who knew i could miss such a simple meal.

can't believe i'm craving french loaf with butter and a nice cuppa hot vietnamese coffee.. or a saigon blue or red would be really nice as well. haiz. just want bread.. bread..

yakitate!! japan is getting to me. ahahaha.

memories are funny things... just like the thought that just struck me. because of it, i started to rustle thru the mess on my table and found the CD holding our annual album photos of ACJC 2001.


oh heavens, i'm such a toot-face. in the past, now and forever and ever.


all the cringeworthy faces in 1sa5. we were cringing at them then and we're still cringing at them now. but besides that, it was the little stories behind each face that i recognize. and unfamiliar faces with familiar names (loo loo.. i spot you.. kaoz). faces that i recognize only thru uni and never thru acjc.. a couple of things to confess..



1. i'm a blur kok. most of you shld know by now. despite being a low-profile person, there's only so much anonmity that an ac female dragonboater has. so ppl do recognize me. i'm the one who's sincerely stunned when i hear that they are from acjc as well. esp when they are s'posed to be prominent.

(excerpts of what i remember from a 3-way conversation during our reunion dinner)
Me: Who's that (on stage)?
A: Singapore Idol that never made it thru the piano show.
Me: SINGAPORE IDOL?? oh. so why is he on stage?
A: he's our very own Singapore Idol from Arts.
Me: HE'S FROM ACJC??? SINCE WHEN?
A: AA2, class of 2003. but they made our jnr sing during our prom.
B: Who?
A: Christopher Lee, our jnr. (Chris Lee was some babyface finalist in SI1)
B: Oh. so that was him?
Me: THERE WAS SOMEONE SINGING AT OUR PROM??? WHERE GOT?? HOW COME I DON'T REMEMBER?


and i can miss a 1.93m guy when i know ppl from his class and that our class timings and location did normally clash during 1st 3 months. 'nuff said.


2. i'm a terrible person. some faces stand out because they just irked me with their personalities. i have little tolerance for attention-seekers and never hesitated to bitch abt them in acjc. uber ungodly. even when i look at the faces now, i'm thinking of the bitching moments i had. repent. repent. urgh.


3. i'm a klutz to the max. all the embarrassing moments i got caught in back in acjc.. embarrassing "rape-threat" smses done in pure fun and sent to wrong people.. getting nearly punched in the face by a "thumbs-up" while running on the track.. nearly killing a captain.. nearly getting killed by a capt..

4. i miss my boys. i think it's really because i still keep in contact with my girls more than my boys. so when i think of who i miss in acjc, it's the boys. i do love my girls. we still chat. we still hang out. the guys kind of mia-ed on me.. the guys humored me.. entertained me.. "snake" with one another.. talking abt facials (yes. with a guy.).. treats from them.. little gifts from them when i pretend to give them the cold shoulder (i still keep that pink teddy keychain).. being each other's lucky star..


all that with my boys. can't remember if it was clara or angela but they tried to get me not to say that i was a buddy to the guys. but i don't deny it. i attribute that to the reason why i've been single all my life.. never been on a date kind of thing. and (not "but") i'm more than happy with the way things have been.


5. i have questionable taste in guys. erm. i guess my some of my girls wld know what i mean. the way they tried to dissuade me from liking a guy because the guy was definitely gonna break my heart. i turned out fine la. nothing happened. but some are earnestly cute! like jon toh. did i mention that jon toh actually looked alright in the year book? how cool is that?






gosh. a whirlwind trip down nostalgia lane. maybe in four years time, i'll look back at the deck of assoc cards and our assoc year book.. at the photos that we've all taken.. little snapshots of time.. and perhaps i won't be alone during the trip down the lane this time round. :)

Day 4: Cu Chi and shopping

the busload of caucasians for cu chi made me miss kelvin and gang. haiz. just knowing that entertainment value on the bus had gone on considerably did nothing for my morning. plus, we had a older tour guide. our guides for mekong were younger and more fun to chat with. :P

but i cld see the guide's desire for peace. really. the world's just screwed-up la. but the cu chi guerilla were dumb as foxes, being "american exterminators", ridding the world of "evil ruthless americans". the video really said all that!! i went into the fox hole which was surprisingly spacious. but i freaked at the tunnels. my body was screaming for me to get out and i cld feel myself shaking.

when i climbed up the steps, a older caucasian lady got worried as she could sense that i wasn't at ease either. yes, i'm that claustrophobic. i only sit at the aisle seats on planes. need the space. after cuchi, we headed to saigon square for shopping. shopped until tired man.

went for a 40,000 Dong massage. wasn't fantastic but it was a full body one! from head to toe. for less than $4. crazy right? kaixun was just amazed at how we seemed to get all the good deals. heez. then we finished all our shopping for ppl and ourselves. my bag is stuffed.

