"Times have changed and you can no longer afford to put everything on your own shoulders and be the only sacrifice. Even the happiness of one person is complicated these days. If you should fall as a sacrifice, the young lady who came to Kyoto with the one wish of seeing you will, without a doubt, be devastated by that loss. Think about it! No matter how powerful you become, you're still just a human being. Do not ever try to become something more than that." - Hiko Sejiro

In 1996, I learnt from Kenshin that to protect others, I needed to protect myself. Or I would not be able to be there for those I love.

"I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." - Mewtwo

In 1998, I learnt from Pokemon that despite my past and how I started out in life, it's the what I do today and tomorrow that really defines me more than anything else.

"The only thing that the people left behind can do is to remember them and not forget them. Bart, you have taken on the flame of her soul. Your life is no longer just yours now. Now lift your head. Embrace the memories and move forward. For her sake as well. There's no need to hold back. Cry as much as you want. Tears you shed for others are not something to be ashamed of." - Captain Magno

In 2000, I learnt from Vandread that all the times I've let myself cry... Is a sign of weakness on my part. It's an emotional engagement that I can't escape, be it to feel the pain on behalf of people or to feel the loss of someone.

In 2004, when I finally read the bible, I learnt how to empathize and accept my tears as a weakness. I learnt how to decide to live my life. I learnt that "protecting myself to protect others" can mean hurting myself mentally and emotionally to protect others, even if they don't think that my actions protect them.. Simply because I believe that they'd be stronger and better with or without me in a few years time.

I also learnt that God supplies me the strength in times of toil, trials, and tears, to be content and cope in times of need and want. I also learnt that God supplies me with the wisdom to make decisions and deals with the repercussions of my decisions. I also learnt to cry for myself, for others, and to commit the tears to God, knowing that there's something incomprehensible in this intelligent design but that I am still learning more each day because He makes me able to.



"Cherry blossoms in Spring. Stars cover the sky on Summer. Full moon shines on Autumn and in Winter, the snow covers the ground. All these things make sake taste good. If it tastes bad, it's because there is something wrong in you." - Hiko Sejiro

Now if only he could grant me with the tastebuds to appreciate sake better too. Hahahah

so was on an express bus to work after staying over at my sister's place for the night. once you hit the highway, if you don't have a seat, well, good luck trying to sleep standing.

unfortunately, that was the state I found myself in. but it wasn't really an issue. i had my music and what I would consider as sufficient sleep.

and I found myself pleasantly distracted by a father with a sleeping daughter on his lap and a young son listening to him read How to Train Your Dragon 2. the daughter would let out a soft whimper once in a while and the son was just wide-eyed at the book. the boy was older and the interaction between the father and his two kids was simply adorable.

and I could see weariness in the man's eyes. and eye bags. still, he continued reading to the son for 10 mins until the bus took a turn and started to head for the highway. he told his son that he was going to close his eyes for a quick nap and that if the little one wanted to continue reading, he could just flip the pages and look at the pictures. then rearranging the little girl on his lap, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

while the father was reading, they weren't loud. the son would ask questions politely in a controlled tone. the little girl's whines were not often. and the man seemed in absolute control of the entire thing, his tone always gentle and nurturing with his children.

after a few seconds, the little boy looked up to his father, about to ask another question. he saw how his father had closed his eyes and then turned his attention to his little sister. A smile broke on his face and he patted her cheek gently before closing his book. then he nuzzled his face against his father's arm contentedly and stared at the cover of the book while yawning. he looked up and we exchanged glances. I smiled at him and he smiled back shyly before flipping his book open again.


I sincerely wish for all parents to take a leaf out of this man's book. whatever his book is.

so this had to happen.

i finally watched Rurouni Kenshin: Kyoto Inferno. full of anticipation and partial dread (there is no way they can find someone as good looking as Shinomori Aoshi in real life. really.), I sat in the theatre, not really knowing what to expect.

first impression.. meh. script should be good. the director Keishi Otomo is quite impactful in drawing out characters. so... this has got to be something right? There was only one distinctively familiar face for me: Tatsuya Fujiwara. I watched Kaiji. I watched Death note. Both. So knowing that he was playing Shishio Makoto (Mako-chan!) gave it a little hope. I didn't catch the first movie so I couldn't really say anything about the rest.

but when Yosuke Eguchi raised the katana and struck his stance as Saito, I squealed and died a little.

the fangirl in me was dying because while he wasn't skinny or lean or as doberman-ish like the anime or manga (where was the soba??), there was that air. that coolness. that aloofness that made me adore Saito Hajime.

and the movie continued.

