These late night rambles give me life but will also be the death of me the next day. But here goes...

I'm constantly reminded indeed that we have no control over how people respond, react, and relate to us. But I have the power to decide how I respond to others. I have the control to determine how I react to others. And I have the ability to define how I relate to others.

And that's really enough.

Still, how do I then dictate how I respond, react, and relate? Simple. By who I think I am. Which is nothing more but a Christian.


And Sonja's words come back to me. She reminded us that we are dead to ourselves. If I am dead, I cannot do the things I used to do. How does a corpse awake to brush its teeth and have breakfast and meander through the day? It does not.

And I am not me aymore. I am not my old self. I am now a Christian. So it designs my responses, reactions, and relationships.

And I know that I keep telling those around me to persevere and love tirelessly. Not to reciprocate evil with evil but to love without conditions.


Today, someone reminded me that it is a burden and is in fact tiring. And I can't help but agree. It is draining and exhausting to constantly take blow after blow without any love in return. But that's my "folly". And it really depletes my energy.

So I do seek rest. I do crave a peace and calm. And I have found those moments.

In simple things like Pokemon hunting and music and my books or other games.

And in even simpler things like going back to God and meditating on His word. While those formentioned things clear my mind, going back to God aligns my mind and takes control of my heart. He reminds me that He took me out of a pile of wretched worthlessness to look at me and say, "You're mine."

So in all that I do, I cling to the fact that I am Christian to rule my life. And that's pretty damn amazing.