Weekend lowdown (be prepared for a long post)

Saturday:
UOB plaza for a dim sum lunch. steamed prawn dumplings es bueno. =]

headed down to jer's place in the evening for a meeting to sort out things before the sch term. after which, most of us took a cab down to brewerks for supper/dinner. portions weren't too bad. it was a great time of just sitting around and crapping. talked about a number of things that night but the only topic i can remember now is wrestling. yes. WWF. world wrestling federation. lol. tried ipa for the first time. not too bad. it's funny how i travel all over singapore for a nice pub when i have the cosy les estaminent near my place. shall go down one day before sch starts.

Sunday:
met up with the sa5ivers for dinner. outback steakhouse is dead ex. fish and co is much cheaper *hint!*. and fish & chips es siempre bueno! but i had fun. we went to candy empire (more on it later) after dinner then starbucks to sit and chat until about closing time before home. it was not usual of a class outing. normally, we wld be engaged in smth like pool or more eating. it was new, to just sit around and chat. kinda reminded me of days of s'posed studying but instead, we wld be crapping away.

mich, yd and i were on bgr issues and it just seemed like that time we were talking abt it in 5.12 again. nothing's changed. i still don't mind dying single, bearing the nature of a nun (abstinence). i don't intend to compromise my lifestyle for the world. plus i'm not getting the lookers!! not that looks play an important role. the lifestyle (read: Christian boy) and chemistry is tops for me. plus, it'd be nice to meet my 4 qualities: likes music, can play the guitar and sing fairly well, enjoys a good meal and drink, likes dancing. and by dancing, i'm not talking mambo night at zouk. i'm talking salsa, meringue, salsa casino, jazz lyrical, hip hop type.. it's just 4 qualities, not a 3 page list. looks are welcomed without a doubt. anywayz, yd labelled me as "going to die single 'cos of high expectations". fine by me. =]

just realized that loads of my primary sch friends know tonnes of good looking guys. how do i know? the wonders of friendster. friendster actually sent me an email, telling me that they "haven't seen (me) in a while". oh gosh. please tell me it's a joke. i deleted the mail out of pure shock.

anywayz, i decided to return to friendster.. went through the "friends" page to see if there were any unrecognizable new photos. voila, tonnes. esp my pri sch mates. quite a number of guys in their photos are hot. makes good for eye candy. why don't i know any? *sighz* fine. i know great guys.. not exactly great looking but passable. and i guess it's just me and my "high expectations" of that finely chiselled features resembling greek idols (jon johnson) or that fine fella with that old english charm (damien lewis) and even that unique unexplainable charisma (ken hirai).

i'm raving now, i know.

i'm going back to candy empire. all my wonka candy. i remember the first time i realized that "nerds" and gobstoppers" were wonka's candies, i would eat them while reading the wonka books. it felt like i was really living the story. imagine a girl, reading charlie and the choc factory for the first time. she's captivated by the magic of the words, grasping them with phantom fingers that desperately cling onto the pages as if to breathe. she loves chocs. she loves a simple potato and cabbage soup. even in her big house, she craves that kind of warmth and coziness somehow seen in the book. she adores oompa loompas. she wants the factory wonka gives to charlie. she wishes wonka is her godfather although he hates kids. she discovers sweets with the label "wonka". absolutely mind-blowing.

i don't recall appreciating wonka nerds or gobstoppers as much as i did before i realized the "wonka" label. i still go insane over wonka candy. i want my wonka candy.

mud sludge

nerds

gobstoppers

runts

oompas

my dear sa5ivers, when's our kbox outing????

fun dinner, fun night.

my interest in belly dancing has been re-ignited after tonight's performance. sure, everyone was ribbing each other a little.. the guys were holding napkins up to their noses jokingly, the sound of dropping cutlery was in the direction of the IT guys, and one of them even spill the drink on another. but belly dancing is an art.

in the middle east, belly dancing actually started out as a form of exercise for ladies as it helps them work the muscles that they need for giving birth. plus, the first bellydance for a girl was her rites into womanhood as well. it's showbiz that "sexualizes" it. but really, belly dancing is the celebration of a woman and her tummy. hey, what's bad about celebrating God's creation?

so anyway, it was nice to see the rabobankers again. to just chat with them. took many many pictures. patrick better send them to me. hee hee.. then met some of the cfers for supper after that.

