a friend just reminded me of my birthday... kinda asked me what i wanted..

tennis bracelet, solitaire earrings and necklace, pink diamonds, invitations to all the glam parties, money, free dresses from glam designers, bags from chloe and coach, lipo surgeries...

the weird list that i came up with was just me crapping..

esp when it took me really long to think abt...

'cos for the longest time, the only thing i could only think of..

i just want more time with you.

even though we meet so often.

even though we've seen one another just on friday.

and saturday.

but i want more time with you

all of you.

Snapshot

(many thanks to bryan for nearly all the photos!)

how long can one push away tomorrow that comes

how often can we not care

that what once was a part of a thing of today

will someday come to fade

to remember all that's been said or ppl have done

seems all too far from here

looking at the snapshots of the days of our lives

i just wish that we could say

that things keep getting better

claiming that all that just don't matter

we'll hold our heads high and take a breath

head out to see what the world has to offer

we'll keep saying that things won't last forever

that we know that dust will never settle

with every sun that is setting and new days arising

all that is left will see us to the end

of friendships forged over coffee and frisbees

dancing trips to the pub

we never thought too much of all those crazy moments

singing and hiking up hills

as the minute hand moves and the tides washes out

to time that never hangs around

we'll raise those glasses to no absolutes in our lives

hands clasped on silent thoughts

we cry, we sigh

we laugh and we try

to hold onto memories of yester-years

we hope we pray

that maybe someday

all that used to be will return again

that things keep getting better

claiming that all that just don't matter

we'll hold our heads high and take a breath

head out to see what the world has to offer

we'll keep saying that things won't last forever

that we know that dust will never settle

and i know that we never see that day when it comes

when you and i will never be together

here's to you and i. :)

long post (plus photos!) ahead... with abr and so many suppers, how can it be short? i think the cfers are absolute owls. they live for the nights. and yes, we've been going for soooo many suppers...

so the first day was fun. jx stunned everyone with his "brush-like hair" (comment courtesy of hon) and started the camp with his usual lor sor moment. oh well, give him some time la. gonna grad anywayz. we had pastor andrew ong down to talk to us abt being free from the slavery to sin so that we may now serve God. always a good reminder. and with every "go forth!" from gabe, we wld proceed from one activity to the other.

and what's a camp without supper right? on the first night, we went to BK at downtown east, to the horror of the BK ppl. BK closes at 11 and at 10.40, we were still streaming in to eat and sing-song-ba-long-long in the place. ok la, not sing song. we were lip syncing. plus, Beyond Hope was having their photo shoot in the BK. the manager looked upset.

after BK, we headed to Mackers which was open 24 hr. silly photos later, we walked back to aloha loyang to rest and singing all the oldies that we cld think of. at least evan, josh, yc and i were. it was BSB galore. went back and sing-song-ba-long-long some more 'cos evan was leading songs. then ben serenaded fukhai. now fukhai owes us a performance during agm.

second day was heavy day as usual. wai came back to do a talk with us while james conducted the other workshop. always a good reminder. i give thanks that he reminded us of the importance of one-to-one. we are honestly not doing enough of that. big and small group meetings are good. but we cannot dismiss that one-to-one is good as well.

second night, we decided on satay. few of us headed down earlier, namely jordan, janet (jordan's friend), james, gabe, weicheng, thiangster and me. by the time gabe, thiang and i were done with our tom yam soup, the mee goreng was not spicy. james bought satay. it was fun fun fun.

on third day we had a long break so some of us headed to the pool to cool off. not that it was very cooling. the day was soooo hot that the pool water was warm. evan warned that it cld be pee... i dun wanna think abt it. but anywayz, it ended with steph and i drying off while laughing at jx, ben, dave, sen, jer cher and joel screaming and moving in a mesh of flesh in the water.

after bbq, we played ninja tag until zai had a farewell game for us snrs. i sat there helplessly while sen, dave, jx, ben and yak melted ice with every possible part of their body. and when they cldn't do it within a certain time, i wld have water poured on me. 6 whole cups that night. and 5 very cold boys. i was actually touched by their actions even though it turned into a melt-all-the-ice-so-we-can-torture-zai-and-josh-after-that moment.

