it's not even Feb and i've been to the doctor's 4 times. none for common symptoms like flu or cough or colds...

first two were inflamed lymph nodes and blood tests.. then there was food poisoning... and finally a burst blood vessel in my right eye.

i'm such a liability to have in any company. as if my surgery at K wasn't expensive enough, i'm making full use of my medical insurance at S without a doubt.

i cannot be more of a tiresome burden.

being sick is really quite a crummy feeling. dear cheerios, why u no make me happy?

coupled with being gas-sy (yes, it's gross. i'm sick!) and bloated, i am almost constantly hungry. food is being digested at a crazy speed. too much gas.

to top it off, i've been waking up in the middle of the night. i do go back to sleep quickly but the disruptions are insane. and i'm left tired the next day.

i need a break. Taiwan couldn't come sooner.

so aisec had a roadshow today about problem gambling. if you allow yourself to be put through a typical gambling-is-a-problem lecture and 3 short games, you earn yourself a popcorn and/or cotton candy.

i always have a soft spot for cotton candy. so i decided to go ahead with it. the speech was boring 'cos i really could just read off the boards. then the games were all about chance. of course, it's a gambling roadshow and anyway, all games ARE about chance.

the last game required me to stand at a particular spot and lobe a tennis ball into a drinking cup. i stood at the spot, extended my arm, leaned over, and dropped the ball into the cup easily. at this point, i was thinking of a certain Mr Ok and his cheat-my-way-through-everything methods. then the guy taking me through the stations and games looked at me, "You can't do that."

aegyo-mode kicked in. i looked at him, widen my eyes in mock-shock, "oh? cannot? i'm sorry! really cannot?"

he coughed and turned away. i blame the high ponytail and the gray owl hoodie. they make me feel like i can act cute and get away with murder.

later the guy said that he could teach me how to twirl my own cotton candy. i looked up at him, instinctively on aegyo-mode again, "but i will make a mess of it. there's going to be sugar everywhere and no cotton candy. *insert sad little girl face* can you please help me just make a small one?"

he coughed softly this time, looked away for a second before looking up to call for his friend to make one for me.

i'm too annoying. ^.^

i've become a 14 year old hallyu fan. and when the phase dies down and i re-read my blog, i will probably consider deleting this. nevertheless.. kpop is here to stay for a while.

manufactured dance machines forced to undergo vocal and dance classes and be the top of their games. having heard a couple of boyband types sing live and on the spot during variety game shows at the request of the MC sans music.. oh yea, it's either they are really talented or that's damn a lot of vocal classes. musical instruments are only permissible if all members are crazily talented and look pretty. look at CN Blue and FT Island. plastic surgery? too common. no one really cares unless you're really disillusioned. crazy hairs and outfits? the louder the better. what you get in return for the blood, sweat and tears of these "hallyu idols" is pure refined entertainment that only the south koreans can provide. forget auto-tune. 

of course that Kpop defining moment when Britney Spears and Jay Chou lost to Big Bang in the MTV EMA Worldwide act category in 2011.

my one "addiction"? 2 pm. i blame my friends for introducing Running Man and 2 pm. two of them even used 2 pm's "Without You" intro as part of their wedding march in. which was really quite impressive. doesn't help when i have others who also fawn over them and add fuel along the way. but these boys are too good-looking! and of course, under the JYP entertainment group, they are mad talented, given that i have heard them sing on cue without music.

and they are mad too. a friend introduced me to their own variety show. absolute insanity. but you wouldn't expect anything less from a bunch of 22 to 24 year old boys who don't seem to care about their image. in the latest episode, they had to take care of Moon Mason (adorable 5 year old) and his two younger brothers. to see them looking after the little tykes.. extremely heart-warming. extremely heart-melting.

i need to grow up. not now. but soon enough. ^^

very few shows make me want to blog about them. i haven't even mentioned Running Man (the korean variety series) which i watch almost every night, overtaking Glee.

but Sungkyunkwan Scandal. omg Sungkyunkwan Scandal. (read synoposis here)

beyond the show being a feast for all girls (Park Yoo Chun, Yoo Ah In, Song Joong Ki and Jun Tae Soo) and guys alike (Park Min Young, Seo Hyo Rim and Kim Min Seo), little details of the show just intrigue me. like how "Prof Jung" chooses to teach the Analects of Confucius. such crazy methods. amazing character development of the Prof.

