i don't normally quote other blogs.. but this one is worth a mention: http://thebookofshadow.blogspot.com/2005/08/dating-technique.html

i agree with most points really.. but the "male cleavage" part, i disagree.. "male cleavage" will be viewed differently by different girls.. i'm not into thinking of my guy pals as having male cleavage.. urgh. disgusting can? you'll just have to read it for yourselves man.. it's hilarious.

Makings of a horrid day

- waiting 15 mins more than usual for a bus.

- waiting another 30 mins more for buses and taxis

- wanting to call a cab, only to realize you delete all the cab numbers from your phonebook zealously a few days ago.

- waiting 5 min for the operator to get you a cab (after getting the number off a hired cab)

- missing an unhired cab while waiting for the operator with celine dion's "my heart will go on" as the cab company's choice music for holding the line.

- gritting a smile while telling the insistent operator not to bother anymore

- finally getting a cab and told that you have to wait 7 - 10 min when your class has started in a location 5 mins drive from where you are.

- waiting 10 - 15 min for the forementioned cab with 2 unhired cabs going past you.

- paying $12 'cos it's peak hour and there's freaking erp.

- missing 1/2 hr of class (which i was in such a sour mood i decided to stone in the lib instead)

- no breakfast kaki, just a growling protesting stomach.

- buying the wrong set lunch ($0.40 more!)

- wanting to print stuff alongside a bunch of others in smu with one working printer 'cos the other 2 had crashed, only to have it crash as well.

- missing the bus

- getting off at the wrong stop

- trying to reach a particular location for 3 hrs but to no avail 'cos all the lines are not connected properly. then the people who can help pass the msg will be at that particular location later than me.

- headache, cramps and a whiny tuition kid who thinks i'm going to draw his geometry diagrams for him.

- insistent people who repeat themselves over and over again on the phone and explain themselves over and over again when i'm obviously desperately trying to get off the phone 'cos i'm in the middle of smth.

- horrible "hyped up" food when i'm expecting just plain rice and a nice bowl of hot soup.

beat that, i tell you. beat that for a crummy day. all happening in chronological manner too, starting from 7.40 a.m. and i had curry stains on my pants. how bad? let's just say today's the day i see my eye candies. note. it's candies.. not candy. 4 of them. and still a bad day. but it's finally how things fall in place. 'cos when i was looking through my msn list, a friend's nick was:

"when things are not going your way, it doesn't matter. 'cos the greatest problem has been solved."

how true. but i still feel crummy. i want my hot soup. clear soup with cabbage, long beans, potato, carrots, onions, corn kernels, tomato, celery and peas. steaming in my face kind of soup. those that i can burn my tongue with. haiz. hot soup hot soup..

i wrote one helluva long post originally. abt someone clearly ignorant of a lot that caused me to seeth with anger and be terribly upset. but thank God for my friends who still can remain level-headed in all.

(friend) : so shouldn't let it bother you. some christian would have given her the fuel to create this argument
(friend) : and what you can do now, instead of condemning further
(friend) : is to pray for her
(friend) : and show love rather than anger
(friend) : if u are struck on one cheek
(friend) : turn the other

i don't want to turn into the christian version of the ppl that i hate. i'll be letting everyone down. after holding on for soooo long. and i'm grateful that for friends who hold me down. friends who aren't afraid of correcting me when i'm wrong. and i'm grateful that i have ears and an open mind to hear what they have to say and to learn from my mistakes.

my dear dear family in christ, i adore you to bits. just be on time for our meetings in the future. don't really like waiting. =p

wed night was interesting. went down to phuture with the peeps like sheryl, gh, ansen, debz, jt, jx, yw, cy and gh's friend, raymond. yea. it was like couples night considering the fact that yw and cy weren't on the dance floor. i think they got bored after a while as well. haiz. too bad yc wasn't there. we were all wanting to see him do his "oyashi!!" or "i feel it in my fingers... cooooochi coochi coochi!"

saw familiar faces like siding, wk, lem, bryan, fk, kel, mich, val, tai hoe (pikachu!)... squeezy dance floor, a bunch of good-lookers as usual... but hey, it's ladies' night! so the girls were shifting back and forth between phuture and mambo. mambo was dead funny. gh was trying to impersonate the dancers and i was improvising along the way. but it was freaking crowded. after a while, the dancers spread from the dance floor to much further up. by 2, it was impossible. we left for supper at spize at river valley. i shldn't have stayed, really.. shld have gone home to rest and not worry abt the calories from the prata.

while i was talking to jt during supper, yw remarked that if he didn't know us better, he would have thought of us as shallow, just from listening to our conversation. i'm entitled to be a shallow bimbo for a while. but i guess it made me wonder what outsiders would think? then i paused and thought abt it. how unshallow can talking abt guys be? ahahahah..

watching lost now. it's really quite interesting after all. one thing that's quoteworthy in a crappy way. "love is the best way to learn a foreign language." is that true? if yes, find me a spanish or a jap guy. ahahaha.