standchart and shitibank sponsored supper. ok la. hon and fred sponsored supper so it was a lot of desserts and nasi lemak. i settled for just soursop. so that's three suppers in a row. yipee..

sat night, we took a breather from supper. sunday, we met at al ameen. (see post here). on monday, james, bobbs, yq, yc, joel, suyin and i headed to geylang for dou jiang you tiao! then last night (tues night), i met my fave ice cream girls for drinks at villa bali. whoots.

today, i rest. it's just gonna be TCC with maria. my wallet's taking a huge beating just meeting up with the people soooo precious to me. and i'm gonna sleep early!! thurs is gonna be a long day. lunch with josh.. maybe tea with hong nam before he leaves for taiwan. maybe i'll make him do my shopping for me. c'mon, ah bang right? ahahahah

we really *heart* suppers. gosh, i love my cfers..

it was a mini-reunion once more for the crazy supper ppl. we (thiang, bobbs, jane, jt, josh, yq, fel, ansen, deb, suyin, yc, fk, evan, yicong, me) headed for al ameen. what transpire were stories locked in our hearts, just bursting to be shared..

it was funny how ppl are connected. turns out that evan, jt and yicong have a common friend! but yicong spent pretty much the rest of the night connected to jt's phone instead. then jt shared her drama story of nearly being stuck in japan. heez.

from there, the conversations got hysterical. abt fk swooning over ben after being serenaded on the first night of the camp.. meshes of flesh in swimming pool of 6 men screaming over one ball.. then fk preening for the camera.. laughing about 4 years of "gan qing".. then fk acting cool for the camera.. fukhai is just damn funny la.

koh fukhai> if u are reading this, get a freaking facebook account la! u wanna keep in touch right?

evan> i sooo want his photos. damn funny. put on facebook! ahahahahah

ABR is over. been special..

i think it's really good to be reminded of the importance of ministry.. that's not abt self-interest. our sacrifices fail to meet the ultimate sacrifice that God had made. how we'll never match up to Him. humbling, isn't it?

the only sacrifice we can ever give is our lives. how amazing it is to be reminded that self-interest has no place in His ministry. in all our decisions, it's just so easy to seek vindication through our excuses of lack of confidence or "other options" or anything else we can find to justify our self-interest.

'cos we fail to base our decisions on what Jesus would do.

so pointless to tell God you love Him.. so pointless to thank Him for His grace.. so pointless to cry Hallelujah when we seek to satisfy our self-interest. you become a mere hypocrite.

so pointless to do good deeds... so pointless to be ethical and morally upright when we seek to satisfy our self-interest.. you become a mere legalist.

God has no room for both in His kingdom.

i thank God that reminder that He provided to the entire CF. hope that they continue to serve Him and put Him in the center of their lives. i can't answer for anyone of them.. i can't make the decisions for anyone of them. i can only hope and pray for them all, that they'll continue to make decisions not out of self-interest but for God.

pray for me as well.. that i dun fall ill.. think it's an after-camp syndrome.. the giddy headache.. the painful throat... i need some sleep.

i heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
but You never really cared for music, do ya
well it goes like this: the fourth and the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
- Jeff Buckley "Hallelujah"

'tis a strange feeling..

to know that sch's over and not over at the same time. still got accounting theory. only. no mood to even do my readings. i'll do them tmr.

april bible retreat is coming up. can't wait. then my all-so-glam dinners with my accounting girls.. we are gonna dress and up and paaaarty.

the pictures i've taken seem sooo inadequate right now.. like the memories aren't fully captured.. but looking at them.. i really really give thanks for the guys in my batch who have been with me since year 1. we might not be as close as i am with other friends whom i met later.. but oh the memories of cf in year one... all our camps together.. the laughs.. so what if i missed my own foc? the camps after that made up for it all.

