yes, i agree that it would be nice to have some time alone tonight. it is an amazing weather to sleep early too, especially given the budding headache.


still, i'm reminded that there is a difference between being "alone" and being "lonely" on the Christmas night.


Merry Christmas, World.

At every single step of the journey, you leave a little bit of you in each memory you try to hold onto. to each memory you try to continue to be part of.

but there are some memories better left forgotten on this path. especially memories of friends who chose to drift from you, only to become hi-bye acquaintances. 'cos there's really no point in leaving any part of yourself in that relationship.

but all's not lost. while i seem to have that many of such 'friends' whom i can barely call friends now.. i have acquaintances who have become fast friends. new friends who have proven worthy in a sense, with their offers of hugs, listening ears and shoulders to cry on. friends who will sit there, listen to you whine, let you cry your heart out, then buy you ice cream or a beer or whatever you fancy to make it all better.

friends who know that you've put your heart out there to be crushed stupidly, and wait until you go crying to them, and have their arms open for you to seek just that little solace.

yes, despite the screwed up 'friendships' i've had in the past, i've also memories worth taking along this journey as i venture down this path to some destination still unknown to me.


to whomever it may concern, please be a memory that I don't want to forget. that's all i ask and beg of you.


please let me find worth in leaving part of me in that memory.

occupational hazard at its funniest. email thread after reading abt missing millions at M1 as reported in Business Times, 23 Nov.


GYY@14:56: "Imagine when the company takes over the ownership of the stingray... they will have to record that under PPE – Stingray.... Depreciated over estimated lifespan of a stingray of n years...."

YRC@15:13: "Eh? Stingray is PPE? No what i will record it as Inventory.....got sales value....why u record under ppe?"

Me@15:15: "Inventory fail la. Doesn’t meet FRS 2 requirement of inventory for telcos."

YRC@15:16: "Ok (GYY) and i have decided to write off and peng kang"



oh. em. gee.

My Eulogy

"Eulogy" comes from the greek word, "eulogia" and refers a speech or writing in praise of a person or thing, especially one recently deceased. but this is not a praise to myself. it is not intended to be one. this is me hoping that the world saw, remembered and thought of me as the person whom i tried to present myself as.

i hope the world saw me as someone who always tried too hard to be helpful. that i would step up to the best of my ability and rise to the challenge when it presented itself. so when people remember how anal i was about grammar, they would remember how i helped with their reports and presentations.

i hope the world saw me as someone who would poke my nose into the affairs of the people i cared about simply because i wanted to be there to catch them when they fall. and even if i'm not in time to prevent the fall, i'm there to pick them up even after laughing at how silly the fall was. that i'm always ready with a hug or a prayer or both.

i want the world to remember me as someone you want as a friend and never an enemy. that people will remember how fiercely i would defend my friends and protect them. yet that they'll also remember that i dare to rebuke my friends when they are in the wrong.

i hope the world knows that i'm also nothing more than a mere human, perfectly imperfect. that i have my shortcomings and i have failed those i care about one way or another. that no apology can right the wrongs but know this, it is never my intention to hurt those i care about.

and by the fact that i'm human, know this. i fall. i hurt. i bleed. i cry. these are my imperfections. that i will be frustrated, annoyed, angry and upset. know that i embrace all my imperfections but i've never glorified them.and if you have forgotten all that i've written here, remember this one thing.

i want the world to see, remember and know me as a christian, trying to find my footing in the world. Trying, despite my sinful nature, to please God and glorify Him in the ways I only know how to. that i know i've failed God on so many accounts but i've never left His side. that come the day the world forgets my name and what i was like as a person, they'll still see, remember and know me as a child of God.

i'm not going to tell you to cry. i'm not going to tell you to be sad. I'm not going to tell you to cheer and rejoice. I'm going to tell you to feel the way you want to feel about my absence, be it joy, tears or indifference. Humans are entitled to feel the way they feel without anyone trying to control it. But this I'm going to tell you.

Forget my name. Forget my face. Let me be "that girl" or "that person who's name I don't remember anymore". But don't forget how I made you feel.

And please, don't forget that I walked with God, for God.

******

for some reason, i felt compelled to write my own. to be read at my own funeral. am i mad? maybe. but hey, it's my life. :)

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done; and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

- Maya Angelou

just caught voyage de la vie.

on the surface, it looks like any other circus act with the contortionist, juggler, acrobats.. and it ends nearly out of context with the lead finishing off with the voyage de la vie. if you didn't know already, "voyage de la vie" means "journey of the life".

"It's not about the destination. 'cos the moment you arrive you'll find what you're looking for has always been right there inside, right there in your heart. on this beautiful journey of life." - Voyage de la vie

sure, the show is amazing. breath-taking. lead singer needs better diction. viktor kee is amazing, and i'm not talking abt his costume during his juggling act.

each act, like every other circus act, increases in difficulty level. stunts get tougher. yet each performer brings it through and ends with an astounding finish.

each act reflects life, doesn't it?

everyone will go through challenges.. and with each new challenge, the old ones don't seem as daunting and become even routine. but it's not being able to overcome the challenge that matters. it's how you overcome it. that is, THE journey of life.

****

hooked on this song for now.

latest updates, the left eye is still swollen, as well as the left area above the cheekbone. other than that, i've done my work for the day and i'm a-ok.

given the time, i was looking at my ongoing personal projects

- earring website (still... pending.. ahahaha.)

- sgflea. completed. uploaded bags too!

