the worst thing you can do is to mistaken...

..my quietness as ignorance
..my independence as loneliness
..my firmness as unreasonableness
..my anger as self-righteousness

..my values as the one thing that makes me a pushover and a doormat.


those I love are those that I will protect. those that I care for are those that I will correct.


so don't be mistaken about me. while I rarely feel the need to confront anyone because you've got to screw up really badly for me to even get to that stage... I'm one of the worse persons you want on the other team.

so a couple of things have caught my attention. one of it was this "20 things to do when you're 30 that will make life better at 50". Thoughts have been italicised.

1. Don't smoke. If you've started, stop immediately.

2. Stop eating crap. (BUT FRIED CHICKEN IS SO GOOD)

3. Maintain (or repair) relationships with parents and siblings.

4. Stop going out in the sun without sunblock.

5. Exercise regularly.

6. Start saving money. Even if it's just a tiny bit.

7. Learn to be content with what you have. (someone out there is happier than you with less than what you have. don't just learn to be content. learn to embrace and find happiness in the things you possess and remember that they count for nothing if you cannot help to add to the happiness of others)

8. Don't delay pursuing your life goals. (still haven't gone to Switzerland to sky-dive. At least I've got house keys already)

9. Get some sleep. (completely not doing. completely need to do)

10. Take care of your teeth.

11. Collect memories instead of things. ("Memories won't depreciate and can't be burned in a fire - Inspired by Quora user Richard Careaga")

12. Give something back. (I need to write to my little girl soon. I wonder how she's doing)

13. Be curious and do one thing that scares you every day. (Am I going to survive heading to Dandenong and Cockatoo Islands myself? I'll find out by mid July!)

14. Read at least 10 books a year.

15. Travel. As much as possible, whenever you can. (key words: "whenever you can". I need to quit istg.)

16. Learn to meditate.

17. Stop comparing yourself to others (Again, contentment stops a person from looking up to or looking down on people. k.o.k.o)

18. Keep a journal. (time to write more again?)

19. Become a homeowner. (AGREE)

20. Take care of your friends.



all of the above make sense but yet people don't ever think about it. it's always about the "now". instant gratification. sigh...

something else I saw on tumblr was this: "Reblog with what you would tell your 13-year-old self in the tags"

Tags are not nearly enough but if I could go back in time, I know what I would say.

I will tell myself to breathe.. That things are going to get worse and times are going to be dark. but for every anxiety attack... for every hyperventilation... for every splitting ache of the chest... for every unexplained crying fit... for every fainting spell... for every time someone dismisses it as being attention-seeking instead of a cry for help... for every cold sweat under the covers so that no one will ever know of the struggles...

that for all the shit that will happen two years after hitting 13... I'll tell my 13yo self that it's all going to be worth it. it's going to make me stronger. it's going to make me resilient. it's going to make me learn to protect myself. that it's okay to love and not be loved in return. that even when I learn to accept the things that hurt me, it's still going to hurt me. and that's okay.

I will tell that little girl that after beating depression, I'm going to find God after a few more years and I'm going to make sense of it finally. and I'm going to obey. and I'm going to rebel. I'm going to have my heart broken and I'm going to return to Him. that He's faithful even when I'm not. And to keep clinging to Him because understanding who He is and what He has done, i.e. the gospel message, will keep the demons at bay.



how can tumblr tags hold all of that ramble? :P

Keeping this for all the bad days in my life when I need a good squeal and to remember to keep smiling

so at the Super Junior concert on Friday (which was just pure awesomeness and a massive 3.5 hour screaming karaoke session), the boys dance, entertain, sang, and love everyone.

then they thanked the fans for being with them for the past 10 years.

OH MY GOD. 10. I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO THEM FOR 10 YEARS.



the next day was BSB. another 2 hr screaming karaoke session. then they thanked the fans for the past 20 years.


ah nuts. i'm freaking old. and yet it's all still so classic and awful in the goddamn old school embarrassing hair and clothes way.

but how does this get old:



never.

so after hobbling around for the past few days, i found a lump under my left ankle. went to see the doctor and he concurred that it's an inflammation. he then proceeded to call it a "ligament sprain" before correcting himself to "ligament strain".

that sounded odd for a while so i repeated after him, stressing that it was a "sTrain" and not a "sPrain".

i later texted a bunch of my gym buds to keep them posted since i had asked them about my injury earlier and one of them later replied:

"Where got such a thing as ligament strain"

"You should have told the doc that strains only apply to tendons and muscles"

"Ask him to wake up"


my friends are such geeks that they are correcting doctors. LOLOLOL. i love them.

