(some personal thoughts on this whole elections thing..)

What parties are saying to people when they say no to multi-cornered fights:
"A higher chance of a diverse parliament."

What I think they actually mean when they say no to multi-cornered fights:
"We're convinced that Singaporeans dislike the ruling party enough to take whatever opposition party we give them. Even if the opposition is useless and cannot contribute to society."

This whole talk of no multi-cornered fights sickens me. At the end of the day, it feels as though the opposition parties just want the ruling party to have less say in Parliament. That they just want another SMC or GRC as a notch on their bedpost.

In this bid to rid of multi-cornered fights, how do they decide which party to take which constitution? Or do the opposition parties just want the opportunity to equal rights to say "I have a seat in Parliament?"

The division of SMCs and GRCs is more than gerrymandering. I believe that it should help parties decide if they actually have the resources and power to help that particular SMC and GRC that they want.

When parties look at each segment, they should be able gauge the living standards. Whether things are working. Whether decisions made are benefiting the people. During their walkabouts, parties can meet the people they are dealing with. What the people need. What the people want. What they don't realize they are lacking.

Only then should any party decide if they have the ability and capacity to represent that SMC or GRC before they run for it.

The key objectives of these Meet-the-People sessions and walkabouts is not to tell people who the party is. It is an objective. But it is not the key objective. At the end of the day, a parliament discusses issues that affect the people of a nation. Having a nation that knows the members of the parliament is very different from having a parliament that knows the nation.

If anything, I am for multi-cornered fights of 3 parties simply because the votes tell a bigger story than most people think. some examples to think about (non-exhaustive list really but yea...)

eg1. The votes are spilt almost evenly across 3 parties : This actually suggests that 66% of people are desperate enough to throw their votes anywhere other the party that used to be in charge of them.

eg2. The two newer contesting parties lose by a landslide : People are happy with their current party. To the contesting parties, I hope you got your electoral deposit back at least.

eg3. One contesting party loses its electoral deposit : You suck. Please stop.

I can only hope that the opposition parties have thought through all these things carefully. To realize that walkabouts are more than just showing your face but understanding if you can even help residents.

This isn't a fucking game of Risk. This concerns welfare of actual people.



What do I want in a government?

I want a government that's not scared of its people. I want a government that serves its people.

We want faster and more connected transportation network. Give it to us. But don't rush it just to make us happy in 3 years and disappointed 3 years after that when everything breaks down. Tell us the full plan and tell us what we need to know to manage our expectations. Let the poor construction workers sleep and rest enough. They are humans too.

We want cheap hawker food. But don't suppress prices just to make us happy now and depressed 5 years later when we lose more people in the hawker profession and even more depressed when overwhelming amount of foreign labor has to be brought into a workforce that is so uniquely ours. Explain costs to the people. Explain inflation.  Manage the hawkers to prevent unreasonable overcharging but enable reasonable prices. Serve the hawkers too. And really, dear Singaporeans, $5 for a solid bowl of bak chor mee is not expensive. (HAVE YOU SEEN THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT REQUIRED? SO EASY YOU GO MAKE LA.)



So if that is what I want in a government, I must vote for a parliament that will hold the government accountable for the welfare of the people. I must vote for a parliament who will constantly check that decisions aren't just self-serving, but also rational and reasonable within the constraints of logic and resources. I must vote for a parliament that wants a government to serve the people well.

Not a parliament that nitpicks and groans over every small and inconsequential decision just because it was by someone of the opposing party. Not a parliament that seeks to be diverse for the sake of being diverse. Definitely not a parliament with parties that think this is a fucking game to fan their egos.

Saying stuff like "Our journey to the west begins in Tanjong Pagar" sounds like a game of conquest instead of benevolence and integrity.

So give me my multi-cornered fights. Give me the choice to decide who I think is a good voice of reason and of the people in the parliament. If there's one thing that I would like taken away from me right now is the jokers in the system. For the love of the nation, let that one be removed.

Last night, as I sat in Sydney Central waiting for the midnight train to Melbs, I was overwhelmed with a new emotion.

A new raw emotion of fear. Of being alone in a dark city.

I was so afraid of being alone, of being lonely, that it scared me. I have thought of it. But to be scared... that was new.

I prayed. I prayed so hard for the fear to pass. For me to remember that I have Him. That He has been good, is still good, and will continue to be good in my life. That in times of need and plenty, He gives me the ability to give thanks and be joyful.