I had to keep reminding myself that there's no way you can find people that close to the anime characters. Not everyone, or rather, no one is a Luhan/Nagisa clone.

like really. no one

in terms of looks, Sanosuke was disappointing. Aoshi was meh. and I knew finding a pretty boy to play my favorite smiling assassin, Seita Sojiro, was pretty much impossible. so how can anyone find a perfect Kenshin? the one who laughs, cooks, washes, cleans, and gets hit in chibi-mode... and suddenly be a cold-blooded yellow-eyed fighter and not killer?

I admit. I was frowning slightly the first time I saw Takeru Sato. but I kept watching. kept telling myself to keep an open mind. because making this character a mortal is not easy. I mean, look at Kenshin. really. look at him.

but as the movie progress, Takeru Sato did make me sit up. there was a certain air about him. he was shy and unassuming.. yet drew attention to himself in a way very few actors do. the wide smiles.. and serious stoic faces.. he was less of an idiot than the anime but I'm not expecting swirly eyes and "oro oro" sprouting around. still.. Takeru Sato.. just.. wow.

by the end of Kyoto Inferno, I was sold on him playing Himura Kenshin. there was just something about that face of innocence when he was doing the laundry. there was something about the way he fought with the broken Sakabatou to protect Arai Seiku's son even though the man refused to give him Shakku's last sword then. there was an earnestness. like I wasn't watching Takeru playing Kenshin. but I was watching Himura Kenshin fight.

so I decided to do a little snooping. this man has an impressive resume. and he was in Trick 3. I'm biased. anyone in any Trick movie deserves a little more attention. so yes. and the snooping continued...

and seriously. what the hell. under the copper hair and grim look of the movie is this man:

HellooOOooOOooOO NURSE~

and he's so young! he's a 89-liner. OH. MY. GOD. HOW.

so right now, I'm left eagerly anticipating the second part of the showdown. it's the Juppon Katana. how can I not. seriously. Kyoto Inferno was awesome so the battles will continue to be mad epic.

but yes, back to the movie, so far only one character looks exactly like what he is in the anime and that I thought was ridiculous. my jaw literally dropped when he showed up on the screen. because look:

perfection found in the rooster. ahhhhh~ Cho. he even had the smirk and closed eye nailed. AHHHHH~ CHO~~~

I can't wait for part 2. I cannot wait.

John Legend is just giving me the feels now. Probably because I'm so damn tired and I just want someone to hold me to sleep at night when i'm tossing around in bed, mind still whirling from work.

if only his concert in Seoul had concert seats instead of standing room only.

still not on the dance floor given the delays in classes and the mad change in my own schedules.

still no new NB to replace my current dying shoes.

still stuffing my face.

i need to eat more healthy salads. if only i didn't love sesame dressing so much.

from http://dramasubtitles.tumblr.com

I find this way funnier than I should. but yes, guy in yellow wind-breaker, you and I have the same dictionary.

I am ashamed of the music that's keeping me sane during this period.



how.. how did I sink so low to be hooked on the heavy bass and auto-tunes and mad-ass beats from this guy?

still, I have to say the song is addictive, though not as earworm-ish as "as long as you love me" by this same guy (no, not BSB).

next Friday. next Friday and I'm back on the dance floor. I can't wait.

I'm done with this shit.

I just want to go for a nice long swim until I'm all wrinkly.

then go home and snuggle with cup ramyeon in front of the computer and finish watching "Free!". I'm so done here. sigh

listening to Michael Jackson

watching anime

reading manga

reading fiction stories

listening to boybands and fangirling over young men

hating the feel of my feet pounding gravel but loving the tiredness that comes from it

stopping to stare at the sights around me

shutting people out

letting music take control of my emotions

dancing without a care in the world

finding wonder in the small little things of today



i may be growing older each day but i'm starting to do all the things i used to do that would make me a little happier.. a little richer.. a little more.. me.

so apparently no response received to a yes-no text question is a “no” answer.

because girls are amazing intuitive creatures who can read minds and know what the guy means to text back even if he never does.

because it’s “implied” and “you should know what..”.


@#$(%&^$#


the next time someone asks me why i’m single, i’m going to tell them that it’s not worth the frustration caused by assholes

also good for these asswipes because I can be a vindictive bitch who will judge you real hard with each of your douchebag-ish assumptions.

