i really shld be studying.. but i was clearing some old mail when i came across one with a link to alwyn's photo gallery. honestly. being a "scenary" type person, i was drawn to his NY gallery. it looks so much like harajuku and shinjuku at night. i wish i had more time at shinjuku that night. we were running from place to place so i didn't have time to capture the neon lights. had many weird angles. personally don't fancy the pictures i took. and harajuku was given a miss 'cos i only got to see it on the moving bus. i adore taking pictures of scenary but with a simple 4 megapixel digi cam, 3x zoom, 4x digital zoom. useless.. i wld have preferred it the other way round but my camera was on offer. first up, i want my creative zen or ipod mini.. gb of spaces.. i want i want i want.. but back to scenary first, i think the best i've captured were the shots at tioman. i know they're not online. lemme get down to it after the exams. but the sight was breath-taking.

nevertheless, i was looking through his gallery and came across the "acjc-defeat". the rugby finals we lost. i'm not an amazing fan of rugby, i prefer soccer really. and i'm more scenic shots than ppl shots but i decided to check it out either way.

the pictures killed me. they may just mere 2D pictures but words cannot describe the emotions that they reflected in each face. the feeling so raw and real to me. it reminded me of the rugby matches i watched. each win was almost effortless.. especially the last one i went to. we trashed rjc as compared to the previous one where we depended on the 2 penalty kicks from steedon. yesh, i still remember how we performed. i realized it's so easy for me to still say "we" when referring to acjc although i'm no longer enrolled in that sch. but.. oh well. i guess i didn't expect a barrage of emotions coming onto me as i looked at the forlorn faces... the tears.. the hopelessness and even helplessness. it was like looking at the various teams that i've watched losing matches/games in my alma mater... in the regatta... in the pasta sukan... against the sajc soccer team. i don't recognize a face at all in the pictures taken. but i knew i was looking at my fellow acsians, a fellow sch mater even as of now when i'm in smu, mourn the loss of the coverted rugby championship trophy.

sure, consolations were going around without a doubt. every one of us, past, present and future all want that trophy back. we want that title. it's just a title, i know. it doesn't matter when we leave the face of this world. but it's one of the few things that binds even enemies in ac. if u want a picture perfect shot of the sch spirit, go down way early during the rugby finals from the time the council goes to set up the place.. and stay until the end whether we win or lose. sure, there will be those who don't care abt it. but once you get caught up in the current of cheers and emotions so present in the worldly pride we take in our ruggers, it just overwhelms you. the choking feel is even present now as i write this although the match was last year.

being in sports, i know the feel of defeat.. it's very real to me.. it's more than the pain and tears that goes into working so hard to attain your goal although you know it doesn't affect your standing in front of your Maker at the end of it all.. it's more than the injuries incurred during training and matches.. it's even beyond the human pride that we take in the human things we do.. it's also about the people that support you.. it's abt the team going through all that shit with you and no matter what, you know that they're sticking around next year.. it's about what everyone, not just you, has done to attain that common goal.. the motivations that surround you and pushes everyone forward. it's all that and even more but words just seem insufficient to capture everything at this moment.

recently, alwyn wrote on his own blog with regards to portrait shots, "That's all. I'm not really concerned about the camera or the color (since it is black and white). I am more interested in the final picture, as with the capture of emotion. That would be very nice indeed." i have to admit it, i agree that it's easy to take scenic shots. they don't have emotions that can be captured, smth not even easy with the normal camera. you can take a shot of someone off guard too but you might not be able to capture the emotion correctly too. it's really not easy. but i think he might have forgotten about that one picture he had taken during the match. it looks like the picture was slightly exposed, causing the black bar across the top. but it's my favorite of all the pictures... like one of those you flip your large photo albums and will always stop at to allow your fingers to linger on for a while, to allow that flood of memories to take control for a few fleeting seconds, then turning the page again, with the flotsam of thoughts just floating around.

you're getting there, dude.. slowly but surely.