i am seriously exhausted.

from the shopping in the morning, the work in the middle, then the kitchen after that.. and finally serving the peeps to cleaning up after that. yes, this "little princess" is strangely domesticated.

but it was great fun to be back in the kitchen. the pots and pans, the sound of the crackling pork thrown into oil, the scent of olive oil floating dreamily around and snacking on cherry tomates, baby carrots and mushrooms while cooking. then finally, the faces of contentment as the party tucks in.

exhausting. but i could live to do this. to just cook, wash, clean and serve others all day long. sure, i'm absolutely knackered but it's just.. i don't know. amazing fun. i could do this for the rest of my life: host house parties.

plus Dan had his "101-Qns" game which entertains us to no end. hey, we seriously learn more about each other this way too. i need to write down all his questions and use them at another gathering. ahahaha.

thank you, guys, for letting me host ya all. you guys are awesome. :)

memories of dance millenium 2008

i know i've been ranting abt dance quite a number of times over here. and even to friends around me. but honestly, i just adore it.

so yes, latest updates from this tiny dancer.. she's going for ballroom! and street jazz. or hip hop if that kicks off. i derno. but ballroom is a definite. yea yea!

can't wait! *squealing*

i can't help myself. like he is back. i saw him move across the floor and i was just dumbfounded with a silly smile on my face. like woah man. he was one of the reasons why i decided on waltz. pure elegance. the bunch of them ALWAYS captivate me when they glide so effortlessly across the floor.

anyone else interested? :P

i adore dance. there's something about being able to move to and with the music. the dance floor, the shimmey beats and now, the gliding from one end of the floor to the other end.

and there's something about dancing with someone who can dance. when i first did salsa with glenn as my teacher, i just felt safe. there was full assurance that he'd lead me. that i could trust him. i still remember one day, glenn wanted to stress that the men should be leading and not the ladies, he made the ladies all close their eyes and dance.

i closed it completely. without peeping. 'cos i knew that my dance partner could lead me. just because he was a friend who was somewhat trained in dancing as well. when i salsa-ed with yuan during the break in the competition, i was having fun. similarly, he was trained enough for me to be so sure that he would lead me properly.

when uncle felix was my instructor, i just adored partnering him. 'cos i knew he had enough experience to help me dance. i knew i could trust him. it was how he was able to just lead me and i didn't have to worry about where i was going even though he was swinging me all around the room. when i was doing moves for the first time, i could trust uncle felix to nudge me with a knee or a light pull or push with his hand against mine.

dancing with matt is like dancing with uncle felix all over again. there's that same assurance that he'll take care of whoever he's dancing with. it's how mindful he is of people around and how he hints with just a slightly firmer but still gentle hold as he reduces the stride just so i won't bump into anyone.. how he gently guides with his knee against mine.

i miss dancing with uncle felix!!

but seriously, my girls will prob know the reason for the added "expectation" on my part. i want to trust. i want to be fully assured that when i'm blind, there's someone to lead me. and that i can trust that person to lead me. and that i never have to worry about being in danger.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. - Psalm 23:3-4

and i've found Him. that's why it's soooo important to not just accept that i know Him. it's important to know Him as I do as well. so begets more friday night laughs over drinks, my ladies. yes, i'm clueless to hints. but i will always know what i really need. don't worry about me. Really.

btw, thanks. now i'll never listen to "won't go home without you" the way i used to. sigh.

whenever my bus goes by smu, i'm a little more alert because it's always nice to spot a familiar face and share a brief exchange of smiles before the bus ambles away.

looking at the exchange students, memories of sitting at zhong yuan to study in year 1 and watching as "hilfiger" and "D&G" walk past return to haunt me, leaving me with a grin plastered on my face. these guys convinced me that there are men who can actually pull off white capris and look really good.

speaking of exchange students, i have to say that the standards have gone up again. but i'm such a hopeless nut. i can smile at the ok-looking blonde in the gym but i cannot smile at cute brunette on the bus. FAIL!!
anyway, i kid you not when i speak of hilfiger and D&G that way. they looked like they jumped out from GQ casual. makes me wonder where my russian EC disappeared to. sigh...

oh, on a less bimbo/flighty/SPG note, my back is fixed. in one freaking painful session. and it's fixed. but farzad is leaving. who's gonna take care of my back now? before i left his office, he gave me his fatherly exasperated look and tone of voice, "don't fall down anymore."