FOC 2005

the theme? more than just a big fish. it was a time of fellowship, from the meals to the times of just sitting around and crapping. it was a good time, nevertheless. for the pictures go to my 3rd photo album (sidebar link). look for the foc 2005 album.

we covered the book of Jonah and there were actually stuff which the pastor said which i don't quite agree with. one of the strangest camp really 'cos honestly, i was trying to see what i could learn from it.. which wasn't a lot as compared to the other camps or retreats that i've gone for. a bit like there yet not there.

my thoughts on the book of Jonah? it's a demostration of God's grace and judgement. from the time that Jonah ran away, God used "free will" to work out His will, revealing himself to the sailors. then it was demostrated later in the belly of the fish. it's God's grace and judgement. thinking abt it, God could have let Jonah drown but He didn't. that's God's grace. however, i am certain that if Jonah had no repented in the belly of the fish, he would have died. that's God's judgement. God also shows both in how He treated the Ninevehs.

so how do we see God's grace and judgement in Jesus? in the cruxifiction of Christ, we were judged when we shed the blood of Christ. but grace came from it that it's the same blood that saves us. Similarly, in the resurrection, it's through God's grace that His Son now sits at His right hand and reunites us to Him. But at the same time, Jesus sits there and judges those who do not believe. God's judgement and grace at its best.

the workshops were interesting as usual. i went for Wai's ws on bgr (hilarious stuff as usual) and pastor ong's ws on the bible's reliability. i like how pastor ong could answer my questions and it made sense to me. wai was his usual crappy self, linking me and singleness.. hey, it's a gift, k? more on it another time though..

the puffers were fun to hang with. we're nuts but we know the right time to be insane. i'm just thinking of our last discussion on friday morning before lunch. everyone was engaging in the discussion, bringing up issues to talk about. then to end things off, alvin played "as the deer panteths" and we sang along softly. then joshua volunteered to pray for us all. it was nice that ppl took the initiative. then during free time, the feng yi came up with the "suaku" game. puffer power!

the camp tired me out. how bad? this is the first time that i've fallen sick in the middle of the camp. by the 3rd day, my voice was fading and sounding "sexily" hoarse. and i was just so drained, mentally and physically. but by God's grace, i held on until the last day, my voice only giving way that saturday night. mom warned me about burning out before sch starts. i know she wishes that i wldn't be so involvied in CF 'cos it really is sapping my energy out.

but i get a new unfound and unspoken energy just from serving the Lord that keeps me going despite it all. i fall sick, i take medication and the cycle starts. i'm never going to be ready for the 1/2 marathon at this rate. at least i'm working my abs. they're aching just from my coughing. pray for me.

last night was bad.. really bad..

headache, aching body, puffy feeling (and i'm not talking pufferfish happy puffy), sniffing, one dripping/workable nostril, one blocked/unworkable nostril, sore throat, cough, bloody mosquito taking my blood...

today's no better.

i woke this morning without a voice. after gargling some salt water, taking hot honeyed tea and the strepsil's cough medication, i've got a bit of it back. i'm close to sweating just frm trying to speak. and when i speak, the throat feels like it's going to give way and i start my coughing fits with that phalegmy feeling. by the time i'm done, i am in cold sweat. that's how much effort i require and how terribly weak i feel now. and my nose is not giving in to my non-existant immunity. still groggy. i'm amazed that my body clock still doesn't let me sleep for more than 9 hours despite my current situation.

they shld create a simile for me. "as sick as jun". i'm just sitting here, waiting to cough blood any minute now. and i mean it in a literal i-seriously-feel-damn-sick manner. talk about feeling crummy. giving up on a lot of good stuff today. damn.

ok, the camp left good and bad memories in me. will blog about it more when i'm less death-like.