Now I sit at St Kilda's... and I don't feel it at all. I feel comforted. I feel provided for. I feel joy. I feel plenty. Even when I am surrounded by families and couples while alone, I feel at peace.

I feel like I'm home.

And I am grateful that He works in the most unfamiliar unspoken ways to give me rest and comfort. May I never forget to give thanks and be joyful.

one thing that constantly amuses me...

when people think that I don't see through their bullshit and stories they create as compensation for their insecurities and need to feel important.

it's all just white noise that gets on my nerves because it's like chalk on a blackboard. Irrelevant and grating with the purpose to annoy others.

must be fun and exciting to be on the other side when after all, you have all the time in the world to create your self-worth at the expense of others because you have nothing better to do.

I remember gathering in front of the television back in December 1996 with my family with eager eyes, all excited in anticipation.

It wasn't just a 40-min music video. It wasn't just any clip. It wasn't just any actor or any singer.

It was the official release of Michael Jackson's "Ghosts".



I remember screaming internally and dying inside at the perfection that was playing out in front of me. And then the awe when I realized that Michael wasn't just the Maestro but also the Mayor.

Never again... never again will we have another entertainer in the league of Michael Jackson.  Thank you though, for the music that we will always have.

the worst thing you can do is to mistaken...

..my quietness as ignorance
..my independence as loneliness
..my firmness as unreasonableness
..my anger as self-righteousness

..my values as the one thing that makes me a pushover and a doormat.


those I love are those that I will protect. those that I care for are those that I will correct.


so don't be mistaken about me. while I rarely feel the need to confront anyone because you've got to screw up really badly for me to even get to that stage... I'm one of the worse persons you want on the other team.

so a couple of things have caught my attention. one of it was this "20 things to do when you're 30 that will make life better at 50". Thoughts have been italicised.

1. Don't smoke. If you've started, stop immediately.

2. Stop eating crap. (BUT FRIED CHICKEN IS SO GOOD)

3. Maintain (or repair) relationships with parents and siblings.

4. Stop going out in the sun without sunblock.

5. Exercise regularly.

6. Start saving money. Even if it's just a tiny bit.

7. Learn to be content with what you have. (someone out there is happier than you with less than what you have. don't just learn to be content. learn to embrace and find happiness in the things you possess and remember that they count for nothing if you cannot help to add to the happiness of others)

8. Don't delay pursuing your life goals. (still haven't gone to Switzerland to sky-dive. At least I've got house keys already)

9. Get some sleep. (completely not doing. completely need to do)

10. Take care of your teeth.

11. Collect memories instead of things. ("Memories won't depreciate and can't be burned in a fire - Inspired by Quora user Richard Careaga")

12. Give something back. (I need to write to my little girl soon. I wonder how she's doing)

13. Be curious and do one thing that scares you every day. (Am I going to survive heading to Dandenong and Cockatoo Islands myself? I'll find out by mid July!)

14. Read at least 10 books a year.

15. Travel. As much as possible, whenever you can. (key words: "whenever you can". I need to quit istg.)

16. Learn to meditate.

17. Stop comparing yourself to others (Again, contentment stops a person from looking up to or looking down on people. k.o.k.o)

18. Keep a journal. (time to write more again?)

19. Become a homeowner. (AGREE)

20. Take care of your friends.



all of the above make sense but yet people don't ever think about it. it's always about the "now". instant gratification. sigh...

something else I saw on tumblr was this: "Reblog with what you would tell your 13-year-old self in the tags"

Tags are not nearly enough but if I could go back in time, I know what I would say.

I will tell myself to breathe.. That things are going to get worse and times are going to be dark. but for every anxiety attack... for every hyperventilation... for every splitting ache of the chest... for every unexplained crying fit... for every fainting spell... for every time someone dismisses it as being attention-seeking instead of a cry for help... for every cold sweat under the covers so that no one will ever know of the struggles...

that for all the shit that will happen two years after hitting 13... I'll tell my 13yo self that it's all going to be worth it. it's going to make me stronger. it's going to make me resilient. it's going to make me learn to protect myself. that it's okay to love and not be loved in return. that even when I learn to accept the things that hurt me, it's still going to hurt me. and that's okay.