Things to remember...

Analyze your behavior constantly. When you think little of others, use the same yardstick to measure yourself. You usually fall short too.

If someone tells you to change a behavior, stop defending yourself. Stop putting that person down.

Here's a wild idea. Listen.

Listen to the person. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Don't assume that you are the victim right away. Pay attention. Usually, the person is saying that you are not the problem. It's the action you took. And that can be rectified.

So listen.

Because it takes more guts to tell someone that a behavior is upsetting you, and yet so easy to whine and complain to people who have no power to make a situation better. All you are doing is feeding your ego based on your perceptions and assumptions when you make yourself into a victim.

Remember, listen.

Check yourself all the time. Don't be a doormat but don't be too ready to argue when people are brave enough to want to tell you things to improve on. Those things could be helpful to your relationship with people.

Accept criticism with an open mind and willing heart. Be a person that others will not fear to correct because they know that you want to improve yourself.

Fucking make yourself a better person. Listen.

some times it can feel so incredibly lonely.

misunderstandings happen when people don’t listen. and these worsen when people refuse to let go of their baggage and listen.

aren’t friends supposed to trash things out to resolve matters and be better friends? Isn’t that an unspoken rule that when one is uphappy with an action, you talk to the other and talk about how to avoid that action?

Isn’t communication the most important part of friendship?

yet at these times, all I get is a sense of betrayal. a sense of backstabbing without any desire to gain more understanding.

how hard is it to see that my frustration isn’t what you did? Why do you not listen to me when I say that the problem is that you didn’t tell me what you did? haven’t I said time and time that communication is important? why do you shut me out and run around telling people that you are upset by me instead of telling me that I’ve upset you? why do you not want to resolve things between us? why do you not want to talk or listen?

maybe I was never considered a friend despite how I’ve tried to change based on your feedback of my character. the first time you saw a change in my behavior, your response was an offended “what are you up to?”. I told you that I was consciously trying to change because of what you said. and you threw me a look of disbelief, immediately assuming that I was mocking you.

perhaps I’m the deluded one. perhaps I need to start being a little more skeptical of the people around and stop thinking the better of them. perhaps I need to surround myself with those not afraid to tell me when I’m wrong and are not upset when I tell them when they are wrong.

perhaps I need to protect myself a little more.

You know when I'm tired. You know all my headaches. You've been there through all my hyperventilation moments. You've seen all the times I've cried and felt so alone.

And each time, I hear Your voice call me, telling me You know everything I've done for you. You hold my hand and wipe those tears. You tell me it's ok to be weak because You have all strength in the world to carry me through it even when I am blind to Your deeds.

You put people in my life who remind me of all that. You give me friendly faces and smiles of encouragement. You provide prayer partners who right my wrongs.

Thank you. Truly.. thank you, God.

17 years on and this song still makes me excited.



We must be swift as a coursing river
With all the force of a great typhoon
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon..


wait. wtf. 17 YEARS?!?!

Thoughts for the night.

Everyone does things for others that somehow benefits themselves. Where there's value to them, including a sense of "I have put others before me."

What separates a true child of God from everyone else is that eternal struggle to remember that these benefits are a "nice to have" and not the motivation for the actions.

"We love because He first loved us."

We love not for the love we get in return. Not for the rewards that our actions beget. Not for that self appreciation of our selflessness. But because He loves us. All that feel nice emotions should happen because of our actions. And not that our actions happen because we want those feel nice emotions.

Keep on remembering. Keep on keeping on.

part of a local cartoon dialogue..

A: eh! Snoopy!

B: you know I don't like that name!

(...)

B: my grandmarder likes Charlie Brown okay!

A: my parents like Chuck Norris but they also never call me Delta Force!



I laughed. I actually laughed at this shit. that Delta Force link killed me.

and then I realized that majority of Singaporeans don't even know the connection between Chuck Norris and Delta Force, assuming they even know who Chuck Norris is to begin with. oh goodness.

so that I don't forget it...

58 words to think about!