"i'll try," i grinned back. how was i s'posed to answer? "if i ever trip, i'll shout, 'farzad say cannot fall anymore!!' and defy the laws of gravity."

yar. little miss klutz will try not to fall anymore. try.

on saturday, i didn't fall. i just hit my head with the boot door when closing the boot. my forehead still hurts. oh well. at least it wasn't my spine, right?

121 days and counting..

i'm counting down to christmas like it's next month. christmas never loses its novelty for me. i've never had a white 25 Dec. no slaving over the oven for the whole day to prepare a turducken (ok, i don't think anyone is crazy enough to domestically prepare one..). no roasted chestnuts unless we head over to chinatown and buy a bag of them home..

in fact, christmas has me watching old reruns of muppet's christmas carol, christmas cartoons and "love actually" in the comforts of my home, snuggling on the sofa in my boxers, sloppy tee, hoodie and cushion, while the rain beats viciously on the window panes. prob a hot honeyed tea or chamomile tea or thick viet coffee next to me; then finally concussing on the sofa until i get awaken up to dump the ribs into the oven and cook the sausages.

that's the point of a holiday, isn't it?

i can almost imagine the pitchforks flying my way, asking abt the christmas spirit.

i'm not saying that i throw away the intent of christmas for me to indulge in sloth. i'm just saying that it's a break from the wheels of monotony for me to do as i wish.

i celebrate christmas the way i want to.. for a good 2-3 weeks of december, it's a time of cheer, laughter and rest. all the meet-ups. the falala meals and yummy gingerbread cookies. fab baking sessions in the kitchen to churn out trays of fudge and pretty cupcakes. i hope starbucks has a gingerbread cinamon coffee frappe. or peppermint choc coffee. like mega awesomeness.

all the good cheer and crying babies

over spilt milk and half-eaten santa cookies

candy canes hooked around the shell of your ear

as you nibble away on another old jolly rerun

and despite the gray chill of the rain soaked skies

you hear yourself cry out, "Merry Christmas to all."

"And to all, a good night."

- (c) sk

that covers cheer and laughter. rest? i seek rest badly. people who know what i went thru in '98 and '99 prob understand more why i say that. i'm not just talking abt break from work. it's a break from everything that the world expects of me.. into a world where i'm all i really want to be. at rest.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters - Psalm 23:2

that's the kind of rest i want. that kind of serenity and comfort where i'm able to lie down and be led beside calm waters. where i just feel safe with myself and the world. just because i'm at peace with Him.

christmas is a time i remember to look around me and give thanks for the rest. the peace. the holiday helps me go back to the basics of why that child laid to rest away in the manger. back to the simplicity of remembering the joy to the world and the reason why the herald angels sing, "God and sinners reconcile."

reconciled to rest. as long as i keep counting down, i pray that i remind those around of this rest. that those who have not yet come to believe may one day question the simply complex waxing of "religious" carols.

121 days and counting..

been on painkillers for nearly two weeks already. going to see farzad this saturday. hopefully i'll be able to hit the gym next week and start running again. i'm just praying that there's no misalignment along the spine again. it's not life-threatening. just very cumbersome 'cos i haven't worked out since the visit to the gym more than 2 weeks ago. i haven't gone running in a while too, not counting the crazy occasional sprints to catch my bus.

why am i such a gym rat and klutz at the same time? i'm going to scream if i ever put myself in a situation where i don't do cardio or weight training for another long break (read = one month). the many times i pulled my back.. that silly broken wrist.. then the first time my spine was misaligned.. then the fall i took 2 sundays ago and is still causing my saccrum and coccyx to hurt.

