The balls of my feet are dead tired from standing nearly the whole day.. plus all that burst of dancing to the infectious latin beats of salsa, samba, jive and cha cha.

my mind is groggy from being awake from 5.30 am sunday morning to 1 am monday morning while thriving on 5 hours of sleep after a most depressing soccer match on saturday night.

but it's true. you simply can't dance and stay uptight. for now, i know i'm just going to miss them.

i'm going to miss watching the stark contrast between Antonio's lanky frame and his student-partner's erm.. bigger one. i'm going to miss Vladimir cutting across the dance floor and that shy smile on his charmingly english and boyish face when he sees me watching his waltz footwork. i'm going to miss getting distracted by Slavat's tango footwork and his absolute seriousness when dancing despite his goofiness outside of dance.

i already miss them. but right now, i know i just miss the person. soon, it'll hit how much i miss how they made me feel abt dance. like how i'm still picturing the control of the fluid-ness in Antonio's dance that just fell in place with his quick thinking. tango on a crowded floor is nooooot easy.

or how i still see Vladimir practising with his student-partner yday morning and when our eyes met, it was deja vu, hinting at the times in JJ. i still can't believe how quickly his face flushed when evan asked him for a picture.

and the snippets of conversation with Slavat cos his partner fell ill yday, thus "reducing" him to an official status like me. awesome guy.

there are other dancers. but i always ran into the 3 of them during my own dance class. i am thus inspired! after i'm done with cha cha beginner's, i'm looking at pasa doble and jive intermediate. after that, tango or waltz! anyone wants to join me?

watching 'inconvenient truth' for the first time. it's really quite interesting. to see the stuff that al gore presents.. and his clip on explaining global warming? priceless.



anyhoo, he mentioned a quote by one of the best authors i've ever know.

"what gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. it's what we know for sure that just ain't so." - Samuel Clemens

so true, in all facades of life, it seems. that it's not the oblivion of the wrong that gets us into trouble. but it's what we acknowledge as truth but dismiss that gets us into trouble. i'm not going to make this a draggy post and bore everyone to tears. but hey, it's something to think about, right?

by the way, if you don't know who Samuel Clemens is, please google him. and i bet you'll go, "chey.." at the end of it. :P

i can't think of what to say.. or what to make of this situation.

i just wanna go back to office and get out of here. it's making me depressed and sick. oh god.. really. oh my God.

that one line i heard just now, "i don't want to be there to see her last breath."

i rather be there to see a person's last breath then to be rushed to my room, never knowing when the last breath came, only remembering the sickening choking cough.

really.

it was amazing.

we ate.. we laughed.. we drank.. we talked.. we even sang the night away. reminds me of how much i miss the times in the gym when 4 people are on duty during the overlap shifts and hilarity ensues. or when our gym training times coincide with each other like how the alumni gym peeps were back on one night without planning.

many thanks to our own superstar for hosting the dr-gym team.

next week, brewerks for soccer!

so grateful for my dears who showed up for brekkie with me. people whom i've not met for such a long time taking that opportunity to just make the morning better for me.

ok.. i've met them recently. like on tuesday. my dear girls like deborah, stephanie, elgina and lydia. the one i haven't met for sooo long was really just nat. kudos to him for being such a sport and waking up just so that we could be entertained by his mental state in the morning.

if not for them, i would have had brekkie alone, seeing as how my own brekkie kakis flew my kite this morning. sighz.

i will really try to take leave on wed. to be with them. let's see how it goes la. things i do for them. 'sides, it gives me a chance to sit around and chill again. a break from the monotony of the chronomone shades of working life.

that said, i need some time off. not so much a whole day off from work. i just need a few hours to be with myself. like hanging out with a book at estivo accompanied by some coffee or gelato, all curled up in the sofa. i miss estivo and sch holidays! *wails*

i was so distracted yday at work. today's a lot better.

i wish i knew the reason behind all the strange dreams that i've been having. makes me wonder if He's trying to tell me smth.. like i've got a pathetic subconscience. esp since i know i won't be seeing MC anymore unless by chance.

absolutely hooked and ODing on Chris Brown's "With You" now.

Lord, i wish You'd explain the distracting dreams.

