been ODing on really old songs. and suddenly, they make me feel a little wistful.. a little gray.. a little sad.

that i've forgotten the feeling being connected to a song. that i haven't felt certain emotions for such a long time that lyrics which used to resonate with me now just leave me a little empty. or maybe not empty.. but more of a sense of lingering bittersweetness.

Don't wake up, won't wake up, can't wake up, no, don't wake me up - Mika's "By the Time"

there's a dull ache where certain emotions once were. but yet with it comes no regret. there's a strange unexplainable pang in missing how the lyrics made me feel once, for it to now be replaced with a little more understanding. where tender joy and longing once used to be now leaves behind a comforting sadness and acceptance.

It's plain to see that, baby, you're beautiful and it's nothing wrong with you. It's me, I'm a freak - Adam Lambert "What Do You Want From Me"


perhaps this is what it means to be 30 years old. it's not about what you do or say. it's not about how you look or dress. but it's about what words now mean to you. how songs you used to have on repeat are still on repeat after years, but with very very different meanings to you now.


I could get used to this. :)