i really need to stop frustrating myself like this.. sigh

*****

fyi: i don't like labels pegged to me by people who don't know me for me. the people that i don't worry about are my close friends. i know that while i entertain them in my idle talk abt eel skin pradas and SF varinas, they know it's just talk, mere things that i would like to own but will never indulge in.

i trust these people to never judge me based on my background. i remember sitting around with my thomas the train jie mei and i'm quite sure he was thoroughly entertained by my childhood stories by the questions he kept asking. ya know? i seriously grew up thinking everyone lived the same way that i did.

of course i'm not that naive anymore.

it's been a semi-charmed life for me. with its ups and downs. have i ever used my family to get my way? once. have i ever used my family to get ahead of others? never. i will not put ppl at a disadvantage just to get my way.

my father still holds onto that weathered family tree of my ancestors who first came to singapore. it's just amazing. the book dictates the first two characters of all our names up to generation after mine. not just my dad's side. on my mom's side, direct descendants have their first two characters literally carved into stone on my great grand father's tombstone.

but yes, the book is really quite interesting. i'm quite grateful for it. how many people can actually trace back or have bothered to trace back?

what a week of bust-ups..

the BT corner was created in office. i was taken from the very noisy and lively production line to what we have nicknamed the BT triangle. which means i get my own cubicle. the prob? i'm not used to sitting at the cubicle. so i end up hitting my knees or my foot. the entire week..

my elbows are not spared too. the incessant bumping is driving me mad. come friday, i burnt my lips. what is a girl to do? suck thumb and keep working, what else?

on saturday, i'm helping out for dinner. i'm just stirring the soup and standing innocently next to my mother who was frying the meat. then a blop (yes. BLOP) of oil flew out of the pan and onto my arm. given my deer in the headlight situation, i exclaimed to my younger sister, "TISSUE!! TISSUE!!"

kinda reminded me of my grasshopper moment when all my brain registered was to scream, "GEDDITOFF!! GEDDITOFF!!"

anyway, she got a kitchen napkin for me and passed it to me, no hint of increasing her speed. then she stared at me, "is it hot?"

i stared back, "not anymore."

my younger sister is really quite retarded. she commented about my walking style and my younger bro's walking style. then we replied that she was just jealous cos she had a flat butt. for the rest of the afternoon, she kept hollering at me, "i have a butt!!"

when the two little ones got into a fight, the boy shouted at her, "I'm going to kick your non-existant ass!"

she yelled back, "Kick la! maybe it'll become bigger!"

his retort was classic, "I CAN'T SEE IT!"

the insult took her a second to register. then she let out her war cry and attacked him again.

yday, few of us headed to east coast park. i haven't bladed in 2 years! ok fine, i haven't bladed since i entered university. but i tried ice skating 2 years back. they are quite similar. i ended up falling thrice. the first time was alright. the second, i bled one knee and bruised the other one. my legs are henceforth to be known as Fuls. Fat Ugly Legs.

the third time i fell, i gave up. it was far too painful. i couldn't get up and the pain just shot up my spine. i ended up with a headache soon enough and thiang didn't make it easier by attempting to converse in mandarin.

Right now, my knees are aching and i can't shift in my seat without wincing. i kept waking up in the middle of the night when i turn in bed. i toss and turn quite naturally but the pain at my tail bone was really quite blinding that it managed to wake despite the fact that i'm not a light sleeper. after a while, my eyes were stinging with tears whenever the pain woke me up.

please let the rest of the week be less heart-breaking. no more injuries or blinding pains that leave me really frustrated.