- sickness aside -

i cried after reading my encouragement booklet. i guess it's just knowing that i have friends out there. even people who i never spoke to during the camp wrote in the book, like jer loo and stef. it's that human side of me which longs to be appreciated and noticed for what i do. and it's nice. i haven't been exactly the nicest person to know during the camp after the times i was sarcastic and at times shouted at them during the games. i let my frustration get the better of me this time round. i wanna thank the cfers who still make me smile despite it all. you are all Godsent.

Final Post before SMUCF FOC 2005

Quiz Results: Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) - Sonnet

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

hm.. ok.. how true is that? conscienctious, caring and careful. deep convictions. a lot of thoughts abt romance (eh, how else will i write my stories and poems?). choosy with affections.. ser, u wanna vouch for that? lots of female friends. how 'bt that and lots of male buddies as well? selfless and compassionate. sounds nice. all in all, the sonnet. i like the name.

-- quiz result aside --

to you: stop making use of me and pretending that you aren't. i know it's my nature to easily take up stuff and settle it once and for all, even if it means that i give shit to myself. i bleeping hate it. i bleeping hate it when i try to look for some good in the world and you just make me hate myself for doing it. and i know i will continue to do so and ppl like bleeping you will just disappoint me. i'm not masochistic. i just.. i just really wish for a little good in this fallen world that has turned away. even if it means that i'm left crying, not 'cos you made use of me.. but 'cos you keep destroying that little semblence of hope i have for the world. how you keep beating down my wishes and dreams for smth better.. how you just make me wonder why i continue suffering for people who let me down.

and you make me turn to the cross.. God is not glorious in making you bleeping horrible. God is glorious in making me turn away from the pain and turn to Him for solace.. for understanding that i've been put here to realize how ugly the world can be.. and how He's put me here to not be as ugly as what i've seen. He's given me the chance to learn about the scars that man create on the perfect world He created.

Keep smiling / keep shining / know that you can always count on me for sure / that's what friends are for / through good times / and bad times / i'll be by your side forever more / that's what friends are for

fallacy of generalization. that's not what friends are for. that's what God does. He teaches us through His will. and He's always there. He's the only one who keeps that smile on my face. He's the only one who keeps that light from going out. He's the only stable one, that fortress where i hide in. He's the only one who's seen me through all my good and bad times, the only one who has truly wiped my tears each night so that i may have rest at the end of the day, assuring me that through it all, He's there for me. all that even when i used to be His enemy and part of that ugly world. i know Christ went through so much more bleeping shit than me. but i'm not Christ. i'm not God. i'm just a mere little girl, clinging to the invisible sleeve of His so that i'll get through each day.

i wonder how much Christ cries.

Damn you grammphone. you seduce me with your prices. I let myself be deceived by you. you ate my money.. so many cds.. boyzone, andy gibb, the calling, jay chou, ray charles soundtrack and the waterboys vcd. i haven't even included the other discographies i've bought: sleeping beauty, dumbo, sword in the stone, ronan keating. and i haven't even bought my cheerleading queens! how? i cannot make it, i tell you. thank goodness they didn't have jamie cullum, waterboys 2 and the hotman series.

that's it man. my new shoes will have to wait until my next pay check.

i'm not broke or anything.. the discographies average at about $10 or $11 thanks to clearance. and those are merely all that i've bought throughout the whole hols. but i've never bought so many before. kaoz. i'm still in the mood for muzak!!

BEP's monkey business("don't lie" rocks!), James Blunt, the latest Craig David, John Legend's ordinary people, the latest Elvis Presley (yesh, i still haven't bought it! i want my rubberneckin'!)

listening to the Ray soundtrack now. caught it the other night at the club. it was interesting without a doubt. there was this familiar dude in the movie. i stared and stared and stared.. it's the dude from Band of Brothers! got charlie and the choc factory this sunday.

for the rest of the week, i won't be home. away at the camp. pls let it be a good time of fellowshipping. will update on the camp when i get back!

i've done up the music videos. yay! and it's quite a number of nice ones.. or at least ones that i like.

there's JC Chasez, "Some girls". it's the kind of song i like to hear in the clubs. what genre? i have no idea. it's dance/hiphop/pop or smth.. different from the usual Nsync boyband tunes. i have no idea how to create a link to click on the song you want. but the playlist is in order, so u just got to pressed "skip". yupe. enjoy this for now!

oh! didn't manage to try out the italian stew. the ingredients are ex!! wait until i'm rich enough to buy all the sherry/wine in the world to make all the nice italian dishes, yar? then i'll try out mexican dishes too. but my stew still turned out nicely. soups not too salty. au natural.

joyce, i'm sooooo sorry. i totally forgot about your party! i'm a bad friend! paiseh.. i will make it up to you, i promise. T-T

Biz camp was a success.. Formidable Reporter Girl is awaiting her lame black towkay t-shirt and goodies bag from Mr streesed-out wijaya. Ahahaha. A hoot of pictures too. I was laughing while looking at them. Check these out. (I'm sorry, freshies!) I had to blur out recognizable faces. For their sake. I'm not evil, can...

the bandit and banditess did not know what they were getting themselves into..


