over lunch after church with a friend today, she remarked that someone from school had said that i looked "dao". (read: proud, haughty, aloof, unapproachable) then she continued and said she had no idea why he said that. i stared at her and sighed.

i can't remember how many times i've heard that. think it started in sec 1 when my older sister's friends in choir chatted with me briefly before i had to run off to settle some stuff for the choir. they then told her that their first impression of me was that i was "dao". the fact that i had to run off did nothing for the impression.

in jc, one of the girls in my class thought i was dao. of course that changed since the first day we met 'cos i had plonked myself down next to her. frustrated that no one was talking to me, i started a coversation with her. who knew she'd be one of my closest friends even up to today? how did i know what she thought? she told me one day.

i've heard too many stories of people dismissing me as being arrogant and aloof.. and just plain unapproachable when i don't smile. omg. am i supposed to be smiling every second of the day? i can't decide if i wanna look "dao" or like an idiot. they both sound bad. sigh.

it doesn't help when close friends look at me and go, "dao? please. in what world are you dao? blur, yes. dao? noooo."

of course i agree. if i'm alone, i'm usually in a world of my own. friends can walk right past me and brush my arm to get attention and i'd just still walk on, nary a care in the world. just because i don't smile at you or say "hi", it doesn't mean i'm ignoring you. it simply means i didn't even notice you!! omg omg omg omg omg omg.

it's just.. frustrating. to know that i've lost contacts and friendships because people are mistaken about me and don't ever bother to find out. they assume that i want nothing more to do with them just because i forget a "hi-bye" a little too many times. i'm sorry i'm blur. but to cut me off without finding out more just kills me.

*sigh*

***

on a side note. sunday mornings are getting interesting. last sunday, i realized that someone still had the ability to distract me even after 5 years. it was such a sense of deja vu. and nostalgia.

then i can't believe i dreamt abt a friend out of the blue last night. then to bump into him today after god knows how many years of not seeing him (2 years, i think??) was just.. nice. he hasn't changed much. still that little boy i remember him to be. age doesn't look like it's taken a toil on his face yet.

sunday mornings are really.. woah. ahahaha.