I will tell that little girl that after beating depression, I'm going to find God after a few more years and I'm going to make sense of it finally. and I'm going to obey. and I'm going to rebel. I'm going to have my heart broken and I'm going to return to Him. that He's faithful even when I'm not. And to keep clinging to Him because understanding who He is and what He has done, i.e. the gospel message, will keep the demons at bay.



how can tumblr tags hold all of that ramble? :P

Keeping this for all the bad days in my life when I need a good squeal and to remember to keep smiling

so at the Super Junior concert on Friday (which was just pure awesomeness and a massive 3.5 hour screaming karaoke session), the boys dance, entertain, sang, and love everyone.

then they thanked the fans for being with them for the past 10 years.

OH MY GOD. 10. I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO THEM FOR 10 YEARS.



the next day was BSB. another 2 hr screaming karaoke session. then they thanked the fans for the past 20 years.


ah nuts. i'm freaking old. and yet it's all still so classic and awful in the goddamn old school embarrassing hair and clothes way.

but how does this get old:



never.

so after hobbling around for the past few days, i found a lump under my left ankle. went to see the doctor and he concurred that it's an inflammation. he then proceeded to call it a "ligament sprain" before correcting himself to "ligament strain".

that sounded odd for a while so i repeated after him, stressing that it was a "sTrain" and not a "sPrain".

i later texted a bunch of my gym buds to keep them posted since i had asked them about my injury earlier and one of them later replied:

"Where got such a thing as ligament strain"

"You should have told the doc that strains only apply to tendons and muscles"

"Ask him to wake up"


my friends are such geeks that they are correcting doctors. LOLOLOL. i love them.

Things to remember...

Analyze your behavior constantly. When you think little of others, use the same yardstick to measure yourself. You usually fall short too.

If someone tells you to change a behavior, stop defending yourself. Stop putting that person down.

Here's a wild idea. Listen.

Listen to the person. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Don't assume that you are the victim right away. Pay attention. Usually, the person is saying that you are not the problem. It's the action you took. And that can be rectified.

So listen.

Because it takes more guts to tell someone that a behavior is upsetting you, and yet so easy to whine and complain to people who have no power to make a situation better. All you are doing is feeding your ego based on your perceptions and assumptions when you make yourself into a victim.

Remember, listen.

Check yourself all the time. Don't be a doormat but don't be too ready to argue when people are brave enough to want to tell you things to improve on. Those things could be helpful to your relationship with people.

Accept criticism with an open mind and willing heart. Be a person that others will not fear to correct because they know that you want to improve yourself.

Fucking make yourself a better person. Listen.

some times it can feel so incredibly lonely.

misunderstandings happen when people don’t listen. and these worsen when people refuse to let go of their baggage and listen.

aren’t friends supposed to trash things out to resolve matters and be better friends? Isn’t that an unspoken rule that when one is uphappy with an action, you talk to the other and talk about how to avoid that action?

Isn’t communication the most important part of friendship?

yet at these times, all I get is a sense of betrayal. a sense of backstabbing without any desire to gain more understanding.

how hard is it to see that my frustration isn’t what you did? Why do you not listen to me when I say that the problem is that you didn’t tell me what you did? haven’t I said time and time that communication is important? why do you shut me out and run around telling people that you are upset by me instead of telling me that I’ve upset you? why do you not want to resolve things between us? why do you not want to talk or listen?

maybe I was never considered a friend despite how I’ve tried to change based on your feedback of my character. the first time you saw a change in my behavior, your response was an offended “what are you up to?”. I told you that I was consciously trying to change because of what you said. and you threw me a look of disbelief, immediately assuming that I was mocking you.

perhaps I’m the deluded one. perhaps I need to start being a little more skeptical of the people around and stop thinking the better of them. perhaps I need to surround myself with those not afraid to tell me when I’m wrong and are not upset when I tell them when they are wrong.

perhaps I need to protect myself a little more.

You know when I'm tired. You know all my headaches. You've been there through all my hyperventilation moments. You've seen all the times I've cried and felt so alone.

And each time, I hear Your voice call me, telling me You know everything I've done for you. You hold my hand and wipe those tears. You tell me it's ok to be weak because You have all strength in the world to carry me through it even when I am blind to Your deeds.

You put people in my life who remind me of all that. You give me friendly faces and smiles of encouragement. You provide prayer partners who right my wrongs.

Thank you. Truly.. thank you, God.