***
it's the time of the term again. wonder if the prayer in the park thing happened. oh well. friday is my last day before it's time for another change. let's just see how it goes on saturday.
***

quote of the day-

alice looking for the stapler: "kiap kiap." (looks at me and with hand actions) "kiap kiap."

my granny's jade earrings are gone. she had a pair set in gold. gorgeous really. but due to a misunderstanding and mistakes, the earrings are gone. like poof.

i feel like crying for her. i didn't feel sad when i misplaced my first diamond ring. but my granny's a sweet thing who never asks for much. she's got a simple lifestyle and she doesn't spend much. she's the type who won't even take a taxi to ttsh for her 9.30 am check-up. and i know she loved that pair of earrings.

i feel sad just talking about it. anyone know where i can get a nice pair of jade earrings set in brilliant gold? budget is prob $300. she deserves it.
***
side note to perhaps lighten up my mood, i saw this crazy couple on the bus. the girl was just clawing the guy and attempting to strangle him. and she thought it was funny. the idiot of a guy actually humored her. when she sat down next to me and her bf in front, she clawed his back, gripped his head with her claws (not fingers. monsters don't have fingers). then she flicked his ear.. flicked his head.. flicked his back.. at one point, she tried to strangle him again.

i wanted to slap both of them..

the girl for being an irrational moron and absolutely torturing her bf. her bf for being a weak spineless nincompoop. urgh.

what do you make of a situation when you instinctively exchange glances with someone just because of something that makes you tick?

confirm it with the other person naturally, right?

i wasn't surprised when he confirmed it. the instinctive-ness amuses me, especially when he said that he had a feeling that i would be the only one who'd notice that 'thing'.

momentary telepathy is really quite cool. i mean, how many people can you find to nerd with about grammar and conjunctions and dinosaur phrases? how many people can you find to discuss abt OB research and quirks of human behavior in situations that they get trapped in just because it's fun to talk abt OB? sitting in the vegan's course makes me miss ferrin's OB classes.

and i can't believe that i had a lift conversation with the vegan with such a huge crowd. i called him tiny. then his director looked at me and said, "if he's tiny, what are you?"

"urm. small?" i tried.

"muy muy petite. 很很小" was his reply. his director looked at both of us and shook his head


i shld send me a memo. like 'STOP HAVING LIFT CONVERSATIONS IN A CROWDED LIFT!!'. *sigh*

note: Lift Conversations are a random, pointless and absolutely side-splitting conversations conducted in lifts. normally happens when the lift is crowded with strangers.

a seemingly normal good friday turned interesting.

i am watching the mtv and surfing the internet at the same time. out of the corner of my eye, i see my father walk up the stairs. after a minute, he comes back down and into the study where my mom is working.

before i know it, my mom comes out of the study, "Your father needs to go to the A&E. come along."

no other information given, i stare at her quizzically. then Pops comes out and with a goofy grin, he says,"I cut myself."

i see the bloodied tissue and immediately, my legs go weak. i hate the sight of blood. the last time i took a blood test, i turned green. worse still, my friend had to remark, "eh, no blood!"

God knows what the stupid nurse was doing. i wobbled over to a chair and was nearly in tears. then when another nurse took over to take my blood, i was still just as green. so given the bloodied tissue, i was ready to faint. my whole body was weak. i swear.. i hate it.

so we bundled into the car. Pops tries to explain how he cut himself and i was just covering my ears, closing my eyes and making enough noise to shut him out. Momsy said i wasn't being helpful. you kidding? i was freaking limp in the backseat.

when we get to A&E, we see other casualties. the wait is long 'cos the doctor mia-ed for a while. we hung around for close to an hour. in total, there were 3 others with cut fingers (one was jap dude who cut himself cooking, or so he told Pops). there was one dude in a wheelchair and looking green and in pain. then one banglah worker with a busted forehead (*faint*) and a lady with a bruise the size of a tennis ball on her forehead.

Momsy brings us to Novena for dinner. scoffing down salmon brings most of my strength back. the final double chocolate from donut factory (the only donut i'll ever eat from there) makes me a lot less weak.

in the middle of "White Chicks" on AXN, Pops comes down the stairs after his shower. he proudly shows off a purple/red band like mark on his finger that was cut. without prompting, he tells me that he tied the plastic bag over his finger "a bit too tightly".

a bit? yar right. he freaking applied a tourniquet to the finger. check it out.

urgh.. what a day, i say..
*****

i had such a strange dream.. it was comforting yet uneasy.. calming yet thrilling.. then at the end of it, happy yet sad... derno. sighz...

updates!!

1. Mellben with jordan and gang
Jordan came back. we finally made our way down to mellban for crabs, crabs and more crabs. thanks to our dear gabe-san who queued for us. very grateful!!! highlight of the night was prolly the added service from the mellben staff.

while waiting for our food, there came a sudden loud whistle. immediately, some people left their seats while we were actually still wondering where the whistle came from. then came the war-cry of a warning..