kinda happy today. bought a CD. The Calling's "Two". for $11. yay! no, it's not pirated. but at this point of time, gramaphone tends to be "sales-happy". not that i'm complaining. and it's got my sweet sweet song inside! for those who have never seen the music video for "Anything", lemme tell ya.. it's sweet.. Alex Band's trying to serenade an ex-gf ( and if i remember correctly)who's pushing him away. and he's got such a sweetheart earnest face that just melts my heart. and everyone's gathering, hoping the girl will give in finally. plus Alex plays himself in the video, meaning he's Alex Band, the famous rocker with ppl watching his every move and he's trying to win the girl back in front of everyone. (hope i remember that correctly as well!!) and she gives in at the end with a kiss. sweet!! i know he's married in real life but he can serenade me anyday. add to the list of singers who have serenaded me.. ahahaha.

I will be there

Always waiting

Waiting for you

To let me inside

Where your fire burns

In the city of angels

Just like a river rushing straight into the sea

I'm the one thing meant for you and you for me

Whatever you want

Whatever you need

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything

And as you sleep

Eyes to the window

I'm watching you dream

Well are you dreaming of me?

So why can't you see

You're all that matters

You know if this earth should crack

I'll be your solid ground

I will be there to catch you when you fall down

Whatever you want

Whatever you need

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything

If I have to crawl

Get down on my knees

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything

I'd take the stars right out of the sky for you

I'd end the world give you the sun, the moon

For all of time, forever loving you

Whatever you need

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything

If I have to crawl

Get down on my knees

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything

Whatever you want

Whatever you need

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything

- "Anything" The Calling

and you're wrong if you think serenading is foolproof for me. i'll appreciate it without a doubt, i'll melt. but after it's over, i'm that little snowflake again. sorry.

"But someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again" - CS Lewis to his Goddaughter in the preface of the lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

ok, the lowdown of ptbc. the main issue was whether Christians could fall away. Which simply goes against John Calvin who once said, "Once saved, always saved." the two speakers were ray galea and peter o'brien. both are great speakers who do know their stuff and give all credit to the bible. they depend on the bible, calling themselves bible-reading christians. cute term. it was a good reminder of God's assurance that His children are His. i lost count of the number of times i nearly burst out in tears, biting my lip, trying not to get too emotionally involved. it was a cauldron of emotions: anger, disappointment. guilt and rage at myself, relief, joy, happiness with God.

how true it is! it's 100% God's will and 100% human response. mathematically unsound but theologically true. it's a struggle for many of us to grasp it and we are still continually challenged by it that we will continue to learn more and depend on God. God's soverignty or our free will? the reason why it's so mathematically unsound and why us, as humans, cannot grasp it, is the fact that truly, we try to use human logic to reason out God logic. nevertheless, it's the beauty of God's word and His world, isn't it?

as for the main issue of Christians falling away, we'll look at the parable of the sower and the seeds. some were eaten by the birds, some sprang up on rocky ground without depth and were burnt by the sun, some fell among thorns and were choked while growing. the last fell on good soil and grew, reaping a harvest. true christians are those seeds that fall on good soil. for the first one, the word was never even on them. but for the other two, they symbolised people who had the word. but while the word grew in them, it didn't last. true christians don't fall away. then why would the author of hebrews warn the christians about falling away? 'cos the epistle was written to the whole church. it would have been unreasonable for the author to judge the people to decide who was Christian or wearing a Christian facade, right? so there were non-christians who thought they were christians, thus could fall away if they let themselves be tempted. this is 'cos they aren't really christians. so there you have it, solved.

anywayz, i'm barring myself from secular bookstores for now. walked into MPH before bible study on tues.. Dragons in the Archives by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Unfinished tales and The hobbit by JRR Tolkien, War of the Worlds by HG Wells, The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis, the series of unfortunate events by Lemony Snickets (only missing book 1). argh. i want i want i want... (i bought narnia in the end. $38.75 for 7 books.) and then there's God's big design by Vaughan Roberts, Tyndale NT letters of John by John Stott and Revelation: Now and then by Paul Barnett. these 3 i definitely want to get. and there are other books like Forsyte Saga, Frank Miller's sin city, The Mummy by Anne Rice. even if i found all that money to buy those books, i have no space in my bookshelf. it's flooded with my books and toys. did i mention that i still haven't bought book 6 - 12 of Rekka no Honnou and waiting for the next Saiyuki reload to come out. i need a new bookshelf. anyone want to sponsor me?