***

on the side note: i've been taken off the bangkok team to be a support in Singapore. i'm giving up the chance to stay at bangkok banyan tree maintain my 6-7 hr sleep instead of 4-hour nighters. don't really know whether to laugh or cry at this point of time. owell.

this morning, i was sorting through some documents. one of the managers walks past me. i smile. he returns the smile then exclaims, "HUAT AH!"

i'm christening him the Huat-Ah! Manager. during the chinese new year party at OPT's, we chatting and anyone who came up to us was greeted with a resounding "HUAT AH!"

i decided to let him in on his new name. his response was a simple, "don't want lah.. but really, today is someone's fortunate day. don't know who but just someone."

then he proceeded to wave his hand in front of me, as if trying to cast a spell and chanted, "huat ah. huat ah."

should i be worrying when my career future lies possibly in the hands of such a manager? ;D

Happy 08/08/08 to all!

another typical day in the office..

Me: (Banyan Tree Al Areen, Bahrain) is a dream vacation.

Colleague: but they don't have a liquor license!

before you misinterpret it, he's not calling me an alcoholic. he just happens to be someone who appreciates having alcohol around when he's on vacation. i do like having it around too. but i won't feel miserable without it. really. the crap that we churn out in office conversations is really quite entertaining.

i mean, how many people can complain to their friends that their friends at work are threatening to drown them in saliva? or to lick and nibble them to death?

anyway, met up with mouse today. she declared that i can no longer own a pair of pretty gold flats. i just buanged my 6-month pair after a run+walk that was less than 30 min. now the front is dislocated from the sole. the back ends of both sides look worse than the ends of my 5 year old levi's. maybe 'cos it's really not hardy since it's not a "durable" pair? i hear the varinas crying for me just as loud as the reventon is calling for me to engrave my name in siver on its black left butt cheek.

Salvatore Ferragamo Varina photo courtesy of http://www.neimanmarcus.com/

Lamborghini Reventon photo courtesy of

http://www.autoclub.com.au/2007/09/lamborghini-reventon.html

do i look like i have the resources to take a picture of the car or varinas by myself? btw, am i the only one here humming the batman tune when i see the car?

but anywayz, my spending is a bit out of hand. i know i got my increment and my bonus but really, i'm going a bit mad with my struggle with vanity. when you're not blessed with beauty and unwilling to go under the knife, you just try to maintain whatever is good, thus my unhealthy obsession with my complexion. it's already good enough. i'm just.. maintaining it?

pray for me. for wisdom to not splurge on fleeting vanity anymore. i've even drawn up a shopping list of things that i actually been wanting to get as replacements of items to be discarded. pray that i keep to it. really. sigh.

I'm done with my dance classes.

beginner's at least. rumba, samba, jive, cha cha and salsa. do i wanna move on to intermediate?for rumba, cha cha and jive, definitely. Felix thinks i should sign up for private lessons..

private lessons are expensive. but he seems to think that i should continue doing cha cha. i like cha cha too. jive too. they are happy dances too! the infectious quick steps and "teasing" moves.

then again, i feel like taking up tango or waltz. and now with new dance kakis.. Maybe a new dance is on the books.. like at studio wu! it's moving to the basement of SMU and it's just so tempting. they have sunday classes at 1 which means that i have to start going to church at 9 am. urgh. at least i can wake up at 8 am for service.. gives me enough time to get up, freshen up, eat brekkie and trek over.

no, it's not that "so you think you can dance" is getting to me.. i've always liked dance. dance shows thrill me to no end. just as soccer unites people, so does dance. you need no words to move to the music. you don't need to know the lyrics to the songs to appreciate the tune and beats of the music to boogie down to. i'm not a fantastic dancer but still, i wanna learn.

anyone interested? http://www.studiowu.com/content/dancestudio/courses.php

after we're done with that beginner class, i say we move on to hip hop and actual street jazz!

it was one of those moments again in the office...

tkl: "you're a bit schizo"
me: "oh, you didn't know? no, i'm not."

i don't know. it's just me. i think stuff like that are funny. and it comes to me nearly instinctively. i remember there was one time my friend said that i was fierce. i turned to another friend, banged the table and demanded, "i'm not fierce, right?"

or i whine and insist that i'm not whiney when people say that i am. and i wonder if they get the humor behind it. the friends at work prob do since they are faced with me at the production line all day long.

yes, i admit, my sense of humor is different. i'm the type who chuckles when people don't laugh. i'm the type who frowns when people chortle. at this point, i can't stop thinking of a dialogue exchange in The Dark Knight.

