so many times... so many times I find myself teetering on the edge and turning back to want to ask, "why do you hate me? why do you cut me out, second-guess me, doubt me, think so little of me?"

then I bite my tongue and stare straight ahead into the nothingness.

because my mind replies for you, "why shouldn't they hate me? I've screwed it up. I deserve nothing, not even grace."

teach me how to escape. teach me how to get away from all this and yet to also walk away from the edge.