Btw, The Young Co. is putting up Macbeth at the DBS Arts House. 4 - 6 Aug. $21, inclusive of $1 Sisitic charge. anyone wanna go?

bad night.. strangely depressed. problems with the sch, depressing books, aching back.. bad morning and destroyed lunch.. and like i told mouschi, "feel like smth's missing.. like i lost smth i wanted, nearly had and never got." regrets? derno. just depression. from thinking too much.

saw the music video for james blunt's "you're beautiful". one of those songs where i wld close my eyes and get lost in.. despite the fact that the song is really depressing too. about how a guy's in love with a girl.. but the girl is with someone else and he can't have her. he's got nice songs.. thinking of buying his album. sure, he's got a nasal sounding voice.. but everyone's got a unique style.. from ben jelen to damien rice.

Tears and Rain - James Blunt

How I wish I could surrender my soul;

Shed the clothes that become my skin;

See the liar that burns within my needing.

How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.

How I wish I had screamed out loud,

Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;

Hold memory close at hand,

Help me understand the years.

How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.

How I wish I would save my soul.

I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain.

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

See what i mean? i seem to like songs like that.. David Usher's "black black heart".. Ben Jelen's "Come on".. Damien Rice's "Can't take my eyes off you".. David Sneddon's "Stop living a lie".. Jason Mraz "The Remedy".. Joshua Kadison "Beautiful in my eyes"..

Cry - James Blunt

I have seen peace. I have seen pain,

Resting on the shoulders of your name.

Do you see the truth through all their lies?

Do you see the world through troubled eyes?

And if you want to talk about it anymore,

Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,

I'm a friend.

I have seen birth. I have seen death.

Lived to see a lover's final breath.

Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?

Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?

And if you want to talk about it once again,

On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder.

You're a friend.

You and I have been through many things.

I'll hold on to your heart.

I wouldn't cry for anything,

But don't go tearing your life apart.

I have seen fear. I have seen faith.

Seen the look of anger on your face.

And if you want to talk about what will be,

Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,

I'm a friend.

And if you want to talk about it anymore,

Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,

I'm a friend.

finally uploaded the pics from my stayover at sentosa.. mainly scenary shots.. not fantastic ones.. got my rabobank ones up as well.. go check it out! http://community.webshots.com/user/nookweis2

thinking that being labelled a "christian" was uncool. kinda didn't want to have anything to do with cf. even when cheryl, serah and carol first tried to get me to go for cf, i was adamant. i was afraid of meeting "bible-bashers" and "foot-washing baptists". i always thought that ppl reading their bibles or christian books openly were.. well.. weird. almost unnatural and that i wldn't be able to fit in.

but i thank God that i went for CF. the first meeting. i guess i just wanted to meet ppl, whatever way. landed in baoyi's and liyang's cg. and i've never looked back ever since nor have i regretted my choice that day. i became the people i labelled weird. we would sit around, just chatting. and before you know it, the bible pops out. people do stare at us. people do wonder why we sit around and chat abt God. strange? but we're not going around shoplifting or smuggling drugs. and ya know what? i love the ppl in the cf without a doubt.

why? they are just amazing. i thank God for them.. for being my study buddies during the exam times, for the meals we've shared and laughed over, for all the camps and stayovers that i look forward too all the time, the movies/outings where we just enjoy each other's company, the way we can be frank with each other and how so many conversations can just go late into the night. those nights during all the overnight events where we just sit and chat abt everything. and how we are passionate about the same things.. how we can help each other through the hard times too and help to see each other through.

anywayz, just got back from the project timothy bible conference with them. fun times.. growing in the word of God together.. the suppers, chit chats, meals, jokes and laughter while filming the trailer for the jonah foc camp. plus even getting to know more ppl like teachers (with interesting stories of sentosa) and lawyers (with interesting stories of erm.. law. lol) and the revelation for them about my english name: josephine. got that name from Little Women, the tomboyish character who loves to read and write. a bit like me.. hee hee. but i'm not looking for a professor bhaer.. rather, i'm looking for a teddy laurie. fred's been calling me 'sephine for the kick of it. wai was coming up with english names for himself.. how can you not love ppl like that who just make each day bearable for me? will go into more depth abt ptbc another time.

anywayz, i just finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. interesting read. not my fave out of the all that JK's released so far.. my 3rd fave. but it didn't stop me from crying at the end like i did since the 4th book. she's the only other writer who can make me feel so involved with the book (the other two being JRR Tolkien and God.)