Ben.. the guy who refused to take me as a little sister because he already had one in church. cheyz. but nevertheless, the walks out to the bus stop after class in year one.. the jokes during classes.. his hysterical laughter and purple berms.. even preparing bible study together..

then bryan or wan wan. mpw was fun with him in the same group. all the coffee meetings at trung viet before cf in year 2... the lip syncing and giving fred a headache with our disney song karaoke. all the jokes in bible study and food. gosh..

i've already posted pictures of ben and bryan. so here's a little graduation thing for my other guys who've been such a wonderful part of my life since i enter smucf in year 1..

ansen is the crazy one always outgoing one who's just so chirpy.. i'll never forget how he said that he sucked at analogies but was still going to go ahead with giving one during bible study. i kinda stared at him.. like he had grown another head or smth.

david was my leader in my first ever cf camp. i think i distressed him quite a bit even though he was pretty nice abt it. he still gets upset everytime i seem to have way with ppl.. and get my way. ahahaha. he's a sucker for it too!

youwen's the law dude. the whole clamato juice and vodka and wine drinking for educational purposes.. he's the beer bud. oh the joys of paulaner's 1L munich! and brewerks! every AA(alcoholic anon) girl needs a beer bud like him!

ah yak turned from the quiet to the crappy one. his jokes make me tired.. just because he tries too hard. lol. i remember how cien and i used to bully him into leading bible study in year 2. that was fun!

ford's just sooo special. he would sit there and listen to me. that night by evan's road showed me how this brother can really comfort and encourage. i miss this rock. he and his "sai long zhou" during obs.

apo-toh. ahahaha. our massages in peer helper center and even in pr-8 back in the old campus. cannot forget! and him staying over in sch to make sure that he's not late for MA.. only to oversleep in Evans or Raffles.. omg.. truly jianxun. unrivalled.

leming.. sweet cheeks.. puddings.. darth changious. dun ask me abt how he got all the names. but the one guy i'll never grow tired of loving to hate. i'm still waiting for him to leap off a cliff still.. ahahaha.

i've been blessed.. truly truly blessed.

i am such a crazy fan. i cannot believe it.

but it seemed just sooo worthwhile to risk my bacteria life (as well as everyone else's) to leave the house for 1.5 hr..

to have him place his large hand on my left shoulder..

to have him extend that same hand to me to shake it before i left..

to have him write

to Jun

Much Love

Brad Little

in the cover of my CD sleeve..

despite the fact that i was somewhat reduced to a grinning moron in front of him.

i am such a retard, i swear.

he's fantabulously charming! my heart goes out to him. those red scars evident on his face from the make-up and mask.. there was a faint hint of tiredness.. yet he was really such a gentleman despite it all..

the phantom's role is really not an easy one. think abt the emotional rollarcoaster in 2.5 hrs. from hopefulness, only to give way to jealousy, rage, to burn with passion.. to desperation and finally.. hopelessness.. and he does this night after night after night. and four shows during the weekends! it's mad!

his cd is magical. but nothing beats listening to the man live. i have to say that i prefer Kris Philips' version of "This is the Moment" more.. "If Ever I Would Leave You" is just.. different. Brad's got a voice like spring, one that is lighter, fluid and captivating. Kris is more of autumn, one slightly heavy, velvetly and seductive. :P

i'm how swooning now. i *heart* the man..

i'm never gonna concentrate on strategy now. i shld just go to bed right? hee hee...

******

hands that have shook the very right hand of brad little...

last night, i registered 37.8C on the damn thermometer. felt absolutely crummy so i had an early night. desperate housewives is not worth my time when i have a paper the next day..

(Jun: 0, Fever: 1)

i wake this morning. take the temp again. 36.5C. i'm normal again! besides, i've got brekkie with loo loo and gabes. pick gabes up from the overhead bridge and we head to sch. a pleasant surprise when thiangster joins us as well. valerie wilson is staring at us. not usual to see happy students a bit stoned out and having brekkie together, i guess.

(Jun: 1, Fever: 1)

by 8.30, i'm dying from constant coughing. pay dr Paul a visit. bugger's sick too. turns out i have a very slight fever. 37.3C. gives me medication. i ask for non-drowsy cough medication. he looks at me.

"i can give you cough tablets. but they have side effects: palpitation."

i don't care. i need to study. i've got a paper in the afternoon. i take it. i go back to the room, eat my medication. can't focus. the paracetamol knocks me out. i wake up because my heart's beating way too fast for comfort. i try to steady it. not taking any risk, i skip medication after lunch.

the law paper was ok. i think. i think i was coherent. feeling like crap after my paper, i head home instead of studying. take the temp. 38.8C. i'm ready to cry. take a nap. wake up. 38.5C. i wave the white flag.