Day 5: Happy Birthday Xiujun

last day in vietnam. also my birthday. played with the hotel chihuahuas for one last time before i ran out to quickly buy a "good morning vietnam" tee despite it being too big for me. quite funny how we told one another that we wld go around today. first, jt runs around the corner from the hotel to get stuff. then i went out alone too. it was crazy fun. :)

the vietnamese girls in the hotel told us a little story. on wed night, we walked down the steps to laughter but when we appeared at the common area, the 5 guys there suddenly turned quiet. one of the girls asked if we knew the guys as they were singaporean too. we shook our heads. then she jokingly said, "5 boys. 3 girls. lucky girls."

can't remember what she said exactly.. but smth to that effect. so before we left on friday morning, the girls told us that the 5 guys came in asking if there were any other singaporeans there. they promptly told the guys abt the "3 beautiful singaporean girls". apparantly, the guys were ribbing one another and talking abt how they wanted to meet us. so when they turned quiet when they saw us, the vietnamese girls were tickled. ultra funny la.

anyway, we made our way to the airport. "Rain and entourage" were there too. this time, kaixun and weixu were dressed in similar colors while jo and kelvin were the couple. ultra funny la the four of them. our plane was delayed so i took a quick nap. when i came to, the plane was not there yet. weixu was plugged into his phone's earphones and jo had knocked out. he's damn tall at 1.93. he was sitting opposite me and when he stretched his legs out diagonally, they came to under my chair. ultra tall can. so i ended up talking to kelvin and kaixun.

never really spoke to weixu. just never had the chance to. jo's only easy to talk to when sitting down. 'cos he's just tooo tall!! our conversations are just damn lame.. he offered me his sunglasses so i cld nap. i refused, saying that i don't want "jo essence" on me. he then joked that it was a chance of a lifetime. absolute crap. kelvin is just well... kelvin. kaixun seems to be the tamer one of all the crappy guys. he's funny too. the four of them are just really fun to hang out with.

got to pass kelvin the photos. which reminds me.. i owe daniel photos too.. erm. opps. anywayz, officially 23 already. haiz. one more year.

Day 1: Arrival in HCMC

upon touching down in HCMC, we settled into Madam Cuc. the people were absolutely lovely. they helped us book our train and tour tickets. we then popped over to a french deli for our first meal in hcmc. after which, we promptly headed to the tailor to make our ao dais. got my first present from the girls so it was really sweet. :)

there was really nothing at ben thanh that caught our attention. our area seems a lot more happening so we headed back. met jane, bobbs, yc, vic and doreen for dinner and drinks before we took the sleeper train to nha trang.

Day 2: Arrival in Nha Trang

our mud bath never happened. unforeseen circumstances. haiz. what to do.. we went to cho dam and got some shopping done for the peeps back home. nothing much though. it was really quite boring. thank god for the girls. they were just such fantastic company.

i finally tried the lemon rhum. dinner was amazing. we went to a seafood restaurant. the nha trang seafood hot pot was amazing. between the 3 of us? we paid 155,000 dong. which came up to less than $5 per person for a seafood dinner. then it was back to saigon on another sleeper train. but had an allergic reaction which left me with a swollen eye. haiz. neh mind. tmr's another day.