Scenario 1: a man gets bumped by a pram being pushed by another man as the latter hurries to jaywalk. the former yells out a slur of vulgarities on the top of his lungs at the other, including, "are you educated? can't you see it's a red man?"

yelling man proceeds to jaywalk after a few seconds, causing a girl behind him to burst out laughing at how ridiculous the whole scene is.

scene 2: a man is trying to get assurance that his phone is fixed at a phone shop. the repair man assures him politely that it is and that even the battery has been changed. the man kicks up a fuss about having to travel all the way to the phone shop. the repair man again politely points out that all issues have been taken care of. the man then aggressively retorts, "how can you talk to me like that? I'm the customer!"

after 2 seconds, the man angrily remarks that the "back" button is not working. to which the repair man replies politely, "you are at the 'home' screen. there is nothing to 'go back' to."



in both scenarios, the two rather unreasonable men (in my opinion) are Singaporeans. two being 'wronged' are Singaporeans as well. has our culture been depraved to the point where being educated means that you are entitled to a wealth of respect and service beyond your wildest imagination? does being educated mean that you are better and deserve more than someone serving you?

does being educated mean that one becomes ungracious? does it mean you can be demanding and that the world has to kowtow to you?

I know of a elderly lady who has perfect speech and an almost perfect life. her house is beautiful and every fortnight or every month, she donates a beautiful floral arrangement to her church altar. she bakes and gives to her church people.

at home, her maid responds to the ringing of the bell and is scolded for the smallest things. the maid lives on bread while the dog gets steamed fish, boiled meat, and rice. and she says it's because, "she's just a maid, you cannot be nice to people like that or they will walk all over you."

i don't think i've ever been angered so badly by such hypocrisy in a person. are domestic helpers not humans? are they not entitled to basic human rights such as respect? are service staff not allow a semblance of kindness and humanity? is not the man on the street just as human as another is??


when the light feels a little dim, I try to make a little difference. my thank-yous are a little brighter and heartfelt. I buy snacks for my hairdresser. I smile and say good morning to the elderly on their morning walks around my neighborhood. I try to help people who approach me on the streets for directions as much as I can, even if it means taking a detour from my original path to walk the person through the maze of traffic lights and making sure they reach their destination. I laugh and chat with service staff if their schedules permit for it when I know they are looking worn out and tired.

it's not very different from how I would treat my friends.. it's just generally how I feel people should be cared for.

even more for service staff. they are on their feet and serving us. they run their rounds. they deal with difficult people and are generally taken for granted. for far too long, people have had the notion that "the customer is king" and being king means you can be unreasonable and demand for your feet to be kissed just because there's money coming out of your pockets.

"And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slavee of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” - Mark 10:42-45

where is humility and grace in this world? where is kindness, patience, and love? has it just given way to self-entitlement, ego, pride, and self-idolatry?


as much as I say I hate people, I don't. I hate the way that people feel that the world centers around them. I hate the way they think that they deserve more and better than others without wanting to give in return.

the depravity of man. really sobering and horrifying. :(

when i'm not trying to clear my backlog of books (both in the shelf and ipad. don't even get me started on the 16 books I just bought to make my kindle backlog at an impressive 21 books..), i'm rolling around the internet looking for entertainment.

i'm barely on facebook now because people can just be idiots that don't want to be told that they are idiots. or i'm not that close to tell them to suck it up and shut up. my one main link to my facebook is my instagram where I like to share little things that mean something to me. or events that people invite me to. guess where all the wedding invites / baby showers / whatever-birthday-party invites are at now? and then there are the friends i've made who are all overseas.

so yea, won't be deleting my fb account any time soon.

so, I find myself on tumblr more. on pinterest. on instagram. places where I choose what I see and who I see. I unbashedly unfollow and follow people according to my whims and fancy. things don't annoy me as much. probably helps that majority of these people are strangers so I don't sit and go, "how the hell did I tolerate you back in school?" in my mind when scrolling past posts.

and the tumblr community has little gems.. little nuggets of gold that I appreciate.


          No, friendship is NOT about “supporting your friends even when you know they’re wrong.”

          That’s not friendship. That’s being an enabler. That’s being an accomplice.

          Friendship is loving someone enough to tell them to stop being an idiot.


so tumblr is more than just kpop, interior design, and fashion for me. it's so much more. :) grateful for these little things that remind me that people aren't as stupid as I think they are.