I think there's far too much angst in the world today.

Coupled with a heavy dose of cynicism.

In light of this, i've been trying to lighten up a little. Instead of formulating my response immediately over issues that strike a chord with me, i try to stop and think about for a few minutes, hours if the event permits.. Then i respond. Even then, my response isn't always ideal so if possible, i remedy it.

I didn't realise the impact it had on the people around me until i have had people ask me, "how do you deal with the person/situation? How do you do it?" or "i can't believe you are so calm about it."

It's so easy to say, "well, God dealt with a lot of shit from me. So this is my response." but people don't get it.

And i know why they don't.

People cannot comprehend how i can walk away from matters that disturb or upset me, and walk back calm. People cannot comprehend why i find that silver lining.

Simply because it's a generation of whiners.

I used to be that. I used to be a forcefield of negativity, spreading it as i went around. And you know what, it doesn't make things better for anyone.

I thought about it. I prayed about it. I just asked God for directions. And i remembered, "i can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

I can continue to mope and let life get me down. Or i rely on that strength from Him to keep smiling and push through the day. And this mini revelation about a month ago woke me up.

Suddenly, i notice the sunsets more. I help more tourists smile. I say "thank you" and "please" more often. I don't burden people with my troubles simply because i know they have their own.

Sure, i slip at times. I lose my temper when things get ridiculously out of control and nonsensical, like a clinic making me wait for more than 20 min without registering me during that time. But i learnt there are other ways to deal with the situation. The menial stuff, i write a feedback to the parties in hope of a change instead of complaining to my peers. The personal stuff.. Well, i share it with good friends and ask them to pray for me. On my own part, i cry, let it out, and move on.

Of course it's not easy. I can't remember how many times i've heard people say, "it's not fair that i'm always the one to apologize first. It's not fair that i have to be the bigger person. It's not that easy!!"

But i rely on the strength from my God. That's how He set me apart. Perhaps you'll think that it's what that makes me dumb and stupid cos i'd lose out in the world..

But i rather know that i've made a person smile than to know i've let my pride or ego get in the way. That's what God seeks, isn't it? A heart that beats for Him and His world. Never mind that the world doesn't understand. As long as God understands.

Then you may think,"but i know of selfish Christians who sound like the world you're trying not to be like. Why do you then try so hard if no one else is?"

My heart beats for God. The world's reaction is inconsequential to my actions in light of what Jesus has done for me. If that makes me stupid in the eyes of the world, so be it.

But i'm going to make a difference to each "starfish" i see, even if it's one at a time. Even if it's tiring and i get no gratitude from the world. I'm keeping on for God.