So the spring cleaning starts. I'm starting earlier 'cos i've got too much clutter.

Like that loose wardrobe mirror and the creaky bookshelf, i'm fixing all that needs to be fixed in my life. Dusting off the walls and wiping up the dirt. Washing things up and making the room a little happier as long as i'm in it.

It feels nice. To clear old things and make space for new things. And while that's happening, i'm starting on my projects. My crazy d.i.y projects make everything just a little more original. Just a little more of me in my little life.

Everything's changing and it feels right. As my dear old evangelical evangelist friend, Chappo, would say, "it's a fresh start."

And i can't think of a better way to end the year, to clear the baggage and fix up the little broken bits.


23 days to Christmas. Can't wait.

Pure madness with insomnia thrown in..

There's only so much butter around to spread on all the bread. Too many expectations from all aspects of my life that i'm just going to fail or have already failed..


I'm just thankful for the crazy ones hanging in there with me. Thankful for those ready with a hug when i feel like i'm cracking or feel like i've cracked. For the crazy ones who've been by my side when i whisper a whine.


Just praying that i don't end up presenting to Ministers. I never signed up for that. :(

hunting for and snooping around vintage shops have made me remember that thrill of holding my holga and instax mini, running around and blinding the people who have fallen victim to my cameras.

and of course, the adorable Instax Mini 7s Filter Lens caught my eyes. $55 for 3 split image filters, 6 dual-color filters, 4 color grad filters, 4 center spot soft filters, 4 color filters, and 2 adapters.

omg omg omg. think of aaaaaall the effects!

of course, i'll need to control myself. my ixus is somewhat dead. if it is, i'm looking to get a powershot. there are decent models that are less than $300 so it doesn't sound too bad. the one i'm eyeing is $221. sounds decent enough, no?

sigh.

crazy three weeks where i've found someone who is just as psychotic and high on life when around friends. he's fun. he's incredible. he loves good music. he loves to drink. he loves to club. he's always there with a comforting arm over the shoulder and a quick hug. helps that he's easy on the eyes..

and he's a distant cousin.

i declare that the good-looking genes are present and strong in the Seah family. not just that, we are all awesome.


too insane. too incredible. too much fun given our age. we need to take the partying a notch down when he gets back from his honeymoon.


just too amazing during these crazy times where everything's well... as i know it.


thank you for making it a little better, dear cuz. :)

this faux socialite lifestyle is a little unbecoming...

how does one go from day to day living a somewhat schizo life?

one weekend, i'm by the pool, staring off the ledge leading to the shiny sea separated by rocks a few feet below me..

another, i'm dealing with a foie gras overdose..

then the latest would be munching on lobster with truffle butter that's all so light and foamy, beef tenderloin with the most amazing miso sauce, and black truffle cheeseburger with two or three slices of truffles winking at me. All this while sipping on Mumm and listening to the roaring purr of engines going around me... and oh, free nobu seared tuna is always good.



but when the weekend is done, i'm back to the "let's go hawker centre/food court for lunch" and "cheap please?" comments for the rest of the week as i try to survive on my salary and put aside money for a place to call my own.

i can't decide if i love my mother's job or not. it gets me my favorite pizza at Palio's which is less than $30 and enough for 2.. and a margarita at 10.30 pm while she's into the second half of her 2-hour meeting a few tables away. so i go home super late but well-fed. i see so much more of life but so less of her (hence the dinner with her tonight)..


but i know it's making me a little schizo, pretending to be a tai-tai's daughter and when reality is that i'm not. sigh.


stop being schizo. stop being schizo..

quote-worthy moments on "The Voice":

***


(after Emily and Curtis kiss at the end of "Need you now")

Blake: Cee Lo probably told y'all that he wanted y'all to duet, not do it.

(laughter and applause from the audience)

Blake: thank you. thank you. I'll be here all season.

***

(after Team Blake performed "This Love")


Adam: you're so much bigger than everyone else, Blake.

Blake: you mean..

Adam: you're like this giant.

Blake: oh? taller?

Adam: taller. taller.. length-

Blake: (cutting in) that's what she said.

Adam: really? really??

***

I've always loved Adam's amazing voice made for his songs. But Blake Shelton has a new fan. he's no longer Mr Miranda Lambert. :)

A & B are the same color. if you don't believe, print the image out and cut A & B out. put them side by side. stare at them. 

mind-f**k. woah.

so my first proper introduction to ken jeong not as a character he plays in shows but as a comedian happened during the 2010 MTV movie awards. where banking on his roles in Role Model and Hangover, he shows off his dancing and erm.. figure.

GQ jumps on the band wagon, obviously realizing the borders of insanity that this man will go to.. how does one not love this insane man known as ken jeong? presenting.. Ken Jeong photobombs GQ.

and my favorite...

LOL. this man is da shyte.

Quick thoughts in the bed (the perks of an ipad)

The world is getting curious and curiouser.




I really need to get out of here. :(

Ao i'm in the thick of the action of the london rioting.

God's been kind by putting me in a secure part of london. But the sounds of sirens and sights of fire trucks sadden me.

So the police act of killing one man justifies your actions of destroying innocent communities, small local businesses, burning random cars... In that sense, you think that creating more desrruction is proper response?

The kids infuriate me. The disregard for the rest of the communities, the wanton acts of the lawlessness just to display a warped sense of power and authority at the expense of your fellow people. Right. So the way to avenge one innocent person is to destroy the lives of other innocent people.