- room

the room project is hopefully going to be done by end of the year. i've been surfing to get ideas and i came across this amazing website that reminded me of how much i just love melbourne. (photo credits all to TheDesignFiles.net

by Sarah Dingwall

by Georgie Kay

Georgie Kay's company has done some amazing events too. this is just too pretty!!!!

if ever i do get married, i want either style just for friends. the family can be stuffed into some random yummy tung lok restaurant.

random ramblings. but yes. The Design Files is currently my favorite design website. whee~

today, i was hit with another allergic reaction after lunch. not something that happens usually but it has happened before. swollen puffy eyes. itching throat.

this one more intense than the previous few.

when i was in the cab to the doctor's, i felt like i was dying. my whole body was itching. my throat hurt. i could barely open my eyes. and i was breathless. for a while, i felt like i was going to die.

how apt though. just last night, i was writing my own eulogy for my own funeral. random, i know. but the timing then.. as the cab ambered along bukit timah, i was wondering who i should contact to let them know about the eulogy.

it was the scariest feeling ever. i closed my eyes (not difficult..) and prayed. i just prayed. i couldn't tell if i was crying or not as my eyes were already tearing from the reaction since my eyes started to swell.



with His blessings, i'm fine right now, my right eye is nearly back to its original size. my left eye is slightly more than half of the original size. but it's an improvement nevertheless. despite the numerous pills i'm popping, i'm thankful that everything else is normal. sigh.

just before hari raya puasa, a few friends and i headed out to Holland Village for chicken wings, satay and beer. unfortunately, the satay never happened 'cos the store didn't sell satay in the evening (like huh...) and chicken wings were resigned to spicy wings in Harry's.

so while chilling in Harry's, we chatted/complained about the usual things, namely, work. one friend, D, shared his frustration. and he came up with the best analogy we have ever heard from him. a little background, he's trying to clean up stuff that have been left behind by people who are no longer around.

his analogy? he likened the situation to having a pig from long long ago. Pig A has been butchered. the tail is in one container. the ears in another container. he's found ears in one container. he's told that it belongs to Pig A, the pig he's looking for. there's no way to confirm that it belongs to Pig A as there is no tagging and no one else can confirm it. there are many other containers with many other ears.

hence also known as "GGFML"

we were naturally laughing throughout the entire night, even on our way home.

one of the girls, affectionately known as Pig, drove. D sat in the passenger seat and suddenly it was beeping. turned out he didn't put his seatbelt. we started to talk abt the sensors that had detected someone in the seat. i said it had to do with placement of weight. one friend said that there was a heat sensor.

then pesky, in her usual pesky way, asked what wld have happened if there were many many bowls of kway teow soup that were heavy and definitely way too hot. D played along and pretended to be a voice sensor of the car in a robotic tone, "I am sorry. Passenger combusting. Passenger combusting."

we died laughing in the car.


i seriously have mad friends.

so many.. so many rants that follow today's Townhall Conference. in essence, it was mindless propaganda to convince disgruntled staff that they have been empowered to make a difference and be the difference that they want to see. huh. heard it a million times... seen it flop a million times. stop lying to our face, dear Firm.

**

on a lighter note, after dinner, i sat in front of the telly and finished a show with my dad. based in chongqing, zhongshan, it was a true story about a man who carved 6,000 steps into the mountain for a woman that he loved. archived footages of the couple were sweet. really really sweet.

(read more on the couple here.)

the son of the couple recounts how the father would go down the mountain to gather food and what-nots while the mother stood outside the house diligently to await his return.

then you learn that the man fell sick... you hear how the woman he called his wife made her way down the mountain at 2 am in the rain to her son's place at the foot of the mountain to call for help... only to find out that she reached the bottom only at daybreak given her age... then how he passed away due to a stroke a few hours later when they returned.. and finally watching the elderly woman press her eyes in painful remembrance as she tells the camera how much she still wishes for the man she spent half a century loving to come back to get her, it hits you..



love really is just that pure and simple.



unconvulated by the complexities of today's world and the selfishness of man's sinful heart... pure and simple love does still exists.


that's one little thing i pray i'll never forget.

going to the toilet has turned into an excursion with the toilets on my floor deciding to take a renovation break. Not too bad. i get daily forced exercise when climbing up 2 flights of stairs to get the toilet on the 7th floor. retarded. but it works.

side note, in a bid to help a friend find apt songs to sing at our company's D&D (the attached responsibility of playing music buddy/dictionary to a friend), i found this one that i like. a lot. never knew the title. not the band. now i do.

enjoy.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

something a few friends and i talked about. like how kids can no longer be punished in schools without parents going into overdrive about the kid's self esteem and yadda yadda what-have-yous.

we then agreed that if we ever had kids of our own, we would not spare the rod. simply because we turned out to be healthy adults with no self-esteem issues or anger mgt problems.

then i thought about it. it's simply back to the simple rule of nature: survival of the fittest. (for the lack of a better concept..)


kids born in the 80s used to always get caned or spanked. i firmly believe that the stronger ones always become more resilient. we always found a way to dodge the cane, be it throwing canes away or holding the cane hostage while hiding behind the couch. when hiding was no longer an option, we turn to prevention. we learnt what was approved and what wasn't.

we adapted to the 'abuse'. we grew stronger with each caning or punishment received. we don't have self-esteem issues. we don't blame anyone for our punishments. we take it, we adapt and we remain confident of ourselves as persons.

the weaker ones.. well.. crumble.


it's just part of life isn't it? you get what you give. God forbid that the world becomes filled with spoilt dumbasses. sigh.




on a side note, i think this will be an awesome show..