Naturally we're all rooting for the Park Yoo Chun's character and Park Min Young's character to overcome all things and secretly melting every time Song Joong Ki winks.. or when Yoo Ah In puts his hair up.. or when Jun Tae Soo smiles gently at Kim Min Seo's character.

but if you wish to look past the fairytale nonsense... it's awe-inducing to see the King plan against the Noron and Soron factions because he wants to rid corruption and reinstates the Joseon dynasty... his plans that usually lead to or have a deeper meaning to teach not only the two fighting factions but also the students at Sungkyunkwan who are equally divided by factions according to the dorms they stay in... how a Noron, two Sorons, and a Namin (meaning the poor with no political involvement) slowly realize that the bond between them is beyond all political boundaries.

amazing show. and i'm only at ep15. 5 more to go.

Yet while i secretly root for the King, obviously not sure if his plans worked out right 'cos Hanyang is still the capital of South Korea today.. while i admire Professor Jung's unorthodox teaching methods and wit.. the prominent love story message is not lost on me.

it's not enough to find someone who understands you. it's more than being able to communicate well. it's even more than that chemistry and that heart thumping crazily in your chest, about to explode from inside.

it's finding someone who understands and agrees with your life's principals and morals and all that you consider important in life.

once that happens, they understand you. they can communicate with you. and if so, the chemistry that may occur allows for so much more. just like the characters Kim Yoon Hee and Lee Sun Joon. everything started and developed because they understand and agree on what that is important in their lives.

fairytale lala stories don't ever teach that. thank goodness for Sungkyunkwan Scandal. ^-^

Fruitful time with insane friends who, despite knowing that they are going to hit the big 3-0, will never grow up. the childish humor. attempted jokes falling flat. annoying me whenever they can..

but beyond all that, everyone's just growing up. the couples are getting married. the married ones are having kids. people are moving on to the next stage in life.

which usually result in friends attempting to matchmake me whenever they meet me. can't tell if they are joking or not but and it does annoy me. why do people think that i need a man? why do people feel that one needs to be in a bgr?

yes, being in a bgr has its good points. but i can think of so many bad points as well. it's a nice-to-have, not a must-have. yet people get their knickers in a bunch about my status. if i don't care about it, why should others? i am content with my own space. and who's to say i need a partner to move to the next stage in life?

relationship statuses should simply tell people whether you're attached or not. they don't define you. the worse thing you can ever do is to enter into a relationship when you feel lonely. a partner is not someone you use to fill a void in your life. that belittles a person. it treats the person as a means to an end. a partner is simply someone you spend the rest of your life with. i do usually wonder if a person is in the relationship because they are in love with their partner or because they are in love with the idea of being in a relationship. in love with the idea of having someone there. in love with the idea of being wanted and wanting someone. in love with the idea of being in love, never realizing that as long as they feel that way, they'll never truly understand love as it is.

this is my next stage in life. to let people know i have no voids in my life that need to be filled out by a guy. to live just as life is. my trip into this world and probably out of this world is one without a man. who's to say that this entire journey can't be without a man too?

i have my family. i have my friends. i have God. i have all the company to get by life very well, thank you very much. :)

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Cor 13:1-3


visited The Crossing today. Pastor Denesh spoke of love in the church using 1 John 2:7-11, to explain the litmus test of where we stood with regards to our response to God.


naturally, 1 Cor 13 comes to mind when one talks about love. while we see love demonstrated most clearly on the cross, 1 Cor 13 shows me what God wants me to remember how He sees love in my life.


i have been straying, i admit. i do feel lost at times. today was an amazing reminder for me to get back in the loop and maintain that fellowship with old friends and new ones too.. to remember to love my brothers and sisters in church.


too many times have i let them slip through the cracks simply because i don't know what to do. but not knowing what to do doesn't warrant my 'indifference' which really works out not to be indifference but hatred in the eyes of the Lord.


it is trying. it is tiring.. to want to maintain that friendship with people who are volatile and emo and expect you to seek them out as a way to sustain their egos. and it's disheartening to know that these people know God too.


i'm no saint. i have my moments. where i just want shut my brothers and sisters out. but God calls me to love them. constantly. consistently. all of them. including those that make it hard for me to love them.


it means meeting up. it means chatting with them. it means sending a text when an emo fb/twitter post appears on your newsfeed even though you know that person is a perpetual emo-nemo. and it means not being frustrated when you are met with nothing on their part. that's love by God's terms, not mine. and i have to deal with that.