Gulping, Madam Pomfrey pressed her fingers to her mouth, her eyes wide. Somewhere out in the darkness, a phoenix was singing in a way Harry had never heard before: a stricken lament of terrible beauty. And Harry felt, as he had felt about phoenix song before, that the music was inside him, not without: it was his own grief turned magically to song that echoed across the grounds and through the castle windows.

i won't spoil the book anymore for ppl. but i just cried like mad. i'm not crazy, just very emotionally intuned with things. was trying so hard not to cry during the talks and song sessions during ptbc. when they talked about God's solid love, i just closed my eyes and prayed (not sleep, mind you). my eyes were stinging and i just felt so angry with myself.. so happy with God.. then the final day, we ended with higher throne. i closed my eyes again. when Ray Galea prayed for all of us, i cldn't control a couple of tears. Yesh fred, a couple refers to 2. i know that.

Higher Throne

there is a higher throne

then all this world has known

where faithful ones from every tongue

will one day come

before the Son we'll stand

made faultless through the Lamb

believing hearts find promised grace

Salvation comes

hear heaven's voice sing, their thunderous anthem rings

thru emerald courts and sapphire skies

their praises raise

all glory, wisdom, power, strength, thanks and honor are

to God our king who reigns on high

Forever more

and there we'll find our home

our life before the throne

we'll honor Him in perfect song

where we belong

He'll wipe each tear-stained eye

as thirst and hunger die

the Lamb becomes our Shepherd King

we'll reign with Him

hear heaven's voice sing, their thunderous anthem rings
thru emerald courts and sapphire skies
their praises raise
all glory, wisdom, power, strength, thanks and honor are
to God our king who reigns on high
Forever more

anywayz, a few things to do.. buy my books, read my books, pack my room and come up with a new blog template. and watch all the movies and dvds.. 5 weeks to go.

final burst. account of my last day in rabobank. one final post in the office. last stretch.

Morning
i'm mean in the morning. and i mean really mean (don't you just love english words like that? "mean" and "mean"). wanted to smash a car with my brownies (the dessert, you racist manaic!) and make the driver pay for magnum ice cream for the rabobankers. for a reason of course. he ran the red light at the pedestrian crossing, just seconds before i stepped onto the lane he was driving on. pig. what if i spoilt the brownies? my rabobankers how?

oh, i must digress, scandals are warmly welcomed on the sunny island of Singapore. church fraud, charity misrepresentation, country club disputes (RTC), education institutes with untruthful accounts, auditors who felt those accounts provided a "true and fair view" (of what? that our education system cheats ppl of their kah-ching?). speaking of the nkf scandal, mr brown (one of my fave writers from TODAY) has a mbGTF. mr brown gold tap funds. to make sure that gold taps will always be in service and not neglected. anyone wanna support my CTM fund then? "Complete the Marathon" or alternatively "Crawl the Marathon" fund. why do i need cash? so i can buy that dumb exercise ball that i've been wanting for close to 3 years already. and pay for my new swimsuit.. and pay for a nice set of dumbbells. or just buy me my nautilus bench press machine (yes, i still love my acjc gym machines).

i like my new pink cow polo that i'm wearing today. but my moo-moo has got brown nostrils. daryl gets all upset when i try to dig the moo-moo's nose. annabel just gets hysterical. now daryl's playing with my camera. yesh, since it's the last day, i will call him daryl instead of the usual darly. been a morning of photo-taking. gosh, i'm feeling sad. really.

Lunch
Good stuff.. food was aites.. what more can one ask from pastamania? but the company was good. we sat there, ate, laughed and made merry. really full from lunch. when we came back, there was a watson's bag on our table with a note. it was from dearest kath. ah... she's such a sweet dear and we all felt like crying. sighz. then we went to mph to buy thank you cards for cindy, robert and tze ming. thus ends lunch.

Afternoon
we finally gave out the brownies. a lot of laughter, more picture taking. will post the pictures up after this weekend when i have all the time in the world. many of them were shocked to realize that i actually baked. shared the recipe with some (foolproof really..) more pictures.. and i have a monster bag. clearing stuff is not easy with the monster bag of mine. it's huge, i tell you.