(Jun: 1, Fever: 2)

wonder what'll happen tonight.. can feel my heart beating a little faster than usual, getting ready to speed up. my nose is like a leaky faucet. yay. i swear, i'm gonna ask for a break-down of my law grade and fight for a higher exam grade if i screwed it up today.

dun like...

not looking forward to graduation at all. when i was in the lib on Good Friday, jt was next to me blogging and uploading photos as well. yc doesn't seem to be looking forward to it as well. it's just.. bittersweet right now and it's not the dark nama royce chocolate talking now.

i love the sch. i honestly do. i love it for how my little corners have precious memories just like the old sch. like how the cfers used to block-book 3.8 and 3.9 until 3.8 got too stuffy and 3.9 got too cold. but we never left from the corner. too many memories.. and our Good Friday picnic in 3.7. we've got milk, honey snack and manna! ok, banana walnut bread. and two other korean snacks as well as bitter nama chocolate..

but you get my point. little corners of the sch hold precious precious memories for me. playing werewolf, cupid during foc. it's just.. special to me. it's not the sch. it's a whole combination of how i can walk past a section of the school and the special ppl who made that corner special come back in floods.

how special have ppl been?

ben who was so worried for me that he allowed me to cry down the phone in the morning, then kept calling me throughout the day to make sure that i was alright... wanz who wanted to do projects together but we were always in diff grps until mpw where the grps were assigned just because he wanted to give me the tronky... my dear da ge who's always so gentle with me.. loo loo for all the amazing love songs that we've listened and sang to together and the morning breakfasts (dude, you have got to stop telling me that you'll miss me.. i'm not going anywhere!!)..

there's my fave ice cream girls, steph, jt and jane who've seen me thru my bimb moments over a lot of ice cream.. gwen who's always been there when my personal issues get the better of me because she knows exactly what it is that i go through.. fel who's held my hand through laughter and tears

other flood of photos for now with the forementioned ppl (except my da ge.. how come i dun have photo with you yet!!!!) and a few more. haiz..

me and ben

me and wan me and jem (i made him wear his glasses in a photo! finally!) ice cream girls me and gwenme and felme and sheryl (she was my classmate in sec 3 and sec 4. we've been in the same sch ever since..)me and the self-professed legolas. (sorry spenc, i cldn't help it. muahahaha)

if you see me broken and lying there

don't leave me to be

catch a falling tear

say a little prayer

for me

****

what a very stressed french commentor sounded like at 90+2 min of the arsenal v westham united match when arsenal was in the whu penalty box: fabregas, baptisa, adebayor, ade-ade-eh!

a couple friends left me disappointed. i always thought of them to be stewards of God but they seem to have let human relationships cloud their perception. i admit, i have been unloving in how i've treated ppl. but i change for God. i'll continue correcting them and rebuking them in love. isn't all Scriptures is good for "teaching, correcting and rebuking"? how can you let friendship stand in the way and say, "because he/she's my friend, i cannot be critical of the person because i'm not perfect myself?"

no! you need to help your friends grow! you need to help them to be more like Him.. and if you realize that you're not perfect, are you changing? are you asking your friends to teach, correct and rebuke you? are you ready to face up to the fact that you're gonna hear things that you don't like but in all objective discernment, realize that there is a reason why ppl are saying stuff about you or others around you? is God in the center of your life?

or is man and his man-made imperfect relationship and flaw yardstick governing your life?

but i just wanted to remind my dear CFers who are reading this right now. i've told some of you before and i'm telling you all this again. people are not perfect. God is. at the end of the day, all your decisions to live your life a certain way shld have Him as a motivation. you only serve people because you want to serve Him. and you serve Him by serving ppl.

when it comes to pleasing God or pleasing people, God comes first. He's our only priority so don't tailor your decisions to please people. please God. be it your job search, GPA, ministry, exchange, summer study... is God in the center? even worse when you say, "hey, let's focus on smth else for now." you fail to serve both God and ppl. you serve yourself. how selfish of you as a Christian. how are you gonna answer ppl who ask, "are you sure you can handle both your ministry and your work? isn't it very heavy,"

i've answered that question already. i once looked at a friend straight in the face and told him, "i'll try to cope. if i can't cope, too bad. i'll quit my job."

