i watched a sleeping kid on the bus the other day. his grandfather held him in a strange position but the kid slept on, his face resting on the old man's arm that looped across the young boy's chest. finally, the old man turned the child around. by instinct, the child stretched out his arms with his eyes still closed, so certain of what was going to happen next. sure enough, his arms and head were soon resting on the man's shoulders in a loose hug.

then it hit me






Faith like a child.

how many times have my eyes been closed to the world? the many times i try so hard to shut out the harshness of life... and i reach out my arms for the life-saving tug.. and He's there. more dependable than anything or anyone i've ever known. more trustworthy.

how do i know that i can depend on Him fully? who else would sacrifice His own Son for an unworthy broken rebel? who else would open His arms out and embrace the girl who's finally turning to Him after rejecting Him for half her life? who else would wait so patiently for me to realize that He's never left my side? who else would love me as much as He does? (guys ah, remember ephesian 5 hor..)

which is why my present struggle frustrates me so. i'm frustrated with the mere fact that i'm finding it a struggle to continue to please Him. so annoyed with myself for even putting myself in the position where i'm making choices that eat me up inside little by little. but such emotional struggles shldn't be an issue, shld they? i mean... it's just...



i want to love God. more and more each day. i want to be worthy of Him. i'll never be that perfect christian yet. all i can do now is please Him. 'cos at the end of the day, these "secular emotional scars" will still exist. but He's not asking for a perfect me.

He's just asking for me. with all my messed up notions about life, love and everything else. He was not seeking for a perfect being when He chose me. He accepted me for me, along with that scarred broken heart, contrite spirit and skeletons in my closet.



at this point of my life, i'm just going to keep walking this road. perhaps my eyes will be open, perhaps they'll be closed. perhaps i'm covering my ears just to shut out the things i don't wanna hear 'cos it hurts me so bad.. and perhaps at this point, i don't really understand what He wants from me and of me...

When you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart


Faith like a child, Jun. Faith like a child.