Day 3: Mekong with "Rain"

we reached back to the hotel and take a bath after going smelly for soo long. with breakfast, we went for our mekong trip. the bus picked us up and went over to the main office to pick up other ppl. we watched the ppl get up silently. then i saw this guy in pink. behind him was another really tall guy also in pink. then the third guy was in dark pink.

jt and i burst into a half-scream and half-laugh.

it was non other than our dearest zouk-lover kelvin. we were hysterical. i have to admit, he and his entourage made us laugh with their jokes and plain crapiness. i had affectionately addressed them as the "pink boys" because of the color coordination. they even had matching aviators. then kelvin asked if he looked like Rain. i just cldn't stop laughing.

before heading back to the city after mekong, we stopped for food. feeling adventurous, the girls ordered the summer roll, har gau, fruit dessert and what we thought was hard boiled egg. when i cracked the top, i saw dark red veins lining the membrane. i stopped, a little traumatized. mich bravely stuck her spoon thru the membrane and lifted it up. a feather appeared.

we promptly gave the eggs to the kelvin and jo. me? it was just a rush of emotions.. of disgust, guilt, anger and sadness when i remember the feathers. didn't really snap out of it until we reached back to our hotel.

from left to right: josiah (ming cong), kaixun, wei xu, kelvin ("rain"), jingting, mich, me.

i'm absolutely loving the backpackers area. bought damn a lot of gifts. what to say, i love my dearies in singapore.

for more photos, head to:

http://smusg.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20152&l=523b9&id=866370645

http://smusg.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20165&l=fe03d&id=866370645

http://smusg.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20172&l=ddb82&id=866370645

i'm flying off to vietnam in a few hours

suddenly seized by the excitment of the "exchange student" mode..

flying away even in the middle of my mod term. *whoopie*

testy situation between my dad and me because of it.

my mom's strangely calm about it. she's excited for me.

ahaha. i love my mom.

must be the reason that this is the fourth time in my life that my birthday falls on mother's day.. the first being the day i was born. :)


HAPPY MUMMY'S DAY!!

i like late night bus rides when i can be alone, lost in the music, watching the cars go by outside and noticing the quirks of ppl on the bus with me.

then once in a while, someone will catch my eye.

just like after thurs bible study, i was heading home alone again, my ears plugged to my trusty mp3 player.

then someone caught my eye.

perhaps it was the way he walked onto the bus and to the seat opposite me..

perhaps it was the way that he was also lost in the music from his big momma headphones, tinkling on a phantom keyboard and not caring about the ppl on the bus..

perhaps it was the few times he turned from me when i turned towards his direction and away from the cars for a while..

perhaps it was the one time he never bothered to look away when our eyes met..

and i remember him because of all that.

he was ok-looking.. not fantastic. just ok. but there's just something abt his confidence, his "lost in the music" mode and that shy embarrassment that caught my attention. another lost connection that's gonna end up in nothingness but fleeting memories of bus rides home to add to the list. :)

a friend just reminded me of my birthday... kinda asked me what i wanted..

tennis bracelet, solitaire earrings and necklace, pink diamonds, invitations to all the glam parties, money, free dresses from glam designers, bags from chloe and coach, lipo surgeries...

the weird list that i came up with was just me crapping..

esp when it took me really long to think abt...

'cos for the longest time, the only thing i could only think of..

i just want more time with you.

even though we meet so often.

even though we've seen one another just on friday.

and saturday.

but i want more time with you

all of you.

Snapshot

(many thanks to bryan for nearly all the photos!)

how long can one push away tomorrow that comes

how often can we not care

that what once was a part of a thing of today

will someday come to fade

to remember all that's been said or ppl have done

seems all too far from here

looking at the snapshots of the days of our lives

i just wish that we could say

that things keep getting better

claiming that all that just don't matter

we'll hold our heads high and take a breath

head out to see what the world has to offer

we'll keep saying that things won't last forever

that we know that dust will never settle

with every sun that is setting and new days arising

all that is left will see us to the end

of friendships forged over coffee and frisbees

dancing trips to the pub

we never thought too much of all those crazy moments

singing and hiking up hills

as the minute hand moves and the tides washes out

to time that never hangs around

we'll raise those glasses to no absolutes in our lives

hands clasped on silent thoughts

we cry, we sigh

we laugh and we try

to hold onto memories of yester-years

we hope we pray

that maybe someday

all that used to be will return again

that things keep getting better

claiming that all that just don't matter

we'll hold our heads high and take a breath

head out to see what the world has to offer

we'll keep saying that things won't last forever

that we know that dust will never settle

and i know that we never see that day when it comes

when you and i will never be together

here's to you and i. :)

long post (plus photos!) ahead... with abr and so many suppers, how can it be short? i think the cfers are absolute owls. they live for the nights. and yes, we've been going for soooo many suppers...