We actually have a top 10 list of the things that happened to us during our internship. no idea if javyn is aware of my blog really. (jav, if you read this, tell me k?) even a sonnet. will update the top ten list after the weekend as well.. hee hee.. here's my ode to rabo. (and if you're wondering: no, i'm not digging my moo-moo's nose anymore.)

An intern's goodbye, a Rabobank sonnet

of silent jokes and whispered laughters
of velcro strips and top 10 listings
of waiver forms and classifications
of Chinese dramas and 2nd round feastings

of watsons visits and teh teriks
of banquet lunches at Change Alley
of toasted bread scent during tea breaks
of unknown paintings that we see

of friendly faces that smile back
of "skyscraper building" window sight
of report completion and moments of slack
in rubens and vermeer affected by light

But now it's time finally for something new
I'll end my sonnet and bid Rabobank adieu

counting down the days to the end of the internship.. 2 more left. a quick rundown on what's on for the past 3 days... or rather lunch time for the past 3 days.

Meet yee long, ci'en, lester, serene, mich and hon for lunch. finally. ahahaha.. been wanting to meet up with the peeps in the area for lunch but it never seemed to take off. and finally, we had a chance. but it wasn't at some fancy place. just amoy. that's what happens when you have ppl around change alley and amara hotel. me? i'm sitting happily in my SIA building. amoy's near for me so not so bad. tuesday was lunch with the office peeps. robert brought us to this chinese restaurant behind sim lim square. his fave restaurant. then we walked around sim lim with him after that and chatted. today was src with mui kheng. yay! i wanna be a member of the src. gosh.. the pool area is beyond gorgeous.

for those who never knew, that very area was where mainly the brits frequented before the 1940s. and there was a ruling that buildings could only go as high as 2 storeys above ground. src was their reacreation club and so following that ruling, src had 2 storeys above ground. so they had a basement for their facilities. today, their pool, gym, bowling alley and 2 restaurants are in the basement. sure, there's a 3rd level now, but it's the car park. the actual area of the club for facilities still go only as high as the second floor. the ceiling of the pool resembles that of Venus fort, Odaiba in Tokyo and Caesar's Palace in Vegas. overwhelming really. but the enclosed area had the familiar scent of chlorine as any other public pool instead of a normal pool at the club. they need better ventilation, i say. but i still hope to be one of those ppl who dip in the pool, go to the gym and knock the pins in there. sighz

tmr's lunch with the interns again and friday's with garcia. the other IT ppl? maybe. will depend, i guess. will definitely miss the place when i leave but i'm sure my bed will provide all the consolation that i need. *muahahahahaha*

just a quick mention. Kudos to Bravo tv for the amazing brainless manical shows that entertain me to no end when i'm dead tired.. manhunt's always fun and candy for the eye... "queer eye" is just hysterically funny. Bravo's got more trashy shows like "I want to be a hilton" starring kathy hilton. for the uninformed, she's the mother of nicky and paris hilton. but we don't much of such shows in singapore.. actually, only got manhunt. i would love to order "queer eye" dvds but with the credit card frauds so rampant suddenly in the states, mom will kill me if i try to order anything online. which also means birkies are out the question. (for cheap birkies or papillos or birkenstocks, go to www.gobuyeurope.com!)

one more week and my internship would have ended. with events lined up, it's not as though i'm going to be busy everyday. at least, i'll have about 4 days at home each week, i hope. Been thinking of movies/dvds that i want to catch with the break (click on the titles for more movie info!).

Movies:
1. Elizabethtown
opens 11 aug. orlando bloom is not acting macho with swords (kingdom of heaven) or fancy fighting (lotr, pirates, calcium kid) or looking pretty (troy). here, he's acting. i hope. actually, he's growing out nicely. i have to admit, the wavy brown locks framed his pretty boy features nicely. even the broken nose is a nice touch.

2. Charlie and Chocolate Factory
loved the book since i was young. plus there's johnny depp looking beautifully ecentric. a jacko wacko comparison? whatever. hope they'll do a charlie and the glass elevator. yes, there's a second part to it. i'm a bookworm, if you haven't noticed.


3. fantastic four
i'm a cartoonfreak too. fantastic four is not one of my faves but hey, i always enjoy a good cartoon made into a movie. problem is, ppl say it's too sudden. still wondering if it's worthed my $7.50 even.

4. sin city
looks interesting enough... dark stories do intrigue me once in a while. still contemplating though.. nothing's confirmed.