how very frustrating.




but i'll keep on keeping on. just because He's God. because while i don't understand much now, i will in due time. i will. :)

so the hallyu wave has taken Singapore over by storm. and oh what a feast for the eyes.

thanks to my reuters darling, i'm as hooked on Running Man as she is. ok, i'm not as crazy as her yet. but yes, there's a reason why i was wondering if this post should be up on Visual Candy. presenting... Jang Hyuk

before you dismiss him as a typical scruffy psycho... this is him now. or at least at the beginning of the year.

he's really just beautiful. of course he was only on Running Man 44 and 45, not counting the one time Kookie bumped into him in don't-know-what episode. Jang Hyuk is all man. but i'm still a pretty-boy girl. so the reason why i go Toly Moly..

Song Joong Ki was amazing in Sungkyunkwan Scandal. there's the piercing and knowing look when he stares down someone. you sense his cheekiness bubbling over with such intensity and aura. he's more than just a pretty face. he's smart (as Running Man explained, Song Joong Ki was one of the top 3 in a South Korean national quiz even before he was famous). and boy can he act~

from his flirting with Song Ji Hyo to his cheekiness of Sungkyunkwan Scandal, SBS and KBS know that they have a keeper on their hands. he's too pretty that Chris thinks it's unreal. but when you have large eyes and a sharp chin even as a kid, there's only so much plastic surgery people can have to look like Song Joong Ki.

TOOO CUTE! i feel like a 14 year old hallyu fan. urgh.

Wanted to go Orchard for a photowalk but the horrendous rain turned me off so I headed back home.

On the bus back, the sight was amazing. Christmas lights from the trees were distorted by the rain streaming down the windows. It's stuff like that which I would miss if I had just been trying to see things through my viewfinder, wondering how to frame the photos.

I've had the fortune of seeing my life through different lenses this whole year. Taking on new roles. Having experiences I never thought I would have, from things as complex as changes in relationship status to things as simple as having one too many rollercoaster rides literally in Florida. Even a new job and finally heading to London alone. At each junction, I take off one lens and put on a new one. And I've learnt so much.

Now at the end of the year, I'm learning to put down all the lenses and just see life for what it is. It's just that simple. Just that amazing. Sure, there were tonnes of tough times this year. But there's a beauty even in the melancholy. It's up to me to decide to see it in a positive light, smile at the memories and learn from each of my lessons this year.


To everyone who has played a part in my life this year (meaning everyone I've met at least once this year), thank you for being a lens at one point. :)

So the spring cleaning starts. I'm starting earlier 'cos i've got too much clutter.

Like that loose wardrobe mirror and the creaky bookshelf, i'm fixing all that needs to be fixed in my life. Dusting off the walls and wiping up the dirt. Washing things up and making the room a little happier as long as i'm in it.

It feels nice. To clear old things and make space for new things. And while that's happening, i'm starting on my projects. My crazy d.i.y projects make everything just a little more original. Just a little more of me in my little life.

Everything's changing and it feels right. As my dear old evangelical evangelist friend, Chappo, would say, "it's a fresh start."

And i can't think of a better way to end the year, to clear the baggage and fix up the little broken bits.


23 days to Christmas. Can't wait.

Pure madness with insomnia thrown in..

There's only so much butter around to spread on all the bread. Too many expectations from all aspects of my life that i'm just going to fail or have already failed..


I'm just thankful for the crazy ones hanging in there with me. Thankful for those ready with a hug when i feel like i'm cracking or feel like i've cracked. For the crazy ones who've been by my side when i whisper a whine.


Just praying that i don't end up presenting to Ministers. I never signed up for that. :(

hunting for and snooping around vintage shops have made me remember that thrill of holding my holga and instax mini, running around and blinding the people who have fallen victim to my cameras.

and of course, the adorable Instax Mini 7s Filter Lens caught my eyes. $55 for 3 split image filters, 6 dual-color filters, 4 color grad filters, 4 center spot soft filters, 4 color filters, and 2 adapters.

omg omg omg. think of aaaaaall the effects!

of course, i'll need to control myself. my ixus is somewhat dead. if it is, i'm looking to get a powershot. there are decent models that are less than $300 so it doesn't sound too bad. the one i'm eyeing is $221. sounds decent enough, no?

sigh.