but it goes against the way i am
to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all i do
'cos when those trials come
my human nature shouts the things to do
and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored
- "And I thank you Lord"


don't ask me why. this chorus has been stuck in my head over the past few days. along with the chorus of In Christ Alone. i would love to credit the writers. but i don't know who they are..


in Christ alone, i place my trust
and find my glory in the power of the cross
in every victory let it be said of me
my source of strength, my source of hope
is Christ alone
- "In Christ Alone"


think circumstances over the past few days have made it tiring for me. especially with my insane medication that's woken me up over 5 times the other night and thankfully only once last night... and shaking fingers too.. haiz. what to do?

the songs just keep reminding me... not to rely on my own strength. 'cos i know i will falter and crash and burn. He's the one who's been keeping me strong.. keeping me going despite the situations i find myself in. the many times i feel like lashing out at people who annoy me or when they make me feel upset or uncomfortable, i look to Him for patience and find serenity in His mere existence.

thanking Him for the company when i study.. for the ability to cope with the stresses.. for the discipline in my time table...

hoping all my brothers and sisters in christ are doing fine too... praying for us all. =)

Some pics from "Dance: east and west" performance. i know. the girls are gorgeous.. ahahaha.. this is what the guys get from scoffing the class as a nonsense, no-point-wasting-time-on class. no pretty girls.. muahahahaha.

the Chinese Dance Group. got more ppl.. just the photos weren't very nice, as according to elgin.

the Malay dance group. one of the indian girls in that group is really really pretty! too bad there isn't a shot of her here.

The indian dance group. i really liked their costumes. it was just.. really.. really. elaborate and breath-taking. don't think i would have been able to carry it off anyway.

Us! the office ladies. heez. no pictures of elgin, our dear office guy. oh well. when the group picture comes out, i'll definitely post it up!

me and Da Ge in our respective outfits.

Dr Siri's sweet little daughter, Amara

Caren, our dance instructor.

she's a really lovely lady. got to chat with her and at least she realizes that i do take a serious interest in dance. once she got her hand on the program of art performances that were gonna be at the national museum, she came over and share them with me. i did want to catch "Loft". Now, i'm wondering if i wanna watch the opera performance by Joanne Wong as well.

So many things.. so little time and money. how how? anyhoo, here are some events i wanna catch. if you wanna watch them as well, drop me tag or comment or msg via msn. and we can get down to booking!

1. Late Nite @ Esplanade: Budak Pantai unplucked
- http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=621
- $25
- Date: 29th Dec

2. Loft!
- http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/openingfestival/event_perf_loft.html
- Free admission
- Date: 30th or 31st Dec

3. Homemade, a Celebration of Singapore music
- http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/openingfestival/event_perf_homemade.html
- Free admission
- don't know which date to go for..

anyhoo.. can't make it for Joanne Wong's performance. will be away in Melbourne at that time. but if anyone's interested, go check it out here: http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/openingfestival/event_perf_operadivas.html

ok lah... need to study again. sighz..

finished the last of my classes. ok, not really. there's a tax planning workshop next tuesday. oh well. dance class was fantastic. we did it. it felt really good, being able to finish the dance with a flourish, knowing that i contributed my little part. makes me wanna start dancing again. perhaps i'll finally get down to learning salsa casino. ahaha. right.. salsa intermediate or latin jazz, anyone?

been eyeing my schedule from today onwards. getting a bit of a headache for real right now. think also due to lack of sleep. Events lined up for the rest of nov and dec...

20-26 Nov: StuVac (study vacation)
28-30 Nov: Exams!
5-8 Dec: SMUCF December Camp (can't wait!!!)
8-10 Dec: Cruise
16-21 Dec: Melbourne trip
23 Dec: Gym Party
28 Dec: SMUCF post-Christmas/pre-NY party
New Year's: Dim Sum buffet with the dearies back from exchange.

hm.. gaps ah... got. 1 - 4 Dec, 11 - 15 Dec, and after 21st Dec.. i think ahahaha.. wanna have a quiet little meal with the cell group as well. perhaps can do a lunch for them then invite the rest of the CFers over for movies. the long-waited movie marathon. heez. haven't cooked for friends since the summer hols. been wanting to make pasta, and i mean make pasta from scratch. it's the egg-in-a-well technique that i've never tried before. will have to see what i can come up with.

because i'm bored and refusing to study, i've even thought of the menu.