Lucius: It uses sonar to give you a real-time image of the surroundings.
Bruce: (smiling)Using sonar to see? Just like a-
Lucius: (cutting in) Yes. Just like a submarine.
taken from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/quotes

i grinned immediately. i love jokes like that. yes, my poor friends had to tolerate me when i gushed non-stop. especially when Joker told Batman, "you and i are destined to do this forever."

i died when i heard the line. in the cartoon, that happens. the ironic thing? Heath Andrew Ledger is no more. depressing stuff.

but i digress. i remember the first time i watched the monty python spam clip, i was crying from laughter. and i've had friends who just stare and frown at it. i thought hot fuzz was quite amusing. i love little Britain and low fat dust!

i don't think spelling manager as "manyzer" and being happy about just hitting four digits is funny at all. not at all. it's not that i'm not ok with slapstick. i laughed during the trailer of mummy 3 when brendon fraser laughed along with the pilot and all he could say was, "why am i even laughing?" and i adore zoolander and his magnum moments. even more classic that eva longoria can ever get.

oh well, each to his/her own. why so serious?

i never finished my final days in melbourne. here goes:

on friday, it was to st klid's before i met up with bryan and sophia. it was the begining of eat-a-lot day. before that, we did a dizzying frisk of melbourne central. i was more reserved though. the previous night attempt to squash the shopping into my bag practically screaming into my face, "stop shopping!!"

after crazy shopping, we headed to lygon street for italian food. after a large pizza, a big of greek salad and deep fried eggplant (one piece and i declared it funny tasting..), we walked to brunetti for pictures.

the cakes are gorgeous. after a while and a short distraction in form of a colorful lolly shop, we headed to freddo's for gelato. good gelato too! which meant that we were amazingly stuffed too. still undetered, we moved our business to koko black for hot chocolate. but being too full, bryan and i settled for a pot of tea and sophia and bryan shared a hot chocolate.

we were knackered. too much food but still an amazing night of food and company.

the next day, i slept in before grabbing brekkie and heading out to queen vic. last day in melbourne. i wandered out with a heavy heart. as the bus went through the city, i tried my very best to absorb the energy of everything around me but the heaviness was weighing down.

i met the couple and their friends in queen vic and brought them to the bratwurst shop. speaking of the bratwurst shop, there's one in the basement of plaza sing. same concept. bratwurst in the huge bread topped with mustard and sauerkraut. awesome stuff. the only diff is the one in PS toasts the bread and has more variety of sausages.

after scoffing down one, i was quite full. still, i wanted my last crepe or pancake before leaving. so sophia packed us away from queen vic and to a place for crepe and hot chocolate. awesome thickness but i swear, i knew i was going to be hungry in two hours or so. it's the cold. it makes you hungry..

when we were done, i headed back to the guesthouse. as i sat in the sitting area, waiting for my ride to the airport, i spoke briefly to bobbs. the poor boy had to endure the whining from yours truly and how much i really felt like crying.

so that pretty sums up the main part of my stay in melbourne. i do miss the place so much. the revellers on the street and the weather and the people who helped me find myself again. i would love to return.. more a longer period.

as to whether it'll be a permanent move or not, i still have no idea. i'm just quite sure that i would like to work there for a spate. i would definitely be absolutely stoked to be given that opportunity to go back.

to perhaps return to the homely comforts of south yarra. back to the morning jogs around the botanic gardens or albert lake. watch footie in the winter and cricket in the summer. do my grocery shopping in the hustle and bustle of queen vic. squeeze on the tram at the end of the day or walk back home on cool wintry evenings. swim and have a workout at the baths. whether it is to study or work.. whatever it is. bring it on.