so the first day was fun. jx stunned everyone with his "brush-like hair" (comment courtesy of hon) and started the camp with his usual lor sor moment. oh well, give him some time la. gonna grad anywayz. we had pastor andrew ong down to talk to us abt being free from the slavery to sin so that we may now serve God. always a good reminder. and with every "go forth!" from gabe, we wld proceed from one activity to the other.

and what's a camp without supper right? on the first night, we went to BK at downtown east, to the horror of the BK ppl. BK closes at 11 and at 10.40, we were still streaming in to eat and sing-song-ba-long-long in the place. ok la, not sing song. we were lip syncing. plus, Beyond Hope was having their photo shoot in the BK. the manager looked upset.

after BK, we headed to Mackers which was open 24 hr. silly photos later, we walked back to aloha loyang to rest and singing all the oldies that we cld think of. at least evan, josh, yc and i were. it was BSB galore. went back and sing-song-ba-long-long some more 'cos evan was leading songs. then ben serenaded fukhai. now fukhai owes us a performance during agm.

second day was heavy day as usual. wai came back to do a talk with us while james conducted the other workshop. always a good reminder. i give thanks that he reminded us of the importance of one-to-one. we are honestly not doing enough of that. big and small group meetings are good. but we cannot dismiss that one-to-one is good as well.

second night, we decided on satay. few of us headed down earlier, namely jordan, janet (jordan's friend), james, gabe, weicheng, thiangster and me. by the time gabe, thiang and i were done with our tom yam soup, the mee goreng was not spicy. james bought satay. it was fun fun fun.

on third day we had a long break so some of us headed to the pool to cool off. not that it was very cooling. the day was soooo hot that the pool water was warm. evan warned that it cld be pee... i dun wanna think abt it. but anywayz, it ended with steph and i drying off while laughing at jx, ben, dave, sen, jer cher and joel screaming and moving in a mesh of flesh in the water.

after bbq, we played ninja tag until zai had a farewell game for us snrs. i sat there helplessly while sen, dave, jx, ben and yak melted ice with every possible part of their body. and when they cldn't do it within a certain time, i wld have water poured on me. 6 whole cups that night. and 5 very cold boys. i was actually touched by their actions even though it turned into a melt-all-the-ice-so-we-can-torture-zai-and-josh-after-that moment.

standchart and shitibank sponsored supper. ok la. hon and fred sponsored supper so it was a lot of desserts and nasi lemak. i settled for just soursop. so that's three suppers in a row. yipee..

sat night, we took a breather from supper. sunday, we met at al ameen. (see post here). on monday, james, bobbs, yq, yc, joel, suyin and i headed to geylang for dou jiang you tiao! then last night (tues night), i met my fave ice cream girls for drinks at villa bali. whoots.

today, i rest. it's just gonna be TCC with maria. my wallet's taking a huge beating just meeting up with the people soooo precious to me. and i'm gonna sleep early!! thurs is gonna be a long day. lunch with josh.. maybe tea with hong nam before he leaves for taiwan. maybe i'll make him do my shopping for me. c'mon, ah bang right? ahahahah

we really *heart* suppers. gosh, i love my cfers..

it was a mini-reunion once more for the crazy supper ppl. we (thiang, bobbs, jane, jt, josh, yq, fel, ansen, deb, suyin, yc, fk, evan, yicong, me) headed for al ameen. what transpire were stories locked in our hearts, just bursting to be shared..

it was funny how ppl are connected. turns out that evan, jt and yicong have a common friend! but yicong spent pretty much the rest of the night connected to jt's phone instead. then jt shared her drama story of nearly being stuck in japan. heez.

from there, the conversations got hysterical. abt fk swooning over ben after being serenaded on the first night of the camp.. meshes of flesh in swimming pool of 6 men screaming over one ball.. then fk preening for the camera.. laughing about 4 years of "gan qing".. then fk acting cool for the camera.. fukhai is just damn funny la.

koh fukhai> if u are reading this, get a freaking facebook account la! u wanna keep in touch right?

evan> i sooo want his photos. damn funny. put on facebook! ahahahahah

ABR is over. been special..

i think it's really good to be reminded of the importance of ministry.. that's not abt self-interest. our sacrifices fail to meet the ultimate sacrifice that God had made. how we'll never match up to Him. humbling, isn't it?

the only sacrifice we can ever give is our lives. how amazing it is to be reminded that self-interest has no place in His ministry. in all our decisions, it's just so easy to seek vindication through our excuses of lack of confidence or "other options" or anything else we can find to justify our self-interest.