Fabian consoles Marion about their baby in his deformed womb


humpback of SOB!


"eh, why is the lamp post shorter than me?"


Kai's final pose before death


Hilarious accounts. there's the usual share of crappy camp games like "diu diu diu!" and the traffic light camp. The freshmen had to work out a balance sheet. This girl was chatting happily with her other friends from another groups. Then the friend looked at her, "you managed to balance the BS?"

Her eyes widened in slight horror and puzzlement, "it has to balance?"

At this point, people around her just burst out laughing. After a while, one of the year 4s walked up to us, carrying stuff to prepare for the Selling Game. Her face was flushed as she looked around excitedly. Then she put down the stuff, grinning from ear to ear. "The guys this year are damn cute! But they're younger than me!" she wailed at the end. I actually agree with her. es de veras mejor (it's the very best)! Ahahahah. I sense killer daggers from my friends but is it my fault that the incoming SMU male freshmen are good-looking? Not my fault. I just watch the ppl come and go. A couple of familiar faces.. A couple of new ones. Always good. A lot of those "I recognize your face from yday and so I'll smile at you" and "I recognize your face from yday and you're smiling at me so I'll smile at you." but wait only this bunch good-looking.. the rest of them all cannot make it.. how?

Got to know ppl during the camp as well. The Fleshies are interesting ppl. Had the $4 swensens's with them. *lol* always good, always good. Wonder if wee gay is a potential drinking buddy. Muahahaha.

Sa5ivers, Cheena-ou how? $12 for RnB. how how? ACJ5 damn poseur right? What to do, we're one big poseur family.

In school library now, working on the bondue FOC article. the biz camp has been immense fun, really. will blog with pics and all frm the camp. wait for the updates!

i'm crazy, i know i am... already tired from today's running around to settle "Underground race". in the end, decided to go for a little hair therapy. went for a $5.25 trim at kimage students. yesh, i'm a cheapskate. but it helps me maintain the short hair. and i'm tired of it either way. going to let it grow out now. it's 12. 48 on a Tuesday morning here's the event line-up for the rest of the week:

Tuesday: Bondue Camp coverage (whole day); Exco Meeting (7 pm to hopefully 10 pm. i'm hoping against hope.)
Wednesday: Bondue Camp coverage (afternoon); Tuition (6 pm - 7.30 pm)
Thursday: Bondue Camp coverage (morning); know there's smth but cannot remember..
Friday: Sentosa, beach therapy! (morning); Kimage, hair therapy (afternoon)
Saturday: Sleep!! though i have a nagging thought that i've smth on....
Sunday: prepared the stew for the 8th (afternoon); Joyce's party (evening)

i'm sooo packed that i have to arrange for beach therapy and put it down so nothing else can take over it. i'm going to sentosa! tan tan tan.. it's just maintaining the brown. ahahaha. Friday is my therapy day. maybe i'll have some time to engage in retail therapy. btw, for those who are basics-crazy like me? Hang ten is selling plain tanks for $7 for min purchase of 2 pieces. U2 is selling plain tops for $10. Purchase of 3 pieces entitles u to further 10% off. basics are good for school. cheap basics are good for poor students like me.

btw, vivace was fun, if anyone wants to know my thoughts. ahahaha. met familiar ppl. steve, lionel, llyod, lemuel, dave, eugene... got to rest once in a while just to chit chat with ppl like chia, lim, wp, hw, cheong, vic.. i like times like these.. and oh, my ac eye candies were there. i'm not naming anyone! *JT! come back soon! we need to talk!* mich eng, see lah.. go to NUS SoC. miss out on stuff here. =]

only prob is i'm dead tired. my family thinks i'm going to break down soon. apparantly, my face was green (read: bloodless) when i got home. that bad? and i missed "Hotman" today! darn. missed so many episodes already. anyone know where i can get the vcd?