appetizers - cheesy sausage sticks with pasta sauce
mains - seafood parchment pasta
side - mint mashed peas (trust me. these are absolutely lovely. Give Peas a Chance!)
desserts - chocolate pie tart (with gooey chocolate goodness inside, tell me... how can u resist it?)

movie marathon snacks - mini cupcakes (with the lovely vanilla cream + rainbow rice, chocolate rice and what-have-you toppings)

subject to changes, naturally. it's just a tentative menu.. my dearest cgms.. what say you? forget the diets for a day. indulge. we'll all hit the gym after that.








and oh... SA5!! when are we having our next outing?

on Monday's papers, 13 Nov, in Youthlink, SMU was mentioned..

of course they had to. we are the SMUgger university that doesn't sleep. we embrace the humor in it without a doubt. but what made me terribly upset with the article was the issue of booking gsrs..

or rather, the issue of not booking gsrs.

i have reason to suspect that the characters in the article were merely figment of the writer's imagination. why? i know of friends who have stamped out annoying SMU students who booked alternate half-hours. what did my friends do? book the untaken half-hours and went into the gsr every half hour to chase them out. my friends simply waged war.

my friends meant it. they had blocked booked that particular gsrs all the time.. by full slots. no one bothered abt saving that half-hour. it was a matter of integrity. sure, not quite the smartest thing 'cos you give up that half-hour. but think abt it. it's a selfish, conceited and calculative method to save half an hour each time for future use. doesn't opportunity cost mean anything? doesn't fair play mean anything?

so when the jnrs decided to play dirty with their "alternate half-hour bookings", my friends fought back. they won the gsr back eventually, with the jnrs calling them childish thru a string of very angry emails started by the jnrs. pot calling kettle black? at least my friends weren't cheating others.

i went to the facility booking browser. true enough, no one was doing "alternate half-hour bookings". instead, they would book for 1.5 - 2 hrs, leave half an hour inbetween and book another 1.5-2 hrs in that particular gsr. it's seriously bleeping annoying. i really shld be doing my reports but this issue just infuriated me soooo much that i had to let it all out.

what happened to the SMU that i knew and *heart* so much? it's probably the only thing making me glad that i'm leaving.. yet sad at the same time... knowing that my batch is likely the last of pioneer students who spoke of integrity and fair-dealing with coming to petty issues like booking of gsrs and what-not. now, we've given into the depravity of man.. conniving little buggers. argh!!! what's SMU coming to?

if your excuse is that, "we only do it once or twice," then what's the cost to you? 0.5-1 hr? does it really matter? do these things translate to anything gain at the end of the term? why play dirty? perhaps i'm making a mountain out of a molehill. but it saddens me to see the warm cosy SMU i knew turn into some place manipulative because of.. well.. fresh blood. it's not as though the credits can be carried forward for future use. what's the point, right? morons.

now the rest of Singapore's gonna wonder abt the future when these idiots go out into the working world.. saving on tiny stuff that don't matter. one two words. damn scrooges













sooooo tempted now.. to book all the half hour slots between booking from people who do that "save half-hour" crap. just to teach them a lesson. damn buggers.

everything just feels so surreal right now.. kind of a floaty feeling as i sit in front of my laptop and try to return back to a different kind of reality.

the entire weekend at the Singapore River Regatta.. the morning trips to the mrt toilet.. waiting at raffles place mrt... our location just outside UOB plaza near to ngee ann poly, scf, nus, ntu and sim.. my two eye candies (who are attached).. trying to study.. talking to the team.. eating with the team.. laughing and crying with them.. the euphoria at coming in third place.. knowing that the first and our team were all within a second.. new personal best for the girls' boat.. the disappointment at the mixed semis when we missed by half a second to qualify for the finals..

the two days of a whole host of emotions and memories with the team felt so much longer. and it feels as though it was all a dream. but i value all the memories.. of just being able to sit around and crap. like how ben and i just people-watched together instead of studying.. making sandwiches with the girls.. macs with sophie when i really had no appetite.

right now, i'm just soooo drained. aching.. sleepy.. no appetite.. wondering if all that really happened. i'm just re-reading Roy's email over and over again, trying to convince myself that i'm not dreaming.