5. bewitched
i remember watching the original series of bewitched starring Elizabeth Montgomery. it was also the time i was hooked on I love Lucy with Lucille Ball. the original series of Bewitched is actually showing on hallmark now. yes, i'm a bit of a sentimental romantic when it comes to things that remind me of my days sitting in front of the tv and i had no other cares. plus it's nicole kidman!

6. Corpse Bride
please take off.. please take off.. i wanna watch it... i wanna watch it... but derno when it'll be out......

7. King Kong
Adrian brody, jack black, naomi watts, and andy serkis as a big black confused ape who hangs out with dinosaurs by peter jackson.. what more do you want?

DVDs:
1. Equilibrium
2. Wilde
3. ned kelly
4. paris je t'aime
5. little women
6. a midsummer's night dream
7. Hauru no ugoku shiro (Howl's moving castle)
8. Dreamcatcher
9. My girl
10. finding neverland
11. a lot like love (please be out in the stores..)

i've watched 3 of the shows already. "finding neverland" (wc, thanks for the posters!), "my girl" and "little women". will always remember the scene where laurie chased jo (winona ryder) around a table at a party. always thought that laurie was really good-looking in that classic, old english charming way. i made my mother buy the book after that and i fell in love with laurie's character, imagining that he looked like the actor in the movie. why do you think my unofficial english name is josephine? anyway, i never found out who the actor was until now. christian bale. voila. the mysterious charmer who sweep me off my feet with his smile in batman begins. i nearly died when i found out. my dream teddy (jo's nickname for laurie in the book) was christian bale all the time.

some of the movies were recommended ("equilibrium", "hauru no ugoku shiro", "dreamcatcher" and "a lot like love") while the rest are shows i do have an interest in. "wilde" is about oscar wilde (duh). i enjoy his wicked brit wit and humor, esp in "imptance of being earnest" (IOBE). "picture of dorian gray" was nice, though not as enjoyable as IOBE. "ned kelly" sounds interesting. the outback is always fun to watch. "a midsummer's night dream" is smth i wanted watch after i saw the posters. "paris je t'aime" sounds interesting. 20 film makers, one location, one helluva movie, i would think.

07/07

at the end of today, i've finished my 7th (from the back) working day. 6 more working days. got a report to complete this time roung... but at least i've internet acess and a decent email acct this time round. (in case you're wondering, the past few blog entries were actually typed during work. one or two were even posted during work.) anyway, met grace on my way to work.

.

"So, you're leaving us soon?"

.

"Yea," i smile. somehow, the smile is not too genuine. then i looked back at her and smiled again, "Looking forward and not looking forward to it at the same time."

.

the smile was little more genuine then.

.

i'm definitely looking forward to the break. It will give me time to rest and catch up with my usual holiday affair of beaches in the morning, afternoon swings, early evening jogs, shopping and meeting with friends, solo shopping, cooking and baking, even staying at home to catch up on books and dvds. i'm even hoping to visit uncle ky's resort in batam. [called him a while ago and he suggested that i go down in august after the sumatra winds have died down. 3 days 2 nights. standard price is $350 but "definitely negotiable 'cos (i'm) -- ----'s daughter". anyone want? 15 to 21 aug.. somewhere between then]

.

but i don't wanna leave too. the ppl here are nice. will miss the smiling faces in my trips to the pantry / toilet / lunch and back to vermeer. even the occasional chats with the many ppl. won't be seeing them after 15 july until 22 july where we're having victor's farewell party at hyatt ("on unlimited budget from cindy!" - pires). will be on a collection spree for name cards next week. at least sharon knows i would like to return to rabo if i had the chance.

.

why rabo? i know banks work ppl like crazy. but which corporate firm in the CBD doesn't? i don't intend to go into the GFM sector actually. i need the time flexibility as i don't want to neglect my ministry. i know M&A works ppl like dogs too and corporate banking.. but it's not as bad here. Plus European banks are more family-friendly too (office romances are a big no-no though) as compared to American banks.

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yesh, you heard it right. "family-friendly" so what if i'm single now? who knows what will happen tmr? maybe someone will sweep me off my feet, not literally of course. but i don't mind settling down if it does happen in the future. it's not that bad, i wld think. if not, families would have been extinct. i'll cover more on the issue of family after my internship during one of my days of soaking in the sun and deep thinking by the beach.

