11.12 p.m, 9th Feb, the first time a brother-in-christ offered to walk me home. also the first time i smiled for real tonight. but it would have been too inconvenient for him. plus i needed time alone... or so i thought.

yet walking home, i realized that it was too dangerous for me to be alone at this time of the night. i was at the mercy of someone i didn't want to know. just a little overwhelmed at God knows what.. a little too weak and tired..

a little too vulnerable to leave myself at the mercy of me.

but i'll keep holding on. keep on remembering the warmth that coursed thru my body from a feeling that returned after so long. a feeling that i admit i missed terribly. i'll keep growing in Him.
*****
For Your Grace
You never did turn away
But cared much for my fate
You endured the pain and shame
for sinners' hearts filled with hate
Blood shed by the prophesied Lamb
Empty grave, You rose for me
Highly exalted, my Servant King
For all to come and believe

I'll continue to run this race
To strive alongside my family by faith
I'll not forget that blood which saves
Lord I thank You for Your grace

So I'll keep my eye on the cross
and never think to let You go
I'll hold on firmly to Your word
And give thanks for all I know
I'll think like You, seek Your mind
Pray that the family of Christ unite
To encourage, exhalt and charge
Of that hope, we'll never lose sight

We'll continue to run this race
To strive side by side, by our faith
We'll not forget that blood which saves
Lord we thank You for Your grace
- Me
*****
"if you smile when no one's looking, you mean it."

how about when you cry?