Now that everything's ended and we have proudly brought home our first medal, I will like to congratulate every single one of you for being winners not just on the races but also in life. To me, medals are merely cheap pieces of alloys, but it’s the fighting spirit and pride behind the winning process, the process of achieving the cause as A-TEAM, the journey from a rookie that everyone sneer at, to a fierce fighter that every competitor fear, frown upon and respect.

thank you so much, Roy, for being there for the team all this while.. for your endless support and trust in us when no one else thought that we could make it.

just soo many people to thank. to the team who made all these memories. to mr sng for being so patient with us, allowing us to see the results of our hardwork and not giving up on us. to God, who saw me through the tiring weekend, aches, tears and whatnots. i really give thanks for it all.

on saturday morning, Joan asked us what we wanted out of competition. we stood in one circle and said that we were going to come in first. we didn't. that doesn't matter to me. because before my first race, i muttered a little prayer while my left forearm was on the verge of cramping up. (thankiew esther dear, for being so supportive when it did cramp up just before the mixed heats)

i prayed that no matter what the results, i didn't want to regret all i'd done. looking back.. all the hard work that went into the preparation of the race. we worked too *bleeping* hard for me to be able to look back and regret all that now even if the girls came back medal-less. our opponents were strong. we can be stronger. we just gotta keep working at it.

thank you, team SMU. keep on fighting.

From:
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006 3:18 PM
To: SMU Students
Cc: SMU_Faculty_Admin
Subject: GOOD NEWS! LI KA SHING LIBRARY OPENS 24x7 for EXAM PERIOD

*****
congratulations SMU, you have the honor of being named the university of chao SMUgger toads. scarily enough, my first thought upon seeing the email was

"FINALLY!"

i *heart* Smoo.. we're strange ppl.. but we *heart* the place. so much that we can't seem to leave the building.
*****

Welcome to SMU, the university that never sleeps.

Things that make me smile
- sour ribbons, sour skittles and volles rohr saurer apfel!
- rose or chamomile tea
- a good fantasy book
- smell of lavander from my incense burner
- clay aiken on repeat mode

Moments that make me smile
- sitting by the pond at botanic gardens alone, writing down random thoughts that come to mind
- sitting in a pub with a warm orange glow ambience, good chill out music, good beer and good company
- having alexis grab my finger with a gurgle of a laugh before trying to eat it
- when alexis gurgles when i tease her
- when alexis gurgles when i lie down next to her and smile at her
- basically when i know i make alexis happy just by being with her
- to rest in the warmth of the arms of someone who loves me and i love back

Wasn't in a good mood.. after witnessing a ugly verbal fight at the bus stop on the way home last night. was shaking on the bus. derno if it's the trauma or the disppointment or the anger at the depravity of humans. but honestly, if i'm a bit emotion and high-strung/mellow/confused for the night, it's just.. i derno. thinking of things that make me happy. things just make me smile. i want my clay aiken.

I feel like I never measure up to who you see
Sometimes I think I can't give you all the love you need
You keep changing everyday
Amazing me in everyway.

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have

I promise I will hold you through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with you
I know there's angels by your side

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have
- Clay Aiken "Everything I Have"

think most ppl know how much i like his voice. I remember being stuck in the old campus, one of the gsr in accountancy, doing Corp Reporting project in the still of the night. and serah, in her tiredness, declared, "i'm dedicating this song to Jun!" then she played "The Way" on her laptop.

FOR ME!!!!

i lurve that girl. then there was once Jt and i heard it the song in a store. we purposefully lingered until the song ended. yes, we are hopeless. now "everything i have" is on repeat mode. i want my own clay aiken..

sunday... was raining for a while.

'twas a nice feeling.. just eating cola candy and drinking hot green tea while staring blankly at my AFA. trying to get my dad to go to the supermarket. i wanna grab a trolley and tear down the candy and snacks aisle.. all the candies that i used to eat all the time..

blackcurrant pastiles.. lime hacks.. jelly tots.. sour ribbons.. twirl.. kinder bueno.. kit kat chunky.. nerds.. gobstoppers.. sour apple ribbons.. pretzels.. Calbee hot and spicy.. Lays BBQ..

i don't need a visit to the supermarket. i need a visit at candy empire again. time to stock up once more.

not on candy.. but stock up on things that used to make my day. ('cept ice cream. too much at home.)

it's just... perhaps i don't wanna grow up 'cos i still find comfort in that enigmatic calming effect of feeling like a kid. it's just that giddy euphoria i get from standing in front of the many rows of candy.. or that wild uncontainable happiness when i'm grabbing soft toys off the shelves in toys'r'us..


perhaps i'll never really grow up.. but i don't want to.