This manifestation is just... So foolish. So dumb. So incredibly sad for the londoners.

My prayers are with the innocent. For the innocent. :(

so i'm finally done with my deadlines for today. only leaving one to deal with when I'm in London.

i have to say that i no longer find it a thrill to accomplish my work before a holiday. usually, i feel strangely energized and eagerly anticipating the holiday. now, i feel like i'm too tired to be excited about my holiday.  doesn't help that I haven't really packed with the exception of my clothes. great. hopefully some anticipation will hit tomorrow.

i can't wait for november. for this shit to lessen and for the next cycle to start. maybe i can convince my boss that i need an associate to help me. there's only so many lunch treats that can keep me happy for the duration of lunch. in the past, i used to deal with shit hitting the fan. shit that could be cleared too. now, the shit is just thrown at me.. it's either a "fyi-here's-shit-just-because!!" or "fya-here's-shit-i-know-you-have-no-authority-to-clear-but-it-has-to-go-somewhere". and it's bleeping a lot of shit.

i still remember how pissed i was when a SM from a public agency knew i was deep in work and terribly busy and yet can ask me why the documents i prepared weren't professionally bound. i wanted to say, "f you. my team has 3 people with better things to do. why don't you bind it with your department of 10 persons?"

the hilarious part was when we handed out the documents, everyone wanted the ones that weren't bound because it was easier for reference. boo-yea.

the part that infuriates me most is that he knows how busy i am. and some matters he brings to me, he knows i have no authority to make a decision but he wants to know an answer immediately to give his boss. WHY CAN'T HIS BLEEPING BOSS CALL MY BOSS?? why the f am i dealing with it???

besides, dickhead, don't tell me you understand. don't make promises that say you'll make sure i'm in a situation where i can handle the things on my plate and that i'll never be overly stressed. 'cos you just break ALL of them. i can take apologies and forgive. but you don't apologize. or rather you rarely do. so don't expect me to not realize that you've broken all your promises. douchebag.



and that's just the tip of the ice berg.



i think mouse wld probably be bored of my ranting now, esp after that insane 40 min breakdown in the middle of the night. so mouse, i'm soooo sorry. here's a special shout out to you for taking care of me that night. thank you for praying for me.

rara smsed me one day at work randomly to make sure i was ok. for some strange reason. she said she felt like i had changed. I was no longer bubbly. no longer happy. she didn't even know what happened in the previous few nights. but through my msgs and the few times we met for drinks, she sensed the difference.

i need to snap out of this. i'm not going to quit my job... i see value in it. more than my previous job offered. it's not something i'm passionate about. but it's still something i believe in.

which is probably why i've asked for prayers during the past 2 months more than I ever had back in the 3+ years of my previous job.


just praying soooo hard that i don't get work emails directed to me when i'm in London. doesn't help that i'm already writing a paper when i'm there. so just praying so damn hard.




sigh.


snap out of this, little girl. there are other matters of consequence that need your attention too. :(

I think there's far too much angst in the world today.

Coupled with a heavy dose of cynicism.

In light of this, i've been trying to lighten up a little. Instead of formulating my response immediately over issues that strike a chord with me, i try to stop and think about for a few minutes, hours if the event permits.. Then i respond. Even then, my response isn't always ideal so if possible, i remedy it.

I didn't realise the impact it had on the people around me until i have had people ask me, "how do you deal with the person/situation? How do you do it?" or "i can't believe you are so calm about it."

It's so easy to say, "well, God dealt with a lot of shit from me. So this is my response." but people don't get it.

And i know why they don't.

People cannot comprehend how i can walk away from matters that disturb or upset me, and walk back calm. People cannot comprehend why i find that silver lining.

Simply because it's a generation of whiners.

I used to be that. I used to be a forcefield of negativity, spreading it as i went around. And you know what, it doesn't make things better for anyone.

I thought about it. I prayed about it. I just asked God for directions. And i remembered, "i can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

I can continue to mope and let life get me down. Or i rely on that strength from Him to keep smiling and push through the day. And this mini revelation about a month ago woke me up.

Suddenly, i notice the sunsets more. I help more tourists smile. I say "thank you" and "please" more often. I don't burden people with my troubles simply because i know they have their own.

Sure, i slip at times. I lose my temper when things get ridiculously out of control and nonsensical, like a clinic making me wait for more than 20 min without registering me during that time. But i learnt there are other ways to deal with the situation. The menial stuff, i write a feedback to the parties in hope of a change instead of complaining to my peers. The personal stuff.. Well, i share it with good friends and ask them to pray for me. On my own part, i cry, let it out, and move on.

Of course it's not easy. I can't remember how many times i've heard people say, "it's not fair that i'm always the one to apologize first. It's not fair that i have to be the bigger person. It's not that easy!!"

But i rely on the strength from my God. That's how He set me apart. Perhaps you'll think that it's what that makes me dumb and stupid cos i'd lose out in the world..

But i rather know that i've made a person smile than to know i've let my pride or ego get in the way. That's what God seeks, isn't it? A heart that beats for Him and His world. Never mind that the world doesn't understand. As long as God understands.

Then you may think,"but i know of selfish Christians who sound like the world you're trying not to be like. Why do you then try so hard if no one else is?"

My heart beats for God. The world's reaction is inconsequential to my actions in light of what Jesus has done for me. If that makes me stupid in the eyes of the world, so be it.

But i'm going to make a difference to each "starfish" i see, even if it's one at a time. Even if it's tiring and i get no gratitude from the world. I'm keeping on for God.