"MATA LAI LIAO! MATA OEI!"

the incredible auntie of mellben spotted the car park attendant. in a flash, people left their seats and sprinted to the carpark. it was legendary, i tell you. Uniquely Singapore, man. anywayz, i think i gained weight from all the meals with jordan. madness.. we had jap.. satays.. indon.. mellben.. super stuffed.

2. New Hair
ok, part 1 of make-over. not drastic makeover but i got tired of being bored with my hair. so i made my way down to Kimage students. now i've got red streaks in my hair. the most exciting part of it? my hairdresser was fabulous.

he was really slow.. not that it upset me. in fact, it impressed me. he'd ask me occasionally if i was comfortable or if he was hurting my scalp. when it was really bearable. he's a student, i give it to him. and the head massage during the hairwash made my toes curl. i didn't even realize it until he was washing the suds away. it was really comfy. i get lucky most of the time when i head over to kimage students.

at the end of it, the student took his time with my hair.. straightening it out with the hairdryer. quite fantastic. it was straight but not poofy. i had straight red gorgeous hair.. absolutely in love with my hair and adoring the hairdresser.

yes i know. bimbo moment. owell, i'm vain, alright?

3. ICPAS pre-admission course
2nd day. and it got me rethinking my choice.. my future. any regrets? nope. but i def don't see myself in kp for long. and when i say that, i mean beyond 5 years. i think the concept that 2 years is a long time is pretty warped in a screwed up way. 2 years is short, mind you. in today's fickle gen-Y culture, i can only shake my head in silent disgust as i watch the world take pride in its indecisiveness. sigh.....

i derno. we'll wait out for 3 years which is a moderate period and wait to see how things go. if according to the plan in my head, i'll be in the comforts of melbourne, studying and who knows, maybe going into the academic field full time. but who knows? time's screwed with my plans and secular hopes too many times for me to care anymore. still, a plan doesn't hurt. :)

and oh yea, the little cold cynical girl is somewhat back. urgh. it's fun company.. but scary as well. am i losing myself? or am i finding myself? remember.. remember..

Be it unto me, God, according to Your word.

songs are funny things. there will always be songs that "hit the spot". i'm a lover of music. always have been. always will be. i express myself better as an "writer". simply because sometimes, accepting reality is scary. you then put it into a song and make it all better by telling yourself it's merely a song that just happens to reflect what you think you're feeling. just because you look beyond the upper facade of the words and connect something deeper with what you hear.

Where'd you go? i miss you so. seems like it's been forever since you've been gone. please come back home.

yet there used to be a time where i avoided "superficial" songs that just spoke of love.. songs that if you replace the "impt" words with would become a mere secular pagan love song. now, i listen to secular song and reflect on the journey i've taken with Him.

Here I am banging on your front door. My pride spilled on the floor. My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you.

i used to be the one encouraging people with His grace. now i'm on the other end of the stick. praying for prayers to get me through the night. vulnerabilities pushed aside, distractions cleared from mind. i'm coming out of it slowly but surely. i'm going back to what i've held dear to my heart for the past few years.

Begging for a second chance, are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you.

it's even more dangerous when comfort lures you into a false sense of security, thinking that all will be fine. but when you sit back to reflect, you notice how far you've deviated from the course in life you thought you were living. life shld never be too smooth-sailing. and i thank Him for the distractions and temptations that make me love Him more and more when i realize my folly.

nothing more to do right now but to keep holding on, right? to recognize this struggle and to embrace it as a weakness is probably the hardest thing i'll ever do. and to continue to grasp on feebly to memories of lucky stars and promised ben and jerry's because that's all that's left behind. but this car crash of a heart will mend. i know it will. it already knows the safest place to hide. :)

"It is animal friendly!" - Yong on the fact that Jack Johnson's new album was recorded on 100% solar energy

*****

"John Lennon. Is he white or black?" - Yong

"He's how white! He's a beatle!" - me

*****

"They are so happy 'cos they are surrounded by naked men!" - Yong on two seemingly gay male swimsuit designers during their summer fashion show

*****

"Bernard Low! ...oh. he's my friend." Teik after arguing about Bernard Lim's name with me. I think i know my ex-DJs better than people give me credit for...

*****

"That's an armpit?" jing rong after i point out armpit hair in between very flabby fair and otherwise hairless meat.

*****

"Must write QA" - Yong to teik on why he needs to sleep for his GP exam. QA is qualitative analysis for chem. AQ is analytical question for GP.