i knew that it made him uncomfortable. but i've never been more convinced that this is what i'm going to do. i'm not asking anyone to do the same thing. but i know me. this is how i find peace with God, to go to Him and say, "I am serving You, and not myself. i'm pleasing You and no one else. I'm Yours."

that's why i made all those decisions since i entered SMU.. wrt exchange, summer study, my stay on in the exco despite objections by my mom, choosing cf over dragonboat.. i don't need to please anyone else but God. a crude expression (for the lack of a better one) would be that people are coincidental. that i end up making them happy along the way of my rightful response to Him.

example? prayer in the park. we did it during StuVac. i just wanted to remind myself that God's the reason for everything. it was best if we did it as a group. my dearest da ge thankfully reminded me before the week was done. so we headed to campus green to pray. it was great. i think we were all encourage by those who showed up. and everyone seemed a little lighter and calmer after the thing.


i just pray for the ministry... that it will continue to strive to please Him in all the decisions that not just the new exco, but all the members make will have Him as the only motivation.

on a lighter note, i was pleasantly surprised the other day. my non-christian friend once asked me what denomination i was. i looked at her with a smile and replied, "i'm an evangelical Christian."

she didn't understand as she had never heard of such a Christian. i explained that i belonged not to a building but to God. that my beliefs and life was governed by the word that He had given me: the Bible. she rolled her eyes and laughed. she was just amused at how simple Christianity was in actual fact.

on that day which i was pleasantly surprised, two friends were talking abt church as one friend was currently "visiting" a church that followed a denomination different from his/her original church. the other friend looked at the first friend.

"are you a (insert denomination) or not?"

"no."

"then what are you?"

"I'm an evangelical."

let's just say i was grinning at the last statement. it's nice to know that i'm not the only one who dares to voice this thought out.

i just chanced upon treasures!

my mommy was sorting out some gold jewelry. since i'm at a neverending stage where i like shiny stuff (a bit like a black bird..), i abandoned Hitt, Hoskisson and Ireland to check out the shiny objects. then i realized that some belonged to me.

not that my mommy hid them away from me. she was just keeping stuff that i used to have as a child. i was squealing the entire time as i fingered the tiny bracelets, necklaces and pendants. i have two gold charm bracelets! how cool is that?!?

i decided that i was going to take some out of the safe to wear. yes, the jewelry is kept in a safe deposit box. anywayz, i settled for a charm bracelet and a tiny ring. gonna wear the ring as a pendant. omigosh!! it's how tiny! they were apparantly all gifts from my granny and aunties, bulk of them were bought out of my mommy's year end bonuses.

by the time my mom kept the rest of the stuff, i was back at my book and notes, still fingering the tiny ring. she sat down opposite me and i cldn't help squealing.

"so cute! i used to be sooo tiny!"

"not that you're very big now.."

right. thanks mom...

Graduation Part (1)

i don't know how many parts i'll be having.. but it depends on the ppl i end up taking pictures with as well. anyhoo, not all the pictures taken will be here. shld be studying too but anywayz... for more the pictures, do go to my facebook account instead. under my albums, you'll get to check them all out.

for those without facebook... WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ONE YET? go to http://www.facebook.com/, get an account, and search for my hanyupingying name. :)

photos at: http://smusg.facebook.com/album.php?aid=11073&l=67b5c&id=866370645

anywayz, was thinking back to the mini obs outing we had at substation. just beer and pizza. i was sooo sleepy after that. but for whatever that i was awake for, it was fun. obs was also the official start of weird nicknames.

i've had pet names that are mere variations of my name made cute. all the various permutations and combinations with "act cute" sounds by my dear friends.. then the tongxi-ans came along and the funny names started.. like furby, hamster-in-the-cupboard.. damn strange la.. but at least it's dear cheong giving me the nicknames. think if any of the guys tried it, i wld have smashed their heads in..

i'm gonna miss this all..

IT and Law grp (zx, gwen, cx, siew may, me and Prof Chik)

pam, me, mabel

me, poh

me, sam

me, da jie, kelly, xiuling, bao bao