anyhoo, pretty happy with my current set of playlist to see me through when i'm studying.. a whole host of songs to sing along to.. Jars of Clay.. The Calling.. Our Lady Peace.. Lifehouse.. and Dishwalla. one of the two CDs that i wanna get my hands on. Dishwalla. the other being MCR. I only have one of Dishwalla's songs, "Angels and Devils" from a friend. they're pretty ok. by chance, i came across the lyrics of another of their songs, "Healing Star"

Let me be your healing star
Let me take you far from there
And take you anywhere

so many things i wanna do.. go candy empire.. go toys'r'us.. watch deathnote.. buy CDs.. where to find the time?

oh.. what are the chances of me having a hairline crack at my ankle after i smashed it against the footrest of the shoulder-press chair in the gym? damn painful...

training was tmd siong. seriously. i went to bed aching. i woke up aching. i swear, i was ready to throw up after my second last set of suicides. how i managed to get by the last one without collapsing still remains a pure mystery. got a headache after training.. went to bed with a headache.. still got a heavy head now. and aching too..

i know it sounds masochistic of me but honestly, i'm glad i'm feeling this way. i've managed to pushed myself. power training is seriously no joke. oh. did i mention that my bench press is up from 9 kg aside last week to 10 kg aside this week? i'm closer to my goal of benching 15 kg aside. it doesn't count that i can do 25 kg bar. BEC-ers, you shld know that..

please girls, don't let this scare you. bryan will go on and on abt how i shld not be doing manly push-ups. by the way, they are not called manly-push-ups. they are just called push-ups. when you put your knees down, they are not called womanly push-ups. they are just called assisted push-ups. Bryan, stop scaring everyone!

and girls, dragonboating does not make u a man, damnit! instead, you feel good about yourself. i'm not talking abt the ability to look in the mirror and go, "hey! i've got toned arms!" it's the ability to look at your own reflection in the mirror and go, "i pushed myself today. i struggled, i fought and i survived."

Girls Team: We are not men. We are girls. What makes us different? We are fighters.

we've all showed it in our lives. i remember the night of sharing during the DB camp, we all had similar stories.. about meeting with adversity.. and coping with it in our unique little ways that have brought about that little fighter in us.

we fight. and we'll continue fighting. just like my christian walk. i'll keep fighting to stick to what i fervantly believe in.

but with the pushing from ah zhui during training.. guess we aren't fighting as much as we shld be. 23 more days to push ourselves more and more. fine. we might puke. we were mad enough to join dboat to begin with. ahahahahaha

In the day after AFA class, jos and i decided to head for bubble tea as a breaktime snack. on our way back, we sat under the tree at campus green with ben, fel and esther. it was nice to just sit and sing songs. before we knew it, we were talking about Sunday School songs.

i've never been to Sunday School but back in my kindergarden (which is now known as the tiny kindergarden housed by newton life church.. the church wasn't even there when the sch was!!), we were taught songs to sing along too. the typical stuff like, "He's got the whole world", "Deep down in my heart", "Rising of the sun", "Because He Lives".. all the action songs.

then in MGS, chapel wld have action-songs once in a while just 'cos it was fun. i was in a class of GB girls so they taught us little dances as they strummed in class and we sang along. it's just such an integral part of my christian life.. being able to sit around with people and sing christian songs. it wasn't a closed-eyes-raised-hands experience for me in mgs. it was a i'm-glad-you're-here-next-to-me-singing type of feel. where even if i closed my eyes, the girls wld have linked arms and wld be swaying together.

i'm feeling like a kid now.. don't ask me why. just really miss those days of being able to sing my worries away.. the simple thrill i got out of things like dancing in the rain and letting it wash my troubles away... i still like singing.. i still like dancing in the rain. but it doesn't feel the same anymore.

but whatever it is.. i'll just keep on singing and dancing..

Give me oil in my lamp
Keep me burning, burning, burning
Give me oil in my lamp
I pray, i pray
Give me oil in my lamp
Keep me burning, burning, burning
Keep me burning 'til the break of day

and i'll keep on going.. keep on praying.. not for myself. but for Him. =)

**********

Would you light my candle?

up to 20,000 children appear in pornographic images online everyday

There are more than 100,000 child pornography sites on the internet

19% of paedophiles have images of children 3 years and below

similar to one.org, these people are not asking for ur money. heck, they aren't even asking for your name or email or any other details. they are asking for your voice. it doesn't make sense for a person to light more than one candle. 'cos it gives others a reason to not be aware of this issue just because we've hit the numbers. it's not how many candles that we light.

it's how many people we create that awareness in.




