo as well? hee hee...
*****
There's nothing in the world or in my life, that doesn't disappear or fade away. Everything i've come to know i count as loss- compared to knowing Jesus, my Lord. -Mark Peterson "Compared to knowing Jesus"

i love my younger sister to bits. she'll stand there, hold a lizard down despite her shaking legs... just 'cos i cannot stand the icky things. despite the fact that she needs to sleep and hates them as well. i lurve her to bits..

new requirement: my bf/husband better damn well be able to kill lizards.

anywayz, got tagged by debz dearest.

Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not use things that someone else has already used:

1. dark choc (ice cream, gelato or just the choc itself)
2. snuggling under the covers with my pillow during thunderstorms while enjoying a good movie on dvd.
3. baking and having people appreciate my baking
4. being serenaded to the point of crying(yesh. i'm a romantic at heart and no, that hasn't happened yet. serenaded, yes. crying, no.)
5. getting good reviews on my stories/poems (http://rivermuse.blogspot.com)

5 ppl to tag.. sher, mouse, claire, dom, xue ying. yayayaya... can i tag more ppl? david, angela and zhumei as well.. lol.

anywayz, methinks there's smth wrong with me. rah rah pok feels i've lost weight. mommsy says i'm looking rundown and thinner. but i gain weight. hm.... curious and curioser.
******
hey you
could you just look my way
my feet would lift the ground
it would surely make my day
hey you
your eyes they speak to me
they lift me when i'm down
won't you talk to me please?

don't stand there and watch me when i'm bloody standing there and waiting. come over, open your damn mouth and just talk to me! that's it. i'm going to die a virgin who's never been on a single date. i don't even know if the previous statement is a complaint.. hm...

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.
- Philippians 1:27-30

and thus concludes the leader's bible study training. some thoughts of how the term has been...

what a great challenge it has been to focus on God in all i do.. in my decisions.. in how i carry myself.. how often i remind myself.. i look at my friends in relationships. they so easily think of their bfs/gfs.. affection.. love.. God's love surpasses all that love. bukan cinta biasa. truly not an ordinary love.

quiero saber El. Tardar mi cruz y caminar con El.

i want to know Him. to take my cross and to walk with Him.

and how often do we quickly judge people based on our tinted perceptions, thinking that they are the manifestation of the fallen man, when all we need to do is look at ourselves? let us recognize the need to no longer fall short and the fact that we cannot help ourselves. all we can do is depend on Him and respond accordingly. but i have to agree that splashing water on the ppl trying to steer the boat and pulling the heavy anchor up is higly questionable. ahahaha

the following is a poem i bought a while back from heeren and thought of sharing it here now..
****
i was walking down life's highway a long time ago
one day i saw a sign that read "heaven's grocery store"
as i got a little closer, the door came open wide
and when i came to myself, i was standing inside

i saw a host of angels. they were standing everywhere
one handed me a basket and said, "my child, shop with care"
everything a christian needed was in the grocery store
and if you couldn't carry them, you could come back for more

first i got some patience. love was in the same row
farther down was understanding, you need that everywhere you go
i got a box or two of wisdom, a bag or two of faith
i couldn't miss the holy ghost, for he was all over the place
i stopped to get some strength and courage to help me run the race
and though my basket was getting full, i remembered to get some grace

i didn't forget salvation, for salvation, that was free
so i tried to get enough of that to save both you and me
then i started up the counter to pay the grocery bill
for i thought i had everything to do my master's will

as i went up the aisle, i saw prayer and i just had to put that in
for i knew when i stepped outside, i would run into sin
peace and joy were plentiful, they were on the last shelf
song and praises were hanging near so i just helped myself

then i said to the angel, "now how much do i owe?"
he just smiled and said, "just take them everywhere you go"
again i smiled at him and said, "how much do i really owe?"
the angel smiled again and said,

"my child, Jesus paid your bill a long time ago"

****
don't like the shy glances and small smiles yet you not talking to me when you have all the chance in the world to do so. it annoys me. yet i'm guilty of all that. but i'm a shy girl! arrrrrrrrgh.