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javyn came into vermeer at about 5. we sat around and chatted about any topic that appear. it's quite fun really, to just sit around and talk. and cuff links are good conversation starters. tried and tested on ching and javyn.

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btw, robinson's selling cuff links.. 3 for $100. g2000 got cuff link shirts. 2 for $59. i've one cuff link shirt already. no cuff links. anyone want to get stuff? actually waiting for wc to get back to me to confirm about the cuff links. cool ah? can u imagine darly, wc and i going shopping? that'll be fun.

i know i shouldn't be blogging during office hours.. but will be home late today.. hitting the 500 mark.. the last time i went in, i was 499. heez..

anywayz, had a weird dream last night. so vivid again. the fear, anger, disappointment and depression. no, i wasn't pregnant in my dream. in fact, i had a kid. and of course a husband (what are you perverts thinking!!?). but the emotions were so realistic. i'm getting more of such dreams. normally, i can wake myself from dreams, by telling myself that it's just a dream and just waking up. but this is one of the few that i cannot pull myself awake from and i wake up, with the emotions from the dream still lingering.

actually, have adapted the dream and put it into a story in my story blog.. the key word is "adapted". the story is not my dream.. but parts of it is. it's just.. i wonder about these dreams, really... what's up with my subconscious mind?

i nearly forgotten how good the sun is.. or how icky it gets when i start perspiring like a dog on the yellow beach chair at islander. got scared initially.. the queue for the bus into sentosa was soooo long.. thank goodness palawan beach is not crowded. i like. it was the usual eyeful of nubile and plump bodies in bikinis.. there was, however, more guys in tight bottoms.. eye sore, i swear. usual share of families and kids. plus, there was one gorgeous blue-eyed baby!

anywayz, got to nap for a good 30 min.. then woke up and continued planning for vivace and the e-talk publicity. fruitful day actually.

however, looking at the svelte bodies.. i really wish my flabs will fade magically. wonder if marie france needs a new poster girl. i'll be the one eating kfc and smiling happily after the magic's been done. good eh? fad diets don't work for me.. i need my potatoes, pasta and meat. (mmmm.. shepherd's pie..) tummytrim, anyone? i'm flabby. at least i'm proportionately flabby.

Speaking of food, while i'm going to miss RaboBank after the 15th of July, i'm going to have more time at home, which translate to more time in the kitchen. then maybe jx will finally get that meal i promised since year 1. like a foc committee lunch at my place. or exco meeting? but the break will also mean more time at sentosa (membership card. don't puay puay)

btw, my neighborhood is apparantly the richest HDB area in Singapore.. we are still statistics in the gahmen's books, so exciting! fyi, i AM being sarcastic.

i have officially bought enought clothes to last me til the end of this term. gosh.. the GSS is very damaging. but in case u think i'm dead broke, i'm actually fine. just cashed in my pay for June and just got my allowance. and all that was spend in June with my May pay. most of my items were less than $20, around the $15's or even $5's. and mango is very scary during a sale.

and while i really shldn't be shopping anymore, g2000 in metro paragon is selling ladies' cuff link shirts, 2 for $59! anyone want?

i ought to be shot. but i'm just like any other girl, i swoon over diamonds, corduroy coats, coach bags, victoria secret's skirts and boots. been thinking of boots since i got back from japan. but it's not easy to find nice boots in singapore that are priced reasonably... not that i own any of the above 'cept diamonds. my very first proper pay slip went to a diamond ring that i bought with my two other friends.. it even has our initials on the inside of the band. and mom bought me that emerald pendent for my bday 'cos it's my birth stone and i personally like green stones. she felt that i needed more bling so i've got 6 tiny diamonds (0.05 carats)

really.. no more shopping for me. but either way, i tend to walk around shops nowadays, not buying anything. went to town, ikea and queensway with mich today. which resulted in 2 more earrings. $1.50 altogether actually. not a bad buy. but really.. no more shopping even though i'm thinking of the cufflink shirts at g2000

on a side note, been working on a new project. not for work but erm.. at work.. ahahaha.. a new story. "Of secret smiles and lullabies". but it still feels very amateurish.. like it's not flowing as nicely as i would like it to. it feels almost.. fake. sighz. what to do?

actually, i feel horrible now.. having a major coughing fit and drinking water by the buckets.. hopefully, the sun tomorrow will do me some good. ok.. playing around with my blog template. hopefully i'll have smth nice up soon. can't think of any nice pics to create and put up.. any ideas?