Have you lit your candle yet?

http://www.lightamillioncandles.com

interesting stuff...

anyone heard abt the Yale student, Aleksey Vayner, who decided to screw his life up? He created his own company and charity. and oh yes. he also "wrote" and "published" a book on women during the Holocaust?

anyhoo, the company's fake. the charity is a spin-off from a real one. the book? snippets copied from other sources. and the best part is that Vayner decided to create 3 hoax websites in case his future employers decide to do a background check. whatever the case, the lovely people at UBS (the company that he sent his resume to) decided to circulate it in the company. somehow, now a number of companies on wallstreet are enjoying some valuable rest time by laughing at vayner's expense.

how far would you go to impress your future employers? i take heart that God needs no impressing. He has already accepted me.

whatever the case, this nut managed to get youtube.com to remove his video from their website. yes. video. he made an inspiration video for his interviews. (i did mention that he's a nutter) Impossible is nothing. ooogay. whatever you say, vayner..

anywayz, don't fret. the ivy league have put it up on their blog!

check it out here: http://www.ivygateblog.com/blog/2006/10/calling_aleksey_vayners_bluff.html#comments

aren't they absolute darlings? you have got to love them. but it's a wake-up call to us right? how's that, uni students? remember, don't lie in your resumes. if you do, better pray that it doesn't circulate in the CBD, making you Vayner of Singapore (VOS). hey, that's catchy. =)

if anything, things are looking interesting for Vayner. seems that Mr "impossible is nothing" has sent a "cease and disist" letter to the IvyGate. not that it was original to begin with. this guy is hopeless. well, the ivy league blog is more than enough to entertain those stuck at home this weekend.

but using slander as a claim? i wonder how vayner will fight this out. how abt ivygate? groundless threats? it wasn't slander to begin with. libel perhaps. Mr Yale should get his terms right if he plans to blow the entire thing out of proportion. i'm absolutely chaffed. this will be interesting to follow while it plays out.

P.S: if ivy league is made to remove the video due to the *ahem* "cease and disist" from Vayner, ask me. i'll describe the hilarity to you.

P.P.S: seems like vayner was the butt of the yale joke when he was a freshman back in 2002. read page 12 of http://www.yale.edu/rumpus/archives/pdf/rumpus_may02.pdf

who ever said those stubble uppers don't have a sense of humor? i'm thrilled.

Somebody up there loves me

Friday 13th ain't all that bad that ppl make it out to be.

naturally, i was annoyed abt the fact that i had to return to school for a day of meetings. it wasn't back to back anymore. ipr meeting was postponed to mon so just two meetings with 3 hours in between. the meetings went ok, i think. more deadlines to push us.. think i've gotten that momentum back finally.

with the 3 hours to spare, i headed to the gym for a good workout. coughing a bit now but hey, i'm on the road to recovery finally. just hope to get a better sleep tonight. my throat kept me up for a really long time before i finally dozed off.

but i have to admit, wgt training was fantastic. i actually increased my weights! CJ thought it was a bit weird 'cos when people are sick, they don't normally increase but decrease it. me? i increased it. ahahaha. CJ was a spotter like no one i've ever met. he was nearby to watch me but never helped. forced me to push beyond my limits. thanks bro. and erm.. ahaha yy can vouch for my certain highness. (yy: is it my fault that he's terribly hot yet terribly gay at the same time? even you think he's cute.)

after tax planning meeting, i headed to the supermecado (si. me hablo un poco espanol. no muy mal pero no bien. mi espanol es mas o meno). bought myself some pescado for dinner. that's when i realized why ppl felt today was unlucky.

the computer system was down, thus causing the pricing system to be down. in the entire supermarket. many people got so frustrated that they left with their trolleys in the way. it was terrible. the poor staff had to run around and return the perishable goods into the cooler areas. ppl were annoyed and the staff had to tolerated them. i felt so sorry for the staff.. the ppl in my queue paid for what they cld pay for and stormed off, leaving the counter lady to run around and return them.

yet when it came to the guy just in front of me, the system returned..to only our queue. the guy had been very patient and tried to make the flustered counter lady calm down. meanwhile, the other queues were clearly agitated and the poor counter staff had to tolerate ranting housewives. when i paid for my items, i tried to calm the poor lady down as well. she really didn't deserve it. the staff was helpless.. if anything, fault shld be pinned on the system for not having a back-up, not the staff.

if i had to complain abt anything, it would be standard of the english of the annoucements. i cringed and mentally blocked it out of my mind. sighz. what to do... =p