'cos we fail to base our decisions on what Jesus would do.

so pointless to tell God you love Him.. so pointless to thank Him for His grace.. so pointless to cry Hallelujah when we seek to satisfy our self-interest. you become a mere hypocrite.

so pointless to do good deeds... so pointless to be ethical and morally upright when we seek to satisfy our self-interest.. you become a mere legalist.

God has no room for both in His kingdom.

i thank God that reminder that He provided to the entire CF. hope that they continue to serve Him and put Him in the center of their lives. i can't answer for anyone of them.. i can't make the decisions for anyone of them. i can only hope and pray for them all, that they'll continue to make decisions not out of self-interest but for God.

pray for me as well.. that i dun fall ill.. think it's an after-camp syndrome.. the giddy headache.. the painful throat... i need some sleep.

i heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
but You never really cared for music, do ya
well it goes like this: the fourth and the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
- Jeff Buckley "Hallelujah"

'tis a strange feeling..

to know that sch's over and not over at the same time. still got accounting theory. only. no mood to even do my readings. i'll do them tmr.

april bible retreat is coming up. can't wait. then my all-so-glam dinners with my accounting girls.. we are gonna dress and up and paaaarty.

the pictures i've taken seem sooo inadequate right now.. like the memories aren't fully captured.. but looking at them.. i really really give thanks for the guys in my batch who have been with me since year 1. we might not be as close as i am with other friends whom i met later.. but oh the memories of cf in year one... all our camps together.. the laughs.. so what if i missed my own foc? the camps after that made up for it all.

Ben.. the guy who refused to take me as a little sister because he already had one in church. cheyz. but nevertheless, the walks out to the bus stop after class in year one.. the jokes during classes.. his hysterical laughter and purple berms.. even preparing bible study together..

then bryan or wan wan. mpw was fun with him in the same group. all the coffee meetings at trung viet before cf in year 2... the lip syncing and giving fred a headache with our disney song karaoke. all the jokes in bible study and food. gosh..

i've already posted pictures of ben and bryan. so here's a little graduation thing for my other guys who've been such a wonderful part of my life since i enter smucf in year 1..

ansen is the crazy one always outgoing one who's just so chirpy.. i'll never forget how he said that he sucked at analogies but was still going to go ahead with giving one during bible study. i kinda stared at him.. like he had grown another head or smth.

david was my leader in my first ever cf camp. i think i distressed him quite a bit even though he was pretty nice abt it. he still gets upset everytime i seem to have way with ppl.. and get my way. ahahaha. he's a sucker for it too!

youwen's the law dude. the whole clamato juice and vodka and wine drinking for educational purposes.. he's the beer bud. oh the joys of paulaner's 1L munich! and brewerks! every AA(alcoholic anon) girl needs a beer bud like him!

ah yak turned from the quiet to the crappy one. his jokes make me tired.. just because he tries too hard. lol. i remember how cien and i used to bully him into leading bible study in year 2. that was fun!

ford's just sooo special. he would sit there and listen to me. that night by evan's road showed me how this brother can really comfort and encourage. i miss this rock. he and his "sai long zhou" during obs.

apo-toh. ahahaha. our massages in peer helper center and even in pr-8 back in the old campus. cannot forget! and him staying over in sch to make sure that he's not late for MA.. only to oversleep in Evans or Raffles.. omg.. truly jianxun. unrivalled.

leming.. sweet cheeks.. puddings.. darth changious. dun ask me abt how he got all the names. but the one guy i'll never grow tired of loving to hate. i'm still waiting for him to leap off a cliff still.. ahahaha.

i've been blessed.. truly truly blessed.